Derek's voice caught in his throat as he heard his stepmother thinking to herself over the line, trying very carefully to choose her words. He wanted to be the first one to say something, yet there was just something about her pause that made him stop. She could feel the tension over the line, her interest obviously piqued as she waited patiently for an explanation. It wasn't that she felt that she deserved one, but she knew Derek, and she knew how his mind worked. He hated people talking about him behind his back, and if he avoided this, he knew that her questions would only go to his sisters.
"Derek?" She said again, unsure of his mood, unsure of exactly what he was thinking. "Are you alright, sweetheart?"
"I… I'm alright… I'm alright, how are you?" Derek asked awkwardly, his voice was polite and soft as he listened for her reply.
"I'm doing alright, dear." She said in return, her response coming off her tongue strangely as she tried to remember why she had called him.
"Did you talk with Sarah?" Derek asked, figuring that the reason she had called was because of the message that his sister had left for her, he could sense that she was recovering from the initial surprise of the little girl answering the phone.
"Oh! oh, yes… Sarah… she called me this morning." Marjorie nodded her head as she listened to her own voice for a moment, noticing the nervousness in it. "She said that you wanted to have Thanksgiving at your home this year?" She asked softly as she waited for Derek's response.
"Yeah… yes… I talked to her earlier about that… I want the whole family to come out here to Seattle. You all can see my new house and my land… I could show you guys around the hospital or something… visit the space needle… we could..."
"Maybe get an explanation or a name for the voice of the child answering my bachelor son's telephone…" She asked quickly, hearing silence on the other line. "Derek?"
"Um…" He paused, sucking in his breath, he released it quickly. "Can you hang on a minute, Mom?" Derek asked.
"Sure." She said, making sure that the amusement in her voice was evident.
Derek held his hand over the telephone receiver and watched Zoey as she stared at him with a wide eyed expression, her eyebrows raised in an almost expectant look as Derek almost laughed out loud. "My mom wants to know who you are." He whispered as he watched her jaw drop and her little butt wiggle as she covered her mouth with her hand.
"Oh my goodness, she does?" She asked.
"Yes…" Derek said, watching as Zoey shook her head, her hand still over her open mouth.
"Well, tell her!" She said, her smile and energy shining through.
"What do I tell her?"
"Tell her the truth!"
"But how do I tell her?"
"Gimme the phone…" She said, holding her hand out to the telephone, Derek shook his head. "Come on, DD… gimme the phone… I"ll tell her who I am." Zoey said with a confident sigh as Derek smiled slightly and handed her the phone.
"Hello?" Zoey said softly into the line as she looked to Derek.
"Well hello, again…" Marjorie said into the line, having heard Derek's conversation with her, she was smiling at his interaction, but also extremely curious who the little girl was.
"Hi, are you DD's mommy?" She said into the line, waiting for a response.
"DD?" She asked with a slight question in her voice. "Yes… yes, I'm his mommy…"
"But not his real mommy?"
"Um…"
"Skip that part…" Derek said quickly, wishing to avoid an awkward situation.
"I'm Zoey Grey and Just Derek is my DD." She said with a smile.
"Really?" Marjorie said with a friendly voice as the little girl immediately began to gush.
"Uh huh…" Zoey nodded. "He rescued me… He rescued me and he let me live in his house. He takes care of me and makes sure I have food to eat. He takes me to school and makes sure my nightmares stay away. He gives me hugs and kisses and loves me very much. He said that we could have a swingset if I do good in school and am a good girl, and he let me help with the dishes and he lets me visit Sleeping Beauty… he helped me not be afraid of the airplane when I came from New York and he liked my pink shoes, he said they're just like his pink sparkly shoes, but he says they're in the shop right now. DD is a great guy. But you probably already know that since you're his almost mommy. Did you know he's a great guy? Did you know that?" She asked as she paused for a moment, listening for Derek's mother's response.
"It sounds like he is quite a guy…" Marjorie agreed as she listened to the little girl take a deep breath.
"Yep, he sure is! He sure is a great guy… and he's going to let me have ice cream for dessert tonight. What's your favorite kind of ice cream?"
"Oh, I like chocolate…" Marjorie smiled at the little girl's enthusiasm.
"Mmm… chocolate… I like chocolate too… Hey, DD… your almost mommy likes chocolate ice cream just like me!" She said as she pulled the phone from her ear and spoke to Derek's grinning face as he shook his head and laughed. She put the phone to her ear and watched Derek as her face turned serious for a moment. "Would you like to talk to DD?" She asked as Derek nodded and held his hand out.
"I would love to talk to him, sweetheart." Marjorie replied with a slight chuckle. "It was very nice talking to you."
"It was nice talking to you too, DD's Mommy… what's your name so I can call you that?" She asked as Derek put his hand down for a minute.
"You can call me Nanny, sweet pea. That's what all the little ones call me." Marjorie said into the phone.
"Okay… Okay, Nanny…" Zoey smiled as she looked up at Derek with a bright grin, her eyes sparkling like he had never seen before. "You're my family now… is that okay?"
"That sounds absolutely delightful, sweetheart…" She said sincerely as Zoey giggled into the line.
"Here is DD… bye, Nanny…"
"Bye, sweetheart."
"I love you." She said as she handed the phone to Derek and hopped around at his feet as he lifted the phone to his ear.
"Hello?" Derek said cautiously as Zoey continued to giggle and bounce about.
