Chapter 9
Jedi Temple
Anakin stood at the foot of the enormous staircase that lead into the Temple. He thought he was ready to do this, but now he wasn't so sure.
"Come on," Obi-Wan said. "You can do this, Anakin. You must do this."
Anakin looked at Obi-Wan. "I don't know if I can," he said. "It's too hard," he said as memories of that terrible night assailed him.
Obi-Wan could see how much difficulty Anakin was in; and yet, this was something that he could not help Anakin with. In order to come to terms with the past, he needed to face the past. Anakin knew this, there was no need for Obi-Wan to tell him. Instead he just waited by Anakin's side, ready to support him in this important step in his redemption.
Anakin took a deep breath, and, giving Obi-Wan a quick glance, started up the stairs. Obi-Wan followed him, ready to support him.
"Almost there," Obi-Wan said as they neared the top of the staircase.
Anakin nodded, forcing himself to keep going. Almost there…almost there…
Finally he reached the top of the stairs, and stopped. He turned to Obi-Wan.
"You made it," Obi-Wan said. "Now let's go inside."
Anakin took a deep breath, preparing himself for what was sure to be the most difficult part. Would the ghosts of the Jedi he slew be there waiting to accuse him? Would he hear their screams echoing throughout the great, empty corridors?
"Anakin?" Obi-Wan said. "Ready?"
"Yes," Anakin said. "Let's go inside."
Anakin pushed open the heavy door, which creaked as it had been untouched for four years. Stepping inside, Anakin took a moment to calm his nerves as he stood in the huge foyer. It was dark, but within a moment the lights activated.
"Oh my God," Anakin murmured, tears filling his eyes as he beheld the once grand corridors now littered with rubbish. Cobwebs hung from the ceiling, broken glass from the light fixtures was strewn over the marble floors. "What has happened here?"
"Palpatine," Obi-Wan said, the word bitter in his mouth. "He did nothing to protect this place. I wouldn't be surprised if he sent his own minions to do this."
Anakin frowned. "This is terrible," he said.
"Let's keep looking," Obi-Wan said.
Anakin and Obi-Wan continued on their way, finding most of the temple in the same shape as the entrance. Anger filled them as they walked in silence, outrage at the desecration. I allowed this to happen as surely as Palpatine, Anakin reflected grimly. This is my fault…
"This never would have happened if it weren't for me," Anakin said, looking around. He looked at Obi-Wan. "What have I done?" he asked. "How could I, Obi-Wan? How could I have turned on my brothers like I did? How did I slaughter them like I did?"
Obi-Wan had no answers, for he had asked himself those same questions many times over the past four years. "I don't know," he said. "You're the only one who can answer those questions, Anakin."
Anakin shook his head. "I don't have the answers," he said. "I wish I did, maybe this wouldn't hurt as badly as it does."
"You need to let it hurt, Anakin," Obi-Wan said. "If you are ever to come to terms with what you did, you have to feel the pain that you inflicted here. You need to suffer the way those who died here suffered at your hands." He hesitated, not wanting to put his friend through any more, but knowing their visit was far from over. "The council chamber," he said.
Anakin looked at him, the pain in his eyes clear. "No," he said, his voice barely audible. "Please, not that."
Obi-Wan nodded. "You must," he said.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What are we going to do? Anakin could see the faces of the younglings he murdered as they stepped into the council chamber. It was the last straw for him, and he fell to his knees and wept.
Skywalker estate
Luke and Leia sat at the kitchen table with their mother enjoying a glass of milk and the newly baked cookies. Suddenly the twins looked at each other with wide eyes, each of them sensing the agony their father was going through.
"Luke? Leia?" Padmé asked, the sudden change in their demeanour alarming her. "What is it? What's wrong?"
The twins said nothing, but they both burst into tears. Padmé was alarmed and jumped from her chair to go to them.
"Why are you crying?" she asked, wrapping her arms round them. "What is wrong?"
"It's Daddy!" Leia cried.
"What do you mean?" Padmé asked. "What's wrong with him?"
The twins were too young and immature to be able to verbalize what it was they sensed. All they knew was that their father was hurting deeply. They understood that, but were unsure how to make their mother understand.
"He hurts, Mommy," Luke said. "He hurts a lot."
Padmé wasn't sure what to think. Was he injured? Would the twins be able to tell that at their young age? Or was it something else, something less tangible that they felt?
"I'm sure he'll be fine," Padmé said, not knowing what else to say at this point. "Your father is a big strong man, after all. Don't worry," she said, wishing her words were more adequate.
But the twins were not consoled by her words, and all she could do was hug them close and hope that whatever was upsetting them so badly would pass quickly.
Jedi Temple
Anakin stood up shakily, forcing himself to face the room and the memories it held. Obi-Wan watched him closely, and then left the room for a moment. He returned shortly, with Yoda at his side.
"Master Yoda?" Anakin said, surprised to see the ancient Jedi Master.
Yoda nodded, looking up at Anakin with discerning eyes. "Returned you have, Anakin," he said. "The Chosen One you are."
Anakin shook his head. "How can I be the Chosen One?" he asked. "I destroyed the Jedi," he said. "I caused so much pain, so much destruction! You're wrong, Master Yoda. I'm not the Chosen One."
