Fin's car screeches to a stop against the curb and Amanda watches as he gets out of the driver's seat, trying to shield himself from the pouring rain. She and Frannie are out on the sidewalk right near the edge of the road, huddled underneath an umbrella that Olivia has given them. Olivia herself is inside in the lobby and Amanda knows she is watching intently from the window, having insisted on walking her out to the street. After an awkward, silent elevator ride downstairs, Amanda had been adamant about going out to meet Fin alone, and Olivia had eventually agreed, although it looked like it had taken every ounce of will power she had not to argue.

Fin is eyeballing Amanda as he helps her loads up her things into the trunk and get her situated into the passenger seat, Frannie hopping into the back. She stares out the window at the driving rain, the weather matching her mood and her thoughts in complete turmoil. She just wants to be safely ensconced in her own apartment, just her and the dog, with nothing more complicated to think about than what to have for dinner that night.

"So are you going to tell me what's going on or do I have to guess?" Fin finally asks, after they have been driving for several minutes in complete silence.

"I just needed a change of scenery," Amanda murmurs, her gaze still fixed out the window.

"Uh huh," Fin replies, his voice deadpan. "So you're getting bored, then? Decided to play musical apartments with your squad mates, just to keep things interesting? You gonna make a stop at Carisi's next?"

Amanda blows out a breath. "Fin, just stop, okay?"

"I just don't understand it," Fin continues. "You had a good set up at Liv's; I know it was a bit of a rough start but you seemed to be settling in and things have finally been moving forward with the case. And Liv has rearranged everything at work to take some time off to stay with you. It hasn't exactly been a picnic for her, Amanda."

"Fin, if you don't want me to stay with you-"

"You know you're always welcome at my place, sweetheart," he says, his tone softening somewhat. "It's just going to be a little more cramped than it was at Liv's. The spare bedroom is a disaster, so you're going to have to take my room for now. I'll sleep out on the couch."

Amanda can feel his gaze fixed on her as he drives, and she wants to tell him to keep his eyes on the road. She sighs, feeling like she is putting him out and once again making other people rearrange their lives because she can't control her own actions.

"I just want to understand what's going on," he persists. "I talked to Liv right before she texted me, and she didn't mention anything about any kind of falling out or whatever it was that happened. She just said you were chilling out on the couch, listening to some music. So what changed?"

"I don't want to talk about it right now," Amanda mumbles, her face burning with embarrassment at the thought of what had just occurred in her superior's apartment. She hadn't intended for it to happen; it had just kind of happened in the heat of the moment while feeling emotionally overwhelmed and in desperate need of comfort. She has been feeling closer and more connected to Olivia lately, and she honestly doesn't know what her feelings are; is too exhausted and in too much pain to look any deeper, so she wills her mind to stay blank and not to go any further down that road.

"Okay, we don't have to talk about that right now," Fin agrees. "But can we talk about how this whole car smells like wet dog? It reeks in here. Frannie, you stink!"

Amanda chuckles in spite of herself and turns around to look at her soaking wet dog sprawled across the backseat, tongue lolling out of her mouth and looking very relaxed. "Sorry, Fin," she mutters. "I'll get her dried off when we get your place."

It takes awhile to get settled in at Fin's apartment. Her hasty, abrupt exit from Olivia's place has caused quite a bit of hassle, and she sits on the couch in the living room as he cleans his bedroom up and puts fresh sheets on the bed, and then quickly tidies up the rest of the apartment, which had been looking a little worse for wear when she had first come inside.

There are other issues that have cropped up since leaving Olivia's; her boss is supposed to take Amanda to her doctor's appointment in the morning, a follow-up from her stay in the hospital to see how her injuries are healing and how she is managing, and to possibly let her have a little more free reign when it comes to doing any activities that tax her brain. Amanda has also been given the opportunity to speak with a rape crisis counselor, which she has steadfastly refused.

Now Fin is making arrangements to take her to the appointment instead and is trying to take a day or two off to spend with her, and it looks like Olivia is heading back to work. What is going to happen over the next week or two; if Amanda will remain at Fin's or if she will be able to return to her apartment on her own, is up in the air for now.

