Chapter 9, Inside Of Me.
Should he change? Should he change? Should he change?
After the first time that he asked himself the question, the words pretty much became a chant of a song in his head. He started out with just reciting the words in his head, and then automatically moved on to humming them out loud, even knowing that the booming sound of music playing in the room, would make it impossible for him to hear himself hum.
Should he change? Should he change? Should he change?
He feels like he should. At least twice, he's looked himself in the mirror and concluded that he looks fine as he is (dressed and ready to go), but something about the blaring music around him and the thrilling rush of knowing that he is going on the trip, while deeply looking inside his closet, makes him question if he needs a change of clothes.
Maybe a dark red shirt would do… He could wear a thin white vest under the shirt, solely for the purpose of leaving his shirt wide open, to feel the wind wildly at it when he drives along in his car. That would definitely emphasise the thrill of being on the road, unlike the current grey T-shirt that he has on.
Oh yes, he can see it now… Sunglasses over his eyes, the wind playing around with his hair, and the blast of old fun songs filling his ears as he drives. His spirit will be high, totally lost in the moment of going ahead in his car, with no real destination in mind, but completely complimented by the right outfit. That's if he stops feeling like his current black jeans and grey shirt aren't the right thing to be wearing on a spontaneous road trip.
Should he change? Should he change? Should he-
He stops his chant of a song, right along with the unfamiliar silence that suddenly fills the room. The music stopping without his command, evidently without reason, leaves him a little lost for a brief moment, that he doesn't think to panic and find out what happened. For that brief moment that he registers the new silence, he tunes his ears in, to take in the other sounds around him, the sounds that he been blocking out with the loud music.
A heartbeat.
There's the distant sound of three of four birds talking, he also picks up the sound of something being swayed by the wind outside, and then a million other insignificant sounds all coming from outside, but it's the heartbeat that is the most distinct of all of the sounds.
A heartbeat means only one thing; a living breathing person. And a living breathing person, to him, only means one person. Working that out, then only does he make to turn around and look for her with his eyes, but by then it's too late, because she has already planted herself between him and his closet.
'Bonnie,' he quietly acknowledges, remembering why he wanted to avoid seeing her before his trip.
Strangely (but not so, when he considers the irritated look on her face), for a first response, she brings her index finger to his forehead, and pushes his head back. As urged by the small finger on his forehead, his head slightly moves back, only to spring back in position when she lifts her finger off him.
'You're being childish, Damon,' she irritably says afterwards.
How? He wonders, how is he being childish, when she's the one manhandling him for no reason? How the hell is he being childish by blasting his music, in his own room, for his own enjoyment?
'Childish how?' he wants to know, taking a step back just in case she feels the urge to do something else to him again.
'Oh!' she exclaims in a high-pitched tone, making it seem like she's really surprised, when he knows that she's really just mocking. 'Now you're not ignoring me?'
'I'm not ignoring you,' he casually answers.
He does that, not because he knows that he's right, but because she is here acting all irritated and calling him childish for no reason. Three days may have passed since the last time that they actually spoken, except, he still remembers that he hasn't exactly decided to start liking her again. What she did the last time that she was in his room, wasn't acceptable to him, and for all he knows, she's come to repeat that performance. If he can do something to irritate her and discourage her from going down that path, he'll do it. Also, if irritating her can force her to leave prematurely, he would prefer that.
'I'm not ignoring you,' she mockingly repeats, a small snort following her imitation of him.
She then turns to her side, and walks over to his bed, before he can wonder what she will do next. As her back slightly bends over his large bed, her left hand reaches out on the bed, to return to position with a phone inside it. More or less, he has a feeling where her physical actions will verbally lead to, but he still allows her to return to him and thrust his lit phone screen in his face.
'So what's this, Damon?'
Missed calls, he mentally answers, keeping his eyes on the screen instead of looking at the face that spoke in that challenging voice.
Too many missed calls, he adds. They aren't more than ten, but anything above two missed calls from Bonnie, automatically goes to the 'too many' category.
He's not glad about allowing so many calls to become missed, but in his defence, he didn't hear the phone ringing today. The music had been too loud, drowning out all the other sounds, so he couldn't have heard his phone ring. Had he heard it, he would've picked it up, and then put her on loudspeaker to hear her talk, without responding to her.
'You're still ignoring me!' she accuses with a finger on her right hand, as her left hand throws his phone back onto his bed.
Mildly worried by the small distance between the closet and the bed, he turns his face to make his eyes follow her throw. With his own eyes, he needs to make sure that his phone doesn't miss its landing.
It's not that he'd have difficulty replacing his phone if it happened to crack, though. It's that he would honestly rather, that he didn't have to experience the feeling of watching his phone missing its mark, and then getting a small heart attack at the thought of a split screen. While he may not be human in the traditional sense, like any human, he very much also has a strong sense of possession and liking for things that belong to him; especially things that have been with him for a long time.
