Thanks for the comments! The end of this chapter is a bit of a filler bit...
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Chapter Nine
I haven't been able to sleep since that thought ran across my mind.
I'm falling for Red.
I've never fallen for anybody in my life, and now, in a place where I have nobody to talk to about this, nobody to ask advice, no family, no friends... it happens.
She's sleeping comfortably beside me as I'm squashed against the wall. I have to get out of the room, if only for a little while. I carefully climb over her, jumping off the bed and landing on the floor with a thud. I cringe, turning quietly she stirs, but she turns over, taking up the bed. I sigh, my eyes not being able to leave her sleeping form, her content little smile.
I walk to the bathroom, washing my face with cold water, I look up into the mirror, a thousand thoughts running through my mind, but every single time they always go back to a certain red headed girl.
It crept up on me. These feelings, sure there were warning signs, but I put it down to a little crush. Kissing her the first time I should have known right there. The feeling in the pit of my stomach, it was close to that feeling you get when your card declines in a shop. Pure fear.
Yet as much as that feeling scared the living shit out of me, I can't deny that it was a nice feeling, I can't deny that it filled me with warmth, I can sit here and say it meant nothing, I can even put a smile on my face as I'm saying it, but that doesn't mean I am telling the truth now does it.
I suppose the test will come tomorrow. When she wakes up, I bet it will be weird. I bet awkward.
Oh who am I kidding, I don't know what's gonna happen.
I just need to have my head in the game. I know she's not going to turn around and declare her undying love for me, because nobody does that, right? It's just the movies filling our heads with shit, making us believe in the fantasy, a fantasy that never has and never will exist. Thus filling us with disappointment, bucket loads of the stuff.
I need to get back to the way I used to be. Not caring, not giving a shit, my sharp tongue being used for something other than making Red's toes curl.
I just can't explain it, I've only been here such a short time and it has changed me deep inside. It's changed me to the core. Sure that person is still there, deep down, but I'm not completely sure if that person is the real me, or if this new version is.
I guess time will tell.
"What are you doing?" I jump, grabbing my chest as Red is stood in the doorway,
"Shit" I say, and she chuckles, her hand lifting up and scratching her head. "I thought you were asleep"
"I was" She says with a smirk, "Everything ok?" I nod quickly,
"Yeah, yeah. Just can't sleep" I lie.
"Naomi" She says quietly,
"Red, everything is fine" I smile, "Just homesick I guess" Now I scratch my head, "Honestly"
"Are you coming back to the room?"
"Yeah, I'll just be a minute" She nods, walking away.
I walk back in the room and she's sat on her bed. I walk to mine, climbing in. I turn the light out beside me, getting comfortable. "Night" I say,
"I think we should talk" I hear her faint voice come from the darkness. My card has been declined again.
"About what?" Stupid fucking tool! I chastise myself as soon as that comes out of my mouth. I hear her sigh deeply,
"You know what" she startles me, rather than at the other end of the room she is currently stood right next to my bed. I turn the light on, sitting up in bed, I look at her, and I can see she's fretting,
"Yeah"
Silence. Neither of us wants to be the first to speak, but we have to at some point, I'm the one to break the silence. "Are you regretting it?" Probably not the best thing to say, but I need to know,
"A little" I can't help but show my reaction to that, and she's quick to sit down beside me on the bed, "No, no... not like that, it's just... We're friends and-"
"It's awkward" I nod, as does she, "Look, we'll call last night exactly what it is, ok?" now she frowns, "A friend helping out a friend" I smile, and she nods slowly, "It meant nothing to neither of us..." I pause, watching a reaction, and I don't get one, she's still nodding her head slowly, "So there's no need to dwell on it then is there" I'm hating every word that is coming out of my mouth.
It meant something to me, and I'm gonna be the one dwelling on it.
"Yeah" She nods, "I just don't want it to be awkward"
"It won't be" I smile reassuringly, "Trust me"
"Ok" she says quietly,
"Ok, lets get some sleep, it is...1am, and we've got classes tomorrow" She nods, getting off my bed and climbing in hers. I wait until she's in before turning the light off, "Night"
"Night" The room goes dark... and I know neither of us are gonna get any sleep.
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I watch as my alarm clock is only minutes away from going off. The early morning light is seeping through the curtains as I cancel my alarm.
Emily has her back to me, but I know she's awake. I keep hearing her sighing. I get up, walking to her wardrobe I grab a cigarette. My morning ritual.
As I walk back to the window Emily sits up in bed. I look at her and smile, "Morning" She rubs her eyes, looking extremely tired,
"Morning"
I open the window, the morning chill causing me to shiver slightly. It's only half 6, we've got an hour and a half before we have breakfast. This is gonna be fun, "Did you sleep?" Emily asks, and I turn to look at her,
"No, you?"