Once Fin's bedroom is set up for her, she spends the remainder of the evening huddled on his bed with Frannie, trying to stay out of his way while he goes about his business, feeling like an incredible nuisance and a bit like an intruder. Fin brings dinner and tries to encourage her to come out into the living room and engage with him in some way, telling Amanda he can bore her with stories of the old days working at the Special Victims Unit, but she stays where she is, curled up under the covers and convincing him that she wants to have an early night.

Amanda is frustrated when hours have gone by and she still can't seem to settle down. She doesn't want to feel like a zombie for her appointment in the morning and it would be nice to drift off to sleep for a little while, even with the threat of Eric and Patton lurking in her dreams. She needs to keep her mind off of Olivia, and her chaotic, turbulent thoughts when she thinks of the other woman.

She is beyond mortified by what had occurred in her boss' apartment earlier, and doesn't know how she will ever look the other woman in the eye again. Amanda hadn't meant to do that; hadn't meant to cling so tightly, to be so needy, but she has found herself becoming more and more attached to Olivia, has come to a better understanding of her after their long talk this morning and feels closer to her than she ever has before. It feels like something subtle has been shifting between them lately, but then she had taken it upon herself to ruin things once again, just as everything was finally getting better for the two of them.

Between the constant pain she is in, Eric still running loose, and now this thing with her boss, Amanda feels like she is heading for a swift breakdown. She needs everything to stop, needs a rest, needs some peace. She feels like she is on roller coaster ride that she never wanted to be on in the first place, a ride that is never going to end.

She thinks of how upset Olivia had been while she was leaving her apartment, and it breaks her heart. Watching the older woman break down in tears earlier that day had been a surprising and eye-opening experience, and Amanda has come to see her in a new light, realizing everything she had previously thought about the other woman might not have been true after all; that Olivia actually does care. She has certainly proven that time and again over the last few days, and Amanda feels terrible for putting her through all this; her crazy emotional ups and downs, and for not having the courage to stay and talk it out when she had taken it a step too far.

For a moment she thinks about that ill-conceived kiss; how Olivia had responded for a second before pulling away from her, but then she shakes her head and covers her eyes, willing her mind to stay blank for the night.

It takes a long time for sleep to come.

xxxxxxxxxx

Amanda is exhausted and irritable in the morning, having gotten very little rest the night before and waking up quite late. She and Fin bump into each other as they rush around, getting ready for her appointment, and she can hear snippets of a conversation he is having on the phone with Olivia. They are talking about her, of course, and it only serves to darken her already bleak mood, wishing every single conversation didn't have to revolve around her and her issues.

The ride to the hospital and the ensuing wait in the crowded waiting room isn't very pleasant, as Fin seems to be in bad mood as well, and they occasionally snap back and forth at each other in between long silences and Fin's text conversations with Olivia and Carisi.

It has finally stopped raining and the sun is beginning to poke out from behind the clouds. Fin has misplaced his sunglasses, and he grumbles and squints while he drives and continues to complain even when they are indoors, and Amanda resists the urge to roll her eyes, knowing her situation is close to making everyone snap.

Amanda's patience feels very thin and she grits her teeth through the physical examinations and endless questions, once she is called into an exam room. She does her best to remain subdued and polite, wanting them to think that she is doing better than she actually is, and will send her home to her own place.

When she is done and in the car with Fin again, she feels moderately satisfied with how things have gone. She is now allowed to start doing things that involve more cognitive function and can talk on the phone, watch TV, and read, for fifteen to twenty minute increments, as long as she takes substantial breaks in between. It isn't a lot, but she is relieved that she will now have something to break up the long days. She is not allowed to return home just yet, but might be able to by the end of the week, and she holds onto that hope, that her life might soon be her own again.

Fin wants to know if she is feeling well enough to make a quick stop to pick up a disposable cell phone for her to use, until her regular one is returned to her. He explains that he doesn't feel comfortable with Amanda not having a way to communicate at all times, and Amanda replies that she would feel more comfortable having a gun instead. He gives her a sympathetic look and reaches over to squeeze her hand, the frosty mood between them quickly evaporating.

By the time they are back in the car, idling by the curb as Fin programs his number and Olivia's and Carisi's into her new phone, she is teasing him about his missing sunglasses, saying he looks naked and uncool without them, and they banter back and forth for a few minutes, Amanda finding it a relief to just relax and laugh.

