------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am a writer who notoriously appreciates her readers very much. I would like to thank and welcome Reych, Akia and Amora and lilsilverphoenix for their support and reviews. To the rest of you who I have mentioned before and were now very dear to me, I shall not forget. A writer with honor and dignity never forgets kindness. Hopefully in the near future, I shall have to mention all of you with these FF names when I have acquired success in my writing career. This is not an empty promise. You will be hearing more from me.
To Reych, I have supported THE BUNNY and copy-paste it in my own profile. Thank you for reviewing all of my six stories.
BTW, I'm sick today. My health is a disaster and why wouldn't it be? Two hours of sleep or no sleep at all. Unable to eat a meal in three days. Ten hours in front of the computer. I'm gonna go take a rest now.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lectures on cerebral coitus with Jelly BeansHow does one cope with the pain of rejection?
Ordinary people would get drunk, seventy-five percent of men, that is. Ordinary people would soothe the pain by fucking anybody available and attainable in a mere pursuit of lust and degradation. Ordinary people would cry and taint their pillows and blankets with sour snout. Ordinary, lame, boring, incapable people would do wishful thinking and runaway from the truth. They would let misery wallow them as if integrity is something they could no longer afford. They would eat a lot or get angry a lot, blaming themselves, the useless, aggravating fools they are! They astound me with their heartbroken lullabies and pathetic excuses to get laid in their most excessive depression state. I am irked with those repulsive habits. I do not share that poignant way of coping with the pain of rejection.
How does Francesca Mendez cope from the pain of rejection?
One: She finds the source, that being her lover L Lawliet.
Two: She comprehends her position. Once she is aware that it is nobody's fault and that things just have a time of their own, she is done with grieving.
And Three: She goes back to life, that being college boredom, that being her prison.
I have not surrendered myself to madness. I knew that it is not out of blind belief that he will return to me. I knew it is true. Don't give me your condolences and advices, I would shit on you. I am particularly fine as of now. I have made several important decisions while he was gone. The first one is not to go back begging George to take me back. As if I care about the wretched worm, that barbarian scum. I nothing him like he is the dirt under my shoe. The second one is to study for the finals with Nicoline. Of course, some Trigonometry would take so much of my time since I detest Mathematics. It is my way of trying to be more serious in my studies. I piss on you if you think otherwise. The final decision I made is to surround myself with the friends I made during L's reign in Social Studies. Trey and Tawny is a pleasant bunch during poker on Fridays. Amy, Lisa and Megan are my girl friends on Saturday Night out. And Nicoline, the tenacious, sweet Mademoiselle is my study partner during weekdays.
I would not wait for him by crying and torturing myself. I would wait for him by going on with my life and be surprised when he comes back into it. Like any romantic girl in love, I do have high hopes. I love him and I want him back. I just don't have to act so desperate to sell this love story of mine to you. I leave that to ordinary people with their usual needless beating and sorrow.
Oh, I forgot to add: I don't listen to silly love songs that could express my heartbreak. Too much of a cliché. Moving on!
Social Studies was now being taught by last year's old professor. Suffice to say, I still participate well in this class though the atmosphere is not his scent. The whole class is also nostalgic about our late professor. I am not the only who is coping from the pain of rejection. I was just the only one who could be a bigger person than the pain.
"I think we need to talk about it someday when you're ready." Nicoline was saying as we were having dinner in our favorite restaurant.
"Bless your soul," I grinned. "I am happy you are trying to be a friend to me but you have done quite enough."
"I want to do you good." Nicoline smiled at me sadly. "You know I want to be around you even when you don't like me to do that."
"Don't be so insecure." I chuckled. "You are a good friend. I don't need to keep you around for my own selfish needs. You could have fun yourself. Don't let me get in the way with that."
"Cheska, I don't get to have fun." Nicoline raised an eyebrow. "You are all I have as of now."
"So it may seem." I regarded her through my wineglass.
When we went back to our dorm room, I found a letter under the door. I picked it up and read it carefully. It was some kind of English stationary.