"Destroyed the Sith, you have," Yoda said. "Fulfilled the prophecy, you have. And now, rebuild the Order you will."
Obi-Wan nodded in agreement. "We have managed to locate more than two dozen Jedi and several Force sensitives who survived the purges," he said. "We have invited them to come here. But now that I see the place, we have some work to do before we can restart the order."
Anakin nodded, still not convinced he should have any part in rebuilding the order he helped destroy. "I want to do that," he said. "I need to do that," he said. "As far as rebuilding the order, I leave that to you," he said. "I'm not worthy to be called Jedi anymore."
Yoda and Obi-Wan exchanged a look of concern.
"Anakin, you must help," Obi-Wan said. "Your children are the future, and we need you to help us train them."
"More children we must have," Yoda said. "Families we will allow. It is the only way to ensure the future of the order. More children you must have, Anakin."
Anakin frowned. "I would love more children," he said. "But I am no longer married, Master Yoda. Padmé ended our marriage."
"Other women there are, Anakin," Yoda said. "Find one you must. Help you we will."
Anakin was too shocked to say anything, and looked at Obi-Wan who had a hint of a smile on his face. "Find one for Obi-Wan too," he said. "Like you said, the order needs families."
Yoda nodded as he looked up at Obi-Wan, whose face bore an expression of irritation at Anakin's suggestion.
"Come," Yoda said. "To Obi-Wan's home let us go. Much planning we have to do."
Yoda led the two men out of the chamber. Anakin and Obi-Wan followed. For Anakin, it was a relief to leave the chamber. But he felt as though he'd won a significant victory, one he would build on going forward. Another wife? Anakin thought as they flew in his speeder to 500 Republica Boulevard. Another wife? Anakin reflected. Do they really think I could love another woman? Have children with another woman? And yet, Padmé did not want him, she'd made that abundantly clear. I wonder if she'd feel differently if there was another woman in the picture, he mused. She doesn't need to know that I have no intention of marrying anyone but her…this might make things interesting…
It was dark outside when Anakin finally arrived back at the estate. Luke and Leia greeted him at the door, each of them clamoring for his attention. It seemed to Anakin that they were agitated for some reason.
"What's going on?" Anakin asked as Padmé entered the foyer.
"I was about to ask you that same question," she said. "They have been on edge all day. They said you were hurt. Did something happen?"
Anakin looked down at his children, astonished that they had sensed his pain. "Well, not physically," he said, crouching down to face the twins. "You felt what I was feeling, didn't you?" He asked them.
Luke and Leia nodded. "I was scared, Daddy," Leia said. "I don't want anything bad to happen to you," she said, throwing her arms around his neck. Luke grabbed a hold of Anakin's arm and pressed his face close. Anakin was shocked by their insight. He looked up at Padmé, who frowned with concern.
"Would you please tell me what all this is about?" She asked.
"They felt my emotions," Anakin told her, wrapping protective arms around Luke and Leia. "They knew that I was suffering and it upset them."
Padmé wasn't surprised. There had been occasions when each of the twins had sensed her emotions, even when they were babies. They always seemed to know when she was upset or sad.
"Well Daddy is fine now, see?" She said to the twins. "Let him go so he can have some supper. You two need to go upstairs for bed now."
"I'll take them up," Anakin said, standing up with a twin in each arm. "I haven't seen much of them today. And after the day I've had, I could use some time with my babies."
Padmé didn't question him, and reasoned that the trip to the Jedi temple must have been very arduous for him. She watched him go up the stairs with the twins, admiring how dedicated his was to them. He's a natural father, she reflected. What a shame Luke and Leia will be the only children we'll ever have.
After Anakin had tucked Luke and Leia into their respective beds, he headed downstairs to have supper. He was surprised to see Padmé sitting at the table with a cup of tea.
"Mind if I join you?" He asked, plate in hand.
"Please," she said. "I want to know how things went today."
Anakin frowned. "I'm not sure you do," he said, sitting down.
"That bad?"
Anakin nodded. "Yes, that bad," he said. "And surprising too, in a way," he said. "Master Yoda was there, and he's decided that going forward Jedi will be permitted to have families."
"Well imagine that," she said. "What took him so long to see the merit in that?"
"Tradition," Anakin said. "You know what sticklers for tradition the Jedi are." He ate his meal, wondering how to tell Padmé his next bit of news. "He thinks I need to have more children," he said, glancing up at her to see her reaction. It was immediate and quite strong.
"Does he now?" She said.
Anakin nodded. "I told him we weren't married anymore," he said.
"Good."
"So he said he would find me another wife," Anakin said.
Padmé said nothing, for she had no words to convey how that made her feel. "And what did you tell him?" she asked, trying her best to sound blasé.
Anakin shrugged his shoulders. "Didn't say much at all, actually," he said. "But the way I see it, I'm fortunate that Yoda and Obi-Wan are willing to let me help them rebuild the Order. I'm not about to start questioning them. I made that mistake before. I won't do that again."
"I see," Padmé said. Her emotions were confusing her, and that bothered her. Why should I care if he remarries? She thought. It's not like I want him…she thought, watching him as he ate. It's not like I love him…
"Well I'm going to bed," she said, standing up rather suddenly.
Anakin looked up at her, pretending that he didn't notice she'd spilled her tea in her haste. "Goodnight," he said, then returned to his meal.
