Chapter Nine: Not A Moment's Peace


Revan couldn't sleep. She lay in bed, her head on Carth's shoulder, listening to him breathe. Before Carth had fallen asleep, he told her that now matter what she saw in her vision, he wouldn't think any less of her.

"I mean that, Beautiful," he had said as he cupped the side of her face.

Revan's throat choked up and she couldn't say anything. Carth just smiled and kissed her, then told her to get some rest.

But Revan couldn't sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw Malak bending his head to kiss her. She couldn't shake the image, no matter how hard she tried.

How could she possibly tell Carth what she saw? How could he possibly not think any less of her? This wasn't another vision where she witnessed killing someone, or something else just as horrible. She couldn't tell Carth; she knew it would hurt him. She loved Carth too much—

Revan's heart skipped a beat.

She loved Carth?

Revan shifted and looked up at Carth's face. She watched him sleep so peacefully, so quiet… Despite their rocky start and almost losing the friendship and trust she had worked so hard for after the Leviathan incident, she and Carth had never been closer. And after all he'd done for her since the visions started coming semi-regularly… The embraces, the kisses, the promises…

She loved him.

As carefully as she could, Revan crawled out of Carth's arms and off their bed. She thought that maybe a warm glass of Dantooine milk would calm her down and have her start thinking clearly. Revan grabbed Carth's black wool sweater and put it on overtop of her t-shirt and sleep pants. She quietly exited their quarters—her quarters in her socks and made her way to the kitchen.

"Twenty-two, you're over," Revan heard, followed by the low growl of a Wookie.

Revan entered the common area to find Mission and Zaalbar playing pazaak, Zaalbar sitting at the table, Mission sitting cross-legged on top of the table. "Don't you two ever sleep?" Revan asked.

"Sometimes," Mission smiled, collecting the cards and shuffling. "What about you?"

"Couldn't sleep," Revan answered, heading for the kitchen.

"Isn't that Carth's sweater?"

"Aren't those my pazaak cards?"

Mission giggled and dealt. When Revan returned from the kitchen, a glass of milk in hand, she sat down at the table. "Deal me in," Revan said.

Mission raised an eyebrow. "You sure? You haven't played since Taris."

"I said, deal me in," Revan smiled.

"Big Z plays for keeps," Mission warned. "And I cheat."

"And I have the power of the Force," Revan said. "So deal me in."

Mission giggled and dealt cards to her Jedi friend.

They played for an hour, laughing and forgetting troubles, before they heard the sounds of footsteps coming from the hall. Revan looked up to see Carth enter the common room. His hair darted out in several directions, and his feet and chest were bare.

"All right, Big Z," Mission said, dealing another round of cards, "you're goin' down!"

Revan smiled, still looking at Carth. "That's what you said the last two games, and he still cleaned your clock."

"Yeah, well, this time it's personal," Mission sneered. She turned her head to the side and saw Carth approach the table. "Geeze, put a shirt on, will ya?"

Carth ran his fingers through his hair. "Sorry," he mumbled. "I couldn't find my sweater."

Revan blushed.

Mission ignored him and flipped over a 6 for Zaalbar, a 4 for Revan, and a 5 for herself. Zaalbar growled for another card, and Mission flipped over another 6. Carth sat down next to Revan just as she asked for another card, as well. Revan received a 3.

"Couldn't sleep?" Carth asked. Revan shook her head no as she examined her hand of plus and minus cards.

"Rev?" Mission asked.

"Card."

Carth shook his head. "So you three are going to play pazaak all night?"

Revan shrugged. Carth reached over and tucked a lock of hair behind Revan's ear. "Woke up and you weren't there," he whispered.

"Couldn't sleep," Revan answered.

"Why didn't you wake me?" Carth asked. He kissed her cheek.

Mission cringed. "Uh, hello? Teenager present."

Zaalbar laughed.

"Because you were sleeping," Revan answered.

"You still should have woken me," he told her, reaching over to pull her onto his lap.

Mission crawled off the table. "Come on, Zaalbar. The old geezer's spoiling the game." She gathered the cards. "If he stops bein' all disgusting, we'll be in the cargo hold," Mission said. She grabbed Zaalbar's paw and off they went.

"That wasn't very nice," Revan said to Carth, pulling away and sitting down on her own chair.

"What?" Carth asked.

"You're evil."

"And proud of it, Beautiful."

Revan shook her head. "So why did you interrupt our pazaak game?"

"Because if you can't sleep, then this wasn't just you remembering something," Carth said. "Whatever you remembered, whatever you saw… it was big."

Revan's face fell.

"Rev, I'm worried," Carth said. "You keep having these visions, and you won't tell me right then what you saw—"

"I do tell you," Revan said. "Just… just not right away. I need time to think about it."

Carth reached over and lazily massaged the back of her neck with his hand. "Talk to me," he said.

Revan hung her head. "I… can't…"

"Rev—"

"I don't want to hurt you," she whispered. "I just… I can't."

Carth sighed. "Revan, I can't help you if you won't talk to me."

"Not now."

"Revan, let me help," he said. "Let me in."

Revan started to cry. "Carth, if you knew… you'd never speak to me again…"

My Gods, she did give the order to destroy Telos. "Revan… whatever it is… Beautiful, I'll… I'll understand…"

"No, you won't," she whispered.

"Beautiful, listen to me," Carth said. "I will. Honest to the Force. You want me type it into a datapad and handprint it?"

"I can't," she sobbed.

"Yes, you can," he said. "Revan, whatever it is, we can work through this. I know it's not your fault, and I won't hold you responsible."

Revan looked at Carth. "Won't hold me responsible?"

"Revan," he sighed, "I know… It wasn't your fault. I didn't mean—I thought we worked past this—"

"What in the galaxy do you think I saw, Onasi?" Revan snapped. "What aren't you going to hold me responsible for?"

"I don't know," he said, starting to get irritated. "You won't tell me—"

"Darth Malak and I had sex, okay!" she cried. "In fact, we had sex often! We were lovers! Happy?"

Carth blinked.

Carth and Revan heard a cough and looked up to see Canderous standing in the doorway. "I, uh, was just gonna go piss, but I can hold it." He stepped backwards, then headed back into the cockpit.

Revan got up from the table and ran for her quarters. "Revan! Revan, wait!" Carth called, rushing after her. But Revan was too quick. She got inside and locked the door behind her. "Revan, open the door!"

Nothing.

Carth took a deep breath and tried to calm down. "Revan, please open the door."

Nothing.

"Revan, I'm not mad that you and Malak were lovers," Carth said through the door.

"Whoa." Carth spun around and saw Mission standing there. The blue Twi'lek coughed. "I, uh… was just… uh…" She ran to the refresher and closed the door behind her.

Carth sighed. "Not a moment's peace around here," he muttered. "Revan, please open the door before I go get T3 to unlock it."

Silence.

"Dammit, woman, open the blasted door!"

When Revan still didn't acknowledge, Carth left to go track down the astromech droid. He passed Canderous in the hall and warned him that Mission was occupying the refresher. The last thing he heard before he exited the hall was Canderous banging on the refresher door telling Mission to hurry up.