Disclaimer: JE's characters—my version.
Author's Notes: **Tissue Warning** Also I recommend a song to listen to while reading this chapter. It will make the reading more powerful; I wrote this chapter while listening to this song. Please enjoy and review.
Song: In My Arms by Plumb
Chapter Nine
Even though I didn't dish on exactly what I walked in on; Tony was a smart enough guy to get it. I mean, I call and need a ride from my boyfriend's house—excuse me EX-boyfriend's house at 1 in the morning and need a ride home. About 2 minutes after I was waiting on the boulevard Austin came out of the house in a pair of sweats and a ratty T-shirt; I surprised he even owned one of those.
"Can we please talk about this, Stephanie! I don't want to lose you."
"Ha!" I said letting another heavy flow of laughter escape me. "Come on Austin, give me some really fun excuse; like it wasn't what it looked like."
"It wasn't." Austin said; his classic lawyer debates were starting to come out. The policy of their company was deny, deny, deny; which unfortunately worked better than I would have liked. Austin could see his pleas were falling upon Deaf ears; and immediately kicked into 'survival mode'. "Stephanie, you can't just leave me!"
"Well I can, and I'm going to. Just as soon as my ride gets here."
Austin reached a hand out to grab onto my arm but I immediately yanked away from him. "Are you really going to throw away all the years we invested in each other? I'm sorry Steph, that girl means nothing to me!"
"Austin—my head has been in a fog since you proposed. My mouth said yes; but my heart and every single muscle in my body said NO. Even if you wouldn't have been riding some other chick tonight; it was never going to work. And I am just sorry it took me so DAMN long to figure it out."
"Baby, you've been drinking—please let's talk about this in the morning."
Now I was getting angry; how dare he try and make this okay! How little he must think about me if he was willing to sleep with another chick; and while she was still in his house—try and win me back. I turned around and began walking away from Austin; praying he didn't follow me. Well I was wrong! Austin grabbed my arm and I quickly whipped around to face him.
"Don't you baby me; and don't you dare follow me! Do you need me to spell it out for you that we are over! I don't want you Austin, I gave you back your damn engagement ring. Shit, go give it to the girl spread eagle in your bed! Your family already has the wedding date and honeymoon destination selected—that should work perfectly!"
I had been so heated in my argument that I didn't even realize my ride was here; none other than Joe Morelli. By the look on his face I could tell he had caught pretty much everything I had said to Austin. Joe's fists were clenched tight and the way he moved toward us; I knew he was ready to attack. I put my hands on my hips and looked at Austin.
"If I were you I'd duck…or run."
"Why?" Austin looked behind him just in time to connect with Joe's fist; throwing Austin down to the sidewalk clutching the spot on his face where Joe hit. I could see the wild fire spreading across his brown eyes; he was trying to control himself, but his self-control was only so good. He stepped over Austin's body and gathered me in his arms. I knew from the way he held me not only was he trying to be my protective Morelli; he was also trying to calm down.
"Tony sent you to get me?"
We both glanced down at Austin who was still on the ground holding his face in pain. "Yeah, when I went back inside he was already cashing everyone in." Joe shot a look behind him as Austin started to get to his feet again. "I suggest you get your pathetic ass back inside." His words were like venom and I could feel his muscles tensing in his arms under where my hands were resting.
"That was a cheap shot, Morelli!" Austin said standing up again, I could see him getting himself prepared to fight. There was no competition; Austin wasn't a fighter and Joe not only had 3 other brothers but also had a reckless childhood. I couldn't count on my fingers how many fights I had seen Joe get into growing up.
There was definitely a part of me that wanted to watch Morelli beat the piss out of Austin. But Joe had changed greatly and I didn't want him to spiral back down to the person he was fighting so hard against right now. "Austin, go back inside—your whore's waiting for you." I gave as a warning, but like a stubborn man he stood his ground.
Joe quickly released me and threw a left hook into the other side of Austin's jaw and landed a direct punch into his stomach. Austin resumed his position lying on the ground this time gasping to regain the air that had just been knocked out of him. Joe bent over him and positioned both hands on his thighs to balance himself.
"You are a piece of shit Hamilton; you just blew it with the most amazing woman. If you ever try and contact her again, you'll be answering to me." I couldn't see Joe's face but if his expression was half as deadly as his voice sounded; Austin was more than likely shitting his pants right now. After another couple seconds of fixing Austin with the murderous glare in his eyes Joe turned around to collect me. Before I could get two steps towards the car I felt a hand wrap around my ankle.
"Stephanie, please don't go." Austin pleaded with me; but I wasn't expecting the sudden grab so my body fell forward. Thankfully Joe turned around quick enough to catch me before I did a chin dive into the cement. Once he had me back on my feet he landed a few strong kicks into Austin's stomach before I finally grabbed his arm and pulled him back to the car.
