Lima, Ohio

Santana realized that there was a lot to being an adult, that it was more than the number of years one had been on earth, but she felt it was safe to say she was one. Yet whenever she was around her mother, somehow she couldn't pass the teenage marker.

"And don't forget to pack an overnight bag in case she goes into labor." Carla said, it was about her hundredth 'helpful' tip in the ten minutes she had actually been in the house.

"Mom this is my third child, I know what I'm doing." She growled.

"Oh listen to little Tana, she has a couple of children and suddenly mom is in the way. You weren't so quick to dismiss my advice when Brittany went into labor with Violet."

Santana slapped a hand on her face and dragged it down, "Mom that was years ago and after Ella I think I pretty much got it under control. We are just going out for while, we'll be back in a few hours, if anything happens I know how to get to the hospital. Besides the baby isn't due for three more weeks." She said trying to hurry and finish packing the last of the necessities for the trip.

"The baby isn't due for three weeks she says! Look who's talking! You came strolling out a whole month and a half early and have been giving me lip ever since that day."

Dramatics were her mother's strong suit and the only thing worse than Carla on a rant was Carla on a rant with an audience.

"Did you really come early momma?" Violet asked.

Santana squeezed her eyes shut and sighed heavily, And here is the audience.

"Yes, mija she was an early baby and the doctors said she was under developed, but they must not have meant her lungs because she could scream like a banshee, and she did it all day every day until we took her home."

"Was I an early baby?" Ella asked having appeared from the living room at all the commotion in the kitchen.

Santana packed faster, this could only get worse with more children in the room, "Neither of you were early." She answered over her shoulder as she began to put away all the dishes and condiments she no longer needed.

"Did I scream a lot when I was born?" Violet asked.

"Nope, quiet as a mouse. Alright I'm off guys, love you." She said leaning in for a quick kiss to both her daughters.

Ella waved, "Bye Santana, I mean…" her voice trailed into embarrassed obscurity and Violet gave her a bewildered look as if she could not possibly grasp what Ella's issue was.

Santana paused and pulled her close in a one armed hug, "It's okay sweetie I know what you meant." She whispered to the girl. Ella nodded still looking frustrated with herself.

She stood and collected the large container she had been filling from the table, "Everyone wished mom a happy anniversary right?"

"Yup!" Violet chirped.

Ella nodded again as if she didn't trust herself to answer verbally.

Her mother helpfully grabbed Santana's purse and keys and placed them on the large container before she said, "You should bring a hot water bottle, her back will get sore if she has to sit up too long."

"Mom! I got it!"

Carla raised her hands in defeat, "Alright, go enjoy your date I have the girls. Happy anniversary."

"Thank you." She sighed and gave her mother a quick hug and a kiss and dashed out the door before she could be told to do anything else she didn't need to know.

Brittany was already in the car waiting when Santana loaded her cargo in the trunk and hopped in the driver's seat.

"You really aren't going to tell me where we are going are you?"

"Nope." She grinned at the pout that answer earned her, "You'll love it though, I promise."

"It's not somewhere public is it? Because you know how I feel about crowds right now."

"Yes I know. No it isn't public, and even if it was you would have nothing to be ashamed of because you are just as beautiful as the day I met you."

"Maybe, but about a hundred pounds heavier."

"Oh stop it. You're just fishing for compliments now because you know I'm right."

Brittany had to smile at the flattery, "If you say so."

"I do so that's final."

They reached a red light and Brittany waited a whole three seconds before she said, "Please tell me where we are going."

Santana turned to her and leaned over the center console to give her a gentle kiss, after she looked deep into her wife's sapphire eyes, "Nope it's a surprise."

That earned her a slap on the arm, "You're a jerk!"

At that she just laughed and waited on the light to take them to their destination.

It took almost a half hour, they had to stop twice for Brittany to use a restroom, and by the time they got close the blonde was almost asleep in her seat, but when she saw the trees begin to surround the car her face lit up in recognition.

"We aren't… Santana this is… how did you even find it again?"

She shrugged, "An anniversary miracle?"


Brittany groaned as Santana pressed up against her in the darkened stairway of Puck's basement. The party raging just above their heads swallowing all the sounds they were making. The brunette trailed bruising kisses from the blonde's neck to her collarbone and upon meeting the barrier of her tank top began to remove it only to have two strong hands still her.

"We can't Santana." Brittany said, her face deadly serious.

"What? Wheels is okay with some spare hickeys as long as they're above the neckline?"

"You know that wasn't all you were going to do."

Santana sighed and leaned back, a scowl on her face, "So? Britt it isn't the first time we've done this."

