Chapter 9

Heart and Soul


"Oliver..." a soft and oh so familiar voice penetrated his foggy brain to arose him from sleep. And then he opened his eyes suddenly when the true meaning of what was happening reached his mind.

Her blue eyes were open and were watching him.

"Felicity..." he breathed, his hand squeezing hers.

He felt her other hand move and touch his face. He saw her wrinkle her face and imagined how bad he looked, but right now, there was no way he could worry about that. She was awake!

Her face was no longer a mesh of purple, the bruises were yellowing, but he could still remember how they looked that first night, when he saw her unconscious.

"Oliver..." she called once again and Oliver heard behind his name all the questions she didn't say. What happened? Why am I here? Why are you here?

And he felt his rage grow once again. He wanted to shake her and make her realize the stupidity of what she did. And at the same time, he wanted to hug her against his chest and never let her go. The two desires clashed like titans and the result was a strangled question.

"Why, Felicity?" he asked simply, without showing the war inside his mind.

"I thought it would be simple and I wanted to show that you could count on me for other kind of work. That I could be like you." she said softly, her eyes piercing him like daggers. And Oliver deflated like a balloon.

She did that because of them. She did that because she felt she had something to prove. Because she felt left out. Oliver knew he should have talked to her after Sara's return, he should have realized how she really felt. He should have done a lot of things and not the ones he did…

"Please tell me you didn't put yourself in danger because you thought you had something to prove. Please, tell me you think better of yourself. Tell me that you didn't thought yourself so low that we only saw you as an IT girl." Oliver asked and Felicity could see the sadness in his eyes. She could feel the way his thumb caressed her hand in slow circles, while he tried to come up with the right words to say what was inside his mind.

"What I do, who I am, can easily be done by Diggle or Roy or Sara. They can fight. But what you do, who you are, no one can replace that. We fight for people's safety, but it's you that keep us alive to do that. It's you that is always worried about what to do next. It is you that make us smile in that darkness that surrounds us." Oliver said. "Did you ever imagine what would be of us if something happened to you? And not because of your brightness that should be anywhere but inside a basement with a bunch of lunatics. You are so good, so light. You make me who I am." he said, not us, I. And he wanted to reenact their conversation about partners to tell her she was much more than his partner, she was his heart and soul. But he kept those words from falling from his lips.

"How could I know? You don't talk to me, Oliver…" she replied, unsure if she was hurting him even more. But she had to say it, she had to make him see that by keeping all that bottled and not talking was doing more bad than good.

Oliver opened his mouth to reply but there were no words to say. He closed his eyes and sighed. She was right… she was always right

"Was that why you didn't call me… after what happened?" he asked, the pain evident in his eyes.

"I wanted to, Oliver… and I was going to…" she said and sudden embarrassment stopped her from telling him. She bit her lip and hissed with the pain of opening the barely healed cut.

"But…" Oliver encouraged her, while observing the small drop of blood disappearing under her tongue.

"But I remembered Malcolm Merlyn… I didn't want you… or Diggle to hear me if I was…" she said, not really wanting to end that sentence. "I didn't want that to be your last memory of me… I know it was unfair for detective Lance, and I have to apologize to him… and thank him as well…"

Felicity saw Oliver's eyes widen. She waited for some kind of reaction from his part, but he said nothing.

However, his eyes spoke louder than words…

Felicity saw the sadness in his blue irises, she saw the pain and regret that plagued his days and nights for the last years.

"Please, don't leave me again." he said softly.

She wanted to grab his hands. She wanted to hug him. She wanted to kiss him. But before she could do any of those things he rose and walked towards the door.

"She is awake." he said and Felicity could hear the buzz of familiar voices.

From the now open door, Diggle, Roy and Sara entered. All with expressions of relieve and a bit of anger.

"Felicity..." Diggle started in his older brother voice, but Oliver put a hand over his shoulder.

"She already heard enough about how stupid her actions were." Oliver said simply. Felicity saw Dig eye him curiously and then look at her. It was like the former soldier was reading something from Oliver's posture that she couldn't see.