Fortunately, the phone makes a clean landing, instantly sparing him the emotional ordeal of what could've been. The unfortunate part of his brief relief, though, is that having been put in that position of worry, even for a small moment, reality reclaims him. He is suddenly now able to fully realise how in the span of a few minutes, Bonnie's presence managed to destroy the protective wall of blissful escapism that he had build around himself two hours ago, when he made the decision to take a trip by himself.
'What are you doing here, Bonnie?'
He really just wants an explanation, because he had been in the better of moods today, since that other day with her. He had had his mind set on leaving and getting away from a while, to gather himself, and then return with a better plan to get her with him. He'd been excited by the idea of allowing her his time away, to get used to being with that loser Antonio, and then realise that she doesn't want him at all, but seeing her now, he is beginning to feel all messed up again.
'I want to know why you're being childish. Why are you ignoring me?'
Okay, first of all, before he answers her, he'll have her know that she's ruining his plans. She must not realise that her being here, looking and acting irritated, with underlying hurt in her eyes, has him now wondering if he shouldn't go after all. He's got plan to regroup and come back to town with a bang of an attack, one that will lead them to have properly explosive first-time sex, but with her here, he might just start to think if it's not better to stay and rather sabotage her relationship with that Antonio.
And secondly, he wouldn't go so far as to say that he's been ignoring her. He still answered her calls, and he read her texts, it was only a matter of him not giving her any verbal or written response. That doesn't really equal to completely ignoring her, she should know that. But of course, he's not going to tell her any of that, because it could mean starting an actual conversation with her, which will contribute to her not leaving like he wants her to. Instead, he will try to keep irritating her out of his room.
'Why don't you want to have sex with me?' is what he chooses to respond with.
'That's not a valid reason,' she hotly expresses through a frown.
'Actually, it is a reason, Bonnie,' he says just as hotly. 'It's natural for someone to feel rejected when they're refused sex. It's natural for that rejection to be displayed in silence. But anyway, that's not my reason, that's my question to you. I'll answer yours when you answer mine.'
'I asked you first,' she insists. 'Answer my question first!'
Ha! She wishes! And to set it in for her, he starts whistling a tune to show her just how he's not willing to humour her. He turns his back on her too, moving his body from side to side in a mock dance, that's in tune his whistling.
'Urrgh! You're being so childish, Damon!'
He that hears come from behind him, tightly spoken, in fact, which is why he stops his whistling and dancing, to face her again. As he does, he focuses his eyes on her face for a long second, and then roams all over her body with his eyes.
'Sexually frustrated, Bon?' finally leaves his mouth after the visual evaluation. 'Is Antonio not satisfying you? That's why you're strung up, and here taking it out on me?'
Bonnie, making a small sound of disbelief, replies with, 'I'm not seeing Alfred anymore, thanks to you!'
That's his name? Right, he'd forgotten.
'You're welcome,' he calmly answers, internally feeling the celebration of the fact.
What happens next, he didn't imagine that it could ever, but in a matter of seconds, he finds the back of his knees hitting the edge of his bed, because Bonnie apparently moved that fast, using much of her magical strength, to shove him with carrying force, away from her. Although, as he catches his mind up with his body, a hanger with a shirt from his closet, comes flying at him.
'You're ruining everything, and you don't even care!' she shouts at him.
'Bonnie, stop,' he warns, dodging another item of clothing that comes flying his way.
'Our friendship,' she throws more two more item on hangers. 'My relationship,' she throws something else. 'My moods! And you're being childish!'
After that last accusation, she grabs a whole lot of clothes from his closet, swiftly throwing them towards him. Some of them land near her, others make it the middle, and a few he actually has to dodge, so that they don't touch him. Of course, the clothes and hangers won't hurt him, but he won't allow her to win by hitting her mark; him.
'You're being childish!' he yells at her from where he is, although not necessarily angry. 'You're the one throwing tantrums like a kid!'
No sooner than the words completely leave his mouth, does Bonnie come charging at him with her body, that by the time he thinks to move out of the way, he's lying flat on his back, with her on top of him. How she's doing it to surprise him with her actions one after the other, not giving him enough time to react before he's a victim, he can't seem to understand.
He's the vampire in this situation. He's the one with the super speed and super skills, and yet here he is on his back, housing Bonnie on top of him, like he couldn't easily have avoided her pouncing. What is it about her, that's so physically charged to attack him at random, and catch him seconds of guard to avoid? Something is not right here.
'Unless you want us to start kissing, get off me,' he tells her, at the same time sternly commanding his hands to remain at his sides and not rise to touch her.
'You see?!' she continues to accuse without moving off him. 'You don't care. You're still not being serious.'
This girl is going to make him explode. He swears. For once, he did nothing wrong, and she is rather the one putting him in a position that he doesn't want to be in. He's thought that he could train himself to keep his hands off her, but since she is refusing to get off him, he has no choice. Thinking that, he quickly gets his arms around her back to hold her to him, while he lifts his upper body from the bed. At the end of his movements, he's seated on the bed, with Bonnie's knees on either side of him, his arms holding her close, and their faces much closer than they should be.