"What is it?" Nicoline asked.
"It's a conundrum." I handed it to her slowly. She took it with her steady hands then gazed back at me.
"I don't understand."
"Read it aloud to me, Watson."
"Seek me in the close space, an area deserted. Seek me there and I will bring you a token of my indulgence to the act."
"I shall conclude that it is from him."
Nicoline stared at me, blinking. "It's been a month since he was gone. Did he come back?"
"We will presume that he did since we are now in possession of his letter." I pointed at the piece of paper. "That is, without doubt, his handwriting."
Nicoline nodded, folding it and then tearing it. I smiled. "That's not nice."
"He left you," Nicoline looked at me sadly. "And you have been a bigger mess since that."
"I am fine." I laughed. "I am not even crying--"
"That's the point! You stopped feeling anything!" she exclaimed. "I know he is something else and I know that it might be destiny but do you really want to go on like this forever?"
"He is back now, isn't he?" I assured her. "And I am going to seek him in the close space, an area deserted. Seek him there and I will bring you a token of his indulgence to the act."
Then I grinned at her. She just smiled weakly. "All that drama I did with the paper for nothing. You have a sharp memory."
"Word."
"So do you want me to come with you?" she asked.
I pulled her into an embrace and kissed her against her hair. "This is how I do it. It's not the usual way to deal but I am dealing with it."
Nicoline hugged be back feebly. "When you get tired, you could always find me here. I could even let you and L make out under my bed if it makes you happy."
I looked at her with a wide grin. "Really?"
She grinned back and then hardened her gaze. "No."
"You're a good friend."
I left her and knew exactly where L Lawliet wants me. I went back to the university, trudging along the open hallways and corridors until I reached it. I was excited to know what is that token he was specifying. Upon reaching the janitor's closet and was about to twist the doorknob, I stopped abruptly. I was nervous as hell. I was really worried on how things would turn out. My mind was racing with questions and I have to know exactly why he left and was now back again. I felt like I was deceived. I did not like it. Suddenly I was angry. I stayed staring at the door for almost two minutes. Maybe I wanted him to open it himself so I could punch him in the face. Maybe I just don't want to see him again. Maybe the game is boring to me now. Maybe I was never really in love with him. When that passed my mind, I considered it greatly, logically, reasonably. Seeing that there is more proof that I am in love with him then I believed I am. But seeing that I am thinking about it and not letting the emotion to become real means that it might not be true and is purely a state of mind. Oh hell, I am confused. Do I really want it to be like this forever?
I have to do this, all or nothing. I opened the door and it was dark inside. I stepped in and closed the door behind me. I said nothing. I just stood still.
For almost another minute nothing happened. It was just me and the total darkness. And then I finally heard his voice again and my heart was ripped anew.
"Francesca."
One word from him and I trembled. I tried looking for the switch. When I pressed it on, the light finally came and he was there in the corner. He looked the same. He is as pale and brooding as ever. His clothes, his footwear, his mannerisms…nothing had changed at all. I said nothing. I have nothing to tell him. I just want to look at him.
"Come." He said softly, reaching out a hand. I walked to him in silent stance and held his hand feebly. He stared at me with those beautiful dark pools of ink.
He pulled me closer and I obliged. When our faces were so close together, I did not look away. He placed his cold hands on my face and massaged my cheeks. He was touching me shamelessly, a very rare gesture of his. I do not like it. Something is wrong. It's not supposed to be this corny.
"L, I am happy that you are back." I said in a very neutral tone and I have no idea why I am talking like this.
"Last April 24, you have turned eighteen, did you not?"
I narrowed my eyes. "L, do you want me to cross the line now?"
He smiled slowly and lowered his hands from my face. He leaned against the wall and stared at me thoughtfully. "It's starting to come down to that place. I have felt very passionately about you and I know you share the same sentiment."
"L," I closed my eyes and then opened them again. "How could you still be sure that I want you after all this time?"
"Because," he raised a finger, "I believe we truly love someone for only once in our life span."
