Lothering – Nineteenth of Pluitanis 9:28 Dragon

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"Now listen," Marian began seriously, staring down at the army in front of her, "We're down to the last of our ammunition, but so are they." She lifted her head and peered over the trench, then quickly ducked back down. "Soldiers, this is our final stand, there have been many battles over the last few hours, but this moment, right now, is the war. We have lost a few good people along the way, but they went down bravely, and this could be that time for us. But fear not, we have more courage in our hearts and more strength in our arms than they will ever have." She scanned the faces in front of her and took a deep breath. "Does anyone have any final words?"

"Ari? I need a pee."

"You need to work on your rousing speeches, Joel." Marian shook her head and smiled at the boy, then turned to Bethany. "Can you call for a break?"

"Of course." She smiled, picking up the wooden spoon and banged the milk churn next to her. "Privy break!" She shouted, and a mass of cheers rang out from both sides of the small battle ground.

It had finally stopped snowing last night after eight solid days, and it had taken Marian and Carver barely an hour this morning to wage war on each other, and find themselves an army. It wasn't especially difficult as they'd been doing this for years and already had their loyal soldiers ready to fight for them. In fact, quite a few parents already had their children wrapped up warm and ready to go when her siblings came knocking on the door, they looked forward to the Hawke Family Snow War, as it meant that they could have some peace and quiet after being cooped up for days, or sometimes weeks.

Bethany never got involved in the battles, instead she preferred to sit comfortably on the porch, wearing many layers of clothes, and tend to the wounded, which mostly consisted of giving someone a scarf and a mug of tea. She always enjoyed to watch though, everyone looked like they were having fun, especially Lug, who would constantly try to catch the snowballs in mid-flight. Sometimes he'd manage it and then look confused, or as confused as a dog can look, when they melted.

Most of the army ran off to their homes, except for Elvi, one of the many village boys who had a crush on Marian, and she watched as he smiled at her sister, then walked off behind the house and came back a few seconds later with a bunch of flowers, and thrust them into Marian's hand. "Happy birthday." He said quickly, then ran off.

Ordinarily, Bethany immediately hated anyone who liked her older sister and she was perfectly aware that it was because of her jealousy, but that never stopped it. However she found she couldn't dislike Elvi, not just because he was a nice boy, but because he was twelve.

Marian stood staring at the flowers with a bewildered look on her face and then laughed as she made her way onto the porch, taking one of the Snowdrops out of the bunch before putting it on the make-shift table, and put it in Bethany's hair. "At least someone cared enough to give me something for my birthday." She pouted, and blew on her hands.

"I told you, we got you something, you just have to wait for it." Bethany rolled her eyes and pulled the flower from her hair to smell it. "That was very sweet of him to do that."

"He told me that when he's older, he wants to marry me, but he knows that it won't happen because that's ages away, and I'll already have found someone by then."

"Aww. He's cute."

"I don't know. I think the main reason he wants to marry me is so he can tell people he has a Mabari."

Bethany laughed loudly. "He's still a child; a War Hound is the best thing ever at that age. Give it a year and he'll be more interested in your boobs."

"Such as they are." Marian mumbled. "I hope this war ends soon, my fingers are so cold I can barely move them."

"It's because you're getting old, you're circulation isn't as good as it used to be." Bethany smirked.

"I am not old." Her sister grumbled. "And you'd be cold too if you spent half a day throwing snow."

"I'm sure I would," She took Marian's hands and began rubbing the warmth back into them. "If I were a warrior like the two of you. Or as childish."

"It isn't childish; it's an important lesson in commanding an army."

"Playing in the snow is a life lesson? I had no idea!"

"That's because you don't participate."

"I prefer to be warm."

Carver walked onto the porch and stomped his feet to remove the snow from his boots and gave the two of them a confused frown for a moment before shaking his head. "There are easier ways to warm your hands up Sister. Gloves for instance. Or can't you put them on yourself because of your creaking old bones?"

"Oh, come on!" Marian huffed. "Is this what I'm going to get all day?"

"Yes!" Both twins said in unison.

"Did you two just decide when you woke up that you were going to be brats? Or was there some sort of plan?"

"Bit of both really." Their brother shrugged.

"Children." Marian scowled, and folded her arms.

"We can't all be ancient like you. Well, I'm going in for a drink." He gave them a slight nod and went into the house.

Marian glared at him as he walked out of sight, then set her eyes onto Bethany. "Please tell me that he was the instigator of this, being mean to me, thing."

