This is officially the penultimate (second to last) chapter. I was actually planning to make this story longer but well...this is it. {Insert disclaimer here}
Warning: This chapter is sad. If you don't think it's sad then...there's something wrong with you!!! Ahem, anyway, enjoy.
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"Just once."
"No."
"Please!"
"No!"
"But…it hurts!"
"I don't care." Kyle said flatly, we had been fighting like this for almost ten minutes and he continued to stand his ground.
"But Kyle…" I whined.
"Stop it Kenny. You need to find something to do whenever you feel like cutting to distract yourself." I had an idea of what would distract me and as I thought about it I looked away from him. For some reason Kyle was almost constantly in my thoughts and I had started to accept it rather than fight it. Now that Kyle knew everything there was no way for me to hide anything from him, telling him only made it easier for him to get inside my head and he always seemed to know what I was thinking. He glanced up from the book he was reading. "What's that look for?" I hadn't even known I was staring at him until he said something.
I shrugged. "I'm just trying not to think about it."
"How's that workin' for ya'?"
"Not so well." Kyle finally looked up at me over his book. "I just can't stop thinking about it."
"Then watch TV or something." He went back to reading Wuthering Heights.
"There's nothing good on TV." For a Friday night there was surprisingly little to watch.
"What do you want me to do Kenny?" He asked getting annoyed.
"Distract me." I whined, it really did hurt to think about cutting now that it was something I couldn't do.
He put a book mark into the book and slammed it shut; he always found it irritating when someone interrupted his reading. "Nazi Zombies?" I nodded my head in excitement at the mention of my favorite game. Nazi Zombies is a part of Call of Duty 5, everybody forgot about it when the 6th game came out but I still found it to be my favorite part of the game. Kyle turned on the Xbox and came back with two controllers.
I looked down at his controller then back up at Kyle. Was he serious? "Dude, why is your controller pink?"
His face turned the same light shade as the controller, god he was adorable when he blushed. "My mom bought my controllers and she liked the pink one so…"
"Bullshit, you're lying. You like pink?" Whenever he lied he got this weird look in his eyes, almost like he felt guilty so it was easy for me to tell whether or not he was telling the truth. He nodded his head and looked away probably thinking I was about to make fun of him. "You are too cute." I hadn't actually meant to say it, but I did without even noticing. I pressed play and the game started, but Kyle went down on round one and I realized he wasn't paying attention; he was staring at me with an expression I didn't recognize. "What?" I blinked at him honestly not noticing what I said.
"You just…called me cute." It didn't seem like it really bothered him at all, he just looked very surprised.
"I…um I…" I tried thinking of something to say and no good excuse came to me so I just blurted out the truth. "You kinda are there's no denying it."
He didn't seem to know what to say, he just looked at me with those perfect green eyes making my face turn the same shade as his. "You really mean that?" he questioned, now it was my turn to nod and look away as the redness of my face darkened even more. I was so stupid, how could I have actually told Kyle I thought he was cute? I really needed to watch what I said, if I let some of my other thoughts pass through my lips then it would be even worse and I was feeling pretty awkward with just cute. Yea that's right, I thought about Kyle as more than a friend in increasing amounts, I just couldn't help it anymore. "Well thank you." He giggled a bit, sounding like a girl.
I shoved my controller towards him saying, "I don't want to play this anymore."
"Ok? Try making up your mind sometime Kenny." He put the controllers next to the Xbox and turned it off. He picked his book up off the floor and sat down next to me, so close that he was practically sitting on my lap. Was he doing this on purpose? If he was I would kill him. At least he had successfully distracted me but this subject tortured me mentally whereas the subject of cutting tortured me physically and I wasn't quite sure which form of torture was worse.
Kyle buried his nose in the book and once again I was sitting there in silence watching the boy read. As boring as this may seem to any normal person I didn't mind it all that much, he always looked so focused when reading, I loved it when he got that serious look on his face. I began to feel uncomfortable with my own thoughts and his closeness didn't make it any better. He didn't seem to notice how close he was, but how could he not notice? He was basically sitting on top of me! "Umm Kyle?" I asked feeling slightly awkward he looked at me with one of those 'what do you want now?' looks. I swallowed and mumbled a "Never mind." afraid I might say something to set off his temper.
I looked around trying to find something other than Kyle or cutting that could occupy my thoughts, it was just my luck that I couldn't find anything to think about. My thoughts took a turn for the worst and I couldn't bring them back to Kyle no matter what I did.
