VIII.

To be perfectly honest, training with Satoshi was boring. And the promised month wasn't even halfway over! Even taijutsu sparring with Kou was uneventful—but mainly because I got my ass handed to me each and every time and there wasn't much variation to look forward to there.

Bastard knocked one of my teeth out once.

I mean, I was learning, granted, but all of the effort it took to climb up that slippery slope to ninjahood was beyond worth it. Beyond in the negative direction, as in, totally not.

I grew to have a great deal more respect for both Itachi and Shisui after enduring all of the muscle soreness, bone aches and bruises, at least. My tolerance for pain was severely lacking—compared to them, I was a total weenie. A total sad failure of a kunoichi-to-be.

Well, the life wasn't for everyone. But that didn't mean I was ready to give it up just yet. Sure, I was weak, but call me stubborn.

Whenever I had down time, though, I made sure to make the most of it. I wouldn't let my reputation fall into disrepair even if I ended up becoming a ninja. No one would forget the trouble I caused.

It really helped to have Sasuke as a cover. Because he was a kid, there were things he could do that he would get away with, which would seem totally bizarre and suspicious if I did them on my own—that was one of the upsides to being his babysitter. And he never suspected me of anything; he usually went right along with my plans because he'd finally come to appreciate my presence and stopped comparing me to Itachi.

Today, that thing I couldn't do by myself was beetle hunting, and Sasuke brought the nets and storage containers.

"Alright then, I'll be watching from here. Don't go too far!" Mikoto smiled at us as she settled down beneath a shady tree and pulled out a book to read. She'd accompanied us to the park this time because it was such a nice day and all of her daily duties had been completed, leaving her with spare time. There was a picnic basket at her side, too, filled with our lunch—we'd all helped make it some way or another so of course it had tons of tomato-based dishes thanks to the little brat.

"We won't!" I waved at her with my free hand before returning it to the pole of the net. I wondered if Sasuke had ever actually been bug hunting before, since he had all the gear but no advice or bragging to offer up. "Are you ready, Sasuke? We're lookin' for the really big, horned ones. Stag beetles. Rhinoceros beetles and, uh... those kinds." I wasn't completely sure what they were all called, and I'd only ever seen them in two-dimensional form in games and anime, but...that's kind of where I was at the moment. They should exist.

"Like Hercules beetles, Rika-nee?"

"Yep!" Trust little Sasuke to confirm my worries.

He pumped his little arms into the air and grinned. "Yeah! I'll find all the best ones! Then I'll give the bestest best one to Itachi."

"Sure, sure. Just keep in mind we're collecting them for a specific purpose." If I didn't stop him now, he'd try to bury Itachi in all of the beetles he caught.

"What was it again?"

I scanned the tree trunks and treetops, shrugging. "Well, I'll tell you when we catch enough of them. A dozen or so should do. At least half a dozen. Consider it the end prize."

"Alright! Hey, there's one!" Hyperactive as ever, he was the first to take off.

The kid was a pro.

Only about half an hour after we started our hunt, he'd already captured three decently-sized stag beetles, while I didn't have any luck at all.

Did genius Uchihas suck at anything?

Well, maybe socializing and showing their emotions. And painting. Yeah, let's leave it at that.

"How do you do that, Sasuke? You're like some bug whisperer or something," I groaned, plopping down onto the grass and dropping my face into my hands. It was frustrating—but it was also tiring. My stamina level was shitty as ever even though I constantly ran around making trouble, but then again it could have been due to the lingering exhaustion from training lessons. Either way, it was a hot as hell summer day—and in the Land of Fire, hot as hell was meant to be taken extremely literally.

I was pretty sure I could fry an egg on the rooftops and—actually, that was a pretty good idea, now that I knew where the chicken coops and eggs were located. I made a mental note to try that out sometime before the season ended, before glancing up at Sasuke to make sure he hadn't run off on his own. We weren't too far from Mikoto, but with the tree coverage around us, she was no longer in our sights. I didn't want to spend most of my day chasing after the kid.

But the first thing that came into my line of vision was a giant, hairy, leg-wiggling spider. Like—a giant spider, the size of my damn hand, just squirming around mid-air as it hung from a tiny thread of web Sasuke was dangling it from.

Right. In. Front. Of. My. Face.

"Sasuke get that thing away from me!" I choked out while scrambling away from the arachnid like my life depended on it, and it could have because I didn't know if it was venomous or not! Why was he even touching something like that?!

A small grin worked its way onto the kid's face as he straightened up from his crouch and stepped towards me, still holding out that god damn spider. "Rika-nee, you're scared of spiders?" Step. Step.

