another one bites the dust!
so currently my reviews aren't showing up on the website, so if i missed anyone in the shout out, i'm incredibly sorry! you all know that i love you so much and i'm so happy that you're enjoying the story so far! so thanks to MusicAngel98, inperfection, ONE-Fine-DAME, Guest, and Evey.
A week passed.
Two weeks passed.
Time was seemingly dragging on.
Annelise was trying her hardest to make up an excuse for why she had been so down in the dumps lately; despite constantly denying it- everyone noticed. It was the weather, it was her exams, it was work, it was the holiday. It was anything except the truth. And the truth was that Bucky Barnes was downright refusing to see her. The truth was that she had hurt him, unknowingly led him on, let him open up to her only for her to turn him down when all he wanted was to take her out.
What was the harm in that? He wanted to show her a good time, he wanted to have fun. It was her idea that he should get out and let loose in the first place; get his mind off of the horrors that he had committed. But it was more than that. It was more than just a good time, more than just going out, more than a date. Those 'therapy sessions' were a lot more than just therapy sessions. She wasn't just 'changing the setting'.
She couldn't deny that there was something between them. She didn't know what it was, but there was an attraction there. Tension. A force that, if she got too close to him, felt like it would pull them right together; like magnets. She had tried to pinpoint it, and she knew that she felt it before she even met him. Her attraction to James Buchanan Barnes started the second she watched that first interview; one of the ones where he would just brood, arms crossed, silent as could be.
But she would have never expected him to feel the same way.
Not in a million years. Not ever.
Annelise was doing what she could to keep herself busy. Most of her time had been consumed in her exams, and when she wasn't studying, she had picked up running- of all things. The empty time that she had felt like giant voids, where all she did was think about how to mend the situation between her and Bucky. Outside of being her patient, he was someone she enjoyed spending time with; and she honestly missed him.
Rich dragged her out of her apartment most nights; knowing that if he left her to her own devices, she'd become a hermit and shut herself in her bedroom over the break- probably refusing to shower or brush her hair- an exact repeat of what happened when she broke up with the cheating scumbag. She had finally met Gabrielle; a beautiful, tan woman who looked at Rich as if he was the center of her universe. Annelise was happy for the two of them, but her jealousy could only be masked for so long.
She wasn't the only one making excuses, either. Tony was coming up with them left and right for why Bucky wasn't available whenever she called. Every time she called, every time she asked to see him, he was on assignment or working out or sleeping. It came to the point where she was afraid that she sounded incredibly desperate, and just decided to stop calling altogether. Tony wasn't one to lie to her, or sugarcoat anything, so she knew that it had to be a lot worse than she expected.
It was close to Christmas, and she still hadn't done any shopping. She would run through the streets of Manhattan, passing by each store she should've been going into, but she continued to put it off. Partly wishing that if she didn't pick up the gifts, somehow time would just skip over her least favorite holiday. That way she wouldn't have to see her family again, or risk the possibility of seeing her ex-boyfriend again when her mother conveniently decided to invite him over to the Christmas Eve potluck.
The air bit at her skin as she ran in place on the corner of Park and 45th street. Her heavy breaths showed in the freezing air. She was trying to ignore the fact that the Avengers tower was to her left. She could see the skyscraper out of the corner of her eye as she waited for the sign across the street to give her the signal that she could continue on her run. She'd be lying if she said she didn't run this path on the off chance that she might run into a familiar metal-armed man. But everyday that she passed that tower, and everyday that she didn't see him just made her that much more upset with herself. Made her feel that much more pathetic.
The sign gave her the green light, but she didn't run ahead. Instead, she took a sharp left turn and jogged right to the glass double doors that she knew so well; bumping into a few grumpy pedestrians along the way. Pulling her headphones out of her ears, she nodded at the security guard in the lobby who was munching on a jelly-filled donut. The reflection of herself in the golden elevator doors wasn't much to be desired. She had been sweating, her hair was a mess, her face was as red as a tomato. Not to mention, she was having a hard time controlling her breathing.
When she got to the twelfth floor, there was no sign of the Winter Soldier. But Tony stood behind the island bar, making what looked like a glass of Eggnog; her stomach lurched at the sight of it. He was obviously surprised to see her, his eyes were wide and his eyebrows shot up as soon as she stepped from the elevator. In the corner of the vast room was a giant Christmas Tree, which was surrounded by at least two hundred presents.
"Don't tell me he's not here," she told him.
"Nice to see you, too." Tony shot back, taking a sip of his drink which left a white mustache on his upper lip. He licked it off before smacking his lips obnoxiously. "He's here, but I don't think he'll be too thrilled to see you."
"Just- can you tell him I'm here, please?" She wasn't in the mood for a conversation with Tony; much less an argument. She was here to see Bucky.
Tony picked his glass up from the counter top and disappeared behind the door across the room. She had a plan. She rehearsed what she would say to him over and over again in her head over the last two weeks. She was going to tell him how she felt, she would explain her motives, she'd apologize. The monologue was memorized, she had relayed it in the mirror almost every night. But as soon as he stepped through that door, she lost it all.
