The not so boring deathday party

When October had fallen, the owls had developed a virus known as owl flu and were pretty soon passing on to the other students if they were bitten by an infected owl. Madam Pomfrey was up to her hands with many students all piling into the hospital wing claiming that they had been infected by the virus. She had given them all anti-flu lollies to help fight off the virus and they had tasted revolting compared to regular lollies, Percy had noticed that Ginny was looking awfully pale and wasn't herself so he suspected that she had been infected by the virus too so he tried to get her to suck on a anti-flu lolly.

"Do not want to" Ginny said "there's nothing wrong with me, I'm fine." But percy was forceful so she was now sucking on a revolting anti-flu lolly.

"It tastes disgusting" Ginny insisted. So if you were to see a student sucking on an anti-flu lolly, then you knew that they were infected. One rainy day, Wood had his Gryffindor team doing another five hour practice session and Harry got really soaked through.

"Why the hell do we have to do training in this weather?" Harry asked.

"I don't care, get training" Wood replied. Harry flipped him off behind his back and decided to sneak off from training for today because he didn't feel like doing a five hour training session in the rain. He walked back into the castle without realizing that he was dripping mud everywhere or that a pimp leprechaun was randomly passing by swinging its pimp cane and saying "I'm too sexy for my lucky charms" over and over again. He was halfway down the corridor when he ran into nearly headless nick, the Gryffindor house ghost. Harry had seen him around many times but never bothered to talk to him.

"Erm hi" Harry said simply.

"Good day Mr. Potter, how is the weather today?" Nick asked.

"Terrible" Harry stated "any way, stuff the weather, I don't care about the weather, I just care about how totally famous and awesome I am." Nick simply nodded and gave a sigh.

"What's up with you?" Harry asked "why you so down dude, what's troubling you pal, why you so sad man?"

"Oh I'll never get into the headless hunt" Nick said "because I'm not completely headless according to Sir Patrick Delaney buttface."

"Patrick Delaney buttface" Harry snickered.

"Yeah, he's the one who runs the headless hunt and you can only join if you are completely headless and because I'm only nearly headless then I can't join." He then noticed that harry was dripping mud.

"You shouldn't be dripping mud round here today Harry, Filch has got that owl flu and he's in a very bad mood, this morning some third years had accidently plastered wet cement over the ceilings in dungeon five and he tried cleaning it off but couldn't because it had set so I better watch out Harry." Harry nodded and went to leave when he suddenly ran into Filch.

"Holy crap" Harry stated "I am so screwed to hell."

"Mud, mud everywhere" Filch yelled "I've had enough of it, follow me potter you dirt bag."

"Bye Nick" Harry said pitifully "if I die, I'll be one of your kind."

"Good luck with Filch Harry" Nick said before floating off somewhere. Filch took Harry into his office which held many torture devices because Filch had an obsession about torturing students who didn't obey by the rules.

"Sit down you dirt bag" Filch order.

"Fine, whatever pleases you" Harry said simply as he sat down. Filch sat on the chair opposite him and began writing down a piece of paper.

"Today , Harry potter has been bringing mud into the castle after I spend two hours trying to remove wet cement from the dungeon five ceiling, method of torture, hang him upside down over a vat of piranhas until he apologizes for his crime" he wrote.

"You are on sick son of a bitch" Harry stated "You cannot do that, it's inhuman and possibly cruel."

"Oi, don't you speak to me like that boy, I am going to use that method of torture and you will-"he was interrupted by a loud thud which caused a slight earthquake.

"PEEVES" Filch roared "WHERE ARE YOU, SHOW YOURSELF YOU MEDDLING POLTERGEIST." He legged it out of his office with Mrs. Norris, his vicious cat which he referred as his sweet followed behind him.

"Cool, I get to look in his diary" Harry said as he picked up Filch's diary and began reading it.

Dear diary

I hate all the students in this place all because they can do magic and I can't. I want to kill them all ha ha ha. PS, I think I need some new shoes, these ones are becoming ancient, whatever, off to accuse some innocent student over something they haven't done.

"Woah, bad move Filch" Harry muttered as he put the diary back where he had found it. Filch came back a few minutes later.

"That vanishing cabinet costs twenty zillion pounds, we'll have Peeves out before you can say, cheeseburgers my snookums" Filch said to Mrs. Norris before turning his attention back to Harry.

"Are you still here?" he asked.

"Why, aren't you going to torture me?" Harry asked.

