Far Away Circus
Being away from Maka was harder than he originally thought it would be. He knew it would be difficult, but it was hard. Being away from his previous girlfriends was nothing like this. Never before had he missed a girlfriend as much as he missed Maka. He cared about her more than he ever thought he could. Since his attempt at a relationship with Liz after a long line of failed relationships, he had accepted the reality monogamy wasn't in his cards. It was easier being single than chasing girl after girl he didn't care about. At least staying single he wouldn't have to deal with missed phone calls and girlfriends nagging on him to be more available and be there when he couldn't.
Maka however, she didn't care about the long periods of time he was gone. She didn't care that he couldn't always be available to answer his phone because of his work. She understood him and accepted him like no other girl had before. There was something special about her that made him want to cling onto her, to never let go and live his life with her. If he ever got married and settled down, he knew it had to be with Maka. There would never be another woman like her ever again.
There wasn't a specific label on his feelings toward Maka yet, but he knew he was falling in love with her. For every phone call, every text message and video chat, his heart swelled bigger with fluffy warmth and he always got so nervous around her. His knees buckled just seeing the background picture of her on his phone. He cared about her so much.
The first day after she left, he was miserable. He wanted to eat dinner with her, hold her hand, kiss her and fall asleep with her in his bed. He had only known her for a little over two months and in just two months he had fallen hard for her. If someone said to him the girl who insulted his art by the ticket booth would eventually become his girlfriend, he would call bullshit on it. He definitely hadn't any plans of asking for her phone number at the supermarket but she… he didn't know. She was cool and it wasn't supposed to be anything special. Kim and Jaqueline had said she was in need of friends and that was all he thought it would be. Just friends.
How wrong he was. And he was happy.
The first week without her wasn't any fun. Even though he texted, called her and in the evening, skyped with her, it still wasn't enough. He missed her terribly. His friends tried to keep his mind off of her, but they failed. All the training and chilling by the bonfire was for nothing. In between training he would check his phone to see if she had replied and when they sat by the bonfire, he would excuse himself as often as he possibly could to call her.
Maka… she truly had wormed her way into his heart.
Three weeks had gone by and it was only a week left before they would reach Death City again. Finally he would be able to touch her and kiss her and be with her. He could hold her hand and run his fingers through her beautiful hair and wake up to her in the morning. Only a week left. Slowly he was counting down to the day he would arrive back in Death City and he grew even more excited for every day that went.
He breathed heavily as he exited the stage with Liz close behind him.
"Good performance out there!" Liz panted as she leaned against the wall.
"Yeah…" Soul quickly slipped into his wellington boots and threw on his red zip hoodie. "I'll go and make a quick call. Call me when it's time for the show."
"Going to call Maka again, huh?" Liz smirked wide and Soul stopped in his tracks.
A smile spread on his face and he nodded slowly. "Yeah. She had this important meeting with the university board and I gotta hear how it went."
Her smirk only grew as she crossed her arms over her chest. "You totally love her, don't you?"
Soul blew a raspberry. "It's waaay too early to tell."
"Oh really? You certainly look like you're in love."
He raised his eyebrow. "How exactly?"
"You know, you glow when she calls or texts you. Your mind is always in the blue thinking about her and the guys say you even moan her name in your sleep."
His cheeks immediately started to burn and he cleared his throat. "Uncool," he murmured.
"Have you told her?"
"Told her what?"
"That you love her."
He rolled his eyes. "I don't love her yet."
"Yet," Liz empathised. "You got to tell her eventually and you do feel something strongly toward her."
Soul moved his hands deep in his pockets as he leaned against the wall. "She already knows I like her a lot."
"But she doesn't know you're in love with her."
"But I'm falling in love. That's different," Soul sighed.
Oh how he knew. It was the one flaw about Maka he didn't really know what he would do about it. He liked it when she used her brain and threw facts at him, but when she threw facts about how different they were and how everything was set against them, he didn't like it. He cared about her and he wanted them to work and he knew she liked him too, but the question is how serious was she? He could see himself marrying her and settling down with her. She was the one he had been waiting for, but who was he to her? The thought terrified him. He feared all the facts she presented him with had already made up her mind: they weren't going to make it.
It sucked. It sucked really badly if that was the case. He knew it was something they had to talk about eventually, but not right now. He knew she would throw more facts about how they were doomed to fail if he told her too quickly he was falling in love with her and he wanted to marry her. Those thoughts he had to hold tightly to his chest for now.
"Falling in love and being in love is still love. I'm sure she would still appreciate it―"
"No she wouldn't!" Soul yelled. Immediately shame washed over him and he closed his mouth. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scream."
"What's going on?" she asked.
He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "It's Maka."
"Shocking," Liz said sarcastically.
"It's just… I don't know how serious she is about us."
"So why don't you ask her?"
"Because I can't." Soul slid down the wall and he sat down on the free chair his stuff had hung on. "She always tells me facts how scientific we aren't likely to last. How we're too different."
