I'm back! Here today with us is the ever popular Iruka!
"Shut up."
What?
"You've put me through hell already, what more do you want from me?"
He has a point. All right, Iruka, who do you propose we pick to read the disclaimer? Remember, it is a dangerous job, and that person may be killed.
"Uhhh..."
Good choice! All the way from another dimension, it's Gamabunta!
"Who the hell summoned me!"
I did. I know I don't have a contract with the frogs, but in this story, I am omnipotent. So here you are. Read the disclaimer.
"Like I'll read your stupid disclaimer! I'm the almighty boss of the frogs! Why should I bow down to you?"
All right then, would you like me to show these fine people your adorable tadpole pictures?
"HOW DID YOU GET THOSE!"
As I said, I am omnipotent. I can get whatever I want.
"Fine... You win... MasterFroda does not own Naruto or any of its characters in any way, shape, or form, except for plushie form, but that's beside the point. Can I go now?"
Sure.
Poof.
Between you and me, I don't really have his tadpole pictures... ON WITH THE SHOW!
---
The Most Dangerous Game
This Chapter Refuses to be Degraded by a Title
Shikamaru was leading Shino to the arboreum. He had seen Kiba and Ino run there.
"Are you sure you can do this alone, Shikamaru?"
"Hey, it's troublesome, but I have to do it, or else I'm dead. Anyway, I think Kiba and Ino would go great together. They are both impulsive people with short attention spans. What more could you want?"
"Why did you reject Ino?"
"None of your business. Girls are too troublesome."
"You could have just said that girls are too troublesome, but you started your sentence with 'none of your business.' What are you hiding?"
"Again, I say, none of your business. Now go away and let a master work."
Shino just turned around when he was suddenly covered with squid. Through his squiddy prison, he could hear two voices arguing.
"Naruto no baka! He wasn't even with Sakura when you released the trap!"
"How am I supposed to know who he's with, Sasuke-teme?"
"Excuse me," Said the pile of squid, "But I can hear everything you two are saying. What is your purpose?"
"GAH! The squid are talking!"
"Shut up, Naruto, it's just Shino..."
"GAH! Shino can hear us!"
"That's better..."
"Ahem," Interjected the squid.
"Oh, right. Naruto, just go away before you screw anything more up. I'll handle Shino."
"Right... Sasuke-teme..."
Naruto sulked off as Sasuke began lifting the squid off of Shino.
"Whose idea was this, anyway?" Shino asked, having been partially uncovered.
"It was Naruto's."
"Well, what is your purpose in doing this? What do you have to gain from covering me in squid?"
"We were supposed to wait until you came along with Sakura..."
"So this is about her, is it?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact, it is."
"Back off."
"What?"
"I said back off. This is not your concern, Uchiha, so I ask you to take your business elsewhere."
"Hmph."
Sasuke and Shino walked where they intended to go in the first place, but realized that they were both going in the same direction. Shino calmly closed his eyes behind his glasses and walked by ear while Sasuke took the occasional furitive glance towards Shino as if to see what he was thinking. After failing to glean any information from sight, Sasuke decided enough was enough.
"She's mine, Shino. She always has been and she always will be."
"Tell her that and make a judgement upon her response."
Sasuke was silenced. He took the nearest fork in the hallway away from Shino. At the same time, both of them had the same thought.
Pompous bastard.
---
Ino and Kiba were sitting in the arboreum under a tree. They were exhausted from the day's events. Suddenly, something caught Kiba's nose.
"Hey, Ino?"
"Yeah, Kiba?"
"What's that smell?"
"What smell?"
"It smells like... flowers, I guess."
"We're in an arboreum."
"Nah, not flowers. It doesn't seem natural."
Kiba started to sniff Ino, which made Ino very uncomfortable, but amused nonetheless.
"It's you, isn't it?"
"You mean my perfume? Yeah, I wear perfume every day. A girl's got to smell nice even on missions, you know."
"It smells nice..."
Kiba was in bliss with the scent of Ino's perfume wafting over to him. Akamaru was in a similar state, and crawled into Ino's lap. Ino wasn't sure whether she should be flattered or offended at the boy and his dog's behavior. During the exchange, Shikamaru crept up on the pair.
Cupid has his arrows, but I have my shadow. I know that these things are supposed to be handled delicately, but I don't have that kind of time. It's troublesome, but I'm forcing these two together... literally.
