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Chapter Nine


Rose hesitated before she spoke, taking the time to worry her bottom lip between her teeth as she mentally calculated her age. In all honesty, she hadn't kept the best track of time where her age was concerned, but she had it written down somewhere in a notebook back in her room at Torchwood.

"Nine hundred and three," she answered offhandedly, shrugging it off as if it didn't really matter. Of course, the Doctor's choking fit begged to differ quite a bit.

"What? It's a good age to be at, yeah? I mean, I'm in the prime of my life!" She was trying to put some humour into it, but really, what else could she do?

The Doctor was ogling her like she'd grown a second head, absolutely gobsmacked at the absurdity of it all. After a minute, Rose sat back in her chair with a huff, a bit irritated with the man gaping like a fish out of water in front of her.

"Breathe, Doctor, really now!" she chided, as if to scold a young boy.

The Doctor, regaining what little sanity he had left, leapt to his feet and started pacing. He was expecting something along the lines of a hundred years, maybe even a hundred and fifty… That much he could explain, or easily find the answer to. Maybe she'd been exposed to some sort of chemical or radiation in younger years working for that blasted Torchwood in the parallel universe, causing some sort of genetic shift to slow her aging. That was a reasonable assumption. But…nine hundred and three?

"No…no, no. You're funny, that's…heh. Not possible, not even remotely possible!"

Rose didn't take his rambling to heart at first, recognizing his nervous state as typical Doctor behaviour. So she sat there and let him think it out on his own. She wondered just how long it would take him swallow this bit of info down.

"Really? Nine hundred and three? I mean, I know Jack is immortal in all respects because he's a fixed point in time, no timeline exists! But you, I can see your timeline…weeell, not all of it, but it's still there, a timeline rolled out for you and when I last saw you, you were human! You are human, not some alien, not a Time Lord or immortal or whatever other beings exist out there. Human!"

The Doctor paced in agitation, struggling with the reality that Rose was practically his own age! Not possible, impossible…insanely-not-even-close to possible. Rose was human, she was human, had to be human!

"Why's it so hard to believe that I'm nine hundred and three?" Rose finally spoke up, now getting a little upset at his ranting.

The Doctor shook his head, his pacing never ceasing as he pulled at his ear in thought, trying to run possible scenarios through his head. Rose was human when he last saw her, yes. But then what? What had she been up to since then? Or more importantly, what had she been up to before then, before he'd left her in Norway? Wait a minute…the Dimension Cannon! He spun around and stabbed a finger at her.

"How many times did you use that Dimension Cannon?" he demanded, his brain already puzzling out the possible side effects.

Rose had to smile at him, he'd finally connected some of the dots.

"Too many times to count," she replied with a sigh, "Nothing was gonna stop me from getting back to you. The very fabric of the Universe was being torn apart and I had to warn you. I didn't know it at the time, what it was doing to my body with every jump. Sometimes I would jump ten times in a single day…" She watched the Doctor resume his pacing in troubled thought.

"And let me guess, you hopped right into the thing without proper testing," the Doctor spat out, though he never intended that thought to be said aloud.

"We had no time, Doctor! The stars were going out, our world was in danger! Alright, yes, it changed me! I'm not the naïve, fragile human girl you picked up off the streets in London all those years ago. Any injury I get heals in the matter of minutes. Shoot me, I'll stand right back up in about half an hour. I can't die, believe me, I've tested that theory!" Rose yelled that last part before slapping a hand over her mouth, shocking the both of them.

That came out wrong, really, really wrong. The tension was suddenly suffocating her, the air too hot to breathe in. Maybe she really wasn't ready to talk about all this…it was hurting way too much and her emotions were getting the better of her. Not only that, but her words were stabbing the Doctor, it was evident in the way his body stood rigid as he stared at her like she was possessed.

"'M sorry…" Rose pushed herself from the chair and fled the medical bay, seeking the comfort of her room. The Doctor stood still for a second longer before turning on his heels and trailing after her. When she got to her door, he was right there behind her and he snaked an arm around her waist, pulling her back flush against his chest. With a free hand, he opened her door and walked them in, shutting it softly behind them.

For a moment, they stood there panting, each trying to gain control of themselves, but the Doctor held her firmly to him, refusing to let her go.

