"Here you go," she says, handing a coffee to the next customer with a smile.
The coffee shop is busiest this time of day, but she's also learned that it's when most customers will actually leave tips in the tip jar at the end of the counter. It's split between all of the workers, but because it's a small business and there aren't many of them to begin with, they each get a decent cut.
It's been a few days since she's seen Rick, between her ridiculous schedule with the shop, school, and all of the new book things he has to deal with. He still texts every day, as usual, and asks how she's doing, how classes are going.
She's managed to get a few extra hours of sleep these past couple of days, so when she tells him that classes are okay, it's not a lie.
"Kate," she hears, and she turns to see Anna hovering by the door to the back room, nodding her head in a motion for her to come over.
Kate finishes up what she's doing and gestures to one of the other guys, asks for him to pick up where she's left off, and then makes her way towards Anna.
"Is everything okay?" she asks, and the woman smiles, nods.
"Everything's good," Anna assures her, then moves towards the little break table. "Come, sit."
She quirks a brow but follows anyway, pulls out one of the chairs and sits opposite Anna, waiting for the older woman to start talking before she jumps to any kind of conclusions about why she's here right now.
"How are you?"
Kate's mouth opens, then closes. "Oh, uh, I'm good," she nods. "I'm doing good."
Anna gives a knowing smile. "Truthfully?"
"Truthfully," she says. "I'm—I'm okay." She pauses when Anna just looks at her, not judging but simply encouraging. She doesn't want to lie to the woman, not when she seems to just genuinely care. "A little stressed, a little... run down, I guess, but it's nothing I can't handle."
"Ah. Understandable, dear," Anna tells her. "I see you running on empty."
She hesitates. "I'm sorry, I didn't think I was letting it affect my work—"
Anna shakes her head. "You're doing a wonderful job, Kate. I can just see you wearing yourself down."
"It's—it's a lot, but I'll get a better system going. My performance won't suffer, I promise."
She doesn't want her to think that just because she's kind of overwhelmed that she's letting her work slip, because she's not, won't let it. Sure, she's tired, but she's been getting more sleep and if she keeps this up it'll all pan out.
"I'm not worried about your work," Anna says with a small smile, her voice soft. "I'm worried about you. I just want to make sure you're taking care of yourself. I may just be your boss, some old woman, but I do care about my workers."
Her eyes widen ever so slightly. "Oh." Kate smiles, lets out a soft chuckle. She's such a stark contrast to Victor, such a sweet woman, and her heart lifts at the concern. "I—thank you for the concern, but I'm okay. I'm doing what I can."
Anna nods, doesn't pry any further, but moves one hand to rest briefly on top of Kate's. "As long as you're sure." At Kate's nod, she smiles. "In that case, it's just about time for your break, isn't it?"
Kate looks down at her watch, checking the time. "Uh, yeah, actually."
"Good," the woman announces before she stands, rummages in the back for something, and then comes back out with a small tray of danishes. "Then have your break back here with me, will you? I made these earlier, but haven't had a chance to test them out. Do you like lemon?"
She laughs as she nods. "Yes."
Anna puts the tray onto the table and grabs a few napkins, sliding one over to Kate before putting one in front of herself. A lemon danish is passed to her next, and she places it onto the napkin with a thank you.
"I'm thinking about adding these into the display out front," Anna explains, breaking her own danish in half. "It's a new recipe. The only danishes out there right now are strawberry, raspberry, and apple."
Kate picks up the pastry and breaks a piece off, very aware of the eyes on her as she does so. "This is delicious," she says around the bite, hand coming up to cover her mouth as she chews. "You should definitely put these out front, the customers would love them."
Anna hums. "They are pretty good," she agrees after she tries it. "Could use a bit more of the glazed icing on top, but otherwise I'd say it's a contender."
"Most definitely."
"So, Kate," the woman says, ice blue eyes piercing her own before a grin creeps up onto her lips. "Who's that writer friend of yours that's always in here?"
She feels a light tinge of pink rush to her cheeks and she laughs, shakes her head, lets her hair fall into her face.