Kiba was sniffing Ino and then suddenly his body took on a mind of its own. He wrapped his arm around the kunoichi's shoulder. Ino couldn't help but fall into his grasp, as if her body was moving of its own accord as well.
Kage kugutsu no jutsu has succeeded. I can now move those two independently of one another.
Akamaru had to jump out of Ino's lap as Kiba moved closer in and inhaled the perfume on Ino's neck. The smell intoxicated the helpless boy and now his thoughts were out of control as well as his body. His head started to swim as he was enveloped with Ino's scent. Ino herself was quite caught up in the moment, and she had one thought on her mind.
This guy's sooooo much better than Shikamaru...
Little did she know that Shikamaru was the one pulling the strings.
Damn, I'm good. If all goes well, Ino will have forgotten all about me and I can go back to... No, no more thoughts about that. My mind must be in the here and now.
Shikamaru turned out to be too good for his own good, as Kiba fell unconscious from sensory overload while Ino fell on top of him and fainted from mental overload. Akamaru made a mental comment about how strange humans are and he curled up next to the pair of ninja and fell asleep. Shikamaru quietly sneaked off.
Naruto walked into the arboreum feeling dejected, and his mood was worsened by the sight before him. Ino was lying on top of Kiba and they both looked very happy with the situation. Naruto bit his lip.
Why is everyone suddenly falling in love? Is it something about the air?
For a split second, an image flashed in his mind of himself and Hinata in a similar position, but it was quickly erased and replaced with a steaming bowl of shrimp ramen.
I have to go back to my room. I'm not feeling myself.
---
After careful examination of Hinata's fighting style, strategy, and use of Byakugan, Neji came to a few conclusions.
"First off, Hinata-sama, you definitely have potential. You are very adept at using your Byakugan and you know all of the basics needed to be a good ninja."
Hinata was not convinced. She felt that Neji was condescending to her. She needed some criticism or she would not be able to bear it.
"However, a Hyuuga is not supposed to be a good ninja. There is a reason why the Hyuuga are the strongest in Konoha, and you are not living up to that standard."
Although somewhat satisfied that she got some criticism, she was a bit depressed that Neji was starting to sound like her father.
"Do not become cross with me, Hinata-sama; I am simply telling you what I see. I can see why your father treats you like he does."
Hinata looked at the ground. She felt as if she was about to cry. They were all the same. Her father saw her as dirt and now Neji does too.
"However..."
Hinata's face snapped up.
"Your father and I differ in one respect. While he is willing to cast you aside for your sister, I will do no such thing. Ten-Ten, Lee, and I are going to force your father to accept you!"
A small smile crept onto Hinata's face. She could not say it, but she was truly grateful to her cousin.
---
"Finally up, eh?"
Odoruwa awoke from his torpor and was greeted by an eyebrowless face with a toothy grin.
"In case you were wondering, my name's Bakuhatsu Hanzo. It was my shift to watch over you. But now you're up! Get up! Get up! Quick, yeah?"
Odoruwa rose. Hanzo found himself dwarfed by the tall shinobi.
"You will tell me where I am."
"Err, yeah... You're in the secret makeshift base of none other than Orochimaru-sama, blessed be his name and all that, yeah."
"Orochimaru! That snake cursed me, didn't he?"
"Yep, yep, he did."
"DAMN IT! How am I supposed to carry out my mission when I'm Orochimaru's puppet?"
"Well, maybe if you ask nicely, yeah, Orochimaru could give you the Mist as a reward, yeah?"
"You irritate me."
Odoruwa swung his fist at Hanzo, who leapt out of the way in a very froglike manner.
"Best not to do that, yeah. It ain't nice to pick on teammates."
"Hrmph... Just tell me where that devil is."
"He's in the main tent. Can't miss him."
"I would say thank you, but I have no reason. All you have done is annoy me. Begone."
"You're welcome."
---
Naruto sat on his bed. Something was wrong; he could feel it in his bones. What was so disturbing about seeing Ino and Kiba lying on top of each other? What was so wrong about Sakura starting a relationship with Shino? He had seen so many girls and boys dating; why was this any different? Perhaps it was because that he was directly affected in this love triangle... No, it wasn't just a triangle; it was a love web!
And where am I in this web?