"Okay, so I've entered in all the numbers you might need," Fin says, as they pull out into traffic. "Including some pizza joints near my place, if my cooking isn't up to your standards."

"Thanks, Fin," Amanda replies, scrolling through the new phone and smiling at him, then jumping as it suddenly rings in her hand.

"Well, aren't you the popular one?" Fin quips with a raised eyebrow, honking at a cab driver who is trying to cut them off.

Amanda looks down at the phone, and her heart seems to simultaneously sink and leap as she sees the name Olivia Benson light up on the display screen. She glances over at Fin, who seems preoccupied with showing the cab driver his middle finger, and hesitantly answers it.

"Hello?"

"Hey." Olivia's voice sounds as quiet and hesitant as her own, and Amanda can feel her face flood with warmth. She suddenly finds herself wishing they were together in the same room so they can talk, but knows she will have to settle for this awkward conversation in the car with Fin right beside her.

"How's it going?" Olivia continues. "How was your appointment?"

"It was good," Amanda replies. "I'm allowed to start doing some things again, and the doctor says I might even be able to go home by the end of the week."

There is silence for a moment. "Amanda, why don't you come back to my place until you're allowed to go home? I can have Fin drop you off and I can come home from the precinct. It doesn't have to be this way."

"Um, Liv, this isn't really a good time to talk about this," Amanda murmurs, turning away from Fin who is looking at her curiously now. "I'm really sorry for what happened."

"I'm not upset with you, honey," Olivia says softly. "I just think we need to sit down and talk about this. I know things were crazy yesterday and there has been a lot to deal with. But it was just a kiss; it's not the end of the world."

Amanda hears a stifled noise of surprise from beside her and closes her eyes, knowing Fin has heard.

"Um, Liv, this really isn't a good time. Is it okay if I call you a little later?"

"Sure," Olivia answers, and Amanda can hear the sigh in her voice. "Call whenever you want. And if you change your mind about coming back to my place, my door is always open." There is a short chuckle from the other end of the phone. "I know you weren't there long, but I think I got used to having you and Frannie around. It's way too quiet there now."

Amanda swallows hard, a sudden lump in her throat. "I'll call you later, Liv," she whispers, and then hangs up.

"Oh, girl." Fin is starting at her in disbelief and shaking his head. "What the hell did you do?"

Amanda scrubs her hands over her face in frustration and leans her head back against the seat. "I screwed up, okay? I did something stupid."

"Uhhh, yeah," Fin says, both eyebrows raised as he looks at her. "What's going on, Amanda? Has the knock to your head taken away all common sense or is there something else happening here?"

Amanda is silent as she stares down at her lap, the urge to burst into tears suddenly seeming like a good option, and she squeezes her eyes shut.

"Amanda," Fin says gently, putting a hand on her arm. "What's going on? Do you have feelings for Liv?"

"No," she replies quickly and then sighs, gazing out the window. "I don't know, Fin, okay? I feel like I don't know anything anymore. Can we just be quiet now? I don't want to talk."

"Okay," he says softly. "But if you change your mind, I'm here for you."

Amanda gives him a brief smile, and then directs her gaze back out the window with a sigh. She watches the buildings and people go by and then feels a slight clenching in her stomach as she recognizes the area they are entering. The motel she and Eric have shared many a degrading night in is just a couple of blocks away.

"Shit," Fin suddenly mutters, and Amanda looks over at him.

"What's wrong?"

"I just remembered where I left my sunglasses." He glances at her, his expression one of concern. "I left them at the motel, when Carisi and I were interviewing people there yesterday."

"It's fine," Amanda assures him lightly, trying to ignore the sick feeling that has overtaken her. "Just stop in and get them."

"I don't want to bring you back there," Fin says quietly, his tone apologetic. "I'm going to drop you off at my place and then come back and get them."

"Fin, that's ridiculous," Amanda objects. "Your place is all the way across town. We're about to drive right by it. I'll be okay. Here, just drop me off at that coffee shop and come back and get me after you've picked them up." She points to a busy little coffee house on the corner, a block away from the motel. "I need some caffeine, anyway."

"Are you sure?" Fin asks doubtfully. "They're only sunglasses. I can always get them back another time."

"Oh, brother, Fin," Amanda replies, rolling her eyes at him. "The way you were carrying on earlier, it was like you left your child behind. Just go get them. I'll be fine."