"I don't know what you've gotten yourself into, Derek Shepherd…" She said in an amused, yet stern voice.
"Mom…"
"But whatever it is… it sounds to me like you're handling it just fine." She said as Derek sighed in relief as he looked down at the little girl.
"Mom… can I call you back in about ten minutes… let me… scoop her ice cream and get her settled down, and I'll call you back and explain all of this." Derek said softly.
"That's fine, Derek." She said as she listened to the giggling little girl.
"Ten minutes… please… please don't tell anyone just yet, I want this to be a surprise." He begged as he watched Zoey dance around him.
"Oh… this will be more than a surprise, I'm guessing." Marjorie replied. "I'll be waiting for your phone call."
"Thank you." He replied as he hung up the phone on the wall and turned quickly, scooping the little girl right off the floor mid skip. She squealed and laughed as he lifted her above his head. "You, little miss… are going to get me into trouble!" He exclaimed with a laugh as she giggled at him and wiggled in his arms. "Who is ready for ice cream?" He asked as her eyes opened wide and her mouth opened surprise.
"Me! Me! I want ice cream!" She exclaimed as Derek scooped her to the floor and watched as she ran for the table, sliding onto the chair, she grinned as Derek walked toward the cupboard for a bowl.
"I don't know what I'm going to do with you…" Derek said with a chuckle as he watched her smile.
"Keep me forever." She grinned.
Derek scooped Zoey's ice cream and settled her in the living room on the floor in front of the television. He turned on a Disney movie and she smiled up at him for just a moment before she was completely mesmerized by the television screen. She ate her ice cream slowly as she watched the story unfold.
"Zoey, I'm going to call my mom back… okay?" He said softly as she glanced to him as if she hadn't heard what he was saying. "I'll be in the kitchen…" He said softly as she nodded and turned her head toward the television screen once again.
"Uh huh…" She whispered.
Derek stepped into the kitchen and glanced back down the hallway to the little girl, watching as she remained mesmerized by the bright colors and the story on the television screen. He reached for the phone and dialed his mother's phone number, her voice answering on the second ring.
"Hello?" She said softly into the line.
"Hey…" Derek said, his voice was anxious, but he had a bit of a smile on his lips as he watched the little girl from down the hallway.
"Derek." She said matter of factly. "Now what's going on over there?" She asked politely as she waited for his explanation.
"I… made a new friend." He said as he took a slow, deep breath. "A couple of months ago… on my way home from New York." He said as he listened to her listening carefully. "She was traveling alone… and… she was living with her grandmother when her grandmother passed away." He explained, deciding not to get into the sordid details of Zoey's case. "She went to live with her Aunt… here in Seattle… and her Aunt had um… an accident and couldn't care for her any longer. She's in the hospital… and so the little one needed a place to stay… and she wanted to stay with me… so I took her in." He explained.
"How old is she?"
"Six." Derek cleared his throat. "She's six… and um… she's been through a lot… a lot of trauma… and I think… um… I think it made her feel better talking to someone other than me, so… so, thank you for being kind to her."
"Derek, I'm not a monster…" Marjorie said, her voice sounding vaguely offended.
"I didn't say that you were a monster." Derek replied, his voice becoming agitated. "Why do you have to make this about you? I said thank you for being nice to her… that was all."
"Yes, and you're assuming that I wouldn't be?" She asked, her voice getting slightly higher as she spoke.
"Not this again… alright? I am not going to argue with you on the phone… its stupid, okay, it's really stupid to argue about it." Derek said, his voice raised slightly as he spoke. He glanced down the hallway and could see those two gray eyes staring back at him as he lowered it quickly. "I was saying thank you… okay?" He whispered softly, as he watched Zoey turn back to her movie.
"It's fine." She said softly into the line. "Are you sure you can handle a child on your own, Derek?"
"We're doing fine." He said softly. "I am on call tomorrow… I need to find a babysitter… but other than that, it's just fine… she's in school for the full day during the week, and I'm able to get the rest of the afternoons off… the hospital has a daycare if I need it, and she likes my cooking… so that's a plus." He said softly.
"Are you still hanging out with… that… what was that fellow's name that thinks he's God's gift to women?"
"Mark?" Derek laughed at her description. "Yes… Mark is around… he's great with Zoey, she loves him… but he can't watch her tomorrow either, he's on call too. I'll be able to find someone." Derek said with a soft sigh. "I should probably go… but I wanted you to know a little about her… and there are other details… but… I'll talk to you about them later… I… have a few things I have to figure out." He said softly.
"Derek." She said with a swallow, her voice sounding anxious.
"Hmm?" He whispered.
"It is a big thing that you've done for that little girl… I'm very proud of you." She whispered.
"Thank you."
"If you need anything. Call me." She said softly.
"I will." Derek replied.
"I do love you, Derek… despite all of our arguments and fights… I love you very much." She said as she listened to his smile over the phone, she could hear the slight curling of his lips.
"I love you too, Mom." He whispered. "I'm sure I'm going to need some advice." He said softly. "Are you thinking about coming for Thanksgiving?" He asked.
"I'll be there." She replied. "I'll make sure everyone else is too." She said quickly.
"Just remember…"
"Your secret is safe with me…"
"Thanks, Mom." He whispered. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight, sweetheart." She said softly as he reached to hang up the phone as he peered down the hallway and noticed that the little girl was no longer sitting in front of the television.
