Chapter Nine
'Ley, thank god you're up.' It was Harry's voice, but I couldn't see him anywhere.
'Jay?' I was confused and then it clicked—the invisibility cloak, 'if you're wearing the cloak you know I can't see you, right?'
'Oh yeah,' Harry said, sounding sheepish and then a second later his head was revealed, floating a few feet away from me, 'I thought I'd test it out and check out the restricted section. Do you wanna come with?'
'Sure,' I agreed immediately, for a few reasons. I was curious about the restricted section myself, and the idea of using something that belonged to our dad made my heart squeeze in my chest.
We both fit under the cloak easily, though Harry had one hand sticking out of the front, holding up a lantern we'd grabbed on the way out. If anyone saw us, they would only see a hand bobbing along the corridors. In other words, it would have been a freaky sight. It didn't take us long to reach the library with the halls empty and no teachers around. It was strange being in the library without Madam Pince, but as we approached the restricted section all thoughts left my mind.
'Do you think what we're looking for is in here?' I wondered aloud, looking up at the ceiling high bookcases after Harry removed the cloak.
'I don't know. But it can't hurt to look,' Harry shrugged and grabbed a book at random.
I flinched when it landed on the table with a thud, though the screams that erupted from the book when it was opened was worse. I covered my ears while Harry slammed the book shut and put it back where it came from. The lantern landed with a shatter after my twin knocked it off in his haste to grab the cloak, and when it was wrapped around us we left without looking back. The scream the book had emitted was still echoing off the walls. We were just about to walk out of the library when Filtch walked in, a lantern of his own clenched in his left hand and his lip curled in a frightened sneer.
'Who's there?' He asked, his lip twitching, 'show yourself!'
I elbowed my twin lightly in the ribs and gestured for us to move around him. I took his hand in mine tightly as I guided us around the both terrified and angry teacher. Thankfully, we reached the corridor without an incident and after we'd moved far enough away from the library, we both breathed a sigh of relief.
'That was close,' Harry breathed.
I chuckled quietly, strangely exhilarated. My smile dropped as soon as we heard Filtch's voice though. Harry grabbed my arm and pulled me behind a suit of armor, clearly forgetting we were invisible underneath the cloak. Filtch must have known a short cut because he didn't come from behind us, but from in front of us.
'You asked me to come directly to you, Professor, if anyone was wondering around at night, and somebody's been in the library—the Restricted Section.' Filtch said, clearly out of breath.
'The restricted section?' Snape walked out from the corridor to the left to join Filtch; I heard Harry gasp softly but I just watched the interaction, 'well they can't be far, we'll catch them.'
They turned towards us and started heading in our direction. Harry took my elbow and started walking us backwards—the corridor was narrow and there was a chance they may walk into us. The cloak didn't stop us from being solid. I was watching the teachers and trusting my twin to lead us safely away. My breathing was short and sporadic—I felt like I was about to have a panic attack. I hadn't been in trouble for anything since we had come to Hogwarts and I had no idea what the protocol was for punishment here. I was sure that it wouldn't involve anything that would result in me being beaten—I knew that logically, but for whatever reason my body wasn't listening. Harry steered me through a door that had been left open, but I was struggling to concentrate. We fell against the wall in the room, listening to the footsteps fade away, while also trying to curb my panic attack.
'Bloody hell,' Harry breathed once the corridors had gone completely silent.
I was still having trouble getting my breathing back to normal.
'Harry—I can't—breathe,' I gasped, grabbing his forearm and squeezing.
'Hayley,' he said calmly—he was used to dealing with me in this state, 'it's okay. Take a deep breath. That's it; match your breathing to mine. In through your nose and out through your mouth.'
I followed his instructions, his calm voice helping and a few minutes later I was back to normal. I wiped the sheen of sweat that had appeared from my forehead and hugged my twin, resisting the urge to cry—it had been a while since I had a panic attack and I forgot how much I hated it. Harry held me for as long as I needed and I found myself grateful for my twin for the millionth time. Because of this it took us a few minutes to take in the details of the room we had escaped in to.
It was an abandoned classroom—at least that was what it looked like from the dust covering the desks and chairs that were piled against the walls. Although there was something out of place in the room, and after sharing a look with my twin I knew he had noticed it too. Hesitantly, we both made our way to the large mirror in the centre of the room. It was as large as the ceiling with an ornate gold frame and it was standing on two clawed feet. I was interested in the inscription on the top: Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi. My brain was working at a thousand miles a minute, trying to work out what it could mean, it didn't seem to be any kind of language and after a moment of observation I realized it was backwards. It was rather clever, actually, to have something written that could be read in a reflection.