"I let you slip away from me twice before, Rose Tyler…I won't make that mistake again," came the Doctor's gruff voice when he'd caught his breath.

Rose shuddered against him, his warm breath caressing the back side of her neck as he spoke in her ear. She cursed her body for the way it reacted to his touch, biting down hard on her lip to keep her mind focused on why she'd fled from him in the first place. But his words slowly worked their way into her tattered mind and she suddenly felt so weak.

"I know why you left me, I do, but it hurts…it hurts so much. I tried so hard to get back to you, and you left me on that beach…and then I had to watch you die, right when I was finally able to heal from it all, you died right in my arms! Human or not, it was still you. It's why I wanted to do it, why I tried…because even if I can't die, those few moments of complete blackness were the only moments of peace I had from it all. The nightmares…I can't sleep because of them. I just…I don't wanna be alone anymore, I can't do this alone, I can't!"

Rose broke down then, her knees falling out from under her and the Doctor braced her against him, sliding with her to the floor before turning her around to face him. He held her close and let her cry into his shoulder, gently rocking her back and forth. His hearts broke to hear her words and sobs, knowing that it was all his fault. He cried with her, kissing her hair and repeating over and over again that he was so sorry, so very sorry for hurting her.

It took Rose about an hour to get it all out and when she did manage to stop crying, the sleep she'd gotten earlier seemed very far away. But she refused to give in the urge to drift off, knowing that her nightmares would surface after such a fresh resurrection of long buried memories. Instead, she excused herself to clean up in the en suite and left the Doctor sitting at the edge of her bed.

In her absence, the Doctor was a complete mess, tearing himself apart for all the wrongs he'd done to Rose. He didn't deserve her, never had and never would. He'd had no right to ask her to come with him that night after she'd saved him from the Nestene Consciousness. He should have left her alone, should have walked away from the very beginning. Now he had to find some way to fix his mistakes…but what could he do? She didn't want him to leave, but if he stayed, would that really make things better? He always managed to muck things up!

Rose slipped from the en suite several minutes later. The lights in her room were dim and as she approached the Doctor, she took the time to really get a good look at him, focusing her thoughts on him instead of herself because she knew her little episode was probably hurting him even more inside. She noted how tense his body was, how his jaw clenched and how lost his soul looked. She had the sudden urge to be in his arms, to make his sadness go away and she knew that it would also make her feel better if they could somehow put this behind them.

Slowly, Rose joined him on her bedside and took his left hand, the Doctor clutching at it like a lifeline. She could feel a light tremble in his arm and she leaned against him, her head resting on his shoulder. They sat like that for awhile, silently offering a little comfort to each other as they struggled to formulate words.

"I saw your death…" Rose finally broke the silence, coming to a decision within herself. She sat up straight again and stared ahead of her, looking at the pale green walls of her room as she spoke.

Somehow, the Doctor knew she wasn't referring to her human version of himself who'd died in her arms in Pete's world and the thought made his stomach twist painfully. It took him great effort to sit still and listen to Rose talk about her past, even though the death part scared the hell out of him.

"For the longest time I had no memory of becoming the Bad Wolf entity after looking into the heart of the TARDIS…but something happened, a change that was forced upon me and in that moment, I remembered…and I saw everything. All that is, all that was, all that ever could be…and I remembered.

"I saw your timeline, Doctor. I saw your death. For two whole weeks after that moment, I burned inside, tormented with the nightmares of it. I watched your sanity snap. I saw a darkness within you as you struggled to cope without someone by your side. You altered Timelines because you couldand you didn't give a damn about the consequences until it was too late."

Rose was trying so hard to keep her voice steady and she took a ragged breath to compose herself.

"And you knew your death was coming, you knewit deep inside and it scared you. For a little while, you even ran away from it all, afraid to face the consequences of your actions. You pushed new friends away, holding onto the grief and guilt of what you'd done to me and the rest of your Children of Time an' you told yourself that we…always broke your heart." She bit her lip when her voice cracked. It took her a couple coughs before she could speak again.

"In the end, you sacrificed yourself to save Wilfred Mott from radiation poisoning. I won't go into the details because they're not gonna happen now, but that's what killed you in the end. You were able to hold off your regeneration long enough to revisit all your friends, though. Called it a reward of sorts…Mickey and Martha –they got married, did you know? Sarah Jane Smith and Luke, and even Jack. And then you travelled to the Powell Estate on January the first, year 2005.

