You are my sunshine," Mary sang, "my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are gray."
Dean loved when his Mama sang to him. He knew he was too old too, almost nine, but he did. Mary had the sweetest voice and when she sang he could feel her love, like it was a wave, washing over him again and again. He'd cuddle close and know that no matter what happened that would never change.
"You'll never know dear, how much I love you… Oh please don't take, my sunshine away…"
Dean's eyes fluttered open.
He was thirty-one. His mother had left them eighteen years ago. It was dark, he was in his own bed, in the apartment he shared with Sam…
And he was not alone.
An arm was thrown across his bare chest, someone was breathing against his neck, he glanced down at the mystery-cuddler and found himself smiling.
Cas.
He must have woken up after Dean left the fort and crawled into bed with him.
The pianists long fingers were curled loosely against his cheek, Dean pressed his lips to his palm, then his wrist. The bone stuck out so sharply, like the joint of a bird.
"Dean," Cas sighed, curling closer.
"Hey," Dean wrapped himself around the smaller man, resting his mouth against his hairline, "Sorry. Did I wake you up? Go back to sleep."
"'Kay," Cas murmured. Dean watched him breathe for a minute.
What are you doing Dean? He asked himself.
I wish I knew, he thought back, because it was true, he was charging down this road pretty much blindly, with no answers to any of the questions that might be thrown at him.
Was he Bi now? How long had he known he liked guys?
Cas snuffled in his sleep and Dean found himself smiling again and pulling Cas a little tighter against him.
He'd figure it out. If there was one thing he was good at it was rolling with the punches.
"…You make me happy, when skies are gray."
…
Sam slid the chocolate syrup bottle across the table and Gabe snatched it, dousing his French toast in sticky, brown goo.
"Thanks Sam," he said, throwing a handful of mini-marshmallows onto his plate. Anna laughed at Sam's horrified face.
"Father says he has an addiction," she told him.
"I'll die of diabetes at thirty, but I'll go smiling." Gabe said, around a mouthful of breakfast.
"Gabe, at least drink some milk," Cas chided, coming into the kitchen. Dean followed, a new bruise showing on his collarbone before he shifted his shirt to hide it.
"Castiel, Sam made French toast!" Anna exclaimed, thrusting a piece of it in the air speared at the end of her fork. Melted butter trickled down her arm. Sam looking long suffering caught the drip with a napkin.
"Thanks Sammy," Dean said, sliding into his seat and helping himself to four, no five slices. Cas sat next to him, cheeks suspiciously red. Beard burn, Sam realized, after staring for a moment.
Dean saw him looking and smirked, proud of himself for some reason. Sam rolled his eyes, but when they settled back into focus he saw Dean shift his gaze to Cas, who had his head bent over his breakfast plate. Sam's breath caught in his throat.
God…
Well that was a look he hadn't seen on his brothers face in a while.
…
Cas better not break Dean's heart.
…
"Can we sleepover at Dean's again soon," Gabe asked.
"That's up to Dean," Castiel said at the same time Dean said, "Sure thing kiddo." Castiel rounded the corner, bringing the family manor into view.
"Oh no -." He cut himself off.
"Why are there firemen outside our house?" Anna asked worriedly.
"I don't know." Castiel told her, for not only were there firemen, but police men and what looked like his father's car. He could see his father actually, standing next to one of the trucks talking to an officer. Lucie sat on a squad cars front bumper, her face buried in her hands, rocking back and forth.
"Gabe," Castiel said, "is your cell phone on?" Gabe pulled out the device and shook his head, powering it back up.
"I have six missed calls," he said, looking up to meet Castiel's eyes. Castiel didn't have to ask who they were from.
"Shit," Dean muttered.
"That's a bad word," Anna told him. "Prince's shouldn't use language like that." Castiel's father had spotted his car, he was coming towards them, his face like thunder.
"Anna, Gabe," Castiel said to his siblings, "You better get out of the car." The younger Novak's obeyed and Castiel followed. Lucie came rushing over, spouting a steady stream of German as she was wont to do when upset. She gathered up Gabe and Anna into a hug.
"Oh. Oh my liebling's," she said, when she'd calmed down enough to speak English again, "You scared your Lucie so." She kissed both of their cheeks again and again.
"Castiel!" Castiel's father barked. Castiel could feel himself growing small, shrinking back into the thirteen-year-old he'd been when he first realized he was different.
"You took my children!" his father shouted, stepping in front of Anna and Gabe. Lucie tried to herd them away, but Gabe grabbed Anna's hand and stood firm. "What were you thinking?!"
"Father-." Castiel started.
"You know you are no longer welcome in this house!" his father continued, "So you took the children away from it? What, were you trying to find a loop-hole? I do not find this at all funny Castiel!"
