"I'm coming!" RJ called to whomever was banging on his door. He reluctantly climbed out of his bed and slid on a robe. He unlocked the door and opened it. "How did you... Oh."
"You know me? I don't believe we've met," the woman said as she pushed past RJ and walked into his loft. "You're RJ Logan, right? Now where the hell is my son?"
"Mom?" Noah cried from the bed on the other end of the room.
"You family is worth billions, and you still buy a loft where the bed is in the same room as your kitchen?" Sharon scoffed. She stormed over to the bed, grabbed Noah by the ear, and pulled.
"Ow! I'm coming!" Noah cried as he struggled to follow his mother and keep the blanket wrapped around his midsection.
"You know this idiot slept with your mother, right?" Sharon asked as she twisted Noah's ear, making him bend in pain. RJ wanted to do something to help Noah, but he also didn't want to get on this woman's bad side.
"We're working through that," RJ told her.
She released Noah with a shove. He walked away from her and half-hid behind RJ.
"Mom, what are you doing here? And you dyed your hair again?"
"Shush, her hair looks gorgeous," RJ turned around and lightly slapped Noah's shoulder. Then he turned back to the intruder and smiled. "You make a lovely brunette, Mrs. Newman."
"Ms. Collins, actually," Noah's mother corrected. "And thank you, young man. At least my son has better taste in men than he does women."
"I was going to tell you... Wait, how did you even know where I am?" Noah asked. "Are you having me followed or something?"
She crossed her arms and stared at both of the young men until they shrank with fear. "Have either one of you turned on a TV? Or the radio? Or gone on the internet? Because I know you sure as hell aren't answering your phones."
"I turned them off so that you could sleep in," Noah told RJ, hand on the small of his back. "I probably shouldn't have done that."
"Sorry, Ms. Collins. Or would you prefer Sharon?"
"From you?" Sharon pointed at RJ with her index finger, then made a "Z" in the air with it. "Ms. Collins will do just fine."
"How did you find this place? My family has never been here, and I paid extra so that it would be unlisted. Speaking of which, I never found out how Noah here found me, either." RJ turned and looked at Noah with both eyebrows raised. "Well?"
"I had money to burn and asked around. Someone's cousin was the doorman here. He remembered your name. Don't have him fired. I paid for his daughter's braces."
"Ugh. Fine." RJ rolled his eyes at Noah, then looked back to Sharon. "Ms. Collins?"
"I called Logan & Crane and asked for Amber Moore. We were acquaintances in Genoa City. She told me where you live because not a single member of your family has been able to get in touch with you, and not a one of them thought to ask her a thing."
Sharon snapped her fingers and then pointed again, her index finger at RJ and her middle finger at Noah.
"Now, we have serious things to discuss, but before we continue, I need both of you to go put some clothes. Now!"
Sharon stomped on the floor and RJ jumped in the air with a "yipe!" before running to his closet, Noah hot on his heels.
"Thank god this thing is a walk-in," Noah said as RJ turned the light on and shut the door. "Um... My clothes, including my duffel bag, are out by the bed. I'm scared. Can you get them for me? Because you're about seven inches shorter than me and you probably only weigh 90 pounds. Your stuff won't fit me and my mom probably won't hit you."
"I am five inches shorter than you, I weigh a hundred and thirty pounds, and you will try on these boxers and this t-shirt because it's a large. Whenever my dad buys me anything, it's always ugly and the wrong size. Make do," RJ ordered as he shoved the clothes into Noah's hands, causing him to drop the blanket.
"Hey, do you think we could..."
"Your mother is twenty feet away and I'm scared for my life. So no, Noah Newman, we are not having a quickie. I'm not even sure I want you for more than last night."
"And this morning. And lunch time," Noah laughed as he slipped on the boxers, then the t-shirt. "Hey, I kinda like this shirt. Why would you think it's ugly?"
"It is, ugly, Noah," RJ said as he began dressing himself. "And that is precisely why you like it." As soon as he had the pajama bottoms on, RJ opened the closet door and grabbed Noah's wrist. "No coming out of the closet jokes or I'm going to leave you to face your mother. Alone."
"Fine. Okay." Noah agreed before RJ drug him back out into the lion's den. "We are dressed now, Mom. So why are you here? And, uh, why weren't you surprised to find me in RJ's bed? He's a guy. He doesn't act like one, but he is one."
RJ elbowed Noah in the stomach. He grinned when Noah doubled over. "Is there something we missed, Ms. Collins?"