"True." I smiled back. I pressed my whole body against him. I run my fingers through his stubborn hair. I leaned towards him slowly and kissed him tenderly on his lips. Our eyes were still gazing at each other as our lips met. It was nothing special. It's not supposed to be. We have established the fact that we are in love and love is not magical. Love is just an emotion. A very good emotion. He kissed me back and gripped me gently by the shoulders. We closed our eyes and stayed like that as long as we could. He opened his mouth to taste the air in my own mouth. He kissed me with such ease for a few minutes. And then he kissed me savagely, sucking, biting and tasting voraciously. I held onto him and pulled him down hungrily. He pushed me to the table behind me and I sat on it quickly when he raised me a little. He grabbed me by the hair and shoved himself breathlessly against my mouth. I moaned in response and rubbed my palms on his chest. L began running his hands on my thighs when he pulled up my skirt. He rubbed so much that my skin was burning in friction and heat. Then he brought his hands up to cup my breasts and then he touched my face again. He did the same gesture for the next fifteen minutes and I was already wasted. We stopped kissing at last and felt our mouths had been completely dried. He chuckled when he looked at my blushing expression. Then he pensively unbuttoned my blouse, taking his absolute time. I waited patiently. I savored his touch in every layer of my being. It was fully astounding how miraculous it is. I felt foolish for saying that so I take it back. I am not prone to such awe and spirit. It is sex after all. Sex is finding the one who would synchronize with your own desires, physically and mentally. I found it in him and that is enough.
He looked at my chest for a long time. I grinned widely at his concentrated expression. "Enjoying the view, professor?"
"Splendid shape." He simply stated.
"Yes, I know. Staring at it like a piece of painting is not that sexy."
L nodded at that and started fondling my breasts slowly. His fingers were bony and cold. I winced with every massage. He pressed his fingers against my hard nipples and smiled in glee when they soften and harden over and over. His expression was that of childish mental focus and it pleased me. I don't really enjoy men staring at my breasts maniacally as they feel it. George does it all the time and I feel compelled to hide my breasts from him whenever he does. L went on, feeling the weight and the shape as long and as patiently as he could manage.
"Maybe you should try sucking them." I merely suggested.
"You want to breast-feed me, young lady?"
"Some men find it arousing."
"I am not like most men."
"So you would just massage them. Should I pay your for giving a great massage?"
L chuckled again and buried his face on my chest. He kissed them lightly and then he let his tongue traced the bare skin. He placed his hands behind my back and undid my bra. I watched him silently. He kept licking on my breasts like ice cream. He enjoyed devouring it with keen interest. His tongue was wonderful. It was really elevating. I did not suppress a moan as I pulled him closer. He stopped and pulled himself up. He proceeded on trying to take off his pants. It was a difficult job for him. It was as if he was having second thoughts. He was blushing wildly as well. He finally gave up and bit on his thumb, unable to look at me.
"Need help with that?"
"Very much."
I ducked down slowly and pressed my face close to his zipper. He looked at me, wondering what I was doing. I placed my teeth on his button and bit on it, trying to open it while my hands were behind my back. When I have successfully unbuttoned it, I proceeded biting on the zipper and lowering it down. Then I glanced up at him, looking at his expression.
"Impressive," he mused. I brought myself up and leaned closer to pull down his pants. When I have once again accomplished it, I pushed myself off the table and knelt down to take his rubber shoes off. I slowly removed his pants from the floor. He took it and folded it nicely. I decided to tie the laces of his rubber shoes and then placed them on the table besides his pants. I turned to him and slowly raised his shirt up from his head. Then he took it again and folded it, wiping the clothing with his hands to make sure there are no wrinkles. He placed it on top of his pants and then looked at me.
I stared at his naked body. "You are cuddly, L."
He bit on his index finger. "I know I don't have that much package, forgive me."
"Physical looks don't matter." I pulled him close to me.
"You are beautiful, Francesca."