Kyle was suddenly right in my face holding my hands to his chest as if he was trying to protect them. "Don't scratch your arms Kenny. You're gonna hurt yourself again." I was scratching my arms again? Ever since I stopped cutting I had unconsciously started scratching my arms whenever I thought too much. If I haven't said it already Kyle was very close, so close in fact that I could feel the tingle of his breath on my face and the heat coming off of his body made me feel strangely comfortable.
"I'm sorry Kyle, I didn't realize-"
"I know you didn't." he interrupted my apology. "I'm not mad or anything I'm just worried." I could already feel it coming; we were going to have one of those moments that always seem to bring people closer together. "I know you're not usually doing it on purpose but whether you're hurting yourself on purpose or by accident I'm gonna stop you and I honestly don't give a damn if you want me to or not." He looked determined to save me from myself, but why did he care? A smile slowly crept across my face, no one had ever said anything like that to me and if anyone talked to me with the tone he used I probably would have punched them in the face. But this was Kyle, he could talk to me however he wanted and my brain would somehow find it cute.
"Thank you Kyle." That's all I could think to say, no words could possibly express my gratitude.
"You don't need to thank me, I want to help you." He really did care a lot, sometimes I think he cared too much for his own good. He was still so close, I could have easily leaned forward an inch or so and claimed his lips as my own. I considered it, and I wish I could tell you that I did it but I didn't, I was too scared of rejection. I instead pulled him onto my lap and held him in a hug that I never wanted to end. He seemed unsure for a moment before he smiled and hugged back. My heart was racing, it was just a simple hug but that simple gesture made me feel so happy, only Kyle could make me this happy.
:.:One Week Later:.:
I hadn't cut in a full week, not even one slip up, and everything was looking better for me than it ever had. Kyle helped me tell his mom everything that happened, I mostly cowered behind him in fear, but I still told her. When I finished talking she announced that she had decided that I would live with them until I was 18 and could live on my own, I was so happy; this meant I could see Kyle every day until my 18th birthday.
I still had a few things that I needed to get and bring to Kyle's house, so the Saturday after his mom decided I would officially live with them I walked out of Kyle's house, with Kyle right next to me of course, on my way to collect the few personal items I had. I held onto Kyle's hand feeling nervous but safe with Kyle by my side. I had been doing stupid little things like this, holding his hand or calling him cute, but Kyle didn't object even once. I figured something out, whenever I called Kyle cute or got really close or hugged him(I did all of these things quite frequently), Kyle would turn beat red and I found this to be the cutest thing in the world. He was cuter than a kitten, and that may sound gay but that's because…well…I'm gay.
I walked a little closer to Kyle, he glanced at me as his face turned the perfect pink shade I loved so much and once again didn't argue. There was a look on his face that I thought meant he felt awkward when I had first seen it, but no I'm pretty sure it meant he liked it, he got the same look on his face when his mom made his favorite kind of chocolate cake. Funny how he reacted to me the same way he reacted to cake, maybe this meant I was a type of dessert to him. No matter what the look meant it was absolutely adorable and I loved being the cause of this reaction, except when he had cake of course.
I never imagined I would look at a guy and have the word 'adorable' pop into my head but that was all I could think whenever I looked at Kyle. I was planning on telling him very soon, maybe as soon as Sunday, but I was feeling better and now all I wanted to do was tell Kyle how I felt about him and hope he felt the same way. I looked at him again and the word 'cute' popped into my head again. Whenever I touched him I felt something close to an electric shock where our skin came in contact, but it was a good feeling, nothing at all like actually being electrocuted, that just hurt. Kyle never hurt me, only that time he said he might cry over me but that was unintentional.
We arrived at our destination without me even realizing we had been walking that long, I always lost track of time when thinking about Kyle. "Stay out here, I don't want you to go inside in case they're angry." I told Kyle once we reached the door.
"What if they hurt you?" He looked scared at the concept of me getting hurt so a smiled reassuringly.
"If I'm not back in 10 minutes come in after me." I kissed the top of his head purely out of impulse and walked into the house without knocking, I didn't feel it was necessary. The living room seemed abandoned so I headed upstairs and quickly collected my things; I only had one bag total not including my backpack which only had school stuff in it.