I show not your face but your hearts desire.
'Ley!' Harry gasped.
I looked over to him and saw he had moved to stand in front of the mirror, and whatever he saw had caused him to go deathly pale.
'Harry?' I said, cautiously.
He pulled me to stand beside him and I felt my eyes fill with tears at what I saw. It was I, but I was older and standing with three children surrounding me. The oldest was a little boy with startling blonde hair and my eyes, and the other two appeared to be twins, a boy and a girl. The girl had my hair but it was thinner and much more fine and they eyes were a startling grey. The other boy had the same blonde hair as his older brother, but he had my freckles and again my eyes. What was most startling was the man who was standing with the older version of me. He had grey eyes in this light; they often looked blue to me around the school but I had recently noticed they shone grey whenever he felt strong emotion. All I could see in his eyes now was love for the family that surrounded him. His hair was a little longer than I was used to seeing it and a little scruffier but it suited him. He was smiling and it was nice to see laugh lines on his cheeks that suggested he was happy and from the looks of it, so was I.
'Can you see them?' Harry asked excitedly.
'See who?' I said, refusing to glance away from the mirror, it just looked so perfect.
I knew that this mirror didn't show the future, but our hearts truest desire and that stung a little, to know that this could never happen. But I couldn't believe who the man was.
Draco Malfoy.
Is that what I wanted? I wanted to be with him, marry him and have children with him? How could this mirror know something that I didn't even know myself? He was my best friend and I loved him but I couldn't imagine him being my boyfriend. We were eleven for Merlin's sake. I mean sometimes he made my heart flutter and when he left for the holidays I felt like a part of myself had left with him, but that was just a friend caring for a friend… wasn't it?
'What do you see?' I murmured, looking over to my brother for the first time.
'Our family,' he sounded emotional, 'mum, dad, you, our aunts, uncles, grandparents. They're all there, Ley.'
'I don't see them, Jay,' my eyes misted over and I fought a sob.
I had never seen my parents; I couldn't even remember what they looked like and now we had a mirror that could show me they were nowhere to be seen. I saw myself with a family. I knew that this mirror reflected our hearts desire, but I didn't want to think about what that could mean.
'You don't?' Harry frowned, looking from me back to the mirror, 'what do you see?'
'Myself, but older and I have a family.' I smiled a little at the reflection when I looked back to the mirror—the children had tackled Draco and I and we were now lying on the floor underneath them. We started to tickle them and everyone started laughing.
'I don't understand,' Harry said, sounding confused.
'Me neither,' because I didn't, why was my truest desire to have a family and not know the one I had missed?
We stood in front of that mirror until our feet hurt and then we sat, staring into the mirror. Eventually we reached a point where I was starting to doze off with my head against my twins shoulder.
'Ley,' Harry murmured gently causing me to jerk up off his shoulder, 'we should get back to the dormitory.'
I nodded sleepily and followed him blindly, not feeling awake enough to navigate the hallways myself. Before I knew it I was tucked up in Harry's bed and quickly falling asleep.
'I can't believe you didn't wake me,' Ron said, his mouth full of bacon.
I rolled my eyes but smiled, 'we didn't know we were going to end up there, Ron.'
'But still,' Ron insisted.
'You can come tonight, I'm going to go back.' Harry smiled. He had a strange gleam in his eye. It was almost… obsessive.
'I think I'll stay in the dorm,' I said a little sheepishly.
Since I had woken up that morning it had felt… weird whenever I remembered what I had seen in that mirror. It was almost… excitement and happiness but I pushed it away—I wasn't going to marry my best friend. That mirror did not show the future. That's what I kept telling myself, anyway, and going back to see the image all over again wouldn't help my denial.
'Why not?' Harry sounded astounded.
'I just don't want to go, okay,' I shrugged, waving my hand dismissively.
'Fine,' my twin frowned, thankfully dropping it.
I was sitting reading ahead in transfiguration when Harry and Ron came bursting back into the dormitory that night. Harry looked sad and Ron looked pumped on adrenaline.
'What happened?' I asked cautiously.
'Ron didn't see mum and dad either,' he shrugged, walking towards his room, 'and we had to leave before Filtch caught us.'
'Yeah Mrs Norris walked right in, and we didn't know if she could see us through the cloak or not, so we played it safe and left.' Ron said, sounding out of breath.
'That's probably safe.' I agreed, eyeing my brother with worry.