The thought disturbed him. Where did he fit in? Certainly somewhere near Sakura, but that was simply one connection. His ninja intuition, which rarely kicked in, was telling him that he was more involved in this love web than it initially appeared.
Someone likes me. But who?
Naruto was totally baffled by this question. He knew no one who showed signs of attraction. Sakura was definitely out; she only had eyes for Sasuke... or is it Shino now? Anyway, she was not Naruto's admirer. Ino? Hell no. She wouldn't give him a second glance, much less fawn over him. Ten-Ten didn't know him well enough to really develop a crush...
And Hinata? Hinata, well, she's just... wait...
Hinata? No... No, no no. That can't be. Or can it? Is it really that impossible for someone to... like me? If she liked me, would she call me an idiot? Or was calling me an idiot some sort of message?
"I need ramen..."
And so, like a true junkie, Naruto went off to get his fix in order to take his mind off of his current problems.
---
Just when Naruto was nearing the ramen stand, he was stopped in his place.
"We're moving. Now."
"Kakashi-sensei? But I was about to eat..."
"You're not going to fight on a full stomach, are you?"
"Wait, you mean we're actually going to do something?"
"Something came up. The Sound is looking for Sasuke, and the Mizukage does not want the Sound to find us in the true underwater city. We've officially worn out our welcome here. Most of the other ninja are already going up the elevator. Come on, Naruto!"
"All right! Finally we get off our asses!"
Kakashi and Naruto were soon joined by Sakura and Sasuke as they headed towards the elevator.
"It's just like old times, isn't it?" Kakashi noted.
The three Genin responded true to form.
"Yeah," said Sakura.
"SHANNARRO!" screamed Inner Sakura.
Sasuke responded with a "Hmph."
Naruto jumped around with a plethora of ecstatic interjections.
Kakashi smiled behind his mask. Team 7 was together again.
---
The Konoha ninja regrouped on the surface. They were to escape the village in a widely spread formation, so that they could move quickly, and still be able to aid anyone who was intercepted. Naturally, they were intercepted by six figures.
A familiar, deep voice rang out.
"It seems that I've suddenly taken an allegiance. How irritating," Odoruwa sighed
Naruto's eyes widened.
"You! You're with Orochimaru?"
"What of it?"
Kakashi stepped forward, keeping Naruto from doing anything rash.
"What do you want with us?"
"Him." Odoruwa pointed to Sasuke.
"As I thought. SCATTER!"
As soon as Kakashi said those words, the Konoha shinobi split up again. Most notably, Neji grabbed Sasuke and ran. Kumomaru saw this.
"He's mine."
During all of the commotion, Shino was staring at Zatoichi. Zatoichi's blind sockets stared back at Shino behind similar sunglasses. When the ninja scattered, Zatoichi made sure that he followed Shino.
The rest of the Sound-nin attempted to follow Neji and Sasuke, but they were cut off by other members of Konoha's group. A chaotic yet graceful re-arrangement ensued, in which the Sound-nin tried to maneuver their way around the Konoha-nin, but in doing so, merely got themselves more tangled. The two groups were scattered to an irreparable degree. All of this was done without a single attempted strike. The resulting arrangement was concieved.
Neji and Sasuke were being followed not only by the enemy Kumomaru, but also by the ally, Ten-Ten.
Shino and Zatoichi made a wordless agreement that they would confront each other alone. Sakura, however, followed without either one's knowledge.
The Ino-Shika-Chou-Asuma combination was held intact, as they forced Hanzo away from the retreating Neji and Sasuke.
Gai and Lee stuck together, and were joined by Kiba. They pushed Hikon and Hyokon away from the rest of the group.
Odoruwa was the only one who did not move an inch. He was very unenthusiastic about his new assignment, and eyed his opponents. Naruto and Hinata stared at Odoruwa resolutely. Kakashi and Kurenai stood behind their respective pupils.
"Now," Odoruwa dryly said, "Let's get this bloodbath over with."
---
Wow, it's so hard to update now; it's a wonder that I got this out at all! Sorry to keep you all waiting! School has been... unkind to me. Anyway, the next update should come out... sometime. In any case, I will have had a long time to think about it, so it should be good... I hope. Anyway, stay tuned for more of Iruka puttin' on the ritz!
"When you're blue, and you don't know where to go to, why don't you go where fashion sits? PUTTIN' ON THE RITZ!"