I jumped to my feet and held my hands out, shaking my head and holding my ground but ready to flee at the drop of a hat. "No, no way. Just—just put it back. We're not hunting spiders, y'know, we're looking for beetles and—"

He charged at me, grinning widely. "But look, Rika-nee, this spider is so cool!"

"Nonono, go away!" I shrieked, nearly tripping over my net as I all but jumped away and he laughed. He laughed the whole time he chased me through the forest.

Kid found new ways to torture me every day.

I hoped Mikoto would be my saving grace when I reached her, but Sasuke continued holding onto that stupid spider even when he was within her sights and went straight to her as soon as he spotted her.

"Mom, Mom, look!" He held up the spider for his mom to see and she didn't even so much as grimace.

"Oh, isn't that nice, Sasuke? Did you catch that by yourself?"

"Yeah!"

"Once you put it back, we can have lunch, okay?"

"Can I give it to Itachi?"

"No, Sasuke, you should leave it in its natural environment. Stag beetles are enough for now."

"Aw. Okay, I'll put it back." With that, the little duck-haired kid scurried towards a tree and released the spider.

That was some solid, fearless parenting right there.


In the end, we only managed to catch the three stag beetles—one of which Sasuke kept for his brother, so two were all we really had to work with.

"What's this for?" Sasuke wondered as we set small rocks and pebbles in a circular pattern in the dirt.

"It's a fighting ring. We're gonna train the beetles to fight."

That's right. My grand master plan was to start up a beetle fighting competition and invite all of the local children to participate and watch—all after paying a proper fee, of course. Bets were optional.

"Like ninjas?"

"...Yeah. Like ninjas." Well, he wasn't wrong. Actually, I could probably work in something like "Beetle Taijutsu Takedown" to the attraction. Kid could be pretty helpful sometimes, even if he wasn't trying to be. Was that what they called natural talent...? Whatever it was, as long as it worked out in my favor it was fine. I pointed at the storage container where our two star fighters resided and grinned. "Release the beetles, Sasuke!"

"Right!" He carefully placed the two stag beetles into our makeshift ring and...they didn't do anything. Literally, nothing, except wriggle their little feelers around. "What now, Rika-nee?"

"Um," I rubbed my chin, eyeing the beetles blankly. I didn't actually think it all the way through—I had no idea how to make them fight each other. I reached out and prodded one forwards until it was face-to-face with the other. "Go, fight! Use Tackle!"

They still didn't move.

Well, they were no pokemon, but it was worth a shot.

"I think they need somethin' to fight over," Sasuke muttered, leaning his chin on his folded arms as he sprawled out on his stomach in front of the fighting ring, kicking his feet back and forth in the air. "Right? Fights just don't start out of nowhere."

"Yeah, you're right." I picked a piece of rice off of my leftover lunch and dropped it into the ring near the beetles. Probably not a normal part of their balanced diet at all, but maybe it would do something. "Maybe they need some twigs and leaves. I'll be right back, watch them for me."

It didn't take long to gather a few leaves, since we were still near the outskirts of the forest.

But when I returned, the beetles were nowhere in sight.

And Sasuke was sleeping.

"Sasuke!"


It turned out beetles fought over prospective mates—we'd gotten the information from Itachi, of all people (because Sasuke mentioned beetles to him in passing and he was a veritable wealth of info on almost anything, who also, contrary to popular belief, actually managed to have some semblance of a proper childhood before everything went to hell in a hand basket with the clan, even if it was only for a short time), but once we figured out how to instigate a battle, we were on the fast track.

Our two champion fighters were a stag beetle named Tetsuo and a rhinoceros beetle named Kenta.

Of course, the fighting matches were more or less fixed. After we'd trained them up and tested their talents—Kenta was the strongest of the pair, able to throw Tetsuo over onto his back after a valiant struggle, but sometimes Tetsuo came out as the underdog victor. He was smaller, but he had a hell of a lot of fight to him.

And I mean a helluva lot. He pinched my fingers more times than I could count, and my nose too—but that was Sasuke's fault.

Finally, the premier day of our big show came around. It wasn't a specially picked or premeditated date or anything—just the day when the local park was the busiest and the most kids were around, nosy enough to come and see what me and Sasuke were up to.

"Hey, hey, who's ready to see somethin' really cool, huh? Step right up and pay a minor fee to witness the amazing, once-in-a-lifetime battle between our two exotic star fighters trained in the best of world-class beetle taijutsu!" I hollered through a wrapped-up cone of paper that acted as a megaphone while Sasuke paraded a messily-drawn, brightly-colored banner that displayed the title of our event. Behind us was a tree stump cut down to a nub that was just high enough to act as a fighting ring and on either side Sasuke had set up the containers that held both Tetsuo and Kenta, respectively.