"Don't do that ever again." the former soldier said in a sad voice and Felicity nodded.

"Yeah, Barbie, you really scared the big guys." Roy said nonchalantly and Oliver snorted.

"Look who is talking." Oliver scoffed.

"Like you weren't all panicky when the doctor arrived. I thought I see you sniffing." the younger man said and Dig coughed to hide his laughter.

"We were all very worried." Sara said and she smiled warmly. Felicity didn't know why, if it was because of her almost death situation or how she saw how relieved they all were or even Oliver's hand that was squeezing her hand, but that smile made her feel at home and she smiled back, for real this time.

"We should let Felicity rest." Oliver said, staying put by her bed.

"Oliver, you should go too. What time is it? Did you went to QC? You are the CEO! You have to go to QC at least for half the day." Felicity said, trying to find something that could tell her the time of the day, but the windows were closed and there was no watch in the room.

"What? I'm not gonna leave you!" Oliver replied, and if he noticed his possessive voice he didn't show it.

But her eyes were too powerful, they always were, even when surrounded by yellow bruises and tangled hair.

"I will stay with her. All of you should go to work. For the sake of your public personas." Sara said, softly. "The only people that are worried about me are my parents, and my dad already know I'm Felicity's friend, so no big deal if he comes here and finds me." she rationalized and the men had to give her reason.

"I will come here later." Oliver said, kissing her forehead for longer than was necessary.

"Just call us!" Dig said, touching her arm softly and stressing the word call. They wouldn't let it rest for as soon as she lived. "We will talk later…" he whispered so she was the only one that could hear him.

"Yes, don't fret." Roy said giving her an awkward wave, like he was not sure what would be acceptable. And feeling Oliver's eyes shooting daggers through his skull he choose the distance farewell.

Sara sat beside her in the chair next to the bed, while Felicity's eyes were stuck to the door.

"I have never seen Oliver like that…" Sara said gaining Felicity's attention. "He cares about you… More than he realizes, I think…" Sara said and Felicity frowned.

"He is with you…" Felicity replied slowly, not sure where the conversation was heading and Sara laughed.

"That's what you think?" Sara asked and Felicity was filled with confusion for a lot of reasons. First, they had sex and they knew the truth about each other, it would be obvious they were together. Second, she was having that talk with Sara, of all people. Third, the other woman was looking at her with a mixed up expression of mirth and wonder.

"You had sex… you had a relationship previous-drowning-but-not-drowning years in hellish place… and Oliver said he wouldn't let you go away, he even tracked you…" Felicity reasoned and Sara shook her head.

"Yes, we had sex, yes we had a relationship and yes, he won't let me go… but none of that matter… as soon as we realized what we did, we knew it was a mistake. You can call it the the end in our book… and we felt guilty for what we did… we just wanted to forget that pain… but then I remembered the way my sister looked at me… and I bet Oliver remembered another person as well…" she said stressing the last words and looking significantly at Felicity. "We are friends, nothing more… We are not made for each other… We have too much history to move on and change what we are to each other… Our relationship was in standby, but not anymore…" Sara said, smiling softly.

"But why are you telling me this?" Felicity asked, begging for her blush to remain hide under her bruises.

"Because I think you need to know…" Sara replied with a mysterious tone and a smile tugging at her lips. "Now, there's something we need to do as soon as you are well enough…" Sara said with an excited tone.

"What? Are you going to dress me with black leather? Not there's something wrong with it, I hear people really like that… I mean… not that I'm calling you anything more than a badass fighter… but… okay, shutting up now... the meds are not helping at all…" Felicity babbled and Sara shook her head with mirth.

"No, I'm going to bring you to those mats and teach you how to kick any guys' ass that tries to hurt you ever again!" Sara said with such rage that Felicity almost saw the black mask over the woman's face and her Black Canary voice.

Felicity smiled and nodded, whispering an "Okay", while the weariness started crawling over her body. She yawned softly, not even trying to hide it.

"I can totally understand what he sees in you…" Sara whispered to herself while Felicity let her head rest against the pillow and closed her eyes with tiredness, falling asleep.