Derek walked down the hallway slowly, looking around for the little girl as he listened to the sound of the television chattering away. "Zoey?" He said, trying not to sound too worried, he looked to the door and noted that it was still locked. "Zoey, sweetheart?" He called. He glanced to the floor where her half eaten bowl of ice cream sit, her toys were gone from the spot where they were beside her and there was no answer. "Zoey?" he called as he walked toward the stairs, climbing them slowly as he called her name again.
He was answered by silence as he walked toward her room, noticing that it was dark, he glanced in his room and a couple other rooms as he called her. "Zoey, where are you hiding, little girl?" He called as he entered her room, immediately noticing the light beaming from under the closet door. "Zoey…?" he whispered as he heard the sound of her very low hushed voice as she talked quietly.
"Hush…" He heard her say, her voice low and soft. "DD is coming…" She said as he walked into the room and up to the closet door.
He knocked on the door lightly. "Zoey?" He said , his voice displaying his anxiety as he waited for her to reply. "Zoey, are you in there, sweetheart?" He whispered.
"Um…" She said, her voice a little louder as she shuffled things around in the closet. "Yes, I'm in here… just a minute…" She said as her shuffling became a little more frantic. "Just a minute…" She said as suddenly, the door opened and she stepped out quickly, closing the door behind her. "Hi." She said with a shy smile, the room was dark but for the light from beneath the closet and the light of the hallway. Derek was feeling very anxious about this strange, secretive behavior and took a very slow, steady deep breath.
"I thought you were watching your movie…" Derek asked softly as he tilted his head and watched a sense of surprise wash over her face that he hadn't asked why she was in the closet.
"Oh, I was…" She said, walking past Derek, she slipped out of the room. He listened as her little feet padded down the stairs toward the television and he heard the movie turn back on.
He paused for a moment as he stood in front of the closet door, on the cusp of being curious and feeling guilty about it, he tried to stop himself, but his hand reached out for the closet door and opened it slowly. Sitting in a little circle, but for a spot for Zoey, were her three favorite toys, one or two Barbie dolls and a stuffed animal or two. In the middle of the circle sat her backpack, the one that Mark had brought to her. It was packed full of something, and Derek couldn't imagine what. He swore at himself for his curiosity, and crouched down to the bag. He lifted it up and thought for a moment that this wasn't his, this wasn't his to go into.
He pushed his thoughts aside and instead of letting the little girl have her privacy, he unzipped the tiny bag. Within the bag was a small blanket, haphazardly knitted, and very well worn. He brought the blanket to his nose, smelling its mustiness, with just a slight hint of sweetness. He pulled out a small box, opening it with his fingers, he found a pendant, silver and worn with the letter 'M' etched in a swirling, beautifully scrolled font. He then saw a small picture frame, shoved haphazardly to the bottom of the bag, its frame was worn and well loved, the picture protected by the glass. The picture was of a younger, healthier looking Meredith holding a small bundle in her arms, staring at her child with such love and adoration, that Derek became lost in the picture. There was so much love in her eyes, so much love and care, and fear in her eyes, and he became so lost in the picture, that he didn't notice the small figure in the doorway of the closet behind him.
"DD!" She exclaimed. "That's mine!" She shouted, startling him. The picture slipped from his hands and he reached forward to catch it, feeling it slipping from his fingertips as it fell to the ground, its frame and glass covering shattering on impact of the hardwood floor of the closet. He heard a sharp intake of breath from the little girl as she watched the picture frame shatter, his own heart shattering with hers as she stared at the broken pieces settling on the floor. "No!" She screamed. "No! No!"
"Zoey…" Derek whispered.
"Bad, DD!" She screamed as she turned and ran from the room, her tiny feet pounding down the stairs as hard and as fast as she could move them.
Derek stood for a moment, looking at the broken frame and broken glass that littered the inside of the closet. He looked around at the stuffed animals on the floor, her prized possessions, her warmth, her comfort. She had surrounded herself with the things that made her happy and made her feel comfortable, sharing with them the memories of her mother, the memories of when she felt the safest, and he had literally destroyed it in front of her very eyes. In front of all of their eyes, plastic or painted, he felt his stomach knot as he placed her bag on the floor and stepped over the mess he had made.
"Zoey!" He called, listening to her running across the floor downstairs. "Zoey, come here!" Derek called. His voice was desperate and full of sorrow, his hands shaking as he ran from the room and down the stairs, following the sound of her feet as their pounding stopped and he heard the sound of the sliding door in the back of the house open and slam closed. "Zoey… Zoey, please!" Derek called as he ran down the hallway and to the back door, where he pressed his face against the window, watching as she climbed onto the swing on the back porch, turned and grabbed the blanket she had pulled from the chair and wrapped it around herself as she stared at her feet and rocked back and forth.
He carefully slid the door open and walked toward her. "Zoey… Zoey, I'm sorry… look at me… look at me, sweetheart?" He asked as he crouched down in front of her, her feet rocking as she stared at them, kicking Derek as she rocked, not on purpose, but not really caring at the same time. "Zoey, please look at me." Derek whispered as he moved his head into her line of sight, sending her eyelids closed tightly. "Please, little girl… DD is sorry… he's sorry… look at him, sweetheart, please? Please look at me, baby…" Derek whispered as she squeezed her eyes tighter, pulling her hand across her face as a tear escaped the corner of her eye. "Please… please, Zoey…" He whispered as he felt hot tears rolling down his face. "Please?" He said in a broken voice as she shook her head, another tear rolling down her cheek as she tried to hold in her tears, her teeth gritting as she clenched her fists and held tightly to the blanket. "Do you want me to go away?" He whispered, watching her nod her head quickly. "Are you sure?" Another nod. "I'm going to go into the house… I'll let you… I'll let you be alone…" He whispered. "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry, Zoey, I'm sorry…" He sniffled as he reached out to pull her hair from her face, watching her push him away.