'I don't know what you want from me,' he evenly starts, 'but whatever it is, I won't give it you. If you can laugh in my face about what I want from you, then I can refuse you what you want too.'
'Oh, please!' is her disbelieving answer. 'You joking about us sleeping together, is supposed to be taken seriously?'
She asks that, and yet she's not doing anything to get out of his hold. Her signals are mixing, and if he didn't know her well, and value her just more than well, he'd be halfway past seducing her by now.
'I wasn't ever joking about that, Bonnie.'
He explained it to her already. He doesn't want to go over any of it again. The matter is, he wasn't joking about it, and his actions thereafter, should've made that fact clear to her.
'How come I didn't feel like you were being serious this whole time?' her eyes search his. 'You made it sound like it was a game to you, like I'm a chase that you have to catch.'
For only a moment, he considers leaning in and sensually kissing her, to prove her words void of meaning. If he does that, however, considers again, she'll pull out of his arms, probably start attacking him with her magic, and continue to think that he's not taking her seriously. It would be better to try and change her view of his proposal.
'And when did I make you feel like that?' he wants to know. 'When I told you that we're practically together anyway, just without the sex? When I said I could have any other girl for sex, but I didn't want anyone who wasn't you? Or was it when I showed you that I don't want you dating that Alfred?'
'You didn't seem serious,' she replies like it's hard for her to admit. 'You sounded playful, and petty, and possessive. You sounded like Damon.'
He sounded like Damon? And who the hell does she think she has been with all of this time? Stefan? Maybe that's it. Maybe she saw him as Stefan all along, and she expected him to sweep her off her feet with romantic words and poems to melt her panties off.
'I am Damon! What, you wanted me to sit down, and pour my heart out to you? You want to pretend that you don't know me?'
'I want you to not treat me like a game, Damon,' she tells him emotionally, adding a small physical squirming motion to accompany her words. 'I want our friendship to be intact until I die. If you really want me, then I want you to prove it, not make it seem like some joke. Not like I'm just going to amuse you until you have Elena again.'
Following her answer, his arms around her tighten, mostly because she's finally starting to admit that she's considering them being together. Maybe, he won't need to go on his trip to regroup after all. Staying might just be the better thing to do. If that's all she wants, then he has a solution ready for that.
'Let's get married, then,' he suggests as normal as he can sound about it.
If anything, those words should prove how serious he is. Amusement from the female body, he can get wherever he wants, but the problem is, amusement can't be compared to stability. He's grown over the years, to be aware that fun stops being important at some point.
'Oh my gosh, Damon!'
She exclaims that, as if she's about to have a breakdown. Actually, right before she pushes out of his arms and climbs off him, onto her feet, he sees tears well in her eyes.
'I hate you,' she announces with crossed arms. 'You're never going to change! Everything is a joke to you! You're not taking me seriously! You mention marriage like it's nothing. You don't even love me. Not like you love Elena.'
A little irritation, yes, he'd experienced during his time with her today, but it never got to the point of him wanting to throw her out. Until now. How dare she make his proposal a joke? How dare she bring Elena into this again?
Standing up from the bed, he moves to stand in front of her and ask, 'Why would you want me to love you like I love Elena? You're not her. If I wanted to be loving Elena, she would be here, not you. Has that ever crossed your mind?'
'Yeah,' she nods.
'And?' he challenges, quite eager to hear what she's concluded on that particular topic.
'And I hate you for not taking our friendship seriously,' is the answer that she gives him.
That settles it. He has to go on his trip. Looking at her now, and realising that she's avoiding the truth, wanting to paint him the bad guy when she's also thought about them being together. Right now, she managed to managed to upset him, and he still doesn't like her, but deep inside of him, he knows that he can't give up on her. That is why he has come to the conclusion that what's left to do, is collect himself from afar, learn to like her and miss her while he's away, and then come back, better and bigger to get her with him. She won't know what hit her once he returns, but he can't let her know of her plans. What he can do, is start by getting her out of his room, so he can leave already.
'Guess what? I don't like you for messing up my room, so we're even.'
Eyeing him incredulously, she wonders, 'You're seriously going to compare our friendship to your room?'
In the next second, she either decides that she doesn't want to hear his answer, or that she's had her fill of him today, because she shakes her head, indicating that she's changed her mind about something. Next, he follows both of her hands with her eyes, as they start to work on rearranging the mess that she created. It takes her less than a minute to get everything back to where it was, and when she has, he returns his eyes to hers.
'There, cleaned! Happy now?'
'Yes,' he answers, 'but I still want you to leave.'
'Fine,' she says. 'I'll go home now, because I don't really like you at the moment anyway.'
With a wink designed to rub it in, he sends off with the words, 'Mutual feeling, honey.'
Chapter 10, Just The Girl.