"Never could let go of the guilt of leavin' me, you. Even as you stood there dying, you fought to see me one last time. God, I thought you were trashed that night… You asked me for the year," Rose choked out a bitter laugh at the memory.

"An' even though you were hurting so badly, you kept a strong face for me. Just before I left to go inside, you said 'Tell you what, I bet you're gonna have a really great year."

The Doctor sat there stiffly, again stunned silent as Rose fought to reel in her emotions. He couldn't fight the cold chill that ran up his spine as the echo of Ood Sigma came back to haunt him; I think you song must end soon…every song must end. This had to be wrong…this was very, very wrong!

"Rose…" the Doctor pushed to his feet and began pacing again, worry and confusion set on his face. He took the effort to bite his tongue this time, refusing to take out his frustration on her like he had before. He knew this was difficult for Rose and he wasn't making it easier…but this was madness and he couldn't wrap his head around it all!

"You're a Time Lord, Doctor, so you know better than anyone else that Time is always in flux." Rose stated meekly from her seat on the bed.

"It can be rewritten…changed with the slightest tweak in history. I met the man who you'd one day become and he offered me the chance to change your future. He was wild, untamed. I saw his heart for who he was but he lacked that spark that I've always seen in you. River Song made him better, but he never truly was the same. And he was crazy enough to want to change your future. He didn't want you to become what he was and I had nothing more to live for so I took his hand and made a choice. That's the kind of man he was, a mad man with a box!"

"But that's just the problem, isn't it, Rose? You change my history and you alter the Universe! You've created a paradox, or worse! This is all going to go up in flames before it's even begun! If I'm meant to die, Rose, I will die, regardless of how you try to change that fact! Did we not already go through that nightmare with your father's death? Reapers and time-loops and chaos! Fixed Points, remember? You can't change my death, Rose, it's impossible!"

Rose stood up defiantly, her hands fisting as her temper flared. She stalked toward the Doctor, pointing a finger at him as she backed him into the wall.

"Don't. You. Dare," she barked, stabbing her finger at his chest.

"That man was never you. He was different from you, a separate person. Almost as if he was a parallel version of yourself, even though he wasn't. He had separate memories from you, met different people, did things a bit differently, and he lived there, stuck in that Universe ever since the Time War ended. But his feelings were the same! He fell in love with a human girl who saved his life in his ninth incarnation and he cared deeply for the friends he made along the way…and then he lost them, all of them, even her! It killed him…it killed him and it turned him into the man he is now!"

Now Rose had the Doctor pinned in a corner, her eyes flashing.

"He sacrificed so much to save you and he gave me back a life I never would have had. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be here at all. I'd be forever trapped, alone and forgotten, just like him! You owe that man everything, all the way down to the very air you breathe because you'd be dead if it wasn't for him. There's no paradox, no reapers, nothing! If you pulled that thick head of yours out of your sorry arse, you'd see as much! You're a Time Lord, Doctor, so use your bloody senses and get a grip on yourself!"

Rose spun around and walked to the other side of her room, fuming at how daft the Doctor could really be at times. She busied herself with rearranging her old things, picking up odd trinkets that she'd collected during earlier travels with the Doctor. She toyed with each piece, fighting the anger she felt inside. She felt horrible for her outburst and sad because she couldn't save the one man who'd saved her from herself all those years ago. What was he doing out there now? Was he still travelling with the Ponds? Was he happy?

Time slowly ticked away in silence, neither party able to talk. The Doctor struggled to find the right words and Rose felt the words she wanted to say strangled from her throat. It seemed as if hours had passed by before Rose could finally turn and face the Doctor again.

"Look…I don't know everything, and I certainly don't know the future, mine or yours. A long time ago, I looked into the heart of the TARDIS and yes, I saw everything…but I only remember you, just you - your life and your death from that point in time. This timeline is different now, raw and unknown and it really scares the hell outta me. But no matter what's to come, you need to know…you're my life, Doctor, it's always been you. I loved you when I first met you, and I loved you when you regenerated, and I loved you even as a human. I have loved every part of who you are and that's never gonna change."

Rose kept her eyes glued on the Doctor as she let it all out, her voice thick with unshed tears.