"So talk to her. That's what relationships are about."
"What? Go and tell her when we've officially been together for a month that I'm falling in love with her and I already know she's the one? Not a chance."
"Then how are you supposed to work through your differences?"
"We will, just… not now." A smile spread on Soul's face. "We will get there eventually. Now, I think it is for the best if we take it slow and just let Maka get used to the relationship."
Liz shrugged her shoulders. "Whatever you say."
He just hoped with a little time, it could help solidify their relationship. He knew what he wanted, he just hoped she would eventually come to the same conclusion. He cared about her a lot and he didn't want what they had to end.
…
Life sucked. Her day couldn't get any worse than this. It sucked and she couldn't believe it! She had her meeting with the board of the university and she was absolutely sure she would get more resources and responsibility to expand her research department and start up a fifth project. She had prepared herself for the meeting in every possible way. She had delayed her video chatting with Soul in order to prepare herself for the important event. She had gathered all the percentage score of her courses, the score of validity and reliability of her experiments and the success of running multiple projects at once. Everything had been there in her presentation. She was sure the board would raise her funds but… they didn't.
She sat curled up on her couch with her favourite fluffy blanket around her. She licked her spoon from ice-cream as she watched the romantic movie unfold on her TV. Blair lay curled up by her side, sleeping soundly.
Her ringtone started and Blair lifted her head toward it before she went to sleep again. Maka dug her spoon into her ice-cream and placed it on her coffee table. She picked up her phone and was immediately met by Soul's face. A faint smile spread on her face. Exactly what she needed.
"Hi Soul," she greeted as she tried to keep her voice stable.
"Hey," he chirped. "How was your day?"
It was all it took for the floodgates to burst open. "N-not good," she sobbed and broke down crying.
"What's wrong?" His alarms went off and his voice was no longer sweet and playful, but concerned.
"I-I," she hiccupped. "T-th-they reduced my funds a-and now," she sobbed. "I-I have to shut down one p-project!"
"Oh no I'm so sorry!" Soul exclaimed. "Why would they do that?"
She sniffled and she wiped away her tears. "T-they said― th-they fear I-I'm overworking myself a-and― they want to u-unload me before I burn out," she squeezed the phone between her ear and shoulder and blew her nose into a tissue. "I-it's ridiculous!"
"You are working a lot."
She froze. "How could you say that?!" she exclaimed. "Are you on their side?!"
"Of course I'm on your side," Soul defended. "I'm just saying you are working more than the average person. You always arrive early at work, then work an hour or two extra, and even then you bring home a lot of work and work the rest of the evening."
"You doubt me, don't you? You don't think I can take on more?"
"I'm worried about your health," he admitted. "You don't really do anything else than work."
"That's not true. You know I watch movies."
"Oh really? The movies you have on in the background as you work?"
She went silent.
"I thought so."
"But I do still read books!"
"When was the last time you read a book for fun― and it's not a science book or something," Soul quickly added.
It was a long time since she read a fictional book. She read them a lot in college in the evenings when she hung out in her dorm, but once she started working and she wanted to reach higher, her down-time reading books had slowly faded away.
"A while ago," Maka confessed.
"They care about you. They just don't want you to overdo it. You will still have work to do."
"But I need all my projects open and going if I'm going to write a book about my findings."
"You're writing a book?" Soul was astonished.
"Yes. A publishing company has reached out to me multiple times before and they want me to publish my findings. Now when I finally got enough material, I'm thinking about writing the book."
It had always been on her mind. When she had studied and done enough research, it was always her plan to publish it so the public could read her work and learn from it. Now, it was finally the time to write down her research and publish it.
"… really?"
"Yeah."
"Oh well, congratulation."
Maka raised her eyebrow. "You don't sound happy."
"No, it's not that. I'm just shocked. Being offered a book deal is a very big deal. When did this happen?"
"They had emailed me before and asked me if I was interested in signing a book deal. I always tell them I'm interested, but I have not enough research material yet to make a great book. They reached out to me again a week ago and a couple of days ago I decided to accept and start working on it."
"Is that why you wanted to start another research project?"
"Partly." She was surprised to find Soul was quiet on the other end. "Are you mad or something?"
"No it's just…" he sighed. "Don't get me wrong. I want you to be happy and I know when you work you are happy, it's just…"
"Just what?"
"I'm worried about you. You work a lot and I don't want you to burn yourself out and lose your happiness working."
"You don't have to worry about me. I have everything under control."
"Now you do, but what about in the future?"
"You don't have to worry, Soul. I'm serious. I got this."
"I hope you do," Soul sighed. "I miss you."
A smile spread on her face and her heart swelled with warmth. "I miss you too. It's a week before you reach Death City again."
"A week is still a loooong time."
"But three weeks went pretty fast."
"Fast?" Soul snorted. "More like super slow. I wished I was there."