I was back at the front door after 7 minutes and thought I had made it out without incident, that is until I heard a clicking noise and a sickeningly familiar voice say, "Where the hell do you think you're going?" I turned around to face the source of all my pain but wasn't met with the site I was expecting. My dad was standing there, yes, but the gun he held pointed in my direction is what made me drop my bag in surprise. "You're my son, not theirs mine. That means you live here, not at some other person's house!" I wanted to argue, tell him he should have treated me like his son if he thought that, but the weapon in his hand made me clamp my mouth shut holding back all the hateful words I could have yelled. "Nothing to say? Well then go put your stuff back in your fucking room, if your mom was here right now she probably would've killed you already. Running away from home, that's a disgrace, I can't believe you insulted your mom like that! We'll figure out how to deal with you when she gets home. Are you deaf or something, move your ass!"
I stayed rooted to the spot I was standing in conflicted between listening and living for now and attempting to run out the door which most likely wouldn't end well. Before I could decide Kyle walked in, I guess my ten minutes was over. I could tell he was going to say something but he shut his mouth when he saw what was going on. "You have got to be kidding me. Get out of my house! Go the fuck home!" My dad yelled not at all happy to see him, I wasn't too happy that he walked in either; he could get hurt if he stayed here.
Kyle shook his head. "I'm not leaving without Kenny." That idiot, he had the chance to leave, to get out of there unharmed, but he didn't.
My dad glared at him, he didn't seem too sure of what to do; he would go to jail if he assaulted someone else's kid. He lowered the gun to his side and grabbed a beer off the coffee table taking a long drink. "This is my house, if I say to leave you have to leave." He said after finishing the beer and tossing the bottle someone to the side.
"Ok." He was leaving, good he wouldn't get hurt, I could find some way out of this on my own. "C'mon Kenny let's go." He just had to add that, he couldn't just get out.
My dad laughed a bit. "You think you're taking him with you? Well if you're so insistent that he not stay here then I have a different solution." Before I could even realize what was going on he lifted his arm, Kyle moved in front of me, and there was a loud bang. Kyle fell back against me and I grabbed onto him as he fell to the ground. I knelt next to him, my brain moving too slow for me to comprehend the situation fast enough.
"Kyle?" I said quickly at first, then as I saw the blood coming from his chest I screamed his name louder than I had ever screamed anything in my life. This was just a dream, this couldn't be possible. Everything was going right nothing was supposed to ruin this. Why Kyle? He didn't do anything except try to help me he didn't deserve to be the one who got hurt. I looked at the pain filled expression on his face and knew I wouldn't be waking up from a terrible dream, I couldn't possibly dream up something this horrible. He stared at me with those eyes that were now lacking the happiness I had seen in them just a half hour ago. His breaths were becoming shorter now, "Kyle you can't die, you won't die, you'll be ok." He shook his head communicating his thoughts without speaking. Sobbing uncontrollably I pulled him close to me in what quite possibly could have been the last hug I would ever give him. I didn't give up the hope that he might live; I needed him he couldn't just be taken away from me like this.
I don't know who called 911, I know it wasn't me, probably a neighbor who heard the gunshot and got concerned, but an ambulance arrived just minutes after Kyle was shot along with a police car. I didn't watch the police arrest my dad; I didn't take my eyes off of Kyle. The paramedics didn't even try to stop me from getting in the ambulance behind Kyle. That surprised me a little but I didn't question it, I just sat in the seat one of the paramedics pointed too and held onto Kyle's hand as if he would die as soon as I let go. At almost the same second the ambulance pulled to a stop in front of the hospital Kyle's eyes closed and his hand went limp in my own causing me to hold my breath as if that would help him.
They took him out of the ambulance and rushed him into the hospital yelling something about needing a crash cart, this time when I tried to follow I was held back and forced to stay in the hallway outside the room they took Kyle into. I leaned against the wall crying not knowing what to do with myself; I shrunk down onto the floor and buried my face into my knees, there was nothing I could do but wait. It seemed like forever before a doctor finally walked out of his room. I looked up at him hopefully, he didn't actually say anything, just shook his head, the one thing I didn't want him to do. I placed my head on my knees again and screamed that it couldn't be true, trying to convince myself that he was lying. He kneeled down in front of me and placed a hand on my shoulder trying to comfort me, but there was nothing that could possibly make this better. He was gone and there was nothing anyone could do to bring him back. He was the only person who really cared about me and he was gone. It should have been me; I'm the one my dad was aiming for so it should have been me! Why did this happen? What did I do to deserve this? What did he do to deserve this? He never did anything wrong but he was gone, and it was all my fault.
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I feel like an asshat...I'm sorry I just had to kill him! I didn't want to but I couldn't help it. I hope I at least wrote it well, remember there's still one more chapter so check back for that it won't take very long for me to write and publish.