"I know and I don't want to anymore."

There was a long moment when all that could be heard was the pounding music from the floor above, "What?"

"I told you sex is better with feelings, but you never have any when we are together and I don't want to keep sneaking around with you if you don't even care."

Her mouth fell open, "Wha… Brittany I told you my fucking feelings and you threw them back in my face!"

"I did not! I told you I love you too."

At the word love, Santana's eyes dropped to the floor, "Whatever, we both shared stuff and you still went home with Christopher Reeve."

Brittany frowned, "I broke up with Chris in middle school."

"No..he's a… nevermind, the point is you are the one who brings up how great feelings are and when I open up to you, you just look at all I have to give and go 'Oh that's nice' and shuffle off to fuck a kid who can only fuck you back if you tie a pulley system to his pelvis. So excuse me if I'm a little confused by your irritation at my lack of emotion!" she snapped angrily, "It was a mistake to say anything in the first place we worked better the way we were before all the feeling shit got involved."

A frown creased Brittany's face as she went deep in thought, her point wasn't coming across as she'd meant it and she needed to be understood, "I think that if you love me then you love me and if you're having sex with me you should be able to show it."

"So you want me to open up to you again so you can watch me squirm?" she scoffed.

"I want you to show me all the love you say you have for me. Artie shows me how much he loves me all the time, you mainly say hurtful things if I start talking about us being together." She stated, her face not betraying how she felt about that.

"I do stuff for you all the time!"

"You're nice to me and I know not everyone gets that from you, but I also know that isn't you showing the love you talked about at the lockers."

She couldn't argue that so she looked at her shoes, "Britt me showing you how I feel, that's totally different from Artie. It's okay if he does it, everyone expects him to kiss you and hold your hand. If I did it…"

"I'm not even talking about in public, I'm talking about you making love to me."

The dark face became several shades paler, "Uh… wait what?"

"I'm not talking about sex where you don't look at me and then tell me not to get any funny ideas afterwards. Why should I keep doing that with you when at least Artie acknowledges me after."

Brittany had called her out big time and she had no intelligent response, "I… we… Britt…" she laughed nervously, but the blonde stared steadily at her unwilling to offer her an out, "We could get caught." She said lamely.

Blue eyes narrowed, "Caught? You're afraid of getting caught making love to me but not having sex with me in Puck's basement?"

"Yes?" she said realizing how stupid her line of reasoning was.

"Fine." Brittany said straightening her shirt and walking back up the stairs.

Watching her walk away she knew if she let her go out the door she was going to lose her for good, and that thought prompted her to speak, "Britt wait!" The other girl turned slowly her eyebrows raised, "If we were somewhere private, like super extra private I could… I mean I think I could…"

Brittany didn't respond but reached her hand out for Santana to take. When they emerged from the basement they saw the party had escalated since they had left. There were so many people so tightly packed she didn't even have the space to see if she knew any of them. It made no difference since Brittany was tugging them steadily to the back door. Seeing the open air outside, Santana felt a cold fear creep over her and tugged Brittany's arm giving her the 'Just a moment' signal before she dashed into the kitchen and downed five Vodka shots back to back before she returned to Brittany's side and took charge, pulling her towards the door and out into the cool late night air. She clambered into the driver's side of her Cadillac, a last ditch effort from her father to gain her favor before her parent's divorce, and waited stoically for Brittany to buckle herself in.

The moment she heard the telltale click she shifted the car into drive and took off in the direction she was fairly certain led to where she wanted to go.

She knew of a place deep in the woods that was a winter retreat for some family rich enough to afford that sort of thing, it would be easy enough to break in and do the deed. However even though her driving was passable, her sense of direction was not and she had to slam on the breaks as her car almost went sailing over a cliff face.

Heart thudding wildly she leapt out of the car and tried to figure out how in the hell they had gotten to the dead center of nowhere. Before them was a sheer drop and behind was the narrow path she had somehow driven up.

Brittany stepped out after her and looked up, her breath catching in her throat, "You can see all the stars from here." She said looking up at them in awe.

"Ehrm… yeah." Santana said looking around for some hint that she was at least a little on track.

As she looked around she felt a soft warmth engulf her as Brittany came up behind her and wrapped her arms around her waist, "You know with the stars and the moonlight this is actually pretty romantic." She said against her ear.

Santana shivered and felt herself starting to panic again despite the liquor that was pumping through her, "Yeah, it's nice."

"Do you have a blanket or something?"