His heart was clenching, shooting pains into his chest as he tried desperately to hold in his emotions. "I love you… I love you and I'm sorry… I'm sorry…" He whispered as he stood up and took a step backwards, watching as she caught another sob, a loud gasp as she clenched her teeth and eyes harder as he slipped back into the house and closed the door.
She heard the door slide closed and she could feel him watching her, she could feel him willing her to accept his apology. She could feel his sorrow, feel his pain and anger at himself. She could sense that he was hurting too, but her eyes were closed so tightly and all she kept seeing over and over was the vision of her mother's picture falling from his fingertips and breaking into a million pieces at his feet. "Mama…" She whimpered as she squeezed her eyes tightly. "Why did you have to go to heaven, Mama!" She shouted angrily as she slammed her fist down on the swing. "I'm so alone…" She sobbed, staring up at the top of the porch, she moved her eyes down and they settled on the image of Derek sitting on the chair in the kitchen, his head in his hands as he too cried tears of sorrow.
She watched him as she cried, her tears rolling down her cheeks quickly as she cried, she put her head down when he looked up at her, allowing her tears to fall into her lap as she stood up and walked toward the door. She wiped her tears from her face and reached up for the door, sliding it open, she walked inside as she sniffled, holding back her sobs as she closed the door again, she kept her eyes downcast as she walked past him out of the kitchen, down the hallway and back up the stairs, leaving Derek alone with only the memory of the happy little girl.
He waited a short time, her sobs didn't last long after she had gone to her room, and Derek thought that maybe she had fallen asleep upstairs. He walked to the stairs and climbed delicately up each step to her room. He thought to knock, but if she were asleep he didn't want to wake her. He stepped into the room and by the light of the moon shining in her window, he could see her still form on the bed, curled comfortably on her blanket. Her thumb was planted firmly in her mouth, her arm wrapped securely around Molly as she slept soundly. On her other side, grasped tightly in her hand was Floyd, the little mouse from Alex. His brow furrowed as he swallowed hard, his eyes traveling the room for only a moment as they led him to the small rocking chair across the room. In the rocking chair, covered comfortably with a blanket, alone and away from all of her other toys, sat Mister Derek. Derek's breath caught in his throat as he looked at the bear sitting across the room so sad and alone. He first walked to the bed, lifting the blanket over her tiny body, she curled instinctively within it, her eyes closed tightly as she barely moved. He then stepped over to the rocking chair, watching the gentle rise and fall of the little girl's chest as he lifted the bear from his resting place. He turned and backed himself into the chair, pulling Mister Derek into his arms, he covered his lap with the blanket, wrapped his arms around the bear and fell asleep to the sound of the little girl's sleepy sighs as he cried silent tears for her.
Derek lean uncomfortably in the rocking chair, his sleep was cramped and full of cricks and cramps as he sit on the rocking chair. At one point in the middle of the night, he felt a slight pressure on his leg. He didn't move as he felt the coolness of the room envelop him for a moment as the blanket covering him was lifted off his body. He kept his eyes closed, not wanting to frighten her or send her running off. He stayed perfectly still as he felt a hand on his leg, pushing slightly as her little bottom deposited itself in his lap. He felt her tuck Molly in his other arm beside Mister Derek, and Floyd in his other arm as she pushed herself into his embrace and pulled the blanket over them both.
She reached up gently and placed a very small kiss on the corner of Derek's chin, whispering soft sentiments of sweet dreams before she lay her head on his arm and fell back to sleep.
When morning came, Derek thought that what he had experienced had only been a dream because when he opened his eyes, the little girl was nowhere in sight. He straightened himself out and looked around, his lap was cold and his arms no longer held the small child. He looked in his arms and found that all three toys had been tucked gently on his lap, and the closet door was open.
He lifted the toys and held them as he placed each on the bed where she always left them when she was going to school, tucking them delicately beneath the blanket as she always did. He walked toward the closet, peering in for a moment he saw that she had cleaned the broken pieces of the frame and had swept them into a pile. The picture was no longer on the floor and her backpack was not in the closet anymore. He stepped farther into the closet, noticing a small folded piece of paper that had found its way tucked along the side of a box in the closet. The paper was yellowed and worn, and when he opened it, he didn't recognize the writing, but he quickly realized who it was from.
He turned the paper in his hand, realizing that it must have been tucked in the picture frame, placed there for its eventual finding by the little girl. He read the message again and again as he turned sharply at the sound of the little girl walking up the stairs, her shoes smacking the hardwood steps of the stairs as she neared the room.
Derek slipped the paper in his pocket as he stepped out of the closet, leaving it opened like it was when he walked inside. He walked over to the rocking chair and stood beside it as she entered the room. She was dressed, her hair brushed, and she stood in the door with her arms folded across her chest.