She wanted it too. She couldn't wait till he had finally arrived to Death City and they could hang out daily and be together. Long distance was hard, but it was what they both needed. It allowed them to do their best at work and rise within their industries. It allowed Soul to create newer and better show routines to gain more audience, not to forget, build up an even better reputation for Ceased Circus. His absence made it a lot easier for her to focus on her work. She cared about him and she enjoyed being around him, but unfortunately he was a distraction also.
"Soon," Maka spoke. "Tell me how things are for you. Are you still bringing in the crowd?"
"Yeah. We expected to be sold out for two days, but it has been sold out for three days and there's still a good amount of people coming."
"That's fantastic! I'm proud of you."
"Thanks. It means a lot." She could hear the smile in his voice. "It is very exciting and we're going to start working on new routines and all of that for our next tour."
"Already?"
"Yeah. It takes some time to create a good routine and to develop new skills so we can present something fresh and better."
"I see. Just be careful. I don't want to get a phone call that you're in the hospital."
"I'm careful. Is that how much confidence you have in my skills?" Soul snorted and she could hear the smirk.
"It's just you are so high up and if your hands are too sweaty and you slip from the trapeze― anything can happen."
"You've nothing to worry about. Always when we train, we have a safety net. It's only during shows we don't use it. If we thought we might end up hurt, we would never do it in a show."
"That's good. I just don't want you to end up hurt."
"But if I got sent to the hospital… it would mean you had to visit me."
"SOUL!"
"Kidding! Chill, it was only a joke," Soul chuckled. "But you would visit me, right?"
"Soul!"
"Is that a 'no' as in putting you as my emergency contact?"
"I swear the moment you arrive in Death City I will personally send you to the hospital."
"Oh, kinky."
"Soul Evans I swear to death."
"Naw, till death do us apart and all of that stuff."
She slapped her hand on her forehead and sighed heavily in the phone. This attracted Blair's attention. She cracked her eyes open and she peered at her, rubbing her face against her thigh. "You are not proposing."
"Nah, it will be a lot cooler than on the phone," he hummed. "Maybe I would take you to the beach and the whole cliché horse-riding thing and dinner on the beach."
"Soul."
"Or maybe a romantic walk through a park and then take you to a pond full with floating lights and rose petals and all that stuff."
"Soul Evans."
"Or are you one of those girls who just want me to pop the question at home?"
"We are so not going to get engage."
Normally she could sense pretty easily if he was joking around and messing with her, but now she wasn't so sure. He had the usual mischievous aura in his mannerism, but something was off. She detected nervousness in the way he talked. Could there possibly be seriousness in his advances in marriage? If so, she had to give him a straight answer.
She sighed into the phone. "I don't want to get engaged or get married yet. I want to know the person for at least two years before a question like that is brought up, you know?"
"You think so?"
"Yeah. Marriage is a very big step in a relationship and I don't want to take it too quickly with someone. Marriage isn't something I need, really. I don't need a certificate to confirm my relationship to the person," she said. "But what is your opinion?"
"Mine?"
"Yes, yours."
"Well…" he started. "If the right woman came along, I would want to marry her."
"I see…"
"But would you want to have kids and do the whole family life?" Soul asked.
When she was younger, she thought it was what she wanted. A great career, a husband to come home to and kids to raise, now she wasn't so sure. Kids need a lot of attention and they were expensive. It would mean she would have to reduce the amount of work she had on her hands and it wasn't something she was willing to give up yet.
"I don't want any kids."
"I see…" his voice suddenly dropped.
"It's just… if I had kids, it would mean I would have to give up my career to take care of them and it's not something I want. I want to work and I don't think is worth the sacrifice."
"Ah…"
She couldn't help but feel like she disappointed him, but it was what she felt. Kids weren't in her cards and it would be better to be honest about it instead of lying to him. At least then she wouldn't lead him on and give him false hope. Then he wouldn't waste his time on her when he could find someone with qualities and values that matched his own. Even if it would hurt her.
"Do you want kids?" she asked.
"Yeah. A boy and a girl."
This was exactly what she thought from the beginning. They were different. They were in so different professions and their values were different. A lot of hard work and compromising was the only way for them to work, but would the sacrifices be worth it?
Maka cleared her throat and she exhaled heavily. "Then we know."
"Yeah," he exhaled and silence hung heavily between them. Applauds rung in the background and she could catch Liz's voice. "I got to go. It's time to end the show."
"Okay, we'll talk at a different time."
"Yeah. Talk to you later."
They hung up.
At the beginning she had been able to take her mind of her misery at work, but now he had left her with a heavier burden. A burden she hadn't known before. Something she hoped never existed. But it did. They had different views and it was inevitable. She cared about him a lot but a relationship based on different values like this was one that wouldn't last.
Her lower lip quivered as she grabbed her ice-cream of the coffee table and started munching on it, Blair looking up at her quizzically.