Joe was fuming when we got in the car I immediately placed my hand on his neck and softly moved my nails to help ease the kinks. We were a few blocks away when he had calmed back to a level that allowed him to relax. Thunder boomed overhead and moments later a soft rain began to ping against the windows of Joe's Explorer. I removed my hand from his neck but before it reached my hand; Joe grabbed it and pulled my hand to his lips. The soft kisses he placed on my fingers sent a whirlwind of feeling up my arm. He moved our hands from his lips and laced our fingers together with his eyes still focused on the road through the rain.
"What happened to us, Stephanie?"
I gulped back the rising lump in my throat. "What do you mean?"
"Why did I lose you?" I could feel a pain surging through my heart. Lose me? He never lost me… it was me that lost him.
"I don't know." I lied; I knew exactly what happened to us. And just thinking about it still hurt like it did the day it happened.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Joe turn his face to look at me. "Please, Steph—I need to know."
"Do you really not remember what happened?" I asked, trying to hide the pain I felt thinking how he didn't know.
"I know we got into a huge fight; but I didn't expect us to go 10 years without talking about it. Hell, without talking at all!"
I averted my eyes from looking out into the darkness to examine my hands. "We don't have to get into this right now, Joe."
"Please."
"Well why don't you tell me what you remember." There was no way I was about to dive head first into the most painful part of my past; and have Joe not remember a single thing.
He blew out a sigh and took our intertwined hands and placed another kiss on my fingers.
"It was the night of your graduation from high school and we went to a party together like usual. You had a grip of guys hanging all over you and I just remember being crazy jealous—which wasn't something I was used to feeling. We always used to flirt; that wasn't anything out of the ordinary for us. But that night it was; I don't know if you felt it too but there was this insane connection between us that night." Joe stopped and looked to me for an answer; so I nodded.
"There was." I gave him the confirmation I could see he had been needing for 10 years.
"We ended up going to your house and it was like as soon as we shut the bedroom door and turned out the lights—everything changed."
We sat in silence both remembering the way things had changed after the lights went out.
I was lying on my bed in the pair of cotton shorts and T-shirt I had changed into while Joe was in the bathroom. He returned and pulled the door shut and flipped off the light like he had done about a hundred times before. But the way the moonlight reflected on his bare chest and gorgeous face made my heart skip a beat. All night I hadn't been able to keep my hands off his perfect body; but his fingers reached out for me with the same need. We have shared a bed for years but tonight was different. My heart was pounding; I was nervous and scared, desperate and determined in a way I never imagined. For the first time I wanted Joe Morelli in every way possible; and for some strange reason I felt like he wanted me too.
I watched as he walked to the bed and inside of climbing in like he usually did—he held a hand out to me. My hand immediately reached out to grab his; our eyes never strayed from each other. Slowly Joe pulled me off the bed until I was standing in front of him; his hands moved from mine up my arms, over my shoulders and up my neck until he was holding the sides of my face. I lifted my chin to give him easier access to my lips; he closed the distance as our lips touched. I had kissed other guys before and even had extensive make-out sessions. But none of that could hold a candle to the way Joe's lips felt on mine; they were soft but also moved with a confidence that I had never experienced. As the kiss deepened I felt my legs turn to Jello; I had no intention to stop this moment and I let my lips spread apart to give his tongue access. The deeper the kiss got the more I wanted him; Joe's lips were magic and all along I had been missing out.
Joe's lips pulled away from mine; leaving a longing and desire for more. His hands left the sides of my face and grabbed the bottom of my shirt and slowly lifted it off and threw it down to the floor. Even though his shirt was already off I still longed to feel his perfect hard muscles of his chest. My hands reached out and splayed over his chest and ran down over his abs, I could hear him sigh with the contact. Now my lips were no longer simply craving the feeling of his lips; they wanted to explore more of this amazing man. I leaned forward and placed a kiss on his shoulder; a soft moan escaped and a desire shot through me to explore more. My lips softly kissed his shoulder to his neck where I allowed my tongue to taste Joe's perfect skin. I moved my hands up his body to his shoulders before feeling my way down his toned arms. Our hands laced together and Joe pulled me away from his neck enough to kiss me again. This time the desire between us was heating up and slowly Joe released one of his hands and placed it on the small of my back. He guided me backwards until my legs bumped into the bed; our bodies were pressed together and I could feel his need for me through his boxers.
I sat down on the bed and scooted myself to the middle; and Joe followed as he lay down on top of me. My lips were waiting for his but instead it was my neck that got to experience the magic of Joe's lips. A moan seeped out as Joe continued to explore my skin. When he pulled away to look into my eyes the usual dark brown color had transformed to a liquid chocolate color.
"We don't have to do this, Stephanie." This was my opportunity to say no and turn him away; but I didn't want that. I wanted nothing more than to rid myself of the desire that was now palpable between my legs.
"I want you." I whispered against his mouth, Joe pressed his mouth to mine and I knew he wanted me too. It didn't take long for the rest of our clothes to come off and I lay waiting while Joe slid the protection into place before lowering himself into me. I was lost in a mixture of feelings from pain to pleasure to desire; but there was something else I felt that I never expected I would: love. Joe moved over me and laced our hands together again as we ascend towards our climax.