"But Father-," Gabe pulled Anna forward, "Please! It was my idea! I asked Cassie to-."
"This does not concern you Gabriel," his father ground out between gritted teeth, "I will deal with you and Anna later, go inside with Lucie."
"Please Father-."
"Go Gabe," Castiel said, not looking away from his father's beet red face, "Listen to Father." Anna started crying as Lucie hustled her away, Gabe kept looking back over his shoulder, small body taunt with worry. The door shut tight behind them.
"Father, I can explain." Castiel tried again.
"I'm not interested in your excuses," his father spat. Castiel's voice died in his throat, everything seemed to grow quiet as his father leaned in to whisper his next sentence.
"I never want to see you around my children ever again," he growled. The tears were welling up behind the dam in Castiel's throat, he swallowed, begging them to stay at bay. "You're lucky I won't be pressing charges against you, but come near them again and I won't hesitate to make that call. Your depravity is neither natural nor moral, I will not have you influencing them with it." Castiel hung his head, ready to give up, to shuffle back to his car without saying a word when Dean's voice lashed out.
"You unimaginable bastard," both Castiel and his father whirled around to face the mechanic. Who stood just behind Castiel, face tight, arms crossed, "Last I checked, Cas here, was your son too. Did that just slip your mind? Are you seriously so wrapped in your own bullshit life that you don't see how much those kids love him?"
"I don't know who you are," Castiel's father glared, "but this is a family matter. I would thank you to stay out of it."
Dean paused, mouth part ways open. Castiel waited for him to out himself, to say, I'm his boyfriend, but Dean didn't, he just stood there looking frozen. His father sneered and started to turn back around.
"Who I am doesn't matter," Castiel's heart sank, Dean moved so he was blocking the way. "Cas is my friend and you -."
"I don't have time for this," Castiel's father interrupted, shoving past him. Dean's arms fell to his side, fists clenched. A muscle in his jaw twitched.
"Dean-." Castiel begged quietly, "Don't-." He put a hand up on Dean's chest, like he could physically stop him from starting something, Dean grabbed his hand and held it tight in his own. Castiel started to go, to walk back towards the car, but Dean's voice lashed out again. Wrapping like a rope around his father, pulling him back.
"What, are you afraid of me calling you out on your shit?" Dean asked. His father turned, his glare would have melted the polar ice caps.
"How dare you treat Cas like a criminal!" Dean said, glaring just as ferociously, staring directly into his father's eyes, proving he wasn't afraid. "He's been more of a dad to those kids than you ever have!"
Castiel froze, grimacing, it may have been true, but that didn't mean Dean should have said it. Nothing else said now would register, his father's heart was freezing over as he watched. He reeled back slightly like he'd been struck, his gaze hardened.
"Get out of here Castiel," he snarled, "take your partner in sin with you!"
The dam in his throat threatening to break, Castiel dragged Dean down the sidewalk and forced him into the car, the tires screeched as they pulled away. His father watched until they disappeared from sight.
"Damn," Dean ranted, "What an ass. Are you sure you're really related to that guy?"
Castiel didn't reply but apparently Dean didn't require one because he kept right on talking.
"Don't you listen to anything he says Cas, there is nothing the matter with you."
Castiel still couldn't say anything, he focused on the road, it was icy out today.
"Cas?" Dean leaned towards him, "You okay."
"What are am I to you Dean?" Castiel asked. Snapped would actually be a better term.
Dean pulled back, arching his eyebrows, "What do you mean?" he looked lost, Castiel couldn't really blame him. If you weren't inside his head that had to have seemed like it came out of nowhere.
"What am I to you? Am I your experimental phase?"
"No!" Dean was looking less confused by the second, "I mean, yeah, you're the first guy I've been with… but you're not a phase."
"Well, what am I then?" Castiel asked him, "Your boyfriend? Your friend with benefits? What?"
"Where the hell is this coming from Cas," Dean's face was hardly confused at all now, mostly it looked pissed, "What the fuck does it have to do with what just happened?"
"My father said he didn't know who you were and you called yourself my friend. Is that all we are?" Castiel was choking up, the road growing blurry through his tears. "Because I've got to say I don't usually make out with my friends-."
"Look out!" Dean shouted, a sharp horn blast cut through the air like a knife as they slid through a red light, Castiel screamed and jerked the wheel, they hit a patch of ice and went spinning over the rumble strip onto the side of the road. Castiel slammed on the brakes, the car shuddered to a stop.
Quiet fell.
They'd spun around backwards. No one in the intersection seemed to be hurt, at least cars were still moving through it. No wrecks could be seen. Castiel heaved out a shaky breath.
"You okay?" Dean asked for the second time in as many minutes.
Castiel pressed his forehead against the steering wheel, heart hammering against his ribs. He wasn't, he wasn't, he wasn't. Dean seemed to realize the same thing. He opened his door, coming around the car to the driver's side.
