November 22nd
Today's Monday.
Uggggggghhhhhhhh.
Whoever invented Mondays can go to hell five times.
But, I guess it's a good thing that I only have school today, Tuesday, and Wednesday,
because...
THURSDAY IS THANKSGIVING.
HELL YEAH.
I LOVE Thanksgiving like whoa.
My mom makes the best food, and it's even better when Mattie helps her, because I get to sneak into his room while he's busy and fap all over his porn stash.
I mean seriously, he keeps it under his bed like every other teenager in the world.
I'm pure and innocent so I don't have a secret porn stash; I just steal Matt's.
He is so lucky Dad doesn't have time to look for it, tsk tsk.
But anyway, the whole reason I'm writing this is because Francis and his family are coming over.
I think he knows that I don't want him to tell anyone about Kiku. Or at least I hope he knows.
See... Francis is someone who doesn't know how to keep his mouth shut.
When he and Chelles were still going steady, she told me that he liked to hear his own voice.
I can testify for that.
He could talk for hours without even knowing what the hell he's saying.
That's why no one ever tells him any of their secrets.
Matt said that I should just wait and see what happens, but I think he was just trying to shut me up while he was baking cookies like the manly sack of testosterone he is.
I'd better go see if those cookies are done...
- A.F.J!
November 25th
Ah, Thanksgiving.
As soon as I woke up this morning, I could already smell the turkey and stuffing and everything else from my room.
Mom and Matt finished cooking early because girls do weird shit like that, and Dad even got the day off.
I don't think we're having people over until lat -
...
Okay, so my aunt showed up early and hugged me for like an hour. I was drowning in her boobage. I will never take oxygen for granted ever again.
Lalala, Francis and his stupid family showed up a little while after my aunt and then my grandparents and cousins and whatever after that.
Francis has been flirting all over the place with Matthew, which I think is really weird because, dude. They're cousins. I don't think it's that Francis is incestuous; I think he just hits on anything with a pulse.
...
Mmm, okay, so dinner is over. It was so amazing I almost peed in my pants a little~
There was turkey (obviously), and stuffing with some... I don't know, something delicious in it. And cranberry sauce, too, but I'd rather gag myself with a spoon or a sombrero than eat that shit. And there were a trillion different kinds of vegetables which I "accidentally" knocked into the trash can, thus saving everyone from broken taste buds or something.
Ummm... oh! When Matthew wasn't looking (I think he was talking to Francis, actually), I poured, like, forty pounds of gravy all over his mashed potatoes, ahahah~
I think that pissed him off, though, because he sneakily took a handful and shoved it down my shirt when Mom was distracted.
Things... kind of just went downhill from there, and, well... Matt and I were sentenced to cleaning the dining room after everyone left.
But I'm so smooth that I promised him all of my allowance for the next week.
... I don't think he knows that neither of us are getting allowance for a month~
...
Well, at least Francis didn't tell anyone about Kiku.
- Alfred unF. Jones
November 30th
Man, all my teachers won't shut up about Final Exams. Pfff, so boring.
Kiku invited me to his house to study, but I already promised Arthur that I would go play the new Call of Duty game with him after school.
Besiiiides, I think it's been too long since Artie and I hung out. Sure, Kiku and I are red-hot lovers, but Arthur's my best friend. I mean, we impregnated each other, I kind of owe him a slice of the sexy that is myself, don't I?
Also, I kind of want to see his mom again. She is caliente~
Well, guess I'll be going then!
- Mister YummyPants
December 16th
Basically, I was grounded from everything until Finals were over.
I guess my mom has a problem with the destruction of public property and streaking. Also in public. At the mall, to be exact.
Mehh, as Arthur said: At least it was fun while it lasted.
I think he and I should hang out more often~
...
OH! OH! OH! It's almost Christmas, Diary~
And I got you a gift too! Better than a gift, actually; I got you a name, since I decided I'm much too manly to be calling you "Diary".
Are you ready to hear it?
Of course you are!
Okay.
Your name is:
William McSexysteinington Hotpants VI.
I think it's rather fitting.
So, that's one gift down, and only... a lot more to go.
December 17th
I have just found the most amazing thing anyone has ever invented! I don't know who came up with this thing, but they were probably American.
It's a tampon gun!
At first I was going to make one and give it to Matt for Christmas, but this is just too awesome!
I'm going to keep it for myself and just use Matt's tampons as ammo since he probably has a lot of them.
Wow, this is great!
I think I'm going to get Kiku to help me make this. he's Asian and good at oragami and making stuff, so it shouldn't be a problem!
...
He said yes~
...
Oh, man... I just realized... I have to get Kiku a Christmas present.
Well, this is a problem..
- Alfredo Sauce
[A/N]
It literally took me an entire month to write this, oh my god, what the hell.
(* tampon guns are real, guys! Here: www*tamponcrafts*com/gun*html That should work... You know the drill! Just replace the asterisks.)