He pulls over to the curb and she adjusts her sunglasses, pulling a baseball cap out of her purse and yanking it low over her eyes before getting out and standing there uncertainly for a minute.

"I'll be right back," Fin promises, leaning over to look at her through the open window and then screeching quickly away from the curb.

Amanda turns to walk into the coffee shop, feeling strange to be out in public with her injuries, among people who are just carrying on with their everyday lives.

She takes a deep breath and goes inside, joining the throng of people lined up, waiting for their caffeine fix. She keeps her gaze straight ahead, not wanting anyone's attention focused on her. The line moves very slowly and she shuffles along impatiently, figuring will Fin be back before she even gets served.

When Amanda finally has her coffee in hand, she decides to slip into the bathroom for a moment, to dab some makeup around her wounds. Fin has not returned yet and she guesses he is probably stuck in traffic. The looks she has been getting from other customers are making her feel very self conscious and she ducks her head and hurries down the dimly lit back hallway to the ladies room, pulling her sunglasses off so she can see.

At the door to the bathroom, Amanda collides with someone who is coming out of the mens room. "Oops, sorry about that," she murmurs, wincing as hot coffee spills over her hand. She raises her head and finds herself staring straight into the eyes of the man. Eric. Her heart stops.

His eyes travel over her and away, looking very preoccupied, and for a moment Amanda thinks he doesn't recognizes her, but then his gaze swings back and stops, awareness blooming in his eyes.

Amanda is so stunned at actually coming face to face with him, this man who has done unspeakable things to her, the man who has been haunting her nightmares, the man they have been looking for, that she is suddenly struck mute and frozen to the spot, not knowing what to do.

For a moment he looks just as uncertain as she is, as if meeting at a coffee shop is just too normal and strange after all they have done together, and it throws her for a loop, having only ever seen his violent, aggressive side.

"Amanda Rollins," he finally sneers, his eyes traveling up and down the length of her body and making her skin crawl. "You've definitely looked better. You look like you ran into a door. Or someone's fist."

She cocks her head to the side, puzzled. "Pardon?" There is that odd, fixated look in his eyes, similar to the other night.

"Your boyfriend knock you around or something? You look like shit."

She is staring at him in disbelief, wondering what kind of game he is playing. "You did this," she snaps, her eyebrows raised. "Last week, in the motel room."

Now he is the one staring at her, and he seems genuinely perplexed. "Is that why there are cops looking around for me? A buddy of mine at the support group told me some cops having been sniffing around, wanting to talk to me about some woman, but I wasn't sure why. Figured I would avoid that area for awhile, though." He chuckles, fixing her with a gaze that is more confident, although not entirely lucid, all traces of uncertainly gone. "I would have avoided the area of our motel too, if I had known which woman they were referring to. I can't keep all you bitches straight."

Amanda is at a complete loss for words as she continues to stare at him, frowning. "They're looking for you because of what you did to me last week, you asshole."

"Oh yeah, we got together at our usual place last week, didn't we?" Eric is studying her, and Amanda can feel his penetrating gaze, taking in all the black and blue bruises on her face, the swollen eyes and nose. "To be honest, I barely even remember that night. I think I was pretty high. Don't even know what I did with my phone either; I think I might have given it to a hooker that was standing outside the room." He gives a self-deprecating smirk. "I was pretty fucked up that night. I'm a little fucked up right now, actually. Need some coffee to sober up before work."

Amanda is completely stunned as she tries to digest this information, her jaw working but no words coming out. "But how do you know my last name?" She is uncertain now; this isn't how she has been expecting this to go. They are standing here in front of the bathrooms, each with a cup of coffee in their hand, and upon first glance, one would assume they are acquaintances who had bumped into each other and were just catching up. "Are you stalking me?"

"Stalking you?" he scoffs, his eyebrows raised. "What the hell are you talking about? I don't give a shit about you, lady. Typical woman, thinking the world revolves around her. You're good for one thing only, and that's a decent fuck. My buddy at the support group used to work with you and he recognized you, told me your name when I pointed you out and mentioned what a good lay you are."

