PART NINE

His week progresses normally up until Thursday night when he gets home from school and his dad is already home, waiting for him. They had the dreaded conversation with his mother, and as per his prediction, she'd cried, and he'd kind of pointed out that he was leaving for college soon anyway, and he needed to learn to be independent and that it's a good thing, but it hadn't stopped her tears and her whole 'my little baby growing up' and her little glare at his dad like it was his idea. He'd phoned his sister, something he's never done before, and she'd been surprised but happy to hear from him and it had been good talking to her. Right now though, his dad is studying him across the island in the kitchen, eyes serious and a bit sad and he's suddenly filled with worry that maybe his dad is sick, or lost his job, or doesn't actually want him living here all the time after all.

"You okay dad?"

"I'm fine David. Fine. I just… I want to know something."

Silence stretches between them and he's a thousand types of fluttery sick in his stomach, terrified of what might be coming.

"Are you gay?"

In the silence it seems like the words have been shouted. Everything seems to slow down, go cold and he's pretty sure he needs to go and throw up. His legs are shaking and he braces himself with his arms, needing the physical support. Crunch time. It's now. Now now now. He swallows and nods silently, and he can't look at him, can't bear to see the look on his face, be it disappointment or disgust or combination.

"Okay. That's… okay. I wondered. You know I love you right?"

He jerks his head in what he hopes is some semblance of a nod and he can't believe he's crying, and he's trying to hide that fact, keeping his head down, because his dad and him have never been big on emotions, but he prefers his dad's quiet steady presence rather than his mom's flighty overly-emotional state of being.

"Okay. Good. I hope you know I won't tell anyone unless you want me to. That includes your mother. Maybe especially your mother."

He feels some of the tension knotted in his stomach dissipate and he relaxes slightly, wipes his eyes and nose on his sleeve and his dad pretends not to notice.

"I suppose that sex talk I gave you a couple of years ago was completely useless huh?"

"God dad… can we not do this? Please?" Because I'm pretty sure I know all I need to know about gay sex to get me started. It's not rocket science and I'm not an idiot. But he gets that his dad is trying to lighten the mood, and that thought has him laughing, but it has a hysterical edge, and he's laughing and crying again and then his dad's arms around him, tight and too brief before dropping away.

"I ask because I care. I want you to be… safe and…"

"I get it dad. Don't worry, I kind of need several other things to happen before sex even becomes an issue."

"Oh. Okay. You want to go out for dinner?"

"Yeah, that'd be cool." Anything so they don't have to talk.

Dinner turns into bowling and he lets himself enjoy it, feels relaxed for the first time around his dad in close to two years like he's no longer hiding this lie from him and he can't believe how good it feels. Not that he really came out, per se, and he still hasn't ever said the words aloud. Written them many times, but it's like saying them gives them some power, which is ridiculous, because it's imagined power and he's giving it to them against his will. One day he'll shout it from the tops of mountains or buildings, but until then, typing it out and nodding when his dad asks.

"Did you uh… being gay have something to do with wanting to move?" His dad asks in the car on the way home and Dave turns to him and shrugs.

"Yeah. I knew you'd… not freak out. Figured you might not like it, but you wouldn't kick me out or call me a freak or any other name. Mom and Adrian are… different."

His dad snorts at that and Dave bites his lip. He was too young when they divorced to really know the reasons, but looking at them now he can't even imagine them ever being together. His dad is quiet, but pretty laid back and while not liberal exactly, he's an each-to-his-own kind of guy. His mom is loud and can be a bit obnoxious. He loves both of them, but his dad is much easier to live with. Even easier now that he doesn't need to hide such a big part of himself, although he's pretty sure things are going to continue along with the status quo. He needs to share it when he gets home, so makes a brief blog post about it and then messages FruitLover. It's the first time he's instigated conversation out of nothing, but he's pretty sure he won't mind.

I just came out to my dad. Well. Not exactly. He asked if I was gay and I didn't say no. Fuck. I thought I was going to vomit all over him. Scariest thing ever. Feels good now though.

That's a bit presumptuous isn't it? What if you weren't? Congratulations though, that's great.