She spends the rest of her break in the back with Anna, this treasure of a woman, telling her about Rick and his writing, while Anna tells her a bit more about herself in return. Her shift started with a heaviness looming overhead, residual fatigue and stress, but it's washed away with her boss's sweet words and company.
On her way home from work she takes a detour, finds herself changing to a route that takes her right past the club. It's not intentional, but her feet take her that way and she allows them to. She doesn't want to go in, has no plans of doing so, she just wants to see it, say a final goodbye to this place so she can officially move on.
When she reaches it, she tucks her hands into her pockets and slows her pace.
It looks the same. Not that she'd expected it to have changed overnight, but it looks—it's as if she never left, standing here, but at the same time it feels like a lifetime ago that she actually worked there. Forever ago that she'd go in that back room and strip out of her clothes and into significantly less, tossing back a swig of vodka to give her the courage to gyrate on that stage and let the hands of men roam her skin.
She takes a deep breath, having seen enough and ready to just leave, when someone walks out the front. It's just another customer, she figures, and she turns, but then she hears her name.
"Kit?"
Oh, no.
"Kit!"
It's not a guy, not a customer from the sounds of it, and so she turns on her heel to find the source of the voice. It's one of the girls, probably just getting off of her shift, and she looks vaguely familiar. She doesn't remember her name, never really knew many of their names—not the real ones, anyway—but apparently the girl knows hers.
She gives a small smile when she gets close. "Hi?"
"CoCo," she reminds, and Kate nods. It rings a bell.
"Right, sorry."
CoCo shakes her head, waves her off. "Don't worry about it, I get it." Kate nods again, silent as she wonders where this little chat is going. "How have you been doing outside the club?"
Her eyes widen. "Oh, uh, good, it's good." She takes a second before continuing. "How's the club?"
"The same, verging on worse," the girl sighs. "Was it easy to find a job after you left?" Kate quirks a brow. "I'm—thinking about getting out of here, too."
She can't say she's surprised. All of the girls have said, at one point or another, that this is only a temporary arrangement. For some, it really is temporary. A few weeks, months at the most. But for others, months turns into years, and the thought of leaving essentially becomes wishful thinking.
One hand releases itself from her pocket, comes up to push her hair behind her ear. "It took a few weeks," she admits. "A few applications here and there, but it's doable."
CoCo nods. "Okay," she says. "Thanks."
"Don't worry about it," Kate tells her. She pauses. "Is it really getting worse?"
"Another one of the girls ended up in the hospital," she says by way of explanation, and Kate blows out a breath. "Celine, I think."
Kate's eyes snap to the girl's. "Celine?" CoCo nods. Celine's one of the only girls she actually talked to during her time in the club. She wouldn't call them friends, no, but she was nice to talk to, and maybe under different circumstances she could see them actually being friends. "What happened?"
The redhead looks behind her, checks to make sure no one's around them, and then leans in. "I heard she was doing a drop for someone. Victor, probably. He's had a few girls do these runs for him in the past, but this one was different." She suddenly can't breathe. "One of the other girls said she brought a package to some place in Brooklyn, but she was attacked when she did. It was just bad."
All Kate can manage is a small, "oh."
"Anyway, I have to get going," CoCo says, motioning towards her car on the other end of the lot. "See you around, Kit."
Kate nods her farewell and then stands there for a while, watches as CoCo drives away, and then she runs her hands down her face. Celine did the drop, presumably the one she skipped out on, thereby opening up the need for a new girl to take her spot. And now she's in the hospital because she's been assaulted. She feels sick.
That should have been her.
That almost was her.
It throws her off, hits her in a way she can't explain knowing that she could be in the hospital right now, she could have been the one attacked because she took on that job.
She almost did it.
The only reason she didn't is because she ran into Rick and Alexis, because she wanted to stay with them more than she wanted to do the drop, more than she wanted to get the money. But because she skipped out, another girl is injured.
Her stomach flips, her head whirling, and she startles when her phone rings.
"Hello," she answers with a shake of her head.
"Hey," Rick's voice beams in her ear. "You off shift?"
"Uh, yeah—yeah I'm done."
There's a slight pause. "Are you okay?"
"What? Oh, yeah. I'm fine."