Amanda has been shocked into silence, trying to wrap her brain around the conversation that is taking place. Her entire life has been turned upside down yet again, and she has been sucked into this never ending nightmare, has fallen down this dark hole she can't seem to climb out of; has been looking for him around every corner, seeing him in every face, terrified of her own shadow, and their night in the motel room hardly even registers as a memory for him, is barely a blip on his radar. He has obviously been carrying on with life as normal, while hers will never be the same.

"You need to come with me," she says through clenched teeth, reaching into her pocket and gripping her new cell phone, trying to quell the sudden rage burning within her. She needs to call this in to the station, but will have to settle for typing in a quick text to Fin if this situation starts to get out of control. "I'm taking you in."

He gives a snort of derision. "I'm not going anywhere with you, bitch. Whatever happened between us was because you wanted it to happen. Don't be playing the victim now, after all this time, after all the stuff you've done. How is that I'm in the one in trouble, when you're the one who started everything in the first place? You came to me, remember?" He shakes his head like she is the one with the problem. "You can't have it both ways. I knew I should have stayed away from you. You're one crazy cunt, you know that?"

He is clearly becoming agitated and Amanda quickly tries to weigh her options, her heart racing, her fingers fumbling with the phone in her pocket. She definitely can't make a call and doesn't think she can text without him noticing. If she can just keep him talking for a minute, Fin will be back and she'll have some help. There are so many people in the shop, but she and Eric are alone at the end of the hallway. She considers yelling to alert someone to the issue, but doesn't want Eric to run and doesn't want to risk him hurting anyone in his drug-induced state.

She surreptitiously tries to slide the phone out of her pocket while keeping Eric engaged in conversation. If she can just press the call button on Fin's name, maybe he'll be able to overhear what's going on and get here faster. Her fingers slip as she tries to scroll through the few names that have been programmed, and she thinks hits Olivia's number by mistake.

"What are you doing?" Eric suddenly asks, grabbing her roughly by the upper arm, the other hand still clutching his cup of coffee. "Who are you calling?"

The phone drops to the floor, along with Amanda's coffee, and it alerts the attention of a woman walking down the hall toward them. "Hey, what's going on? Are you okay, miss?" She gets a look at Amanda's face and gasps.

"Fuck off, bitch," Eric sneers, giving the woman a shove and throwing his cup to the ground. The liquid splashes up on Amanda's legs and she can hear the tinny voice of Olivia coming through the phone as she is dragged into the mens room, her baseball cap flying to the floor.

There is an elderly man at the urinal and Eric screams at him to get out, slamming the door closed and locking it once they are alone. They stand there for a moment, staring at each other both of them out of breath, and Amanda knows if he gets her on the ground or even hits her anywhere near her head, she is done. She can't fight back, not in the state she is in.

Someone is knocking rapidly at the door, shouting that the police have been called, and this only seems to enrage Eric further. He whirls away from the door to fix his dark gaze on Amanda, his hands clenched at his sides, and she catches sight of the butt of a gun tucked into the back of his pants in the reflection in the mirror.

Her heart is in her throat and she suddenly feels faint. She wills herself to stay as alert as she can, to stay on her guard, to keep her wits about her. Help will be here soon. She just needs to try to talk him down, to keep him calm, to not give him a reason for using it.

"Why did you have to do this?" Eric is muttering. "Why did you have to ruin the good thing we had going between us? Our place is right down the road. We could have just gone over there and had a good time. It didn't have to be like this."

Beads of sweat are rolling down Amanda's face now and she wipes her moist palms on her pants. He is staring at her with that same hungry look that he had the other night, that same slightly deranged expression, pupils large and eyes glassy.

She swallows hard and holds her hands out in front of her. "Look, Eric, there's nowhere for you to go, okay? We're trapped in here. It's over."

There is more pounding on the door now, and Eric reaches behind him to pull the gun out. He points it directly at her and she stares at the barrel, her heart feeling like it is going to explode right out of her chest.

"You know this gun wasn't meant for you," he says softly. "I only have it because some guys think I owe them money, and I need to protect myself. It's only for self protection."

Amanda nods calmly and licks her lips. "Sure, I understand." It takes everything in her to keep her voice from trembling, to stand her ground and not allow her shaking legs to give out.

"But I'll use it if I have to." Eric's voice is low and he glares at her, the gun aimed point blank at her face. "It's not over quite yet, Amanda Rollins. Get on the floor."