"Yes." No, actually it was her idea, and Carver was more than willing to help out.

"Bethany!"

"What?"

"You are a terrible liar."

"Oh." She chuckled. "Yes it was me. What are you going to do about it?" She raised her eyebrows in anticipation.

"Nothing. But only because you're my favourite."

"There's a good chance I took that into consideration." She beamed.

"I have no doubt about that." Marian smiled softly, and removed her hands from her sister's then snatched the blanket Bethany had on her lap, wrapping it around her shoulders. "There are some advantages to being 'Old' you know."

"Like arthritis, a failing memory, an uncontrollable bladder and pinching children's cheeks?" Bethany listed each one off with a finger.

"Don't push your luck." Her sister narrowed her eyes, but couldn't stop her smile.

Bethany held her hands up defensively. "Many apologies Sister. Of course you'll have forgotten all of this conversation soon enough. Then you'll need to use the privy too, but you won't be able to get up without all of your bones making horrible noises!"

"Keep this up, and Carver will be my favourite."

"How did you manage to say that with a straight face?"

"My cheeks are frozen."

"I hope you aren't expecting me to warm those up too." Bethany was only a terrible liar when she chose to be.

Marian chuckled and stood up abruptly. "No."

She stiffened at the suddenness of her sisters movement. There were times when she worried that her feelings for Marian were more obvious than she was aware of. She did try and not let them show of course, but it wasn't as though she could ask outright if she was being subtle. So she had to do the next best thing, and ask a more indirect question. "Are you alright?"

Her sister pursed her lips and shook her head. "I need a pee." She frowned at Bethany's amusement. "This is your fault."

"No, it really isn't." She said, shaking her head. "You should hurry, you might have an accident."

Her sister pinched her cheek as she went into the house and Bethany picked up the blanket that had dropped on the floor, it was still warm and it smelled of Marian, so she held it close to her chest. She scolded herself for this action, but that didn't mean that she would stop.

Her less than sisterly feelings had become stronger and stronger over the last few months, and part of her wanted them to just go away one day. And that was the problem; it was only a part of her. She knew it was wrong, but she still indulged in her carnal thoughts, and she had found an excuse most nights to sleep in the same bed. She would touch her, even if it was only on the arm, just so she could feel her skin. Not all of it was soft though, her hands were calloused from her sword practice and working in the mill, but Bethany found them fascinating, on occasion she would get lost in the sensation and Marian would accuse her of daydreaming, which she always went along with, because the alternative was so much more horrifying.

Whenever she felt that her control was slipping, she would act like an obnoxious sister to counteract it, and it was easy enough, she just copied Carver. Today was one of those days.

Marian had been so very sad since Father died, which was understandable, but she used to find the humour in everything, sometimes in highly inappropriate situations, and it bothered everyone, including Bethany. But now she actually wished for her sister to shout 'Andraste's Tits!' in the Chantry or laugh whenever Lug relieved himself on anyone who stood still long enough. She knew there was a chance Marian would be her old self today, because she always loved her birthday, actually she loved everyone's birthday, and no one really understood why.

But this birthday was the year she was eighteen, and that was when you were finally seen as an adult, so it was a special occasion. They had been planning for her party since the beginning of the month, and Mother had wanted it to be a surprise party, but that was never going to happen. There were so few people here in Lothering, that when someone turned eighteen, the whole village banded together to help out with food and drink.

Usually the party started around late afternoon, and would sometimes not end until daybreak. Bethany suspected that this would be the case for Marian's, she was popular and more importantly, Danal had donated five barrels of ale, she didn't know what her sister had done for him to give that much, he normally only gave out a small keg.

Everyone was going to have a good time tonight, there was no question about that, but there was something that was niggling her, and that was about what comes after. With Marian being seen as an adult now, would that mean she wouldn't want to spend time with her? That was something she had to just not think about right now.

"Here." Carver held out a mug. "Brought you some tea."

"Thank you." She smiled, taking it from him.

He leaned the large stick he was holding against the railing, and gave her a wicked smile. "When she comes out, tell her there's a cane to help her with her hobbled walking."

She attempted to stop herself from laughing, but failed, and the tea she's taken a large gulp of dribbled down her chin. Her brother offered absolutely no assistance; he walked off towards his side of the battlefield across the road, telling her she needed a bib.