"I cannot be bothered, I'm just going to sit in here and be grouchy because I'm a grouchy old man, now clear off before I change my mind." Harry got up and legged it out of the office and down the corridor.

"I am the greatest wizard boy in the whole wild world, no one can defeat me, for I am the greatest" Harry said as he ran down the corridors and encountered nearly headless nick for the second time that day.

"Harry, harry, did it work?" Nick asked. Harry stopped running and skidded to a halt.

"What are you talking about Nick?" Harry asked.

"I got Peeves to distract Filch so he wouldn't be able to punish you in the most horrible way imaginable" Nick informed. Harry looked and saw the wreckage of what used to be the vanishing cabinet.

"Yeah, he was going to hang me upside down over a vat of piranhas" Harry replied.

"How disturbing" Nick replied "anyway, this Halloween will be my five hundredth deathday, fancy coming along?"

"What the hell is a death day?" Harry asked, raising an eyebrow.

"It's like a birthday party but instead of celebrating the day your born you're celebrating the day you die" Nick explained.

"Who on earth would want to celebrate the day they died, that is very strange" Harry replied.

"Whatever, so you coming along, it will be down in the dungeons" Nick asked.

"Ok, but on one condition" Harry said.

"Yes?" Nick wondered.

"Can I bring some friends along?" Harry asked.

"I don't see why not" Nick asked.

"And do we have to come in fancy dress?" Harry asked "like dress up as ghosts because I'm not walking around with a sheet over my head and two holes cut out for the eyes."

"No, just come normal my boy, no need for fancy dress" Nick replied.

"Ok, then I'll come then and I'll bring some friends" Harry said before heading off on his way. Later that evening, he had told Ron and Hermione about his deathday party invite.

"Cool, I've never been to a deathday party, I'll come" Ron said when Harry asked if he would come along. Hermione was a bit doubtful about coming because she reckoned it would be boring.

"Oh don't be such a spoil sport Hermyness" Ron said "for once in your life, have some fun."

"Ok" Hermione sighed "but don't call me hermyness Ronald."

"What's going on?" Ginny weasley asked who had just come out of the dormitory "what's this I hear about a deathday party."

"Harry's been invited to nearly headless nick's five hundredth deathday party, me and Hermione are going along ,want to come as well?" Ron asked.

"I wish I could but Percy thinks I still have owl flu and insists that I stay in bed until he's satisfied that I'm clear of it" she replied before going back up into the dormitories. On Halloween night, Harry and Hermione where waiting outside the dungeons for Ron so they could go to the deathday party. Harry was constantly checking his watch.

"Where is that kid, it's been nearly two hours" Harry complained.

"Stop complaining, he's here" Hermione replied. Ron was happily running towards them, holding what looked like a gold cup.

"Harry harry guess what, I've found the Holy Grail" Ron announced. He got down on his knees, held the gold cup up to the heavens and a series of opera music emitted from his mouth.

"Ahem Ron that is not the Holy Grail, that is the qudditch cup" Hermione informed.

"Awwwww" Ron said with pure disappointment. After he had put it back where he had found it, the three of them made their way to the deathday party. When they arrived they saw that it was a really awesome deathday party, there was a multicolored disco ball and a bunch of ghosts where boogying away.

"Alright" said Ron "party on." He ran straight onto the dance floor and began to boogie. Harry and Hermione shortly followed behind where they were approached by Nearly headless nick.

"Hello there and welcome to my deathday party, please enjoy yourselves and feel free to mingle about" he told them.

"I think someone's already enjoying themselves" Harry said, indicating to Ron who was now break dancing on the dance floor.

"I see that" Nick said as he watched Ron "go on my boy. Show off those funky dance moves." Harry tried his hand at some break dancing but he wasn't very good as Ron was.

"I've had enough of break dancing now, let's see what munchies they have" Ron insisted. The three living people made their way to the food table to find plates of moldy food.

"Ewwwwwww" said Ron "I'm not eating that."

"That is disgusting, who would want to eat that?" Harry asked.

"I would" said a random ghost that was passing by "I'll just pass through it and the worse it is, the tastier it is."

"Gross" said Hermione.

"Oh sweet strawberry jam donuts, why have you betrayed me?" Ron blurted out randomly. Harry gave him the evils.

"What on earth are you talking about?" Harry asked.

"Sorry, I'm having hallucinations again, I saw strawberry jam donuts betraying me" Ron replied.