"Hey…good morning…" He said softly, waiting for her reply as she looked him up and down, glanced around him to see that her toys were tucked into bed, she turned sharply and walked out of the room. "Hey… don't I get a good morning?" Derek asked, the only reply was the sound of her feet bounding back down the stairs. "The silent treatment…" He mumbled as he walked out of her bedroom toward his room to get showered and dressed.
Derek showered and dressed and walked downstairs to find Zoey had eaten and was waiting patiently by the door for Derek, her backpack on her back, her coat and shoes on. She sat on the couch until Derek was finished getting ready. He kept talking to her, trying to get her to respond, but her mouth remained closed, her eyes averted from his as he held his hand out to her. "Alright, let's go…" He said as she turned from his hand, reached for the doorknob and opened the door, walking through the door, she ignored his outstretched hand and walked outside. "Come on… you're not even going to hold my hand?" He complained as he followed after her down the steps toward the car. "Zoey, please?" He begged as she stood beside the car door. She looked up at him and back toward the car. "I'm not unlocking the door until you talk to me." She ignored him and stared at the car. "Come on, Zoey…"
She ignored him and he unlocked the car anyway, opening the door for her, she slipped into the car and grabbed the seatbelt, glaring at Derek when he reached for it to help her. She stretched it across herself and latched it as Derek leaned down to kiss her cheek. She moved from his kiss and he ended up lifting his head, slamming it on the top of the car. "Ow… hey… I'm just trying to tell you that I love you… I'm sorry…Zoey… please? Please talk to me?"
She stared at the seat in front of her as she waited patiently for Derek to drive her to school. He gave up after a moment and climbed into the driver's seat, driving them toward the hospital, he tried talking to her the entire way, trying this and that to get her to talk to him. He didn't want to push her, but her silence was deafening, and he needed her voice. He needed her to talk to him. He pulled into the parking lot and got out, turning to see Zoey unbuckling her seatbelt and grabbing her backpack as she reached for the door handle. She pulled on it as Derek climbed out of the car and rushed around to her side just as she slammed the door closed. She looked up at him and turned for the sidewalk. "Come on, Zoey… hold my hand… you have to hold my hand, we have to cross a couple of roads… I promise if you hold my hand, I won't make you talk to me." he said as she stopped. She turned around and watched Derek approach her. He held his hand out to her and she reluctantly grabbed hold of it, sighing as he smiled triumphantly.
He held her hand securely in his as they walked toward the school and true to his word, Derek didn't ask her any questions or try to get her to talk to him. They walked up the steps of the school together, her silence was starting to make his stomach hurt, he could feel a tightening in his chest, his mouth was strangely dry, and he squeezed her hand to see if she would squeeze back, with no response at all.
They stepped up to the room as Derek waved to Kara as they approached. "Hey, Derek… Hi, Zoey…" She said in a soft voice as Zoey continued to pull Derek past her, refusing to say hello.
"I'll be right back…" He said quickly as he let her pull him toward the room. They reached the room and she let go of his hand, turning around, she faced him and looked up at him.
"I love you…" He said softly as she looked up into his eyes. "I'm sorry." He whispered.
She looked down at his feet and back up at his face. "Your shoelace is untied." She said simply. He looked down at his sneaker and back up, but in that split second, she had disappeared into her classroom. He swallowed hard. He didn't know whether to laugh, or to cry as he stood there staring into the room. His eyes moved back down to his tied sneaker as he felt the lump in his throat. "Oh yeah…" Her voice sent his eyes up to her face appearing from around the corner. "I love you too, DD." She said quickly as she turned back around and disappeared back into the room.
He stood for a moment in front of the door, watching the children running around, hanging up their jackets, finding their places and he took a very slow, very deep breath. He closed his eyes for a moment and felt a hand on his shoulder. "Derek?" Kara said as she watched him release his breath slowly, opening his eyes, he turned his head to her.
"Hey." He said, with a half smile. He tried to sound nonchalant, but it only came across as exhausted.
"Are you alright? You look like you were counting to ten…" She said with a friendly smile.
"I was just… hey, how are you feeling? You were pretty upset yesterday because of your patient…" He said as he put his hand on her shoulder and started to lead her away from the classroom.
"You're changing the subject." She replied. "Denial, Derek…"
"Not denial… concern… are you feeling better?" He asked.
"You're changing the focus… I'm asking about you, and you're changing the focus…"
"Good… you look to be on top of your game today… you must have gone home, had a nice meal… gotten some sleep…"
"Bubble bath, I had a bubble bath…" She said as they walked out of the school and down the steps.
"And here I am… trying to be a good friend and not imagine you naked or in bed…" He said as he laughed at her shocked face. "Sorry… was that an inappropriate joke?" he asked as she stood with an amused, slack jawed face at the top of the stairs as he passed her and walked quickly down them, turning around with a smirk as she stood there.
"Derek!" She exclaimed as she hopped down the stairs quickly after him, smacking him with her hand. "I'll have you know… I have a boyfriend who would be pretty jealous if he heard you talking like that."
"Well… I have a girlfriend who would be pretty upset if she heard me say that…" He said, as he kept walking, smiling as she caught up with him.
"Hey, you never mentioned that you had a girlfriend…" She said as she looked over at him as he laughed.
"I just dropped her off at school…" He said with a laugh as she shook her head. "You never told me that you had a boyfriend." He said, nudging her as they walked.
"You never asked." She said as she walked backwards a little and watched him raise his eyebrows at her.
"Touché" he replied, nodding at her giggle.