"And I owe that man everything too. I couldn't save him from himself, and he's out there, somewhere, travelling the stars, going on adventures, meeting new people and losing them too…and always hurting inside. And then one day he'll die. But he gave us this chance…a chance to make things better and to start over…"

She tore her eyes away from his and sat back down on the edge of her bed because she didn't trust her legs any longer.

"I don't expect you to understand all this in a single day, really I don't…but don't…push me away because of it. Ha, who am I kidding, this is only the start of it all! I haven't even told you about... Oh never mind…I'm not ready to talk about it anyway, I need time…time to think…time to…breathe."

As she huffed out the last word, she let herself fall back on the bed and hugged herself tightly. The Doctor stood in his corner, watching her in silence as he absorbed every single word she'd said. For a while, he was afraid to even speak. Oh yes, she was right about the information overload and he was going to need time to sort it all out…but Rose also needed him. Three days for him had been well over eight hundred plus years for her and he knew better than anyone what Time could do to ones soul. He'd be a fool to deny it…he needed her too.

The Doctor approached the bed with caution, gazing down at Rose who looked beyond exhausted. They stared at each other in silence, and then Rose patted the spot next her in a silent request to join her. He allowed himself to sit down but Rose wasn't satisfied enough and tugged on his arm until it gave out from under him and he fell on the mattress beside her. Just that simple act had his hearts racing. They were so close, faces just inches apart as Rose turned to face him.

Without his consent, his hand reached out and gently brushed away a strand of blonde hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear. Rose closed her eyes, leaning into the caress with a small sigh and when she opened them again, her heart leapt at the searing intensity held within his eyes. Unconsciously, she licked her lips, triggering a need within the Doctor to feel them against his own once again.

It was a soft kiss, a kiss meant to flutter the heart and warm the soul and Rose melted under it, returning the simple pressure with equal affection. She understood that this was very new to him and she never asked for more than he was willing to give.

Still, Rose couldn't help but ache inside for the mental caress of another touching her mind. It was something so intimate, something so deeply ingrained within her that she fought to compress the need to reach out and touch the Doctor's mind. If she broke those sacred boundaries too soon, her secrets would be revealed and he wasn't ready to handle them just yet. It's why she'd fought so hard to keep him out of her mind to begin with!

The Doctor broke for air with a startled gasp, and before Rose could protest, he placed his free hand against her temple. She didn't even have time to register what he was doing until it was too late and then another presence forced its way into her soul, caressing her mind, embracing her heart. The mental link was light, just a feathery touch and nothing compared to what she'd yearned for, but it was enough to ease the emptiness within. A song so soft and gentle filled her mind, lulling her senses to rest until the very world faded into peaceful nothingness.


He wasn't sure how long he'd lain there, watching Rose sleep peacefully beside him, but finally the Doctor found the will power to sit up. He'd been taken by surprise when the ripples of telepathy called out to him and he'd immediately sought to answer the echoing plea. The overwhelming power of it all, to feel the presence of another's mind so clearly…he'd never expected to feel that force again. For Rose to possess that level of telepathy, she'd have to be a lot less human and a lot more Time Lord.

Now he sat there, torn between fear of what was happening to Rose and joy for the presence of another within his mind that he was frozen in place for the next hour. He tried to work out a possible scenario of how this came to be. Rose was human before he left her, and now she was not. She'd been altered during her escapade with the Dimension Cannon, but that was only part of it. While the Cannon changed her body, it would never have affected her mind. Something else was missing, a key element in all this and he knew it was right under the tip of his nose.

Thinking back to the moment he mentally sought out Rose's mind, a fear had stuck out above all the rest. Even though the Doctor had merely touched her mind in comfort, whatever she'd been thinking was right there, clear as day for anyone to read. He'd felt her longing to make the connection with his mind, but that was chased away by the sudden fear that he'd find out about her secret too soon…

The Doctor got a really sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. She'd been thinking about it, the one thing she didn't want him to know about…

Rose Tyler had been thinking about a baby…a baby with the ability to regenerate.

"Oh, bloody hell…"


End Author's Note: Reviews loved and appreciated. And no, I have not forgotten Mae and her people in all this. They are still on board, giving the Doctor and Rose some recoup time and they will be addressed here shortly. Eh...sorry about yet another semi cliffy? Ugh!