She shrugged and slowly walked over to the car to buy more time, she made a show of climbing in the front seat to reach the trunk opening lever, even though her keys were still in her hand, and walked slowly to the back of the vehicle hoping there was no such item there so she would have an excuse to call the whole thing off. But of course when she opened it there was a large soft blanket folded neatly in the trunk, an item ironically left from the last time she and Puck were together. They had planned ahead of time to skip third period and have sex under the bleachers on the football field, they never made it to the field or third period for that matter. The blanket had lay in her trunk forgotten until now.

Well fuck.

Brittany joined her and upon seeing it smiled at Santana sweetly, took it and spread it out on the most level patch of ground she could find. Then she stood still, clearly waiting for Santana to make the next move.

"So you really want to do this here?" she asked praying for a way out of this situation.

"No I would rather be at my house or yours, or even in Puck's basement but you need complete and utter secrecy so fine. This is far away from people and it is pretty out tonight, so it'll do." She said obviously tired of the attempts to stall.

Santana moved towards Brittany not knowing what to do. How did one start a love making session? She had no idea, but she did know Brittany needed something from her that she needed to deliver or she would watch Artie wheel away with her girl.

Taking a deep breath and wishing she had more Vodka, Santana moved forward swiftly before she lost her nerve and kissed Brittany. It was hard, rushed and possibly painful, she couldn't tell, her lips were numb, it went on like that until Brittany pushed her back. For a moment she thought she had ruined her chance but the other girl placed a calming hand on her chest and leaned forward reconnecting them with a soft slow kiss that made Santana's blood run fire hot and her knees want to give out on her. She desperately wrapped her arms around Brittany's neck and held on for dear life as the kiss deepened and took her ability to stand on her own.

When they broke apart both girls were panting from the force of it. Knowing she wouldn't be able to withstand another kiss like that and still stand, she pulled Brittany down with her onto the blanket. Santana purposefully left her on top because Brittany wanted her emotions, she wanted her bare and laid open and that was what she would get.

They kissed again, this time deeper than before and as she suspected she would never have stayed on her feet for this one. It took away all her air and pushed it back in a rush, even in the cool night air she could feel sweat beading up on her forehead from the heat their bodies were generating. They kissed until Santana was a puddle on the ground and Brittany was hardly any better above her, it was surprising to the brunette that she was so affected by everything when they hadn't even gotten their clothes off yet. Something that Santana moved to rectify, she pushed her hands underneath Brittany's shirt and tried to lift it but was stopped again.

"I don't want sex Santana." She said softly.

Pulling her hands away she stared unblinking at the small space between them, "If I'm not mistaken I need to take your clothes off to do this." She joked to try and disguise her nervousness.

"You need to look at me."

She lifted her gaze to meet soft blue eyes, "So the difference between sex and love making is eye contact?" another deflecting joke that managed to make neither of them laugh or alleviate any of the nervousness she was feeling.

"No." Brittany said softly brushing black hair from her lover's face, "It's how you feel when you look at me."

Santana had no reply for that, so instead she held Brittany's gaze as she moved her hands under her shirt and when a soft sigh escaped the blonde's lips Santana couldn't contain the gasp that escaped hers. Feeling she had thoroughly underestimated how vulnerable this experience would leave her, she removed Brittany's shirt quickly keeping eye contact to prevent another halt to her progress. She did the same for her dangerously short skirt and tried to tear her own clothes off but was again stopped as it was clear Brittany wanted that pleasure for herself. Santana watched those brilliant blues as her shorts and shirt were removed with painstaking care, by the time she was down to her underwear she was shaking in arousal and anticipation.

Brittany pressed their bodies together their eyes never breaking their hold, "How do you feel?" she asked gently.

Santana had to fight not to look away, "You can't tell?"

She grinned at that, "Of course I can, but I think you might need to hear it more than I do."

"I love you." She choked out, the words sounded like a cough rather than a sentence, but both girls understood it, "I love you so much."

"And I love you."

"And you love Artie." She said holding the other woman's gaze with a determination she had never known she had.

"I do." She said, "But I'm here with you."

Suddenly here, now looking into Brittany's eyes as she said that, Santana understood that was more than a notion. Brittany was here with her in the woods giving her a chance to prove herself, even though the chance had to be practically wrestled into her arms. Meanwhile Artie was back at Puck's party either wondering where his girlfriend was or foolishly not wondering where his girlfriend was.

Understanding that she was able to lean forward and give Brittany a kiss that was full of the things she could never seem to get her mouth to say. It was a kiss to tell how deep her love ran, how it was all consuming and how much that scared her. Tears formed in her eyes as she was able to finally find a way to let Brittany know that she wasn't ashamed of her, that she wasn't ashamed of their love, she was just a coward and wanted nothing more in the world than to change that.