"You two are the cover story on the Spencer Publications website. And the Port Charles Press. Genoa City Buzz..."
"We get it, Mom," Noah interrupted.
"I told you people recognized us in the airport," RJ hissed at Noah through gritted teeth, stomping one foot on the floor. "Ms. Collins, trust me when I say..."
Sharon held a hand up and RJ stopped talking. "No. I don't know you and as such I can't trust you. I don't even trust the people I do know. Noah? Your grandfather knows."
"He does?" Noah's face went pale. "Oh god, I didn't even consider that."
"This is a bad thing?" RJ looked from Noah to Sharon and back to Noah. "You never seemed worried about your grandfather before. You know, when you slept with my mom!"
RJ accidentally caught himself yelling the last few words.
"Sorry, Ms. Collins. I swear, I'm working on getting over that. It might take a while, but it's pretty much a family tradition at this point."
"I'm not sure I want to know what that means. Anyway, Noah, when Victor found out, he started running around the ranch screaming 'How dare he blah blah blah blah blah. You know how he gets. Anyway, I remembered your credit card information, so I bought you two tickets to Venice from LA. Victor and your father are on their way there now. I figured I would come here, find you, and figure out just what you're doing."
Noah blinked. "Mom, are you off your meds again? Because you just said a lot of things."
Sharon threw up her hands and sighed. "No. You know what? I won't be offended that you think any time I don't cower to a Newman man it means I'm off my beds."
She reached into her purse and produced an amber coloured plastic bottle with a screw on white lid. She shook it, then tossed it to Noah who caught it.
"Go ahead. Count them. I won't get mad."
"I'll be right back," Noah assured RJ as he touched his arm with his fingertips. He walked to the small dining table just off the kitchenette while Sharon walked over to and sat on the edge of RJ's bed.
RJ was so weirded out by everything happening.
"You." Sharon pointed at RJ again. Then she patted the bed. "Come sit by me."
Reluctant as he was, RJ joined her anyway because he was scared of what would happen if he didn't.
"Mom, be nice to him," Noah cautioned as he opened the bottle and spread the pills out on the table.
"I'm always nice!" Sharon snapped at her son. Then she turned to RJ and smiled. "We haven't exactly had the best introduction. Why don't you tell me a bit about yourself?"
Whether she was on her pills or not, RJ was certain that this woman was crazy. "Um... I'm 20. I was born in Los Angeles, but went to school in Paris. That's where I first met Noah. I'm now a fashion designer." RJ locked up and looked to Noah, but he was still counting the pills. "Um, that's about it. I kinda don't have a life outside of work and this."
"'This' being my son," Sharon clarified to a nodding RJ. "How did you two meet? You said you met in Paris? Noah hasn't been to Paris in years. Or did you meet during his two day stint over there a few days ago? And yes, I know about that, Noah. I am the one paying your credit card bills."
When RJ looked to Noah for guidance, all he got was a shrug and a curse. Noah took all the pills he had counted and scattered them back across the table so he could start the counting over again.
"Um, no, we didn't just meet in Paris, though he did only go there the other day because of me. Like I said, we met while in school. I was a couple years behind Noah and Eden."
"That's a name I haven't heard in a while," Sharon said, getting that look people did whenever they were trying to remember something.
"Mom, let him talk or wait for me to finish with this," Noah called from across the loft. Then he groaned and restarted counting a second time.
"It looks like I would be waiting awhile, Honey," Sharon giggled. "Okay. RJ? Yeah, RJ, go ahead with your little story."
"Where was I?" RJ asked the assembled.
"Me. You. Eden. Paris. Now can I please count these already?"
"Nobody is stopping you!" Sharon yelled at her son. "Okay, go ahead. Tell me about Paris."
Scratching the back of his neck, RJ look over to the mirror he kept on the wall and decided he didn't want to be a redhead anymore. "Right. Paris. I knew Noah and Eden for a few years. But then they broke up and she moved back to Genoa City and Noah stayed in Paris with me for a year.
"We were pretty serious at the time, Ms. Collins. We just agreed not to tell anybody back home because we had no idea how you all would react. To the gay thing and the age thing and the living together in Paris with no adults thing."
"You two lived together? For a year. Noah, you better be happy I'm not your father. And don't you dare stop counting because this stopping and starting over again thing you've got going on is getting on my nerves," Sharon warned her son. "We will come back to this living together thing."