I smiled at that and we started kissing again. I rubbed my palms on every part of him I could touch and squeeze. Then I kissed him on the neck and licked him down to his chest, sucking his nipples enjoyably. He just kept sighing as he fondled my hair. Then he helped me take off my skirt. He folded it for me too as well. He frowned and looked for my blouse that was under the table. He folded it as well. I just waited for him. When he was done, I sat on the table and let him place himself between my legs. With his hips on my thighs and his tongue buried on my mouth, I felt that the world was perfect and flawless.
"I could really get used to this." L remarked as he grabbed my thighs and spread them apart. He kissed me from my mouth down to my chest and then my stomach. He rested his head on my belly for a while as he knelt down before me.
"I am going to be gone in a few more days again."
"Do you intend to be more specific of your whereabouts this time?"
"I want you to come with me." L looked up at me.
I bit on my lower lip, contemplating. "You have to tell me what kind of work you do, L Lawliet."
He sighed and pulled himself up, gazing at me pensively. "Anywhere I am needed for my services."
"You have to tell me now, L."
He thought about it and then replied. "I am a private detective who studies behavioral crimes in a worldly basis. I work for secret intelligence and is allied with many major governments in Europe."
"Is L Lawliet your real name?"
"It is."
"That is risky."
"No one knows my real name but my reputation is far-reaching." He explained. "The fact is even when I have used my real name now, they have no way on proving that it was me since my birth records are sealed completely from public views and investigations. No one even knows how I look like. Besides, you were the one who forced the name out of me and caught me off-guard."
"Me?"
"Yes, you and your flirting. I was completely taken aback and blurted out my name. I had no chance on recovering it when I was hired in your university. I was informed that you study there so changing my name would be too dangerous."
"You think I present a threat to you?"
"I esteem you with high regards." L frowned. "I have personal attachment to you."
I nodded, showing that I follow his logical revelation. I crossed my arms and asked. "Why do you want me to come with you?"
"I want you to work for me."
"Excuse me?"
"I went undercover because the college dean suspects that a Mafia organization is polluting the school." L explained thoroughly. "I disappeared for a month because I was finally closing in with this group. I just caught them two days ago. I am now going to be discharged back to England and I want you and that intelligence of yours to come with me and join the force."
"This is all too much to digest." I shivered in cold. He noticed it and embraced me. "You want to recruit me as an agent? This is something I didn't see coming."
"I know how difficult it must have been." L looked at me very sadly for the first time. "I have lied to you. Though I know that you could be the best candidate for the position. I want you to work with me. In that way, we could still be together and we could solve crimes and work on cases together."
I found that really fascinating. I wanted that too. I want to be around L Lawliet and live with his crime-solving life. Though it would mean that there is an expensive price for that choice.
"L," I said quietly. "If I join you, I could not tell anybody and I have to drop out in the face of the earth and renew my identity, is that correct?"
"Yes."
I let that information register on my common sense. "I am not sure I could do it, L. I have a life here. I have family and friends and Nicoline."
"You have been specific about her." L smiled. "She must mean a lot to you."
I nodded. "I need time to think about this, L. And whatever my decision is, please respect it."
"We may not see each other again." L stated firmly.
I nodded. Then I hugged him, leaning my head on his shoulder. "I want to do something right now."
s
"Besides sex?"
"Yes, L. I want to cry."
He said nothing and stood completely still as our bodies were wrapped around each other. I let vulnerability flood as big, fat tears run down my cheeks. I was in so much pain not because of rejection. L never had rejected me. I was in pain because it took me a long time to realize I was.
"L," I murmured his name and he held me tightly. "I do want to be with you always and forever. It is corny and stupid but I care about you and everything you do. I don't want to throw away what we have. I am not that kind of girl who is prone to be such a crybaby but I am a girl nonetheless. I have intelligence as well as real feelings, feelings that sometimes scare me off my orbit."
He nodded and wiped my tears with his index finger. I can see in those blank eyes that he understood my weakness and hesitation. It did not bother him. He did not look at me with pity. He understood it simply and I am glad. "We could postpone this coitus if you want."
I sniffed and commented. "Coitus is making babies, L."
L laughed. "You're right. Still it is sexual intercourse."