I'm pretty sure I'd have been able to say something rather than stand there like a dumb fuck he wouldn't have believed me anyway. I think he thought I was going to tell him on Saturday. Anyway, fuck it feels good.

You swear a lot.

Dave stares at the words, feels like he's suddenly been slapped and feels a trickle of doubt.

You said you were a teenage guy. We all swear a lot.

I didn't mean it as a negative thing. Just an observation. I don't swear much.

Oh. I don't know what to say to that. Sorry?

Ignore me, I'm in a weird mood. Can't believe school is finishing in a couple of weeks and I'm just sitting here wondering what other aspects of my life are going to change.

Every aspect probably. Where you live. Who you're friends with. What you do in your spare time. Everything. Change is scary. But it's mostly good.

Yeah. I know you're right. Just big changes are even scarier.


Rachel has given up and gone to the movies with Finn, but he's on a mission. He will create a new versatile winter wardrobe suitable for New York if it kills him. And it might. His feet are throbbing at the amount of walking he's done today, but he knows he needs to get it sorted before his funds are significantly less. He'll have to get over the fact that he won't be in season and just own his own style. He can do that. But right now he needs to rest. Needs to put his feet up and in an ideal world have someone massage them.

He orders a coffee and waits for it to be prepared, hopping from one foot to the other trying to give them small alternate rests while he waits. When he's handed his drink he turns to find a seat and the small coffee shop is crowded but he's pretty certain he can spy an empty table… except it isn't empty. He bites his lip. He hasn't seen David Karofsky since Valentine's Day, and he feels a surge of what he's pretty sure is guilt run through him. He'd sort of offered a hand of friendship and then never followed through. To be fair, he'd kind of been involved in his own little personal revelation that he and Blaine were far better suited as friends and then figuring a way to break up with him.

But there he sits, one hand holding a reusable ceramic coffee cup, one of the environmentally friendly ones with a silicon lid, about half a dozen empty sugar packets litter the table, and his eyes are downcast, intent on reading the book in front of him. He's wearing glasses, which he's never imagined David would need, and he's dressed all in black, a dress shirt with sleeves rolled up to his elbows and hmm… he kind of wonders what things would be like if they were different, and he's just standing there, still torn between the decision to go and sit with him or turn and walk away. Someone bumps him from behind, forcing him to take a step forward to steady himself and he goes with it, walks toward him filled with trepidation. He'd completely understand if Dave never wanted to talk to him again, and he prepares himself for potential anger and/or rejection.

"Hello David. Do you mind if I join you?"

His head snaps up so fast, eyes wide that it's almost comical and he smiles, trying to not look as nervous as he feels. Behind his glasses Dave's eyes appear much greener than he remembers, and dressed all in black like he is it reminds him of the gorilla suit, except more streamlined, because he's sure that suit must have added fifty pounds. He's still big though, and he's straightening in his chair, eyes haven't left his face and then he nudges out the other chair with his foot and offers a minute little shrug. He sits and David closes his book, leaving it face down on the table, and it's a bit odd seeing someone reading an actual book these days with the availability of e-readers.

It's awkward. Painfully awkward. He has no idea what to say, and David looks like he's experiencing the same problem. Things aren't easy between them, and he doesn't know if they ever will be with their history, but he wants to make it right, if only because David has clearly tried so hard to accept his sexuality. He supposes the fact that they're even sitting there is another positive step. He sips his coffee and smiles at Dave again, wondering what, if anything, they could ever talk about.

"Kurt! Hey! And Karofsky… hi." Blaine's eyes flick to him, eyebrows both raised in question and he wants to roll his eyes. Blaine is as subtle as a rainbow colored slinky. Although at least now with three people conversation might flow easier, although Blaine is looking ten types of uncomfortable.

"Hi Blaine. Grab a chair and join us…"

"Uh, here, have mine. I was just leaving. My break's over anyway… I'll uh, see you around Kurt."

He leaves so quickly Kurt doesn't even have time to reply and he's starting to get used to David walking away from him, and he doesn't particularly like people walking away from him, weird as it is.

"What were you doing having coffee with him?" Blaine asks, sliding into the chair opposite and he sighs, wondering what he can even say that makes sense.