AN: Disclaimer. This all belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I'm only trying to fill in Edwards side of the story, as best as possible. I do apologize if it offends anyone, or doesn't meet up to expectations.

I also want to apologize for the delay in posting. This chapter was finished last week but I was unable to download the chapter until today; I repeatedly encountered an error message every time I tried to download. I hope those who are still reading this story, will enjoy this chapter even with Edwards tormented thoughts. I do intend to continue this story, for any who are interested, to the end of New Moon; however, there will be repeated dialog from New Moon and I will give credit for that dialog because it is not a part of my own inventiveness but is the soul work of Stephenie Meyer. I will to send a big thank you to all who have been reading my story and all who have taken the time to leave a review. Those review are greatly appreciated and are an encouragement to me to continue this story.

Also a big thanks to my two betas who have done wonders to help improve my writing skills - (cnohero and ECAB) - you guys have been great and I appreciate everything you have done to help me improve my stories and abilities.

Words in italics are directly quoted from New Moon.

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Edward's Sun

It was dark when I exited the building, so I roamed around the town weighing the possible scenarios that would result in my demise. Aro had to know I would try something because two of his guards shadowed my every move.

I had quickly learned their names, Demetri and Felix. Their thoughts held no surprises for me. They just wanted to complete this menial – in their opinion – task as quickly as possible and return to more interesting pastimes. Felix's mind reminded me more of Emmett, continually looking for primal pleasures and corporeal challenges. His mind wavered between the receptionist Gianna, his thirst, and the pleasure in being able to end my existence. He was also sorry that Aro had instructed him to do nothing until I made the first move.

Demetri, on the other hand, just wanted this to end. He did not seem to take as much pleasure in this sort of killing as Felix did. Since they had to wait for me to be a threat, I decided I would let them wait; I had time, time to come up with a perfect plan that would not harm anyone but me. I had harmed more people than I meant to by the choices I made. I had hurt Bella by leaving her – maybe the family had been right when they tried to argue me out of that decision, but it was mine to make and I thought it was the best choice for Bella's protection. Yet, once I have accomplished my goal, I will have hurt my family as well, especially Esme. Esme had been a mother to me longer than my real mother had; I had filled a void in her life after the loss of her son, and I cherished the time she and I had shared, this would be like losing her son all over again. I silently asked her to forgive me, but this was the only choice I had left. My entire world was destroyed the day Rose called and informed me that Bella was dead; there was nothing left for me in this world, maybe not even in the next, but, if Carlisle was correct in his belief, then there was a thin strand of hope that I would see Bella again. I decided I would embrace this delicate frayed thread desperately since my entire being depended on it.

As I continued to wander around the town, I played out a multitude of different options in my mind like throwing a brick through a wall to demonstrate my strength, draining the blood from a variety of people and leaving them to be found, and demonstrations of other extreme physical abilities that we possessed. What I decided about most of them was that they were all too complicated, too dangerous to the humans in the town, or too showy. As quickly as I came up with an idea, I also came up with a reason why it wouldn't work or was a good safe ideas. As the ideas continued to flash through my mind, I began to realize they were becoming more and more complex and complicated. I continually found myself returning to the idea that I needed to keep this simple, then just as the sun was rising I hit upon the simplest most elegant way to end everything.

I could tell it was going to be a gloriously sunny day; people where already beginning to enter the streets and gather into small groups. I began to notice some of the decorations; red flags were hanging from the walls, there was more foot traffic then I had expected, and more uniformed human guards were beginning to mill around the streets. I realized some type of celebration was occurring, but I wasn't sure which one. I had lost track of the days since Rose called, and in my mind it didn't matter what the festivity was, it would just make my plan all that much easier.

I had wondered into the main plaza; there was a fountain in the center, tall walls all around the plaza making it easy to stay out of the early morning light, and a clock tower. I decided this would make an excellent stage for the execution of my plan and the execution of me. All I had to do was stay in the dark recesses of the alley and wait for the clock to strike twelve, and then I would step out into the noon sun and sparkle for everyone to see. That would be a spectacular show, and I was hoping the wait would irritate Felix. For some reason, of the two, I disliked him the most.

I found an acceptable alley where the sun would not expose me until noon, and then I leaned back against the wall and waited. To pass the time, I allowed every happy moment that I had shared with Bella to replay in my mind. I shut out any memory that would hurt or cause pain. I wanted to remember her as happy and in love. All other thoughts and voices I shut out of my mind because I wanted nothing to distract me from my last moments with the only girl, no not a girl but a captivatingly, warm, wonderful, loving woman, that I would ever love.

