Author's Note: Thanks so much for the reviews, guys! :) They've been encouraging me to get more wrapped up in this story and post more. So, I know this might not be exactly what you guys were hoping for in the morning after, but all of this angst will make it all the more worth it later on, don't worry.


Chapter 9

Jane was confused as to where she was when she woke up. She sat up in a daze. Everything was dark and hard to make out. She stared at the light streaming in from the window and it blinded it her. She quickly threw her hand over her eyes. What the hell?

"Why can't I see?" Jane practically shouted, covering her eyes in her frustration.

She heard a door open and Maura's voice.

"Jane, you're simply dehydrated. I'll get you some water."

Wait, she was at Maura's? She was at Maura's, okay, well that made sense. And she was dehydrated…which in normal people terms means hungover…and last night…Oh, my god.

All of last night came rushing back to her, and she lay back down on the bed, groaning. She heard Maura's footsteps coming back from the kitchen. Jane looked down at herself, only now remembering that she was solely wearing a bra, and ran to grab a shirt from the dresser, then flew quickly into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. She leaned back against the door, her hand to her forehead.

"Fuck," she said, something she normally made sure not to say within a 2 mile radius of Maura.

A few seconds later she heard a knock at the door and jumped. "Jane, I'll leave your water on the bedside table, alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, thanks, Maura," Jane yelled back, trying to sound normal. Normal, yeah right.

The images of last night, the feelings, flew through her mind and she just couldn't believe it. She didn't know how she felt, but she sure didn't feel good about herself right now.

As she got ready for work, Jane went through all of the things she had done wrong only in the last 12 hours. First of all, she couldn't believe how much she drank last night. That's probably where half of her problems stemmed from. And she kicked herself for forcing Maura to drink more than she usually did-what kind of a friend was she? And goddamnit, her car wasn't even here. Jane had to go pick it up at the bar, because like a total loser she was too drunk to drive home and had to leave it there.

The word stimulant suddenly ran through her mind. Oh, god, she had called Maura her stimulant. Who the hell says something like that? Who cares if it's true, you don't tell someone that, especially your best friend…speaking of which, you probably shouldn't be attracted to your best friend's breasts or ass either. Jane slapped her hand over her eyes as she remembered the way she had stared at Maura's boobs and butt, thinking Maura wouldn't notice. What an idiot! Jane had been plastered, she couldn't have been as sneaky as she thought she was being. If Maura saw her doing that…oh god, she had to get out of this house. She had to think all of this over, but definitely not at the scene of the crime, and not anywhere near Maura.

Jane ran out into the bedroom, grabbed her watch and phone sitting on the bedside table and dialed a taxi as she slid into her crinkled jacket that had been lying on the floor. She could call Frankie or someone but then she'd have to explain things she didn't want to explain, and a cab was just better all around. She looked around the room as she booked her cab, making sure she noted that she was Boston PD and he should get over here ASAP. Oh god, Maura must be freaking out, Jane thought as she saw her clothes and things from last night scattered all over the floor. Look at what a mess she had made—of everything.

Slamming her phone shut, Jane roughly ran her hands through her tangled hair, stomping her foot in frustration at herself. She just couldn't stand here and wait right now. Her thoughts slipped back to all of the feelings she had had for Maura last night, the attraction she had felt that she couldn't describe or control. Why did Jane feel this way about her best friend? Why was this all coming on now? Had she always felt this way and now it was just coming to the surface? Oh, who cares how she felt, it all depended on how Maura felt, and Maura probably didn't feel the same way at all. Why would she be attracted to Jane?

She collapsed on the bed sighing. Jesus, Jane had been way too forward last night. She thought about the way she had touched Maura's leg at the bar. Maura had been touching Jane more than usual as well, but it was probably just the alcohol. Jane remembered thinking she saw love in Maura's eyes when she held her gaze as they sat on the couch. At the time, she had interpreted this as Maura feeling the same way she did, something more, something fuller than the love of friends, but that could have easily just been the love Maura had for Jane as a friend, nothing more. Jane had probably just been projecting her own feelings onto Maura.

She looked towards the bathroom door and cringed. The worst part by far was how Jane had reacted when Maura came into the bathroom. Well, actually the problem was that she hadn't reacted. She guessed drunk Jane didn't mind Maura seeing her naked, or even wanted her to see her naked.

Jane groaned, slapping her forehead again.

First of all, she was an idiot for singing Maura's name which probably sounded like shouting because she couldn't sing for her life. Of course, Maura would come into the bathroom—with her idiot drunk ass in there, who knows what kind of trouble she could end up in. And then Jane had acted like seeing Maura while she was naked was the most natural thing in the world, while clearly Maura was uncomfortable. Even drunk, Jane had noticed how flushed Maura's cheeks were, how antsy she had been. I mean, if Maura liked Jane in that way why would she back out of there as fast as she could?

And what was Jane thinking when she came out of the bathroom without a shirt on? And went to bed like that, lying so closely next to Maura. Jane knew how Maura was about modesty. She had probably been uncomfortable with Jane in just a bra and had put up with it because Jane was clearly drunk. It was true Jane had been hot, but Jane knew something else must have been going on subconsciously there in her mind. So Maura had seen her backside, as well as basically her boobs. And all in one night. Just wonderful.

