Hey guys sorry it took so long. I've been out of town with no sevice and one of my friends was killed in an accident on valentines day so its been a busy few days. Tons of thanks to sweetkiwi604 love that girl! For a disclaimer look at other chapters.
Chapter 9 - What Are You Really Afraid Of?
Kenz's Point of View
I couldn't believe what they were telling me, what they wanted me to do; it was like going in one ear and right out the other. The idea of it all scared the crap out of me, I must have heard them wrong, this had to be some sick joke so I asked again this time nearly screaming it, "What the hell do you mean I have to face the nightmares?!"
"Cas said the only way to make the nightmares stop is that you have to face them," Dean explained for like the third time since he had come back in the room. I almost hoped that I had misheard him, that somehow maybe he would change his answer, that it would finally be something I could handle but the answer never changed nor did the sympathetic looks I was getting from both brothers. I didn't want their sympathy I wanted this literal nightmare I was living in to go away.
"I know what he said! I just can't believe that he said it and that he means it! That feathery good for nothing…" I trailed off silently cursing Castiel as if he was personally responsible for all of this. I was so exhausted and all I wanted to do was sleep, sleep for days if it was possible, looking between Sam and Dean I knew there was no other way and this time they weren't going to be able to fix it for me, "I have to do it don't I."
"Yeah, you do. I'm sorry kiddo, we will be right here with you," he promised and he continued to say something else but I couldn't process what he was saying all I knew was that I was going to have to face my dead parents and my dead brother.
"You guys aren't going to leave right? When I fall asleep you'll stay here?" I asked almost pleading with them.
"Yeah, Kenzie, we aren't going anywhere," Sammy tried to smile and I nodded. I was terrified of this but I also knew that it was the only way that they would stop.
"Okay, I'll do it."
Trying to fall asleep with my two very large brothers watching me like hawks wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. It didn't matter that I hadn't slept in days, it didn't matter that they were doing it for my own good, having their eyes on me was creeping me out. But after what felt like a million years of staring at the back of my eyelids, which in reality was probably only a few minutes, I had fallen asleep.
I dreamt of my thirteenth birthday when Dad took me to the park to have a picnic with Adam and mom. My mom's sister, Linda, was in town and was going to meet us there. When we got there Adam, Mom and Aunt Linda were all lined up waiting. As we got closer Dad walked over and joined them so they all stood facing me. The four people I loved most in the world, besides Sam and Dean, were right in front of me and I felt like I was on trial.
"Mackenzie," my father said in a very disappointed voice as he shook his head from side to side, "You had one job, one responsibility was to protect us, but you couldn't even do that, you failed."
"And now we are all dead because of it," my aunt sneered. I knew I was supposed to stand up to them, it was the only way I would get rid of these nightmares but I felt what they were saying was the truth.
"I taught you how to protect us," Dad continued stepping out of line and towards me "but you didn't, now did you?"
"We're all dead because of you," Adam said but unlike the rest of my family he actually looked sad, not angry or hurt or disappointed, just sad. It broke my heart to see him looking at me like that and to hear the words coming out of his mouth.
I covered my ears and started to back away but they started walking forward screaming at me, screaming words of hate and disappointment. Somehow I ended up balled up on the ground and they were all hovering over me. I couldn't hear them through my crying and I was glad about this because the looks they had on their faces was enough to know I didn't need to hear them to know what they were yelling. The only one who wasn't yelling however was Adam, in fact he hadn't moved from where they had stood in line. When he looked at me I could see that he didn't blame me like the rest of my family did, and that's when I remembered what I had to do.
"Enough!" I whispered, "It's not my fault."
But they didn't stop they seemed not have even heard me.
"Stop, stop it!" I yelled as I stood up and my family stood back in shock. I glanced over to Adam who had a faint smile on his lips, "It's not my fault!" I practically screamed at him with tears streaming down my cheeks, "Dad should have taught you how to protect yourself from the supernatural like he taught me."
For the first time he took a few steps towards me, "I don't blame you, you're right he should have," he put his hand to my cheek and I closed my eyes, "I love you," he whispered and then his hand was gone and when I opened my eyes so was he. One down, three to go I thought to myself as I turned to my mother next.