"So, you were going to tell me something yesterday…" She said as she glanced to Derek, trying to get his attention as he walked with his head down. "About Zoey…"
"I was?" He replied, looking up at her, shuffling his feet as he stopped. He tilted his head as he feigned confusion. "I don't think I was…" He said as he turned and continued to walk.
"Yeah you were… and the little ones came out of the room, and you stopped… Does it have anything to do with the fact that you're not Zoey's father?" She asked as Derek stopped. He stared at his feet for a moment and Kara instantly felt bad. "Derek… sorry… I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that… I'm just… I'm pushy and Carrie told me that Zoey had told her some things, and I asked her a couple questions… I'm sorry…"
Derek smirked at his feet as he lifted his eyes to hers. "No… she's not my daughter…" He said with a polite smile. "I told you… she's my girl…" He chuckled as he continued to walk. She rushed to catch up with him again as they walked across the parking lot.
"You adopted her?"
"Took her in." Derek said as he walked with Kara by his side. "I feed her… she eats a lot… does your daughter eat a lot?" He asked as he gave Kara a strange look. When she didn't answer right away, he just continued talking. "I hold her when she has nightmares… I make sure she has clean clothes and a bed to sleep in… she's not my biological child… and I really don't know her family very well…I just… She's in a very unique situation… and I was in the right place at the right time, and when all is said and done… she keeps me sane." He said, stopping at the door as the doors opened in front of him. He ushered Kara inside, and smiled as she nodded and laughed, walking past him into the hospital as he followed behind her.
"You took her in… well, that was very noble of you."
"Not noble… it was my responsibility… she needed me, and I needed her… and now she needs her mother… and its my responsibility to make sure that happens."
"Where is her mother?"
"Oh… well… that's another talk for another walk to work…" He said with a smirk. "I should go… I have some new interns today… I have to get them all situated and initiated…" He winked as he took a step backwards.
"Okay…" She said with a smile. "What about lunch… are you busy then?" She asked with a polite smile.
"Actually… I have a date…" he raised his eyebrows at her.
"You do?" She asked.
"I do…" He nodded. "With one of the most beautiful women in the hospital… excluding yourself, of course…" He nodded.
"Oh well then… you have fun on your lunch date…"
"I will… she's a shy one… but I'm dying to get inside her head…" He wiggled her eyebrows at her.
"I hope that's all she lets you inside of…"
"Oh! That was getting me back for the…"
"Yeah, get out of here… you have interns to corrupt…" She giggled as she watched him take off for the stairs as she laughed on her way to the elevator.
Derek was about to step into Meredith's room, a brown bag in his hand when he was grabbed from behind. "What the… Cris, what the hell do you want?" He said with an almost angry scowl as he turned to face Cristina as she looked down the hallway to see if anyone saw his outburst.
"Is that any way to talk your superior?" She asked, raising her eyebrows at Derek as she crossed her arms over her chest.
"I'm on my lunch break… you're no more my superior to me on my lunch break than my thumb is to my middle finger." He said as he gave her a demonstration.
"Oh, that was clever… where'd you come up with that one? A monkey teach you?"
"Alright, Cris… let's get back to the question at hand. What the hell do you want?"
"What crawled up your ass and died, Doctor Shepherd…? I wanted to know if you had found a babysitter for mini Mer yet…"
"You mean Zoey?" He asked, raising his eyebrows with an irritated scowl.
"Yeah… duh…" She sighed.
"No, I haven't found a babysitter yet…" He said with an irritated sigh. "Maybe I'll just drag her around the hospital with me… traumatize her a little more… it seems you'd like that… you can't call her by her name, you give me a days notice of having to be on call… and then, you put me on call for two nights in a row… you know I have responsibilities, I thought we had an agreement, and understanding… but I see now that I was wrong… you're just as spiteful and nasty as the chief… you don't give a shit about Meredith or her daughter… you're an awful friend and if I were her, I'd figure out a way to talk just so that I could tell you how much of a bad friend you really are." He growled.
"You know, Derek…" She said, barely even affected by his words. "I think I may have found you a babysitter…" She said with a smirk, just as he felt a tap on his shoulder.
"Hey guys!" Izzie said with a happy smile.
"Cris… no…" Derek whispered under his breath.
"Izzie… what are you doing tonight?" Cristina asked.
"No…" Derek growled under his breath again.
"Nothing… why?"
"Derek is looking for a babysitter for Zoey… He's on call… you interested?"
"Cristina!" Derek growled.
"Sure…" She said with a grin. "Oh… but I have to check on Meredith… she needs her meds and therapy before bed…"
"Don't worry about that, I'll make sure Doctor Shepherd takes care of Meredith on his rounds." She said with a smirk as Izzie nodded.
"Okay!" She said with a smile as she glanced to Derek. "I just have to finish up here with Mer's afternoon therapy, and I will catch up with you, Derek…" Izzie said with a smile.
"Actually…" Cristina said with a smile. "Why don't you come with me to my office… I'll get you Derek's information… he'll take care of Meredith's therapy instead of taking his lunch break… he's a committed doctor…" She nodded with a faux serious look on her face.
"Cristina…" Derek sighed.
"Okay." Izzie said with a perky smile. "I'll meet you down at your office…" She said as she turned and faced Derek. "I'll see you later, Derek…"
"Bye, Izzie…" Derek said politely as she disappeared down the hallway.
