The K.I.S.S. Principle

Sometimes Dean felt bad for not being able to do more. Sure, he and his brother saved people all the time by hunting monsters, and that was a good thing. But the majority of people walked in this world without ever knowing about the supernatural, without knowing about the small army of Hunters working thanklessly in the dark to save them. The majority of the world had much smaller, more personal problems.

Take tonight for instance: here he was, monster-hunting badass lurking in an alley and waiting for his brother to flush the Harionna out of the building. The thing had been a pain in the ass to track down and Dean doubted they would get a second crack at this thing if he missed tonight. Which left him with his current predicament.

Down the alley, three barely legal wanna-be gangsters were trying to break into a fairly nice black SUV. It was a little new for Dean's taste, but it had a decent engine. Ordinarily, Dean would take the time to put the fear of Winchester into the morons. Sure, he and Sam jacked cars all the time; but they did it for the greater good. Sadly, tonight he didn't dare leave his post.

Stupid murdering Japanese hot chick.

All he could do was stand and watch the yahoos ineffectually scratch up a perfectly good paint job.

"Uh, excuse me?" a polite voice interrupted Dean's thoughts. But it wasn't speaking to Dean, the small man in a neat business suit and not a lot of hair on top was addressing the carjackers.

All three young men startled back. One abandoned his slim jim in the door window. It stood quivering, making a guilty rattle.

"I'm sorry, but I couldn't help but notice you're having car trouble," the suit continued, placidly unaware of the threatening body language and criminal intentions. "I have some experience with vehicle maintenance. Maybe I can help. What seems to be the problem?"

Dean nearly face-palmed. Good Samaritan the suit may be, but the guy was absolutely clueless. Oh well, at least the crooks probably wouldn't hurt him if he becomes an accessory to the crime. Jail time might be a problem later, but he'd be physically safe.

The three glanced back and forth between them. No one seemed to know what to do with the nerdy little guy. Finally, the one who'd abandoned the slim jim spoke up. "We locked ourselves out of the car," he explained, gesturing at the SUV.

"Yeah," his buddy chimed in his support. "We borrowed a friend's slim jim, so we could try to jimmy the lock."

"I see," the suit murmured. His smile had turned from bland polite to... wry? ironic? Something else, something too subtle for Dean to read clearly at the distance. But whatever it was, it made the Hunter wonder. And wary.

Calmly, the man strolled up to the group and wriggled the slim jim loose from the window. "Have you gentlemen ever heard of the K.I.S.S. Principle?"

Again, the three glanced at each other, before shaking their heads no.

"K.I.S.S. Its an acronym. It stands for 'Keep It Simple, Stupid.'" The man laughed gently. "Personally, I think there has to be a better word than 'stupid' but that's the standard phrase. 'Stupid' is rather insulting for a widely accepted phrase, isn't it? But I digress. The K.I.S.S. Principle, sometimes referred to as 'Ockham's Razor' states that the simplest, most straight forward solution is often the best solution."

The three glanced around one more time, clearly completely in the dark as to what the little bald man was talking about and why he was telling them this weirdness.

Dean didn't actually blame them this time. He'd heard the acronym K.I.S.S. before and knew what Occam's Razor was, thank you very much Sammy. But he didn't see how the dude was applying the principle to car theft. Or even emergency roadside assistance, like the guy claimed he was offering.

"What the hell does that me?" Slim Jim finally demanded.

The suit's smile widened fractionally. "It means, the best way into a locked car is with the key," he explained patiently.

The third and silent friend rolled his eyes and spoke for the first time. "We ain't got the freakin' keys, man!"

"Ah." The man nodded. "That's alright. I do." So saying, he drew a key fob from his pocket and pressed the unlock icon. The SUV gave a cherry little acknowledgment beep and a click.

All three stared at the blinking lights.

Before Dean could laugh at the car owner's audacity, the unoffensive businessman moved.

A slim jim is a wonderful tool for breaking into a car. Turns out, it can also double as a sap as needed. It only took one precision strike each to fell the carjackers.

The suit dropped the slim jim on the leader's chest when his phone rang. "Coulson." There was a pause. "Yes, May, I have the package." He listened for a moment then glanced around at the men on the pavement. "In the future, we need to find a better parking spot. This is the third time I've had to defend my exit vehicle." There was another pause and Coulson laughed. "True. See you back at the Bus." He hung up.

"Dude!" Dean exclaimed from down the alley, loud enough for this Coulson guy could hear him. "That was classic! 'It means the best way into a locked car is with the keys.' Freakin' awesome!"

Coulson blinked in surprise at his audience, then his face went completely bland.

Dean held up his hands to show he wasn't a threat, before realizing that he was still holding his home-made flamethrower in one hand and a katana in the other. Glancing left and right at his upraised hands, he said to Coulson, "Yeah, this isn't what it looks like."

The suit raised a politely disbelieving eyebrow. "Really?" he asked in a tone as dry as the Mojave Desert. Then he shook his head. "And here I just got finished explaining the K.I.S.S. Principle."

"Crap." Dean took a step back. After all, the last three people who failed to understand K.I.S.S. were unconscious on the ground.

Fortunately for Dean's continued awareness, the alley way door burst open before Coulson could make his move.

The Harionna came tearing out, her hair waving wildly around her of its own accord. Upon catching sight of a Hunter laying in wait for her, the demonic dreadlocks whipped around at him. Black tresses wrapped themselves around his neck. Dean didn't try to fight his way out of them. Instead, he pulled himself closer and swung his blessed katana as close to her scalp as he could. The Harionna screeched in dismay.

Sam Winchester appeared in the doorway behind her and rushed forward to wrap his long arms around her, buying time for Dean to unwrap his neck and set fire to the creature's shorn locks.

The Japanese creature wailed again as she vanished in a flash of fire and smoke from inside Sam's grip.

The two brothers checked each other briefly, and both nodded to the other that they were fine.

Then Dean turned back to Coulson. "So. How does the K.I.S.S. Principle hold up when you introduce the supernatural into the equation?"