"You don't sound fine," he counters, and she squeezes her eyes shut. When she doesn't answer, he continues. "Do you want to come over?"
Truthfully, she just wants to curl into bed and call it an early night. It's barely seven, the sun having just gone down, but crawling under her blankets sounds like the most appealing option right now.
This is getting to her more than it should, more than she'd have expected it to.
"I'm—it's nothing, I'm okay."
"It's something," he says softly. "I can hear it in your voice. Something's not right." She sighs out a heavy exhale, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I have wine and grilled cheese," he adds lightly. "Good comfort food for all of your comfort needs."
She lets out a small chuckle, takes a deep breath. "I—okay. Alright, yeah."
"I'll unlock the door?"
"Okay."
She hesitates once she's standing outside his door, second guessing this decision.
She's still rattled, can't seem to shake the feeling, and she knows he'll notice. He's already noticed something was off over the phone, so there's no doubt that in person he'll notice, he'll ask, and she won't be able to tell him what's wrong without telling him why she was passing through the park, why this is bothering her so much. She won't be able to tell him without letting out what she'd signed on to do in the first place, and she really doesn't want to.
Before she can even contemplate knocking, the door opens, and she's met with surprised wide eyes.
"Kate, hi," he says, a bag of garbage in his hand. "I was just running this to the trash chute. Go ahead in."
Giving him a small smile, she nods, moving so he can get around her before entering the loft. She makes her way over to the island and hovers, leaning her elbows on the surface as she rests her head in her open palms. When she lifts her head once more, she notices the ingredients on the counter. Bread, cheese, tomatoes, various meats.
Grilled cheese: Castle style, she assumes. The corners of her lips tug up at the sweet sentiment, making good on his offer of comfort food.
"I'm about to make us some fancy grilled cheese," he explains upon his return, looking from her to the stove with a grin.
"I'm sure it'll be delicious," she says. "Thanks."
He waves her off. "Not a problem."
When he starts picking up the items, opening the cheese and turning on the burner, she takes a look around, noticing the distinct lack of the smaller Castle. "Where's Alexis?"
"At a sleepover," he says, rounding the island. "It's her best friends birthday."
"Oh, that's nice."
He nods, agreeing, and then turns back to the task at hand. In ten minutes he's made two grilled cheese sandwiches with the addition of bacon and tomato, making it into more of a panini than a grilled cheese but equally as delicious, and they're sitting in the living room on the couch.
Handing her a glass, he offers a smile. "Wine, as promised."
She laughs. "Thank you."
"So," he hedges, and she sucks in a quiet breath, knowing already where this is going. "Are you okay?"
Is she? She was fine, totally fine, until she heard about Celine. Now she doesn't know what she is. In shock? Confused? Guilty, because it should have been her? Grateful, because it wasn't? All of the above?
"I'm..." She blows out a breath, bowing her head until it's resting in her hands, eyes pinched shut. She doesn't realize her legs are bouncing, shaking against the couch cushions until his hands find her knee, fingers squeezing gently.
"Did something—did something happen?"
Not bothering to lift her face, she just gives a small nod.
His grip on her knee tightens. "Are you—Kate, did someone..."
She knows that voice, can hear the same concern he'd shown for her while she still worked at the club, the same intense concern hidden in the depths of his eyes that night in the alley when she'd told him that a client didn't take no for an answer.
She does lift her head then. "No," she tells him, watching him relax. "Not... not me." He doesn't say anything, just waits her out patiently. "One of the girls in the club, the only one I ever really talked to. She uh, she got attacked. She's in pretty bad shape, so I hear."
"Oh, Kate, I'm sorry," he says, eyes on her. "Were you close?"
It would be easier if she could say yes, if she could just say they were close friends and that's why she's so upset, so shaken by it.
But she can't.
"No," she whispers.
"How did it happen?"
Worrying her bottom lip between her teeth, she exhales. "She did a drop for Victor. Ended up the fourth girl in the hospital because of it."
"A drop?"
"Heroin."
Rick sighs. "Those kinds of things... there's nothing good that can come from them, they usually end like this. When you start getting involved in drug trafficking, it's a slippery slope. I've researched for past books and it's—it's sad. It's dangerous, but it's sad." He pauses. "It's understandable that you're shaken by it, Kate. This is an awful thing to have happen."