The only thing I allowed my mind to monitor was the position of the rising sun. As it neared its zenith, I began to focus on the fact that this would be the end. It couldn't end any other way. At least I wasn't hurting any one else on my way out of this world. Without Bella, this world held nothing of interest for me. There was nothing to keep me here any longer. I could already hear her voice; of course, I had been hearing her voice in my mind ever since that fateful evening when I left her. I could still see her lovely face, her beautiful smile, and her captivating deep chocolate eyes. I could also feel the warmth of her body, her smooth soft lips on mine, and her soft body molded to mine as we lay together at night. I could even smell her luscious sweet tempting blood. Her blood was the one thing that really brought us together, not because I tasted it, but because I had to resist it.

That first day when she first walked into the biology classroom, her scent had hit me full in the face and its seduction was almost too overpowering to resist, but I did, and that act helped bring us together in a way I had never dreamed possible. If I had killed her that first day for her blood, I would never have discovered what real love was. I would never have discovered that anyone in the world existed who could make me feel more like a man than a monster. Bella joked, the night of her birthday, about which tempted me more her blood or her body. If only she knew that her body had begun to entice me as much as her blood and that wanting to be with her physically had become the newest temptation I had learned to resist, I wondered how she would have felt about that; I wondered how she would have reacted to that admission.

The worst part was I would never know what it was really like to be with Bella. I would never see her smile again and never hear her telling me to be careful or stay safe. I would never lose myself in her eyes, and I would never taste the sweetness of her lips and kisses. I hadn't realized how amazing a kiss really was until I kissed Bella that first time. I almost lost myself, and yet it had only been a short kiss. Nevertheless, it had been extremely amazing. I would never experience that again. 'Why Bella, why did you do it?' I cried out in my mind. I wanted to reach out to her and ask her why she would do that to herself, to Charlie, to me. Why would she take herself away from us permanently? Had she lost all hope? Had I hurt her more than I had thought was possible? Had her actions been intentional or was it an accident? I wanted answers and I knew I would never get them, just as I would never get to see Bella again, unless Carlisle was right and there was hope for us after we truly did died, if that's what you could call it when we were destroyed.

As I stood there waiting for the sun to reach its zenith, I called forth a mental image of Bella. I longed to hold her once more, but if what I believed were correct, I would never see her again. On the other hand, if what Carlisle believed were right, then I would spend eternity with Bella.

Bella's image appeared quickly in my mind; I had evoked this image so many times over the last few days that I felt as if I could reach out and touch her. First, I looked into her deep expressive chocolate brown eyes. I saw her immeasurable love for me shining out of those eyes. Next, I imagined reaching out and caressing her pale velvety cheek, which would cause her to blush. Her skin felt smooth, soft, and warm to my cold imaginary hand. As I inhaled, her heady scent filled my senses and caused me to feel slightly light-headed. I realized her image was becoming more real as the sun climbed higher in the sky. I knew that I would soon discover who was right about our demise – Carlisle or I. I began hoping that Carlisle's theory was correct because my longing and desire for Bella grew more intense as I stood with my eyes closed and gazed on the image of my precious Bella.

Glittering was going to be a simple yet dazzling way to draw attention to myself, but I realized having just my arms and face shimmering was not going to be enough. I needed more. The exposure of as much bare skin possible was need in order to attract as much attention as possible so I ripped off my shirt. As I waited, I sensed Demetri and Felix lurking somewhere in my vicinity waiting the right time to attack.

I felt the wind caress my bare chest, and as it did, Bella's scent became stronger and more real. I knew I was closer to the end as I felt the sunlight creeping closer to my concealed position, and the closer it came, the more real my Bella became. Not only was her scent overwhelmingly strong, but I also began to hear her calling my name as if from a great distance. I closed my eyes imagining the great distance that separated us. Then I imagine that gulf of empty space diminishing as my existence drew nearer to its end.

With my eyes still tightly shut, I imagined what it would be like to hold her close to me; her scent and the sound of her voice were making her more real to my senses than I realized possible. Any moment I expected to feel her in my arms, but in the back of my mind, I was also aware that I would suffer as they torn me apart and burned my remains. I knew the Volturi would not allow me to survive if I attempted to step out into the sunlight, and when I finally took that first step toward the sun, I knew it wouldn't be long before I would cease to exist.

So, as I prepared myself for the first step forward, I wasn't surprise when I felt a body collide with mine. I had prepared myself for an attack, but this body felt soft and familiar that I intuitively wrapped my arms around it. At the same time, I was overcome with Bella's unique aroma. I slowly opened my eyes and realized the soft familiar body belonged Bella. As I stood completely astounded, I said, "Amazing, Carlisle was right."

I heard my name escape from her lips, and I was enthralled by how real it all felt. Out of curiosity and desire – desire being the most intense emotion – I reached down and briefly caressed her soft white cheek. I was still amazed at how soft and warm her cheeks were, and finally said, "I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing – they're very good," I closed my eyes and pressed my lips to her silky hair.

I knew I held my heaven in my arms and that this would be forever.