She groaned and stood up, some of it had gone down the blanket she'd been holding, but most of it went down her front. She went into the house and held out a warning finger to her mother, who looked like she was about to say something… Motherly, like 'You should change out of that before you catch a head cold'

"I'm changing now." She said before her mother had a chance to say something.

"Okay Love."

As soon as she walked into her bedroom, she removed her tunic, wiped away the drink and threw it in the basket.

"Nice shot."

She squealed and spun around to see her sister in an even less state of dress than she was. "Maker's Breath!" She blurted. "Why were you hiding?"

Marian cocked a brow. "I wasn't, I was getting changed."

"Right. Of course. You just startled me." She had to force herself to look her sister in the eye, and nowhere else. But she could still see enough from her peripheral, so she was happy to keep her current position.

"I swear that was not my intention. However, considering how much more of you and Carver's abuse I'll be putting up with today, I think it was worth it."

"Speaking of, he left you a walking stick outside just in case your haggard old body can't sustain itself."

"Did he now?"

"Mmm hmm." She grinned, and then remembered something. "Oh, so what was this advantage of old age that you mentioned?"

"Now you want to know!"

"Of course."

"Fine. I can join the army now."

"What?" It came out louder than she was expecting, and she felt her entire body run cold. She stepped closer, whispering harshly, "No you can't!"

"Why not? It's what I want to do."

"I don't care."

"You don't care?" Marian snarled. "It really isn't up to you whether I do it or not."

"And what about us? You're just going to abandon us here are you? We need you now more than ever, and you know that!" She snapped, poking her sister in the arm.

"I'm going to wait until the Summer, but I am going. I would've thought you would be the one person to encourage me."

"What in Thedas would make you think that?" She asked as she balled up her fists.

"Because you're the only one who has nothing to lose with me going. Carver will be angry that he can't come too and Mother will be upset because she wants us all to stay here forever."

Bethany felt the sting in her eyes and bit her lip hard. "You're being selfish." She said in a dangerously low tone.

Marian didn't respond, she just closed the gap between them and put her thumb on Bethany's lip, rubbing gently, and when she pulled her hand away, she could see the blood. "Bethy."

She said her name so softly it made her want to scream, so she pushed her away instead. "You're wrong. I have everything to lose if you leave, because you are everything." She regretted saying that as soon as the words left her mouth, and began to sob, covering her face with both hands.

"Don't cry." Her sister pleaded quietly, and held her tightly.

She struggled a little to get out of the embrace, but even now in her anger, the warm skin touching her own felt too good not to have.

"I'll miss you too." Marian said softly, and her sister's breath danced across the shell of her ear.

She moved back slightly as she removed her hands from her face. "But not enough to stay."

"No." Marian bent her head. "I need to do this, and it won't be forever."

"What if something happens? I can't lose you."

"Do you have so little faith in my skills? I'm a mighty warrior!"

"Stop being funny, I'm very upset with you right now."

"I know, I'm sorry, I don't want you to hate me that's all."

"You know I don't. I just can't understand why you need to do this."

"It's not something I can explain. Maybe someday, but not now."

Bethany wanted to tell her sister that was the most ridiculous excuse she'd ever heard, but Marian moved a hand from her back and snaked her fingers through her hair, pulling her into her chest. She couldn't fight it, or didn't want to. If her sister really was going then she had to take every opportunity to be close to her.

She removed her arms that were awkwardly squashed between them and wrapped them around Marian, then leaned into the body. There was no internal argument with herself when their small cloth clad breasts pressed against each other, or when she gently stroked the small of Marian's back, or as she let her sore lip keep contact with the smooth shoulder, she just let herself be enveloped.

"Hurry up fogey!" Her brother shouting made her jump and squeeze her sister tighter.

There was a thump on the door, followed by Mother saying, "Carver! No throwing snowballs in the house."

Marian gave a throaty chuckle. "We should probably get going. There's a war to win and a party to get to."

Bethany nodded and slowly pulled away without breaking contact. She placed her hands on her sister's chest, drawing circles with her fingers. "Yes, I suppose we should." She smiled, and stepped out of her sister's space. It was the hardest thing she had ever done, and as the tears began to well up she turned away, and she had the sudden realisation that these feeling she had were love, not just the kind that sister's have, but the kind that their parents had, except she was the only one that felt it.

"Bethy?"

"Yes?" She didn't turn to look at Marian. She heard footsteps come closer and her sister placed a tentative hand on her arm.

"You're everything to me too."

Tears fell silently, but she smiled. It wasn't everything she wanted, but it was more than she'd hoped.