If they had to leave suddenly then that meant he hadn't had much time with the mirror. I was worried he was becoming obsessed, so when he asked if I wanted to come with him the next day I agreed, wanting to make sure he didn't get himself caught in his haste to see our family. I had to rush to keep up with him—he was determined to get to the room as quickly as possible and when we did he threw off the cloak and sat in front of the mirror in one swift movement. I kept my distance and leaned against the back wall, next to the door. Though when a voice spoke that didn't belong to me or my twin, I almost screamed.
'Three days in a row, Harry?' Dumbledore said softly to my twin before his eyes met mine, 'and I believe this is your second time here, Hayley.'
I nodded and I felt relieved when he smiled softly.
'I can see you are keeping your distance, so you must be aware of the dangers,' He commented, but I avoided his eye.
The danger wasn't what was keeping me away, but the feelings that the mirror had stirred. When I looked over to the headmaster, he had a knowing smile on his face and I didn't know if it was comforting or unnerving.
'I didn't see you there, sir,' Harry murmured, drawing the man's attention to him.
'It's strange how short sighted being invisible can make you.' He smiled.
Harry seemed to be relived at the sight. Dumbledore slid off the table he had been sitting on and gestured for me to join him and Harry on the floor. I kept my gaze from the mirror and on the headmaster.
'So,' Dumbledore mused, 'both of you, like hundreds before you have discovered the delights of the mirror of Erised.'
'I didn't know it was called that, sir.' Harry said.
'But I expect by now you've realized what it does?' Dumbledore asked, giving me a knowing look.
'Well, it shows me my family—,'
'And it showed your friend Ron himself as Head Boy. It showed Hayley grown up with a family of her own.'
'How did you know—,' I started to ask but was interrupted.
'I don't need a cloak to become invisible.' He said gently, 'now can you tell me what the mirror does.'
Harry shook his head, while I remained silent.
'Let me explain. The happiest man on earth would be able to look into this mirror, he would be able to look into it and see himself exactly as he is. Does that help?'
I looked over and saw the wheels turning behind Harry's eyes and decided that I would let him give the answer, seeing as he seemed so determined to figure it out.
'It shows us what we want… whatever we want…'
'Yes,' Dumbledore nodded before continuing, 'and no. It shows us nothing more or less than the deepest, most desperate desire of our hearts. You, who have never known your family, see them standing around you. Ronald Weasley, who has always been overshadowed by his brothers, sees himself standing alone, the best of all of them. Hayley, who has also never known her family sees herself with a family of her own, all of them happy with no worries in the world. However, this mirror will give us neither knowledge or truth. Men have wasted away before it, entranced by what they have seen, or been driven mad, not knowing if what it shows is real or even possible.' Dumbledore's voice remained gentle throughout his speech, but near the end he became grave.
'The mirror will be moved to a new home tomorrow, Harry, Hayley and I ask you not to go looking for it again. If you ever do run across it, you will now be prepared. It does not do well to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that. Now, why don't you both put that admirable Cloak back on and get off to bed?'
Harry stood first and offered me his hand, but hesitated before pulling the cloak over us.
'Sir—Professor Dumbledore? What do you see when you look into the Mirror?' Harry asked, and I looked over to the bearded wizard, curious about the answer.
'I? I see myself holding a pair of thick woolen socks.'
Harry stared while I bit my lip to keep a laugh at bay.
'One can never have enough socks.' Dumbledore said simply, before looking over to me, a kind twinkle in his eyes, 'thank you for the socks and sweets, Hayley. They are very comfortable and the beans bring back memories. Some of them fond, some not.'
'You're welcome, Professor,' I murmured, feeling myself flush in embarrassment.
Harry gave me a bewildered look before we headed back to the dorm, safely wrapped underneath the cloak. I clambered in to bed next to my brother, ignoring Ron's snores and dozing off into a dreamless sleep.
The days soon flew by without us taking nightly trips to find the mirror. I was grateful, because like Dumbledore said people often fell into madness in front of that mirror, and I didn't want to lose my brother because of it. With all talk of the mirror over, I was able to push what I had seen to the back of my mind, and when the first of January arrived I was more nervous than I could put into words. We had been talking over letters as usual after he had asked that we talk about his views when he returned to school. I had also been keeping in touch with Hermione, Pansy and Blaise. They were returning on the 4th as term started up again on the 5th, and the all seemed to be doing well, though were anxious to be back at school. Apparently with the novelty of Christmas wearing off, they were all bored.
'What's wrong?' Harry asked from my right, nudging my shoulder with his own.
'Nothing,' I said lightly, knowing that my twin didn't understand my friendship with the Slytherin.
'Ley,' his tone was empathetic and after I made sure Ron was completely preoccupied with his food I answered him.
'Draco's coming back today.' I shrugged, ignoring the butterflies in my stomach that were a mixture of excited and scared.