"A beetle fight? What do we gotta pay?" A little rambunctious girl from within the small crowd, with twin buns set high on either side of her head, asked as she crossed her arms. She was kind of scratched-up from whatever she'd been playing before coming around to our attraction, and the look on her face was torn between amused and skeptical. Challenging. I was pretty sure she was a mini-Tenten.

"Two ryō! But candy is also accepted. And if you don't have anything on ya, I'll write you up a voucher that states you have to take care of one of my or my assistant's daily chores. And I don't forget a face!"

They were little kids, so I was only charging them pocket change—I figured they had at least that much. But the spectator fee wasn't the important charge—the betting rounds were where I was aiming to make some quick cash. But we would only start those if the first round went off without a hitch.

The small group of toddlers and youngsters all checked through their pockets before coming up with a variety of knickknacks and other unidentifiable stuff in the form of payment, which Sasuke collected in the small tin we'd found especially for the event. For the ones who were broke, he handed off the voucher tickets I'd written up—just small slips of paper with the Japanese equivalent of an I.O.U.

I wasn't really going to force them to take care of our chores.

Then, they all stood around the little fighting arena while Sasuke and I prepared to set our fighters free.

First, Tetsuo.

"In this corner, ladies and gentlemen, we have our Konohagakure-born-and-raised, upper-body strength specialist,Tetsuo! Small but full of spit, he'll fight until the very end and try to turn the odds in his favor if they aren't already." While I spoke, Sasuke set our stag beetle onto the tree stump and grinned. "He's traveled the world participating in competitions and came out of the Land of Wind's final throwdown as the ultimate victor!" The kids all gasped and clapped in awe, completely eating it up.

Next, Kenta.

I carefully brought the rhinoceros beetle from his carrying case and set him down opposite the stag beetle. "And in this corner, we have a Kumogakure native who's also rated world-class, having two grand victories in both the Land of Lightning and the Land of Fire, heavy-hitter and all-around specialist, Kenta! He never gives up a fight and will secure a relentless victory no matter the price!" Lies, all lies. Yet, as before, the crowd of children (which wasn't much of a crowd at all, only a dozen or so) "ooh"ed and "ah"ed and shimmied forwards to get a better look at the two fighters.

Sasuke, in the meantime, pulled out the leaf-whistle Itachi had helped him make that would mimic the sound of a female beetle and instigate the two challengers to fight. And, once they were directly in front of each other, it began.

Tetsuo and Kenta locked horns, pushing their weight forward in an attempt to overpower each other.

"Would you look at them go!"

"Ah, Kenta is so cool!"

"Tetsuo is gonna win it for sure!"

"No way a bug from outside Konoha is gonna win!"

Kenta picked up Tetsuo and tried to toss him, but like a champ, he hung on and regained his footing, pushing back twice as hard with his little feet and, for the next few seconds, they were in a deadlock.

Meanwhile I took the entry fee tin from Sasuke and dug through it, noting that we'd only gathered something like ten small coins. And a couple of wrapped candies. A little pocket lint and someone's wooden shuriken toy. Not too bad for a first day. They would probably go and spread the word about the event after it was over and bring in another curious crowd sooner or later. Hopefully with some older kids who had some money—then the betting would begin.

When I looked back towards the fight, Tetsuo had Kenta backed up near the edge of the arena, almost knocking him right off, but Kenta held on with his horns, aiming to take him down with him if he fell.

I grabbed up my paper megaphone again and grinned. "Whoa! Is this match already near its end? Who will win this one?"

"Tetsuo!"

"Kenta!"

"Go, go, Tetsuo!"

Kenta stumbled, nearly losing his footing, but then slowly began to push back against Tetsuo and forcing him to return to the center of the stump. And, true to their names, they rose up on their hind legs like two bucks engaged in an antler fight.

Then, just before one could knock the other over, one of the younger kids bustled forwards and grabbed up both bugs in his tiny hands, pulling them away from their immediate match and marching away without a word.

"Wha—wait, what? Kenta! Tetsuooo!" I reached for the kid, but by then he'd already thrown the bugs into the air, where they spread their wings and quickly made their ways into the treetops.

"You can't fight bugs," the kid stated as he turned towards me, pushing his dark little glasses up on the bridge of his nose. "Why? Because it's inhumane." That said, he turned around and walked away, hands in his pockets, job done, like some tiny, mini-sized superhero.

Who the heck...?

"Ah, it's Shino..."

"Bug fighting is almost illegal in front of an Aburame."

Oh. Oh. Of course. It would have to be Aburame Shino.

The kids in the crowd muttered amongst themselves before losing interest in the interrupted event and going their separate ways, back to the sandboxes and swings.

At least they didn't ask for refunds.