Brittany sent her unspoken words of comfort and understanding, she accepted every apology and plea in that silent and everlasting kiss before she deftly removed the remaining barriers between them. Santana almost yelped from the feeling of Brittany sliding her heated center over her own and then as she got lost in the most beautiful eyes she had ever known she was able to understand. Making love to her wasn't about looking in her eyes or some sort of ritual before regular sex occurred, it was making a connection between them. It was about understanding each other and communicating all the things words couldn't. Eye contact wasn't even necessary, but she understood it was easiest because the eyes were the window to the soul, and when that thought hit her she wondered when the girl who had so much trouble writing her own name in seventh grade that she wore her own pencil down to nothing trying had become so much smarter than her.

Santana let Brittany set their pace and as they were locked together and moving in the most intimate way she realized how damning this was, how deeply she had just allowed herself to sink into this trap. There was no way she could go back to watching Artie paw all over her, there was just no way…

"I'm here." Brittany panted as if in response to all of Santana's inner thoughts and with those words they vanished and all that existed was the endless pools above her and the growing sensation between her legs that threatened to break her apart.

"Are you?" she asked and to her intense irritation she was crying.

"Yes." It was a simple answer, but she could easily see how true it was and how deeply she meant it.

Santana felt herself slipping over the edge and grabbed Brittany's biceps to steady herself, "I don't want to share you." She said in a panicked rushed voice, trying to get out what she wanted to say before her orgasm ripped it and all her newfound courage away, "I want you to only love me because I only love you. You're the only person I know how to love and without you I am truly alone."

There was something there in Brittany's eyes, something that would have told her everything she needed to know, but at that moment her whole body convulsed and her eyes instinctually closed, leaving her trembling, gasping and writhing in pleasure all while feeling like the world's biggest ass for spilling her guts like she had. But even as Brittany reached her climax and they both lay on the blanket panting heavily in the dark quiet moonlit forest she didn't take it back.

They lay there for a while with the blanket folded over them and napped until they had the energy to collect their clothing. When they were both mostly dressed and Brittany was done picking leaves out of her bra Santana walked over to her car and leaned on the door facing her but her eyes trained firmly on the ground.

"So what now?" she asked shifting her gaze to inspect her nails.

"I don't know, that's up to you I guess."

"Up to… Brittany what the hell was all that about? Why the fuck do you keep asking me to open up if you're only going to shoot me straight in the heart when I do?"

She frowned, "Santana if I weren't with Artie would you be able to be my girlfriend? For real, like publically for real? And I don't mean tomorrow I mean ever. Do you ever see yourself telling everyone about us and not feeling afraid?"

"Well you are still dating Artie so I guess you'll never know. You keep on making me take these huge leaps forward, you keep asking more and more from me and meanwhile you have to take no risks! I have done nothing but put myself under your boot only to get stomped! No you don't get any assurances!"

"Santana I have never stomped on you! You don't get things your way and you get angry but I have never been the jerk you are saying I am! I seem to remember you using me as a body warmer when Puck was in juvie."

"It wasn't about that and you know it!"

"You're right I do know and I also know I have never been as cold to you as you were to me, but I've always loved you regardless."

Santana knew she was right, Brittany was always right and it made her furious because she really did feel she should be winning this argument, "You want to know if I'll ever be strong enough to date you? Break up with Wheels first then try me, take a risk and see how it turns out." she snapped turning to climb in her car.

The car door slammed shut leaving Brittany alone outside the car staring hard at the girl currently fuming within. With a sigh she gathered up the blanket and slid into the passenger's seat.

On the ride back they didn't say a word to each other, the car was silent but that silence blared in both their ears until Santana pulled to a stop in front of Brittany's house.

She turned to Santana to find her staring fixedly on the road ahead, "I want to be with you, but I can't be your secret for the rest of my life." She said quietly.

Santana turned and looked at her, their eyes meeting for the first time since the they had woken, "You wouldn't be, if I were with you I would have to tell everyone. They'd figure it out eventually anyway."

"And if you aren't ready, if you can't bring yourself to be that person, then what?"

She shrugged, "I don't know how to function without you." A laugh escaped her, but there was no humor in it.

"I wouldn't stop being your friend if you didn't date me."

Santana was quiet, she was trying to picture the rest of her life watching Brittany live and love in someone else's arms and it was making her sick.

"What does it matter Brittany? We are playing the 'what if' game, but you're set on dating Stubbles and senior year is almost over, we're all going to go our separate ways soon and we won't even remember each other's name."