"Since when did you get hallucinations?" Harry asked.

"Since Fred and George gave me those weird M and Ms earlier, my first one was when I thought the qudditch cup was the holy grail" Ron explained.

"You still have those M and Ms?" Harry asked. Ron showed harry a packet of colored tablets which resembled M and Ms.

"Erm Ron, these aren't M and ms, these are hallucination pills" Harry stated.

"Holy shit" Ron said. He turned around and vomited.

"Look it's moaning Myrtle, she haunts the girls toilets" Hermione said, pointing to the ghost of a girl wearing the Hogwarts uniform sobbing and saying now she'll never get married and have a future.

"Is that why she is called moaning myrtle, because she cries all the time?" Ron asked as he wiped his mouth. Hermione nodded.

"Oh right, I thought you meant the other kind of moaning." Hermione pimp slapped Ron round the chops.

"You dirty minded child" Hermione retaliated.

"Ok ok" Ron said, rubbing his chops "can we move away from the food now, the smell off mould and fungi is making me feel sick." They went to walk away from the moldy and foul food when Peeves the poltergeist suddenly appeared in front of them.

"You guys want some peanuts?" he asked, holding out a bowl of moldy peanuts which smelled fouled. Ron turned round and vomited.

"Errrr, no thanks" Harry said looking at Ron.

"Ok, I'll just throw them somewhere" Peeves said, chucking the bowl over his shoulder and causing the peanuts to scatter everywhere. Moaning Myrtle came passing by.

"Hey Myrtle, see you've finally left that grotty old toilet you always hang around in" Peeves said in a taunting voice.

"Dude, I've never vomited so much in all my life" Ron pointed out. Harry and Hermione scrunched up their faces in disgust.

"Go away" Myrtle whined.

"Moaning Myrtle turtle, moans all day long, she moans through the day and all through the night plus she smells like horse poo" Peeves sang as he chased Myrtle around the room. She started whining really loudly and flew out of the room with Peeves chasing after her. He came back a few seconds later.

"She's no fun, I'm going to throw some plates about" He said.

"Ahem, may I have your attention please?" Nick called through an old fashion microphone No one was paying attention, Harry, Ron and Hermione where doing the hokey pokey, some of the ghosts where attempting to do the break dance that Ron had shown them and Peeves was throwing some plates at a dart board.

"One hundred and seventy seven, one hundred and seventy eight, one hundred and seventy nine, one hundred and eighty" he yelled after throwing all the plates. Nick was starting to get real pissed off now.

"THAT'S IT I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU LOT NOT PAYING ME ANY ATTENTION, HARRY, RON, HERMIONE, STOP DOING THE HOKEY POKEY, FAT FRIAR, STOP ATTEMPTING TO BREAKDANCE BECAUSE YOUR TOO FAT AND PEEVES, STOP BREAKING ALL THE PLATES" he yelled. Everyone fell silent and Nick took a big deep breath.

"Thank you, now as I was saying, I would like to-" he was cut off by a ghost that had just arrived.

"Nick old boy, how nice to see you, see you still haven't been properly decapitated yet."

"Folks, this is sir Patrick Delaney Buttface" Nick sigh "and he turns up uninvited to my deathday." Harry, Ron and Hermione all exchanged looks of confusion.

"Excuse me, but why is your last name buttface?" Peeves asked, raising his eyebrows "is it because your face resembles a butt?" At that moment, everyone had burst out laughing at what Peeves had just asked but Sir Patrick who didn't find it highly amusing.

"How dare you insult me" he scoffed "I have never been so insulted in my life."

"I'm bored now" Ron complained "let's go." So, the three second years left the death day party and decided to head back to their dormitory when Harry heard that creepy voice again.

"Here I come, I'm coming to tear you, I'm coming to rip you, I'm coming to rape you, here I come."

"Holy shit it wants to rape me" Harry yelled as he ran down the corridor with Ron and Hermione chased after him. They had been running for about ten minutes when the Harry suddenly skidded to a halt. Ron and Hermione weren't far behind.

"Harry, why you stopped?" Ron asked. Harry was stood frozen on the spot, staring at the wall. Both Ron and Hermione looked at where Harry was looking and what they saw on the wall read out

The chamber of secrets has been opened, enemies of the heir beware, ps, Ralph Dobson you owe me a new feather quill since you didn't bother to return my old one back in our second year so if you're still around, get me a new feather quill before I..Holy crap, someone's coming, got to go…. .