"Here, I'll get us home," he said. Castiel obligingly scooted over and Dean took the wheel in both hands, but didn't put the car into drive. They sat in silence, Castiel staring at the intersection that had almost been their grave.
"I don't know," Dean said after a minute. Castiel met his eyes.
"I don't know what to call myself," Dean went on. "I've never done this before Cas, not…ever really. I'm not good at feelings and figuring out where we stand." He squeezed the steering wheel, "I'm a, 'do what feels good', kind of person and this, whatever we are, feels good, it feels…right." He turned fully to face him, .
"I know I wanna be with you Cas, I just don't know how to go forward doing it." He shrugged, embarrassed, "This is all new to me."
Castiel swallowed, hard.
He reached across the distance between them and pulled Dean into him, burying his face in his neck as the dam in his throat broke open.
He wanted to believe him, he did, but Fergus had said something along the same lines and look how that had turned out. Dean trailed a hand up and down his back, letting him cry.
Ugh, he was too emotional to figure this out right now. This on top of his family stuff and…he wanted to believe him…he did, but there was a dark voice in his ear whispering that Dean was just another sweet-tongued-devil.
If it was right…?
….
The ride home had been markedly silent.
After Cas had stopped crying, Dean had tried to talk to him, but he didn't want to. Not about what had happened with his father, or about Anna and Gabe and Dean guessed he'd sort of said all there was to say about their relationship…
At least he hoped Cas had gotten the message. He hadn't asked any more questions.
Dean wanted to be with him but, he was emotionally constipated…baby steps?... Cas hadn't said anything when Dean had left him at his door, just kissed him goodbye and went inside. Dean sighed and rubbed the spot between his eyebrows, all these chick flick moments were giving him a headache. He pushed open the door to Bobby's office and let the smell of diesel and bourbon soothe his frazzled nerves.
"What happened to you?" Bobby asked, tilting back his baseball cap, "You look like shit."
"Robert Singer!" Ellen slid off the edge of his desk where she'd been perched and padded towards Dean, "Can't you see the boy's had a hard morning?" She cupped Dean's face, eyes full of motherly concern.
"That's why I'm asking what happened!"
"I'm fine Ellen," Dean said, pulling away. Ellen raised her eyebrows, not convinced.
"Uh-huh," she said, putting her hands on her hips. She pursed her lips thinking for a moment and then turned to Bobby.
"Out," she said. Bobby looked affronted.
"You can't kick me out, it's my office!"
Ellen scoffed, "Oh can't I." she pulled him up by one arm and shoved him lightly towards the door. "Go on, go get some coffee or something."
"Ellen-." Bobby protested before his wife slammed his door in his face, he glowered at her through the glass, but she wasn't paying attention, she turned back to Dean.
"Alright honey spill."
"Spill what," Dean sat in one of the office chairs trying to play it cool.
"You know what," Ellen sat opposite of him and stared him down. Dean sighed again.
"There was this thing with Cas," he started and next thing he knew the whole story came pouring out. Another thing he wasn't good at was asking for help, but as he was speaking he realized how much he wanted Ellen's. When he finished he sat there staring at her hopefully, she just shook her head.
"You and Bobby, dense as a box of rocks, the two of you." Dean frowned and she laughed.
"You can't really do anything about the family stuff, that is between him and his father." Dean opened his mouth to say something, but she held up a hand to stop him. "I know you want to fix it, but you can't. However, as far as the relationship stuff goes it's one thing to tell Cas you care and you want him Dean, but those are just pretty words. You have to show him."
Dean raised an eyebrow, "Show him how."
Ellen rolled her eyes. "Take him to dinner, hold his hand in public, kiss him in front of his father…show him."
"So I should ask him on a date?" Ellen nodded.
"Maybe several, don't let your words just be pretty, reinforce them with your actions." Something clicked in Dean's brain. Shit, Ellen was right, he was dense as a box of rocks.
"I've got to go," he said
…
"Dean?" Castiel asked, confused. He was wearing sweatpants and a stained t-shirt, before Dean had knocked his frantic piano music had been pulsing deliciously against the walls. Castiel swung the door open a little wider, to let him in, but Dean stayed in the doorway.
"Will you go on a date with me?" he asked in a rush. Castiel blinked at him.
"What?"
"A date," Dean scuffed his foot against the door jamb. "Will you go on one with me tonight?"
"Um…" Castiel managed, "Sure?" Dean's whole face lit up.
"Sweet, does seven sound good?" Castiel nodded and Dean pecked him on the cheek, before leaving with a, "see you then." Castiel shut the door and went back to his piano, but flipped the cover shut after two plinking notes.
Huh…
Would you look at that….
Action…