"I'll never forget your name and I know you won't forget mine." She said dismissively as if the mere idea were too ridiculous to give further thought, "We'll always be friends."

The car was silent again and Brittany opened the door to go, but Santana stopped her with a hand on her wrist and of course the damn tears were back, "Why won't you take a chance on me?"

Brittany leaned back in the car, "If I did do you even have the slightest idea what you would say?"

She wanted to say yes, she wanted to sound sure and be confidant like she had it all worked out, but honestly the way she constantly swung back and forth between hiding in the darkest corner of her little gay closet and being ready to rip her hair out with need of the only person who made her feel like she was worth anything she had no idea, "No."

"I didn't think so." She turned to leave again but this time Santana scrambled across the console and turned her face for a kiss that put every one before it to shame.

"I love you. I may not know anything else, but I know I love you." She said and then, finally, she allowed the blonde to leave her car.


Once they entered the woods they ended up at the exact spot Santana had been looking for, even now years later the divots in the dirt were still present from when she had slammed on her breaks. She climbed out of the car and collected the large plastic container and the same blanket from so long ago now worn and faded with age.

She set up the blanket in the exact same place and set the food down before returning to the car to help Brittany out and to the prepared spot. "I wish you still had the Cadillac." She joked as Santana helped her to the ground.

"Meh, we didn't need it."

They had sold it to make the down payment on their house and had never bothered to replace it, opting instead to get two far more fuel efficient cars.

She sat behind Brittany making her front flush with her back as she lazily unpacked their food relishing in the feel of the woman in front of her.

"Seriously how did you find this place again?" she said and from her voice Santana knew she was smiling broadly.

"Easy, I never forgot it. I came back the night before prom and sat here for hours trying to work out what I should do. I ended up thinking that I should ditch everything and run away because there was no way you were going to break up with Artie."

"You can be so slow sometimes." She laughed, "There was a moment where I did think you were really going to run away from me."

"I thought about it." She said resting her head on Brittany's shoulder.

"Why didn't you?"

"At the last minute I decided that I was more afraid of being alone because when I imagined a future without you I didn't see anything worth having."

Brittany gave her hand a squeeze and they ate in silence for a while just enjoying one another's presence and eating the prepared food.

"Have you thought of any more baby names?" Santana asked when she had finished her sandwich.

Brittany nodded, "I think if it's a boy we should go with Fievel."

Santana tried to fight the smile that erupted at that suggestion and failed, "Skipping over how that is a Russian-Jewish cartoon mouse I think it will be really weird to have Violet, Ella and Fievel."

"Hmm, okay what about Mickey?"

"Babe you're getting fixated on cartoons."

"But it's hard not to think of names that aren't on tv, and all the ones in the baby book are boring."

"What about Zeke? I'm pretty sure some cartoon has that name and it's different. Plus his nickname could be Z, which is pretty cool."

Brittany thought this over, "Okay Zeke sounds good, but I reserve the right to change my mind."

Santana kissed her shoulder, "'Course, and are we still settled on Simone for a girl?"

"I guess, but I was thinking Bianca might be better."

"Your thing for this baby is cartoon mice isn't it?" she giggled.

"Not on purpose, but it's a good name right?"

"Yeah, I like it. Okay so Zeke for a boy and Simone or Bianca for a girl."

Brittany nodded, "Yes."

Santana reached around and ran her hand along the protrusion in her wife's stomach and was rewarded with a small kick.

Brittany jumped slightly at the sensation and Santana smiled, "I think he or she likes those names."

"I think he or she just likes you."

Grinning, she got to her knees and leaned over her wife's shoulder to kiss her as best she could from that angle and she did so until she got frustrated and moved around to her side. Taking full advantage of her new position she kissed Brittany until the other woman melted into her arms.

Santana pulled back smiling widely, "Happy anniversary."

"Happy anniversary." She said looking into Santana's eyes with the same intense loving stare she'd had the last time they were in this place together.

They kissed again for a long moment before Brittany broke them apart and Santana could tell from her eyes that something was off, "What's wrong?"

"San did you bring a hot water bottle? My back is starting to hurt."

Santana sighed and hung her head, "No, but I have a bunch of pillows in the trunk."

"I'm sorry." She said faintly.

Shaking her head the brunette leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead, "Not a problem just promise me one thing?" she said, her tone making Brittany listen intently.

"Okay."

"Don't tell my mom you needed one because I will never hear the end of it."


A/N: The flashback almost got the boot for good, but it is pretty important to the Florida timeline to know more about that time so here it is. So consider this a part Florida part Ohio...part... I hope you enjoyed it and have a better idea of how both timelines got their start. Let me know how you liked it.