Chapter 9 – The Way It Was
"Your world obeys your thoughts." – Snowy Peach Tsubasa


"You worthless nothing, you can't afford to be slack!"

A-am I really worthless?

"I expected you to do much better. Can you not even do something as simple as this?"

Why? Why aren't you proud of me?

"Where did I go wrong with you? What did I do to deserve a failure of a child?"

Mother...Mother, you really mean that?

"An otherwise worthless thing like you, just barely fit to be my daughter."

Father!

"Without us you would be nowhere in life."

"You're such a burden on everybody."

"What did you get wrong?"

Why do you never ask me what I get right?

"Listen! Do not talk to anybody!"

"Can you do nothing but disappoint?"

"Study, it's the only way for you to get anywhere."

"Get it perfect! Anything less is unacceptable!"

Why?

"Conceited."

"Ingrate."

"Worthless."


Momo snapped opened her eyes. Her breathing was heavy as she laid staring up at the ceiling. Slowly, she pulled off the covers and placed her feet on the carpeted floor. She made her way to the full length mirror placed near her wardrobe. What little light that filtered through her window and curtains allowed her to see her reflection. As she stared at the dull eyes of the girl reflected, the words from her dream churned and clashed in her mind. It was a jumble of words that sounded like a shouting crowd, yet somehow she was able to clearly interpret everything.

You are worthless Momo.

She covered her ears and sank down to her knees with her back hunched over. The voice wouldn't go away. It stayed there, always a teasing distance away, whispering disheartening words to her. Her heart just dropped; there was no other way to describe it. The fall was doubly painful as she was previously so high up. She pressed her hands harder against her ears and squeezed her eyes shut, making a lone tear fall.

Father, mother...you won't ever be proud of me...will you? I really am worthless. You really wouldn't hesitate to abandon me... I'll have no where to go...

"I give up."


"Be out here at 3 sharp! Your father will expect all your work finished by the time he gets home."

Momo wordlessly got out of the car. No sooner than she had closed the door, the car sped away. By the time Momo woke up today, Kikuno had already left and her replacement arrived. This new maid was like another parent. It was unbelievable that another person actually saw things from her parents' point of view.

She walked through the courtyard and into the hallway with an impassive face on. It was just like her grade school days. She slid open the door to her homeroom and found it empty, as it should be. Her father told the new maid to drop her off to school early as to avoid other. She pulled out her chair and looked up at the overcast skies.

As time passed and students came walking in, Momo closed her eyes and tuned out the sound. The loud chattering sounded like nothing more than a distant radio.

"Momo!"

Momo slowly opened her eyes, unfazed by Rangiku tackling her with a hug. She didn't respond and just stared ahead. After a moment Rangiku noticed Momo's lack of response and detached herself from her.

"Momo? Are you okay?"

Rangiku moved her face into Momo's line of vision but the petite girl just turned her head away. Rangiku wondered why she was acting like she did in the past and was about ask when Ukitake-sensei walked in. She had no choice but to ask her later. Though as soon as the bell rang, Momo was out of the room before anyone else had gotten out of their seats.

As she walked down the corridor with her impassive face on, there was a whirlwind of negative emotions within her. Most of all, she felt inexpressible indignation at the cards life had dealt her. Moving forward and attempting the daunting task of change made her fall into a deep abyss. But now, going back to the avoidant Momo who half diligently, half begrudgingly obeyed her parents was so painful. How could she just ignore the people who never gave up on her?

Momo sat down in Chemistry class and saw out of the corner of her eye, some of her friends giving her worried looks. Just maybe, maybe she should just not care about her parents... No, just the thought of what could go wrong was too much.

"Momo?" Rangiku said quietly.

She gave no acknowledgement that she heard her, but her heart was painfully twisted. Rangiku, her best friend's voice, sounded so sad that she could just imagine the look on her face. Momo subtlety bit the inside of her mouth, trying not to lose her composure. After a torturous minute, she heard Rangiku awkwardly slide out the seat next to her.

Forgive me Rangiku. I'm putting you through all this again. But this time, please, just leave me behind. I'm not worth it.


The lunch bell rang and many students hurriedly made a mad dash for the door, for the thought of spending another minute in the dreaded maths class was too much. Unlike in homeroom, Momo slowly packed her books away, wanting to be the last one out the door. She dejectedly stood up and slung her bag over a shoulder. As she was going to walk out of the door, Toshiro suddenly appeared in front of her with a face that clearly said "we need to talk".

"Momo, what's wrong?" he asked in a serious manner.

She did nothing to answer his question and tried to shove past him. He repositioned himself so that he was blocking her path even more so.

"Answer me Momo."

Still unchanging, she stared at him with eyes that clearly said "go away". He took a step forward and she took a step back. Soon Momo found herself pressed against the windows. She glared defiantly at Toshiro, demanding him to move out of her way.

"Everyone's worried about you."

There was still no answer. Toshiro took another step and placed his hand on her cheek, hoping to get through to the real Momo. For a second it worked; she placed her hand tenderly over his and looked at him with sad and pleading eyes. Every path she could see was steeped in darkness and she was scared. As quickly as that change happened it was gone.

"I don't need anybody," she hissed.

She pushed his hand away and shoved past him. Her head was bent down with her hair shadowing her eyes as she walked down the hallway. Like a snake wrapped around a rodent, the feeling of shame was wrapped around her. What a pitiful lie; it was others who did not need her, not the other way around.

It's not true. No one could possibly be worried about my worthless self. Once I ignore them, they'll hate me. They'll hate me so much they wish they'd never met me...Toshiro too...As it should be.

Toshiro looked towards the doorway as Momo's footsteps slowly faded away. "Momo...I'm not going to give up on you."

It's truer than you think; your eyes really do tell me everything.

"Toshiro...please...please help me...I'm lost."


:P So, confusing much? If it was, don't hesitate to ask!

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