'Isn't that a good thing?' Harry was confused.
'Yes, it's just…' I sent a nervous glance around the room before whispering, 'I asked him about how he used to hate muggleborns, and if he still feels that way. If he doesn't I want to know why his views changed so quickly and if they haven't…'
'You're worried that it will end your friendship,' Harry nodded in understanding, winding his arm around my shoulders. I rested my head on his shoulder.
'He said he wanted to talk about it in person. I guess I'm nervous as well as excited to see him.' I murmured, knowing he would be able to hear me.
'It'll work out how it's supposed to, Ley. And no matter what, you know you still have me and Ron and Hermione.' His voice was firm—he was clearly determined to make sure I knew that.
'I know.' I leaned back to smile at him before squeezing his hand, 'I love you Jay.'
'I love you too, Ley.' He smiled too and then we both went back to our breakfast as if nothing had happened.
Now I had discussed what was bothering me, I was actually able to work up an appetite and eat something; I went for scrambled eggs on toast and when I was finished I left Ron and Harry with a goodbye and smile to meet Draco. He was supposed to be arriving at 7:30 and it was 7:28. Merlin's beard I was so nervous… and excited. I didn't know what to do with myself. My mind flashed back to what I saw in that damned mirror and I realized why I was so nervous; if Draco's views hadn't changed then we wouldn't be able to have that. I shook my head in annoyance.
That mirror doesn't tell the future. Draco is your friend. Your best friend. You do not want to marry him or have children with him. I was thinking this to myself, frantically making hand gestures as I spoke when a hand on my arm snapped me out of my thoughts. As soon as I saw who it was the nerves left me and a huge smile grew on my face. I saw his expression transform into one of shock when I launched myself at him, but I was just too happy to do anything other than hug him.
'I missed you,' I mumbled, so quietly that I wondered if he had actually heard me.
'I missed you too,' he said, sounding almost surprised by his own admission.
I don't know how long we were stood there for, but eventually we pulled apart and I started to walk with him to the Slytherin common room, my arm linked with his.
'Did you finish reading ahead in potions?' I asked after we'd entered the dorm and walked towards his room.
'I did and I agree about the confusing concoction potion. We'll definitely be able to do it.' He smirked confidently, making me shake my head fondly.
'How was your Christmas? Really?' I asked, sitting on his bed as he started to re-arrange things in his trunk.
'It was… boring mostly. If I hadn't used the time to practice Quidditch I probably would have gone mad.' He said, his expression giving no emotions away but I knew he was being sincere.
'Well you're back now so don't fear, you have me to entertain you until Blaise and Pansy come back. I'm sure they'll be able to do a much better job than me.' I chuckled, tucking my hair behind my ear.
'Don't sell yourself short, Princess.' Draco said, his eyes assuring.
I tucked my hair behind my ear again after it fell out and willed myself not to blush. This was ridiculous. Before he left for break he was my best friend and then that damn mirror went and messed everything up. I did not have a crush on Draco.
'You're quiet.' He commented, coming to sit next to me on his bed, 'we need to talk.'
'Yeah, we do.' I smiled nervously.
'You're right to ask me about my attitude towards muggleborns and honestly…' I held my breath after he trailed off, afraid of what his next words were going to be, 'my whole life my parents have been installing this opinion in my mind, that anyone who isn't a pureblood is inferior, and muggleborns are unnatural abominations. And until I came to Hogwarts, until we got so close, I honestly believed it.'
'And now?' I asked softly, wringing my hands together in my lap.
'Ever since I met you, you've proved everything that my father ever said was wrong. You're in Gryffindor and you're as cunning as a Slytherin, you're a half-blood and you're at the top of all your classes with Granger, a muggleborn, right behind you. You don't care about what houses people are in, you don't believe in all of the silly prejudices I've had installed in my mind since I could walk. You opened my eyes, Hayley.'
'I-I did?' I stuttered, amazed that I could inspire such a drastic change in someone.
'Yes, you did.' He offered me a half smile, 'and not just me—Pansy, Blaise and Theo feel the same way. Though none of us dare to tell our parents, the consequences would be dire.'
'I understand,' I returned his smile, relief and happiness bubbling up in my belly.
I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly; I was so happy that I wasn't losing my best friend. After a moment's hesitation, Draco hugged me back. Eventually we pulled apart and I offered him a bright smile.
'It's good to have you back,' I told him honestly, my smile widening when I noticed his abashed expression.
Here's chapter nine for you! I hope you liked it—I really enjoyed writing this one as I thought that Draco's change in views was something that needed to be addressed. I hope I did it justice and that it seemed believable. Please review and tell me what you think lovelies!