We helped each other on putting our clothes back on. L allowed me to tie the laces of his rubber shoes. When I was done, I took his hand and interlaced our fingers together. He opened the door and I switched off the lights.
"By the way," he said as we were walking back to the dormitory. "Randy, the janitor, works for me too."
"I knew there was something shady about him."
Before we climbed up the flight of stairs, I remarked. "The Mafia group you caught, L, I want to know what their name is."
"Why does it concern you?"
"I might know them."
"Yes, you do." He looked at me blankly. "It was your cousin's group. Salvador Mendez was too much trouble."
I nodded and then we headed back to my room. As I opened the door and led him inside, I took something from the drawer. His back was turned away from me. When he looked at me at last, he found himself staring at the gun I was pointing at his face. I stared at him with a cold gesture.
He looked at me calmly. "Francesca, I want you to trust me."
"My cousin has nothing to do with the smuggling, L." I held the gun firmly, the cold steel too familiar. "I want you to let him go."
"I invited you to work for me, didn't I?" L asked, amused.
"Yes, you did."
"I know he is innocent, Francesca but we have no evidence to prove that."
"And you want me to find it?"
"He is your family."
I sighed and lowered the gun. I still gripped it steadily.
"You are no ordinary girl, Francesca," L stepped cautiously towards me. "I could use a girl like you in the force."
We stared at each other. I spoke first. "I will work for you and prove my cousin's innocence."
"Then it is settled. We will leave tomorrow morning. I will give you the details of the case as we board the plane."
"L?"
"Yes, young lady?"
"You waited for me to be of the right age for two reasons: Sex and authenticity. You wanted me to become a legal adult so I could work for you."
He smiled.
"Was it all planned, L?" I raised the gun again. "Even from the start, was it all planned?"
"Examine the situation, dear." L explained. "Yes, I plan to take you as my accomplice but I was still wondering how to approach you. You were the one who made the first move. We were attracted to each other, that is the only genuine thing in this. And you have fallen in love with me and I with you."
He grabbed my hand gently to push the gun away from him. "No genius could plan that. It just happened."
I believed him. I am so tired of lies but I can't completely let my guard down. Things just became a game again. I am not losing and he wouldn't want that as well.
"L," I remarked. "It was fun. I have to admit I'm surprised on how you pulled it off since you did not determine that you will be attracted to me."
"It was a problem indeed." He bit his thumb. "The percentage of that is only about three percent and yet it continued to increase when we started being around each other. I was merely testing your skills and then I have to go with the flow of romance. I have to confess that it did feel real and next thing I know, I'm not playing professor boyfriend anymore."
I laughed. We heard the door opened and Nicoline entered. She gazed at us swiftly before she put down the groceries on the table.
"Hello, Nicoline." L greeted her.
"Yeah, hey."
I looked at my friend worriedly as I approached her. I leaned myself against her back and kissed her behind the ear. "L knows about Salvador."
"I see." Nicoline replied as she sorted out the canned goods. "You're not the only one with connection, Cheska. My brother has informed me about your cousin's arrest and I knew that L Lawliet has something to do with it."
She faced me. "I don't trust men."
I smiled at that. "I am going to save Salvador. Can you handle the operation while I'm gone?"
"We did not live together for no ulterior motive and business transaction at all." Nicoline stated. "Our families don't work that way."
"Nicoline Garboux," L spoke, regarding her with a nod. "I trust that you will cooperate with the matter at hand."
"Whatever it takes." Nicoline smiled at us and then said to me. "I will help you pack your things."
L watched us the two of us said our goodbye the next morning. I hugged and kissed her, thanked her and cherished her. She held me firmly by the elbows as we looked at each other for a long time. Then with a final smile, she let me go and waved at me as I headed towards L's direction.
"This better be worth my time." I remarked as an old man helped me with my bags.
L grinned in his catlike fashion. "You will be assured that you're going to kick ass."
I hope that was satisfactory. I am going to make this story a major one now since I do like the plot and lead character a lot. Stay tuned.