He was all muscle and hard lines; shoulders hunched, very prominent scowl on his face, eyes darkened. Obviously not the only one who had been working out, as his grey shirt was stained with sweat, and his hair was slick with it. He had a water bottle in his hand, and she couldn't help her eyes dropping down to his basketball shorts; which were leaving almost nothing to the imagination. He brushed right by her and sat on the couch; didn't say a word, didn't acknowledge her presence at all.
She exhaled with a sharp breath; her tongue in cheek as she wondered if he was just having a bad day or if this was her doing. "You wanna talk about it?" She asked with a bite, knowing that he most definitely did not want to talk about.
Bucky didn't even turn his head in her direction. His expression was unchanged. His metal hand was curled into a fist, and his right hand gripped his water bottle so tight that his knuckles were white.
Annelise sighed in frustration, digging the heels of her hands into her eye sockets. She took a seat across from him and just looked at him, despite the fact that he kept his eyes glued to the floor. It was like their first session all over again. It was painfully awkward, and all she wanted was to find the right thing to say; but everything she thought of sounded wrong, or mean, or stupid.
"I don't know why I came here." She stated, standing up to leave after a few silent moments. "This was a mistake. I wanted to apologize, but it doesn't look like you're in the mood to accept anything I have to say. I'm sorry for wasting your time."
With that, she proceeded towards the elevator; stomping her feet a little too hard with each step she took. She paused briefly with her finger hovering over the call button, and when she didn't hear him coming up behind her, she jammed her index finger into the round button; hoping that her ride would be here faster with the more times she pressed it.
"Annelise," she heard from behind her. It was the first time she had ever heard him say her name, and God did it sound so good coming from his lips. His voice was low, but she could hear the sadness and pain in each syllable.
When she turned to him, he was taking slow steps towards her. And that feeling was there again, the one that felt like if her feet weren't firmly planted on the ground, some unknown force would pull her right to him. The internal struggle between the part of her that wanted him, and the part of her that needed more time, were fighting at full force in that very moment. It didn't help that his t-shirt had risen over the waistband of his shorts, and she could see the name brand of his boxers underneath.
Fuck, she cursed mentally as she felt the metaphorical scale shift inside of her; favoring heavily to the side that wanted her to jump his bones. The closer he was to her, the more it felt like the blood beneath her skin was evaporating. She couldn't keep doing this. Either something needed to happen, or she had to refrain from seeing him ever again; those were her only options. There was no in between.
"What?" She asked, finally.
How many of these moments were they going to have; where he was so close that she could count the freckles on his face, or smell his deodorant and shampoo, or see the flecks of green and grey pigments in his eyes? If he wanted to kiss her, he needed to do it, but she knew that he would never. Bucky was a man with morals. However misguided he may be, he'd never do anything that made her uncomfortable. In fact, she was the one who had made him uncomfortable on more than one occasion. And she was also the one who turned him down, who said 'we can't'.
"Well!" She jumped backwards at the sound of Tony's voice, and was instantly pulled back to reality. "Are we back on good terms yet?" He had a tight smirk on his face as he joined the two of them at their sides. Annelise and Bucky remained quiet, both secretly hating that the moment had once again been ruined. "Jesus, you could cut the sexual tension with a knife." Maybe he was trying to help, or maybe he knew what he was doing, but Tony was only making the situation between Bucky and Annelise much worse.
"I have to go," she stated and turned back to the elevator which had- once again- come and gone. She jammed the button again, tapping her foot against the concrete flooring.
"Now, Annie, where's the fun in that?" The billionaire asked. "I thought we could all go out for dinner. You know, be normal, act like regular people. The rest of the team is up for it, what do you say?"
She was skeptical. And she was hardly dressed for a dinner with the Avengers. If she knew Tony, they'd be whisked away to a five-star, reservations-only type of restaurant. One more time, the elevator came and went, and Annelise crossed her arms over her chest with a hmph.
"Come on," Tony said and draped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her into the double doors that lead to their living quarters. "I'm sure Romanoff has something you can wear."
An hour later, she found herself crammed into a booth; squished between Captain America and The Falcon. Across from her was Tony, Natasha, and Bucky. She'd be lying if she wasn't envious of the redheaded bombshell who seemed a little too comfortable next to the man that Annelise had come to know quite well over the last few months. She suddenly felt self conscious in Natasha's clothes that were a little loose in the chest area, and didn't fit her hips in the same way. Meanwhile her old friend was the picture of perfection in a form fitting dress.
She tried to keep her gaze on the menu, or whoever was talking at the moment, or on her phone- until Tony scolded her for it- anything except Bucky, who looked as if he might spontaneously combust at any moment. And that was when Natasha turned to him and said something to him in a whisper that brought the tiniest smile to his lips. Annelise was unable to hear what she had said to him, because the blood was pulsing in her ears so loudly that it drowned everything else out, and she knew that it showed on her face how painstakingly jealous she was.