"A little" I giggle, "I've been thinking..."
"That's never good, Red"
"Can we just forget it ever happened?"
"That doesn't work" I look to her honestly, "Listen to me, ok?" She nods, "It happened, it was nice, but it won't happen again ok? Nothing is gonna come of it, I was just helping you out, just look at it like that"
"Ok"
"Besides, our next task is Effy" I laugh, and Emily's eyes widen,
"Shit, yeah" She laughs,
"If you still wanna that is"
"I don't know... I mean, I quite like Amy" She says, shaking her head, "Effy is out of my league"
"Nah" I shake my head, having a drag on my cig, "Don't settle"
"I guess" She shrugs, "I'm young free and single..." She smiles, "I really oughta start acting like it, huh?"
"Yup, that's my philosophy" I nod,
"I'm gonna go get a shower"
"Ok"
***
"I know it's only been a week, but I am setting you your first test... We've been reading Shakespeare now, studying Twelfth Night, I want you all to write an essay on it" The class all sigh, slumping down into their chair. "Don't be like this, this is after all English Literature and essays are the general tasks in this class" Kieran says, "I want you to break down the story to its basics, telling me how, you feel, love is depicted in this play. For every point you make, you must have a valid quote to back up that point. It can be as 'out there' as you want it to be, remember there are no wrong answers, I am simply asking you what you interpret about the central characters, the circumstances and everything that happens, and how Shakespeare gets his vision of love across in the play."
You are fucking kidding me.
"You have to write a minimum of 2000 words, but there are no maximum amount of words."
"Is this an actual essay question, or are you doing this to be cruel?" I ask, and the class laughs, as does Kieran,
"This is an essay question, yes, but it's not set by the board, it is simply my curiosity getting the best of me" He giggles, "This essay will be used in your final coursework so do take it seriously. I will put it in laymen's terms so you all understand; I want you to write exactly what you thought of the play, going into details about What Shakespeare suggests about the nature of love and how he portrays such strong emotions in the characters... It's not hard, I am simply asking for your opinion, your interpretation." He starts to hand out a sheet to all of us, "I've written down some tips and at the top is your question. If you have any problems with this, I'm always here"
"Are we starting now?" I ask, he nods,
"Yes, you've got all week to write it, I want it handing in on Friday as I'll be marking them over the weekend. No excuses, nothing, Friday, 3pm, that is the deadline, anybody who hasn't finished, well you'll be jeopardising your final grade in this class"
"He's taking the piss" I say to Red, who simply laughs,
"He's a teacher, he's allowed to"
"I know, but this... writing an essay on love, Christ" I sigh,
"It's an easy question, Naomi"
"It fuck" she shakes her head, and starts writing away. I seriously hate how clever she is sometimes.
"Do you want me to help you with it?"
"Nah, I'll do it, may be shit, but I'll do it"
"Ok then" She raises her eyebrow.
The thing that is pissing me off about this fucking question... I'm trying to forget my sudden feelings, I'm trying to get back to normality, and this question, this essay, I've gotta think about it until I've fucking finished it, and in thinking about the essay, I'll be thinking about Red.
The receptionist knocks on the door, walking to Kieran whispering something. Kieran looks at me, oh shit, what now? "Naomi, can you go to reception please?" I stand up,
"Do I need my things?" He nods. Gathering my books and my bag I follow the stumpy lady back to reception. She doesn't speak, she doesn't answer any of my questions, "What's going on?" I ask again as she steps behind her desk,
"You have a visitor" She says sternly,
"But I thought we don't get them until the weekend"
"Your cousin is here, outside. He needs to speak to you urgently"
"Cousin?" I ask, and she just frowns. I don't have any cousins. She points to the front entrance, "Please do not leave the grounds" I nod, walking outside, completely curious. I step outside and follow the smell of a cigarette and much to my amusement I laugh at the person standing in front of me.
"Naomikins" He grins,
"Cook, what the fuck?" He's dressed like a posh little school boy, which makes me laugh loudly,
"Operation free Naomi has arrived" He smiles proudly before enveloping me in a hug,
"What?" I hold on to him tightly, god I've missed him. I feel like my needs have been answered. I needed a friend, and suddenly Cook turns up. Thank you god!
"I'm breaking you out, come on"
"I can't" I say, and he laughs,
"Course you can, it's not a prison"
"No, Cook. I really can't go"
"Why?"
"It's complicated"
"Fuck sake Naomi, I've just come up all this way to get you back to Bristol, and you won't even come"
"I didn't ask you to" I argue,
"Thanks Cook" He says, and I slap him,
"Look, I'm grateful, but you should have called first"
"I had a fucking brill story and all" He seems defeated,
"Sorry"
"Better be a good reason why you're staying!" He takes another drag on his cigarette and I look to the floor...
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