In that moment it was like someone had turned on the light in a dark room I was waiting in: I was in love with Joseph Morelli. Not the friendship kind of love I had felt for Joe since the day I met him. My heart wanted him and only him. Our lips exchanged magic, our bodies were making love and my heart was beating a completely new beat.
We lay curled together once we had distinguished the intense passion. I knew I should be elated lying in his arms; but I knew Joe—he was known for hooking up with girls and nothing more. I couldn't help but wonder if I was just another one of those girls or if he felt the same way I did. The slow steady breaths of his rising and falling chest told me he was lost in sleep; and I wanted nothing more than to close my eyes and sleep too. But I couldn't help but worry and wonder; I couldn't simply just go back to being Joe's friend. I was in love with Joe and I knew the only place I wanted to be was right here; safe, in his arms.
"You're right everything did change." I told him after a few minutes of silence; I could feel tears sitting on the rim of my eye and I desperately longed to keep them at bay.
Joe sighed and I could see there were so many questions he longed to ask me about that night. "The next morning I woke up and you were so distant from me. You wouldn't look me in the eye; and you barely said anything to me."
I was surprised he remembered that; it was difficult to keep my distance but I knew I had to. Joe's reputation was no secret back then and if I was just another one of his random hook-ups, I couldn't let myself get anymore attached than I already was.
"I know."
"And then pretty much a week went by with you doing the same thing; I didn't know what was wrong. But you wouldn't talk to me and I got mad; the next time I saw you was when we had our screaming match. Then 10 years later I run into you again; and I have since wondered what I did that made you stay away from me."
There was pain in his voice and it was enough to send a few of my tears down my cheeks. All along I had kept my distance because I didn't want to just be another hook-up; I wanted more. But I wasn't going to ask him to give me what I wanted, because I told myself if he had wanted what I did—he would have made it happen. Joe wouldn't have stayed away from me; he was an absolute go-getter when it came to anything. If Joe wanted it—he would have it. He never came for me; Joe didn't want me like I wanted him. And for the last 10 years I had been guarding my heart from loving him. But sitting here talking about the past brought out the ache in my heart that I worked so hard to bury. I wasn't over him; but I had to be. I have spent too long hurting and hiding over this one person; I couldn't just give up now—it would ruin me.
I stayed quiet and noticed that Joe was slowing to a stop in front of his house. I threw open the door and stepped out into the pouring rain and began walking the opposite direction of his front door. The tears were falling without reserve now and my heart was screaming with the stabbing pain that only Joe brought out.
"Stephanie, wait!" Joe grabbed my arm to keep me from walking away but I refused to turn around and look at him. "You need to tell me what I did wrong. It has been killing me not knowing what I did to lose you, Stephanie. And I'm not going to let you leave me again without knowing." Deep sobs left my chest and he turned me to face him. His beautiful brown eyes were riddled with the same pain that was in my heart.
"You didn't do anything, Joe." I managed to say through the sobs.
"Then why did you leave me; why didn't you talk to me, Stephanie!" The grip he had on my arm told me I really wasn't getting away without a word this time. There was nothing I could say to make this moment end; other than the truth. So after a couple deep breaths I told him.
"Because I had fallen in love with you! I couldn't see you as just my friend anymore; and you wanted nothing more than to be my friend. I kept thinking of what it would be like to act like it never happened and just be like one of the other girls and it broke my heart. It was only a matter of time before you moved on to someone new and I didn't want to be around for it! That night meant everything to me, Joe."
"And what, you think it meant nothing to me, Steph!" I shook my head as the tears continued to pour. He released my wrist as he ran his fingers through his hair a few times. I could feel my knees begin to shake—I couldn't stay here anymore. Now was my only chance to walk back to my parent's house; he had the information he needed…that should be enough.
I had only made it a few steps before Joe grabbed my arm and whirled me around to face him. His hands grabbed my face and our lips met with an explosive passion. Everything I felt that night was back; and stronger than ever. My arms wound around his neck as our lips and tongues explored with a need that I haven't felt since the last time our lips met. My heart was screaming out for him; the love I thought I had successfully buried for Joe was back. Joe pulled away but still held my face in his hands.
"It meant everything to me; you have always meant everything to me. When I said everything changed; it was because I was in love with you too. I still love you, Stephanie." His eyes searched mine looking for a glimmer of hope but all he found was my tears. My heart told me to kiss him again; close the distance I had put between us all these years. But I couldn't; Joe wasn't mine to love anymore.
"It's too late, Joe." I could see his heart break spread over his face. He was trying to find something to say to keep me from leaving; and I had no doubt that once I heard what he had to say—I would end up in his arms tonight. But I needed to keep my head on straight and stop this before it went too far. "You have Hallie now; the time for us is over." I removed his hands from his face and took off towards my parent's house with the feeling of the pouring rain cleansing my aching soul. As I turned the corner to leave Joe's block and shot a glance towards where we stood. I had to clutch the middle of my stomach as I saw him standing in the same place I left him with his head down. It took everything in me to resist running back to him; but I had to… some people just aren't meant to be. And as I saw it; Joe and I could never be together.