Her face falls back into her hands. "It's my fault," she says, so quietly she barely hears it herself.
"What?" His fingers find the bottom of her chin, gently tipping it upwards so she's looking at him. "How is this your fault?"
She doesn't answer, just shakes her head, biting the inside of her cheek and letting her head fall back against the couch. Her eyes slide shut once more, her breathing steadying.
"Kate..."
"It should've been me."
His brows furrow. "What?"
"It should've been me," she repeats, her voice breaking. "I got the call about the drop. I was offered that job. I turned them down, but then they brought up the money and I ended up needing it... I needed it, so I said yes. I said I'd do it."
"Kate—"
"I was supposed to go to the club to pick up the box and bring it to some address. I didn't even let myself think of the implications, just that the money would help, and so I went and..."
Something clicks, and his eyes change. "And you were on your way to the club when you ran into us in the park, weren't you."
It's not a question.
"Yeah."
He turns his head, draws his hand back, and she expects him to get up and walk away. And he does, he gets up, fingers rubbing at his temples.
"I—I need to..."
She panics when he starts to move away from her, heart beating out of her chest. "Rick—"
"I just, I need a few minutes, okay?"
With his eyes on her, cloudy and hurt by what she's done, she nods, watching as he turns on his heels and makes his way into the office. Her head collides with the back cushion again as soon as he's out of sight, her eyes screwed shut, frustrated tears prickling at the backs of them. She's frustrated with herself, with how stupid she was in accepting that offer.
Stupid, it was stupid.
And Rick's right to be angry, has every right to be upset that she'd basically agreed to be a drug runner. Disgusted with herself, she leans forward, resting her forehead into the space between her knees, hands coming up to rest on the back of her head.
She wonders if she should just leave, give him some more space, and hope he isn't mad enough to walk away for good. She doesn't want to see his scrunched up face when he comes back, doesn't want to look at it knowing she put that expression there. And so she's about to get up, breathing out a deep sigh, fingers wiping under her eyes, when he returns.
He paces, and she watches as he turns his back to her for a few seconds more before swiveling back around.
"You could've—you could've been beaten, or raped."
She winces, both at the pain in his voice and in the truth of his statement, but manages a small nod. "I know."
"You could've been killed."
"I know," she whispers. Because she does, she knows.
"Why didn't you just ask—I would've helped you, you know that," he says, his voice quiet but firm, hints of frustration bleeding through. "But you went to the club instead. A heroin drop, Kate. Do you know how often those things go smoothly? It's rare."
She sighs. "I know you'd help," she confirms. "But I didn't want to take any more of your money. And I reasoned that it was just this one drop. I figured I'd do it, get the cash, and then I wouldn't have to bother with it anymore. It was... stupid."
"Yeah, it was." He shakes his head. "You do it once and they just expect you to keep doing it, Kate."
She realizes that now, thought of it after the fact.
"I know, I know," she echoes. "I'm sorry, I just—it should've been me, Rick, not her. It almost was me. And I—I don't know how to deal with that." He sits back down next to her, and she avoids his eyes while she speaks. "I could be the one in that hospital bed, I should be. She's only in there because I backed out."
"Why did you?" His voice is quiet, not judging, just curious.
Shrugging, she sniffles. "I ran into you and Alexis," she admits, and his fingers twitch at her side. "Didn't want to go anymore. Didn't want to go to begin with."
He pulls her into his embrace then, wraps his arms around her and tightens his hold. "I'm still upset that you agreed to it in the first place. But I can't even tell you how happy I am that you decided not to go," he says, whispering into her ear quietly. "I'm so glad you're okay, Kate. Please, don't do that ever again." She nods against him, fingers gripping at the back his shirt. "I don't want to have to find you in the hospital, beaten and bloodied. Please don't make me do that."
"I won't," she mumbles into his chest. "I promise. I won't."
"And next time you'll just ask me?"
She has no intentions of letting there be a next time, but she nods once more into his chest. "Yes," she says, letting out a watery chuckle as her arms tighten around his neck. "Next time I'll ask."
Thank you all, you're incredible.