"Oh my GOD… you did NOT just do that to me!" Derek growled at Cristina as he took a step toward her just as she grabbed his shirt collar and pulled him down to her level.
"Listen to me, Doctor Shepherd." She said as she watched a couple doctors walk past her looking nervous as she threatened Derek. "Say one more word and you're going to have more than your share of things to do tonight while you're on call… one more word and you're cleaning out the MRI room when everyone has gone home… one more word… and you'll be cleaning that room from top to bottom… inside the machine… outside the machine… you'll be everywhere… in the control room… everywhere… dusting… everything… hell, you could even get Meredith to help you scrub the inside if you want… I don't give a crap…" She said, her eyes sparkling as she shook her head and gave him an angry glare. "One… more… word…" She growled.
Derek smirked. He could read her eyes loud and clear, the look on her face said everything as he swallowed hard. "Bitch." He whispered, reaching his hand up, he uncurled her hand from his labcoat, turned and walked into Meredith's room, closing the door behind him.
Derek stepped into the room without saying a word, he closed the door and looked immediately to the woman lying in the bed. He wanted nothing more for her to open her eyes as soon as he stepped in, but he knew that it wouldn't happen. He swallowed as he stood in the doorway.
It's about time, Izzie… My muscles are aching for you to man handle them again… I'm so freaking miserable… I just want this damn headache to go away… and my baby wasn't here last night, I hope she's alright. I only just met her, but it's so lonely without her voice. What's with the quiet too? I mean… the only time you're this quiet is when you have laryngitis. Oh, I'm hilarious…
Derek took a step forward toward the bed. He watched the monitors as he stepped around to her chart, lifting it from the small holder as he read through it.
Come on Izzie, talk to me… stimulate me… bore me to tears… I wonder how 'Brangelina' is doing this week… come on… who is Mark Sloan sleeping with now? Give me some hot hospital gossip… did you find out if Derek has a girlfriend yet? Did you find out who this Rachel chick is?
He looked at the vitals and found that since the afternoon, her stats had all been a little on the low side. Her blood pressure was a little high recently, but other than that she was fairly stable. There were no indications on her chart of any interaction with anyone, leading him to believe that her eyes had remained closed while he was away, and he felt guilty for not visiting her the night before.
Izzie? Come on… are you giving me some kind of silent treatment? You usually just leap into action and grab hold of my leg like you're getting ready to wrestle an alligator… but you're being too quiet… and you're really starting to freak me out.
He set the chart down and walked to her side. He leaned close to her, and very gently picked up her hand.
You're not Izzie.
"Your daughter is no longer talking to me." He whispered softly, his voice showing his sorrow for the situation.
Derek. Why isn't she talking to you? What happened? I am so happy to hear your voice.
As if on cue, her eyes opened. It was strange to Meredith, this ability to open her eyes when Derek was around. It wasn't like she only wanted to see him or Zoey, but something in his voice, in the presence he brought her the strength to move. Derek, Zoey, Cristina… something in their energy, their presence, their hope and personal, internal strength had a power to bring her around to communicating outwardly.
"Oh… so I get the satisfaction of seeing those beautiful eyes again."
Don't flatter yourself, brain man… go on…
"She's not talking to me anymore, and I don't know how to get her to forgive me for what I've done…" He said softly.
'What?' She blinked as Derek read carefully, her eyes as he very gently began her therapy while he talked. His fingers danced over her skin so very gently, her sore muscles melting beneath his strong fingertips as he stroked her skin ever so lightly and helped her through her exercises.
"I broke something of hers… something that meant a lot to her… I didn't mean to, I didn't mean to even go through her little bag, but she was hiding in the closet… and you know… I still don't know her well… and she has such awful nightmares… and she's young, you know… and she was so traumatized, that I know there are things that she doesn't tell me… and I was afraid she was hoarding food… or was… I don't know… I don't know what I was expecting… but there was a picture of you…" He whispered as he watched her eyes, the concern held deep inside them as she followed him.
'Me?'
"It's a picture she must have brought from New York with her. I found a note that had fallen from it." He said as he continued to softly massage Meredith's arm, moving his fingertips up her arm as he watched her eyes remain on his.
'What?'
What did it say?'
"The note?" He said as he released her arm.
Keep… no, don't…
Derek reached into his pocket and pulled the paper out. He swallowed as he looked into her eyes. "Your mom put it in the frame of the picture…" He said softly as he turned, sitting down on the bed. "I found it this morning, and I don't think Zoey saw it." He said softly as he unfolded the paper and watched her eyes.
'Read.'
Derek looked down at the paper and cleared his throat softly. "Zoey… I don't think that I could live from day to day without you knowing the truth. I know that you won't read this before I'm gone, but you need to know that the person in this picture is not me. It is your real mother. She lives in Seattle, and she loves you very much. Meredith Leigh Grey. She is your mommy, please tell her that I loved her. Love always, your Grandmother. Ellis Grey." Derek read slowly as he folded the paper. He watched the tears in Meredith's eyes as she watched him react to her words, react to her sadness.
I hate her. I hate my mother.