And god, Jane couldn't even remember all of the embarrassing stories she had told Maura—although she figured that wasn't such a big deal because Maura was her best friend. It was just the icing on the cake. What Jane really couldn't get over is why she had asked Maura if she liked sleeping with her. Really? Jane herself wasn't sure what she had meant by that question. All she knew is that it had made Maura uncomfortable or annoyed or something because she had turned away from Jane. But then Jane hadn't stopped there, oh no. Instead, she had asked Maura if she could always sleep with her. Jane could start to reason this question a little bit, because she did love sleeping with Maura. Sleeping at her house the last couple weeks, well it was the best Jane had slept in years, at least since the night terrors about the kidnapping stopped. She wasn't haunted in her dreams by the people she hadn't gotten justice for, hadn't saved, when she lay next to Maura. But what else had she meant by that question? Was there more to it, to her thoughts, about sleeping forever with Maura? Jane was pretty sure friends didn't ask that question. Maura had probably been uncomfortable or uncertain as to what she was asking. Then Jane had the nerve to snuggle up with her. What a complete idiot! Although, Maura had kissed her head after…but she had just been being a friend! Jane needed to stop reading Maura's feelings as corresponding with her own. And what was with her own feelings anyway?

Jane threw herself off the bed, because she couldn't stand lying here where all of it had occurred. She couldn't handle being around Maura right now. She was too embarrassed over last night, confused about how she felt, how Maura felt. She needed to think more, and she couldn't think straight in this goddamn house.

She glanced out the window, sighing in relief at the sight of the taxi in the driveway, and stormed out of the bedroom, hoping to god Maura didn't notice her. Maybe she was down the hallway somewhere? A girl could dream.

But boy did Maura notice. She'd been standing at the stove and whipped around at the sound of Jane's stomping across the hardwood floor. Jane chanced a glance at Maura's face and wished she hadn't. Maura looked surprised, standing there with a spatula in her hand, trying to assess Jane.

The sound of Maura's soft voice calling Jane's name in confusion almost halted Jane in her tracks. Almost.

Jane didn't mean to, but in all her frustration with herself, she slammed the door shut on her way out.


Maura hated all of the confusing thoughts running through her head right now. This morning, Jane had left in a hurry, without a word to Maura. She had even called a cab—why go through the trouble of all that? Maura had tried calling Jane on her cell soon after she left, just to see why Jane had run out the door so fast, maybe there was a logical reason, but Jane hadn't picked up. Jane almost always picked up, or at least she called back quite quickly. Maura knew Jane must be avoiding her. This was something Jane had rarely done.

Maura was left with confusion and a bittersweet taste in her mouth after last night. She had hoped to talk to Jane at breakfast, establish normalcy then, or maybe talk about some of the things that had occurred…but Jane's disappearing act had thrown a kink in Maura's logical plan. Now, Maura's emotions were getting the best of her, and Maura really hated that lack of control that came with this whirl of emotions.

She nervously tapped her hands on the steering wheel as she drove hurriedly to work. Knowing what Jane was thinking would calm these nerves. She thought of all of the foreign feelings about Jane she had felt stirring inside of her last night. Or maybe they weren't so foreign. They had felt familiar in a way, like she had just hidden them behind logic and reasoning for some time, and now the feelings were breaking free. Maura hated to think it, but she reasoned that Jane probably hadn't been feeling the way she herself had last night, although Jane had appeared to at certain times. Much of Jane's behavior could be explained away by her drunkenness. For example, Jane had kept touching Maura as much as Maura touched Jane, but that was a common occurrence when alcohol was affecting behavior. Jane in the bathroom was another good example. Jane's drunkenness had led to her being at the time unable to be embarrassed at her friend seeing quite a full view of her naked body. Jane had acted quite ridiculously because of her great consumption of alcohol. Therefore, Maura theorized that sober Jane was just embarrassed at recollecting drunk Jane's activities last night—that's what was making her stay away from Maura—yes, of course. Maura had seen quite a bit of Jane's body, and maybe Jane was just a little self-conscious about that now.

Speaking of Jane's body, Maura wondered if Jane had noticed that Maura had flushed red after seeing her half-naked. What if she had been displaying signs of attraction to Jane's body and Jane had noticed them? Maura was quite sure Jane had no secret intentions behind asking Maura about if she liked sleeping with her, and if she could sleep there forever, but these questions had meant so much to Maura and now Maura wondered if her hesitation before answering, how uncomfortable she had been, was noticeable to Jane. What if sober Jane had begun running back through the memories and realized Maura's true feelings, her attraction? And that was really the reason why she was staying away from Maura now? Because Jane didn't feel the same way, and it was weird for her, and…

Maura noticed the red light at the very last minute, almost slamming into the car in front of her. She felt herself start hyperventilating, but then took slow breaths. She needed to calm herself if she intended to get to the station in one piece and discuss all of last night with Jane. She just really needed to know what Jane was thinking. Maura desperately hoped Jane was just embarrassed because of her own actions, not Maura's. She didn't want Jane figuring out Maura's attraction to her. She didn't want to cause any strain in their friendship, a relationship which was so very important to her.

Maura had to pull over on the side of the road because as the thoughts ran through her mind of nights and days without Jane, so lonely, she found it more and more difficult to breathe.