RJ swallowed a lump in his throat that felt like it might have been a basketball. "Yeah. Okay. Anyway, Noah and I broke up and we didn't see each other again until last week. It's been a whole crazy thing ever since because you've seen the news. I just started a new company with my mom and our financial backer Julian Crane, we've been getting crazy press for things of the work AND personal variety... Just lots of crazy."
"I don't care for the word crazy," Sharon told RJ with narrowed eyes. "It's actually quite offensive."
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, Ms. Collins. I didn't mean to offend you and I'll stop..."
"She's messing with you." Noah told RJ as he put one hand on his shoulder and used the other return Sharon's pills. "You're missing one or two, but I remember that you sometimes double your dosage if you can't remember if you took your meds. You should really get one of those pill boxes that sorts them out by days of the week."
"I'm not old, Noah. Those things are for old people," Sharon told her son. Then she looked at RJ and laughed. "He's right, though. I was just messing with you. I'm bipolar, but barring incidents where someone tampers with my meds I'm usually okay. And I get called crazy so often by dumb bitches that it means almost nothing to me anymore."
"Right." RJ nodded because he really didn't have anything to say.
"Are done grilling my... Can I call you my boyfriend?"
"We'll see," RJ answered as he smacked Noah's leg with the back of his hand. "But yeah, that's everything, Ms. Collins. As you can tell, we're still figuring everything out."
"So, if I have this right, you," Sharon pointed to Noah," have been gay for a while and collecting beards like your grandfather does moustache combs, and you're obviously gay but your family had no idea?"
"Why am I 'obviously' gay?" RJ wondered as he made air quotes with his fingers.
"RJ, dude, Helen Keller knows you're gay, and she's been dead for, like, 300 years."
"I don't think that's accurate," RJ said as he held up a finger. "Now, Ms. Collins, you mentioned Noah's grandfather? Why would that be an issue? Is he a homophobe? Because Noah isn't even gay. He's bisexual."
"Why do you gays act like my people are immune from homophobia?" Noah whined as he stepped away from his mother and RJ and flopped face first onto the bed. Then he began groaning into the sheet. "Oh my god, how did I never think of Victor?"
"I try to avoid thinking about Noah's grandfather whenever I can," Sharon assured RJ as though it were the most normal thing in the world to say. "Noah, honey, I'm sure after he abuses a few flight attendants he'll calm down. And if he doesn't, I'm always here."
"And Dad? You said Dad is with him."
"I think your dad wants to be a buffer. And if not, then he can kiss my ass, too." Sharon leaned across the bed and tried to smooth down Noah's bed head. "It'll be fine. This isn't like Adam. He wasn't really gay or bisexual or whatever. He was just sleeping with that guy to cover up the Ashley stuff, remember?"
"You knew a guy who pretended to be gay and went so far as to sleep with another man?" RJ's eyes were as big as dinner plates and he whistled. "I think that qualifies as crazy."
"Adam certainly was a sociopath," Sharon agreed. "I can't believe I ever actually married him."
"And I thought my family was nuts." RJ whistled again. Then there was a knock at the door and he excused himself. Sharon said something about going to the powder room and RJ pointed to the bathroom door for her. If it wasn't Amber, then RJ had no idea who it could be. He hoped that reporters hadn't found where he and Noah were, because apparently that was gonna be a thing. "Hi, sorry, could you come back later? There's something impor..."
"Hi, RJ. You remember me, right? Taylor? I was your stepmother a few times? I needed to see you and it took me forever to find this place and we really need to talk."
"Taylor..." RJ just stood in front of her in his pajamas.
"Can I come in?" She pushed her way past RJ and he wondered who else was just going to barge into his loft. She stopped when she saw Noah lying face down and partially clothed in RJ's bed. "Is that him? Noah Newman?"
"It's me!" Noah yelled from the bed, not bothering to look up.
"Good. I can apologize to both of you at once."
"Apologize? For what?" RJ asked. His day was so insane already and he hadn't even logged into Facebook.
Taylor held her hands behind her back and kind of bowed before speaking. "RJ, Noah, I'm the one who gave the video to the press. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me."
"Video?" Noah finally sat up and looked from Taylor to RJ. "What video are we talking about?"
Then the bathroom door flew open and Sharon stormed out. She looked so pissed off that RJ yelped and joined Noah on the bed.
"Wait a minute. You're the bitch who outed these boys?"
"I'm so sorry," Taylor cried, shaking her head. "I wasn't thinking, RJ. Please forgive me."
"No, forgive me," Sharon said calmly before head-butting Taylor. Then she threw her purse to RJ and Noah. "Boys, hold that for me. Mama's gotta take out some trash."