Derek cleared his throat as he watched the tears roll down her cheeks. "Oh… please don't cry…" He whispered. "Please… please don't cry…" He whispered as he wiped her tears with his thumb, drying her cheek gently with his fingertips as he felt tears in his own eyes. "I am so sorry… but… I hate your mother so much…" He said as he swallowed hard. "I hate her for taking your little girl. She had no right… she had no right to do that to you… and now she's gone… and she had no intention of telling her the truth…" Derek swallowed. "She'll figure it out, Meredith… if I don't tell her, she'll figure it out…"
'Derek, please no cry'
Her eyes spoke to him as he wiped his own tear with his fingertips. "I'm sorry… I just… she means so much to me… and now she won't even talk to me, because I lost her trust."
Derek, she's a girl… you invaded her privacy… but she still adores you… she loves you.
"She said she loved me before she went to school today… that's all she's said to me… she's giving me the silent treatment."
'You aren't complaining about me giving you the silent treatment'
Derek chuckled at her response, he could feel her smile within her still form. "You think you're funny, don't you?" He asked with a laugh.
'I like your laugh.'
"I am sure I will love yours." Derek replied as he imagined what her giggle would sound like, laughing with her eyes. "I want to tell her, Meredith. I want to tell her so she doesn't feel alone anymore."
'If I die?'
"No…" Derek said sternly. "That's not an option."
But if I do, then it's another disappointment…
"I don't want her to hurt anymore. I need her to know there are other people in the world that love her, that adore her. I told my stepmother about her."
I am sure that went well.
"My stepmother and I don't get along very well…" Derek explained as he slipped the folded piece of paper into his pocket and watched Meredith listen. "My mother died when I was very young… she became sick after I was born, and only lived for about six months after I was born. My father was alone until I was nearly five years old… raising me and my four sisters and he met Marjorie. She was a nice enough woman… nice enough for me to call her Mom… I was young enough to know that she was trying… but old enough to have a grudge against her for trying to take my mother's place… and there was always tension between us… My father died… about two years ago… I had inherited a lot of money, and that's how I built my house… how I am able to survive on an intern's salary… and I think that Marjorie felt that my decision to live in Seattle was a way for me to get away from her…She's a nice woman… and though there is still some tension, I try to be civil." He explained. "She's going to visit for Thanksgiving… so that my family can meet Zoey…" He whispered. "I want her to have a family…"
'You are good.'
You're being a very good father, Derek… You're being a very good father… stop doubting yourself.
"You're too kind…" He said as he reached out and touched her cheek as the door opened and a head poked in. Derek turned to face the young doctor who was standing nervously in the doorway.
"Um… uhm… Doctor… um… Doctor Shepherd?" The young intern said softly as Derek nodded.
"Yes? Doctor O'Malley, right… you're one of the first year interns from the orientation this morning?"
"Yes Sir…" He said with a nod. "Doctor Yang said you needed to see me?" He said as he stepped in and closed the door, seeing the young woman lying in the bed, her eyes bright as she didn't say a word, move, or anything. She just watched.
Cristina?
"Doctor Yang?" Derek said with a surprised sound in his voice.
"She said you needed me to bring something to the lab… something important…?" George stammered as he swallowed hard, unsure of what he was even there for.
"The lab?"
"Blood tests, or something." George said as he shrugged as he dragged in a tray with some equipment on it.
"Oh!" Derek said softly as he grabbed Meredith's chart. "Yes… blood tests…"
Derek? Derek, what do you mean blood tests?
"Doctor O'Malley, meet our new patient… Meredith Grey… Meredith, this is George O'Malley…"
"Hi, Meredith." George said with a polite smile.
Hi George…
"She's not going to be one of our more talkative patients, Dr. O'Malley." Derek said quickly as he grabbed the band from the tray and put it around Meredith's arm. "You see… she is unique… in that she's been out of it for about six years now…a little bit of a coma… and just recently, she's decided to come back to us…" Derek explained.
"Welcome back." George said awkwardly.
Meredith's eyes remained on Derek through the entire thing from the beginning to the end of him taking her blood, talking as nonchalantly as if he were just doing a routine checkup. He rubbed the spot on her arm as he handed the vials of blood to George. "We're going to do an MRI on Ms. Grey this afternoon. I want these vials marked with a different name though… you know… for privacy's sake…" Derek said as he wrote a few things down… George, what is your mother's name?"
"Um… um… Louise…" He mumbled as he looked at Derek strangely.
"That's good… we'll call her Louise Livingston…. Because living is what she's going to be doing when we find out what's going on with her…"
Clever, Derek…
"Why the alias?" George whispered as he accepted the vials and looked down at the young woman's eyes as she stared at the older doctor.
"Because there is nothing quite like that added privacy, is there, Doctor O'Malley… she's our patient, got that? Your patient and my patient… only you, me and the lab technician will touch this blood… and this conversation here… between you and I… it never happened… I want you to stand in the lab until the tests are done." He said as he scribbled several notes down on a paper from the chart and tore it out. He handed it to George. "Have them run these tests… maybe a couple of more for good measure" He said as George nodded anxiously. "Don't worry…its only your first day, O'Malley… they can't fire you on your first day…" He said as he ushered George out of the room and waited for the door to close as he turned and faced Meredith again.
'MRI?'
"You and I have a date with an MRI machine tonight...How does a little after midnight sound... just you, me... the subtle sounds of x-rays and brain scans..." Derek said with a smirk as he walked to Meredith's bedside, reached his hand out, and placed his hand on her cheek as he smiled softly. "You deserve this chance, Meredith… and I'm willing to risk everything I have to make it happen." He said softly as he watched another tear roll down her cheek.
You're making it very hard for me not to fall for you, Derek Shepherd.