When their food came, she quickly realized that Steve was left-handed, and their elbows bumped together as they cut their dinner into pieces small enough to eat. And then Steve was doing it on purpose; picking up his fork and knife as soon as she picked up hers- prompting the two of them to playfully fight for dominance. When Tony cleared his throat, the two of them looked up like two children who had just got caught doing something they shouldn't have been doing.
A silence fell over the table as everyone ate, and Annelise wondered if everyone felt the awkwardness or if it was just her. Eventually Sam piped up, immersing his teammates in small talk about future missions. She stayed quiet, however, listening to what life was like as an Avenger; crime fighting, travelling, espionage. When she was little she used to parade around in her pajamas with a blanket cape pretending that she as a superhero; she'd never have believed that they could actually be real. Yet here she was eating dinner with trained spies, super soldiers, assassins, and Tony; Listening to them plan their battle strategies, and go over plans to capture the bad guy of the week.
"Sorry, Nat, I didn't know your foot was there." She mumbled after accidentally brushing her foot against the woman across from her. Annelise brought her napkin up to her lips, wiping at the corners after taking a bite of her salad.
Natasha looked at her with confusion. "That wasn't my foot, sweetie." The redhead replied with a small smirk, her eyebrow lifting ever so slightly. Her eyes motioned to the man sitting on her left, secretly telling Annelise that it was his foot she had touched accidentally.
Immediately her cheeks flushed. Her eyes cautiously stole a glance at Bucky. His jaw was tight, fists clenched around his utensils as he chewed on a piece of steak. He didn't dare meet her gaze, and instead kept his eyes glued to Sam who was now talking about some improvements that could be made to his Falcon suit and Redwing. Her stare dropped back down to her salad, and suddenly she had lost her appetite. She wished that a meteor would fall out of the sky and only land on her; wipe her from existence. She didn't belong here, and she was out of place, and the one person she came here for wouldn't even look at her.
"So, Annelise," Steve broke away from Sam's conversation with Tony when he realized that the girl to his left was uncomfortable. "What are your plans for the holiday?"
She pretended not to see Bucky turn his attention to them.
"Well," she replied as she slid her plate away from her. "My parents are having a Christmas Eve potluck. They do it every year and I kind of have to attend."
"That sounds nice." Captain America replied with a genuine smile. "Spending time with family is important. What about New Year's Eve? Doing anything special?"
She shook her head. Rich had plans with Gabrielle, which ruined their usual plans of watching the ball drop together. "I haven't really planned that far ahead, yet."
"You should come to the tower." He then suggested. "Tony's throwing a party."
"When does Tony not throw a party?" Sam chimed in.
"You should come. It'll be fun." Steve said again. "We might even break out the board games again."
"Are you sure that's such a good idea Steve?" Sam played. "Remember what happened last time you tried to go against Team Falcon, here? You and Maximoff got your asses handed to you." This, of course sparked an argument between the two friends who argued over which board game team was better. Steve argued that because he had Wanda, who could read minds, that his team was better. He denied that using Wanda's power was in fact cheating.
Annelise giggled at the memory, and then she absentmindedly looked at Bucky who had his fork bent in half. Her eyes widened at him, and he dropped his gaze down to the fork he had just ruined before dropping to the plate. "May I be excused?" He asked softly, receiving a groan from Tony who would have to get up, and then Natasha who would also have to slide out of the booth before Bucky could get up.
As soon as he was free, he jolted towards the exit. Natasha and Tony sat back down with confused looks before turning their attention towards her. She wished she could shrink. Or that that meteor would hurry up and get here so that she no longer had to be a part of this moment. Why did she have to go on that stupid run this afternoon? Why didn't she just keep going straight on her usual path? Why did she have to go trying to make amends that someone clearly didn't want to mend?
"You really did a number on him, huh?" Nat asked.
"I asked you to make him better, not worse." Tony added.
Steve told her to wait it out; give him time to work it out in his head. He said that he never knew Bucky to give up on a beautiful woman so easily, but then again that was the Bucky from the forties, and this was someone else entirely. Natasha offered to talk to him, but Annelise declined; her jealousy was flaring again, but she played it off by saying that Steve was right- they should just give it time.
After dessert, she had made plans to stop by Tony's New Years Eve party, and promised to have Natasha's clothes returned to her. She thanked Tony for the dinner, and hopped in an available cab after saying goodbye to everyone else. As the vehicle carried her through the streets of New York City, she wondered just how much time Bucky would need. And she hoped that it wouldn't be too much.
god i feel like this is awful. but it was needed. you know, gotta have those filler chapters sometimes. man, our girl got jealous in this chapter. green is not a decent color on you annelise; well, it might be, who knows... i haven't really described her. speaking of, i like to leave my main character as open to interpretation as i possibly can. just letting you know.
chapter ten is next (づ  ̄ ³ ̄)づ ゚.*・。゚
musical inspiration for this chapter is provided by:
1. little things - colbie calliat
2. maramao perche sei morto - nicola arigliano
reviews are greatly appreciated! and encouraged... but y'all already knew that.