"I'm sorry you're dead, believe me I am, but I had nothing to do with it if you want someone to blame, blame my father, he's the one that put you in danger in the first place. He knew all about the supernatural world and kept you in the dark about it," I cried. She wiped some of the tears away before kissing me on the forehead and then disappearing. I then turned to my dad feeling stronger as I confronted each of them, "Dad, you died to save Dean, and I couldn't thank you more for that, but it was your choice. Not mine, and not Dean's." I tried to keep my voice steady but there was no use and it broke, he walked over and put his arm around me.
"Kenz, my little kitten, I never blamed anyone but myself for my death," he kissed me on the top of my head and pulled me into a fierce hug before letting me go and stepping away, he disappeared and I couldn't help but wish he had held me a little longer.
My aunt was the last one there.
"Your death was my fault," I stated looking at her apologetically but instead of answering she just moved so that she was standing right in front of me. She took both my hands in hers and touching her just made me cry a little harder, "I was there and I was supposed to protect you, I knew what it was but I couldn't stop it soon enough, I'm so sorry," I squeezed my eyes shut and cried even harder.
"I don't blame you," she said as she let go of one of my hands and used it to pull my chin up so that I was looking at her, "I don't blame you and I never have, these things happen. It was just my time hun. Could you have stopped it? Yes, but it wasn't meant to be," she hugged me then backed away, "none of our deaths were your fault and none of us are the one you need to face."
"What are you talking about?" I asked wiping my tears away; I was totally lost at what she was trying to tell me.
"Kenz, we aren't the one's your so afraid of," she explained moving to the side so that I could see someone standing behind her. "It's you hun, you have to face yourself."
There I stood staring at myself, the other me stared walking towards me and my aunt waved goodbye as she disappeared.
"You're not scared of them, not really, you're afraid of yourself," I was shocked and couldn't move or say anything, "You think everyone around you dies because of you and you're scared that someday you're going to get Sam and Dean killed. And even though it hasn't happened yet you still blame yourself for it. I know this because I am you, I know every feeling or thought you, or I should say we, have ever had," the other me was right in front of me now standing right where my aunt had been just moments before, "You're so terrified of losing them it's all you can think about, every time you guys go on a hunt you get distracted because you're scared that this will be the hunt that finally kills them, that this is the time you mess up and they die because of it. Come on, tell me I'm wrong."
"You are wrong," I yelled but the second the words left my mouth I was suddenly standing in a circle of fire.
"Don't lie to me! Don't lie to yourself!" the other me screamed and the wall of fire grew to about three feet over my head.
"Okay you're right!" I shouted over the noise the flames were making and the fire settled down so that it was only a few feet tall. "I am afraid that Sam and Dean will die because of me. I'm afraid that everyone I love or ever have loved will die because of me. I'm scared that Sam and Dean will draw the short straw and die on a hunt because I can't protect them! I'm scared they are going to leave me all alone in this world!" I screamed and the other me just smiled.
"Congratulations, you have faced your biggest fear, you," she smiled then disappeared.
I stood there for a minute trying to take in the fact that this was finally over before I realized that I wasn't standing there alone anymore and I turned to find Cas standing behind me.
"You faced your fear and just in time too," he stated as he turned away from me and disappeared.
"Just in time for what?!" I yelled to where he was standing a couple of seconds before, "You know answers would be nice once in awhile!"
Right then the dream shifted and instantly I knew that I was having my first premonition.
It was a dark room and it took me a few seconds to realize it was a bedroom. There were two people in the bed, they were moving around and it looked as if they were about to start having sex. They boy sat up and started taking off his shirt, just then the girl in the bed reached right through the boys chest, he looked up at me with wide, pain filled eyes as she ripped out his heart and he toppled to the ground. I was too shocked to move, I couldn't move as the Lamia the boy was just on top of sucked the blood from his heart.
"Nate," I gasped.
If you all could pry for my friends family that would be great but mostly her year old son that will have to grow up without a mom. Thanks please review!
