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Garrett couldn't believe what he was hearing. He sat in the dining hall of the Vigil, with his head in his hands. He stared at Bethany with mounting horror as she told him what had happened to her and his family since they had arrived in Kirkwall.
Carver had become a mercenary.
Gamlen had lost the family estate and fortune
The Gallows was full of corruption and mages were made Tranquil for the slightest infraction, imagined or real.
Pirates, princes and ex-slaves. A dwarf who loved living on the surface. A Dalish elf who was a blood mage.
As she spoke Garrett sank further and further into the chair, his hair gripped tightly in his hands.
Bethany's escape from the Gallows. Witches who could become dragons. The Deep Roads with more dragons.
It went on and on until Garrett's head was spinning, and he found himself leaning forward onto the table, his face buried in his arms. "Stop, I implore you," he mumbled.
Bethany reached across the table and ruffled Garrett's hair. "It's all right, brother. Mother and Carver have the estate back, and are wealthy now. If we hadn't gone into the Deep Roads, who knows what would have become of us."
Garrett lifted his head, his eyebrows shooting up to his hairline. "Oh, well that's all right then. Everything is rainbows and kittens now." Maker… It was like his worst nightmares had decided to get together and consolidate their efforts.
And it was about to get worse.
"Isabela?" Anders tapped a finger to his bottom lip, drawing Garrett's gaze to it. He sat next to Garrett, and Pounce was curled up on Anders' shoulder. "Quick with her blades and has a mouth that can spout some of the dirtiest things you've ever heard?"
Garrett didn't like where this was going, especially when Bethany smiled. "That's her. Do you know her?"
"I met her at the Pearl in Denerim several years ago. She and I…" He stopped and glanced at Garrett. "I uh…"
"Wait," Aedan said. "The Pearl? I remember meeting someone there once, I played cards with her. If it wasn't for Zev, I never would have been able to catch her at cheating."
Next to him, Zevran laughed. "That would be her. Isabela gets around, in more ways than one, no?"
"Then you'll be happy to know that she hasn't changed." Bethany's grin grew wide. "Fenris was certain that she was cheating, but he never could seem to prove it."
Fenris? Oh, right… the ex-slave from Tevinter. Garrett's eyes narrowed when he saw a faint blush stain Bethany's cheeks at the name. His gaze sharpened as he looked around the table. Howe sat close to Bethany, and was whispering something in her ear that made her laugh. Anders' picked up Pounce and held him out toward Bethany, telling her a story of how the cat had battled a darkspawn and drawing her attention away from Nate. Garrett's eyes shot towards Oghren who couldn't keep his avid gaze off her chest.
Maker… Why? He knew his sister was beautiful-he wasn't an idiot. When she had matured into a young woman, Garrett had had his hands full keeping the local boys away from her. At the time, he had justified it by telling himself that they would find out her secret if they got too close. In reality, Garrett knew it was just because he had taken the place of their father when he had died. None of the boys in Lothering had been good enough for his Bethany.
Okay, she was a warden now, and a woman grown. He got that. Carver had stepped up and done what he needed to make sure their family was provided for, Garrett couldnlt fault him for that, even if he did question his methods. His younger siblings had grown up, all without needing Garrett. Logically, he knew he wouldn't be able to protect them forever, but it still hurt all the same.
Bethany scratched Pounced under his chin, and the cat flopped on his back on top of the table. "What about you, brother? What happened to you? You put me on a ship with other mages and send me off to the Free Marches. Then we don't hear a word from you in over a year."
The room became deathly quiet, and Garrett could feel the eyes of each person on him. Clever Bethany. She knew he wouldn't answer her if they were alone. Instead, she'd put him on the spot with witnesses. Garrett didn't know what to say to her. His reasons had made so much sense at the time, but now all of his excuses stuck in his throat until he was choking on them.
"We can talk about this later, Bethany," he finally said.
His sister got a mulish look on her face that he knew well. It meant that she was going to be stubborn, and Maker help anyone who didn't cave. "No. we're talking about this now. We thought you were dead, Garrett. We mourned you. Mother had your name added to the wall in the Chantry. This isn't like you. Why didn't you write to us? Didn't you even get our letters?"
Garrett felt himself crack under his sister's gaze. He hated arguing with her. He opened his mouth and it all came tumbling out. Well… Most of it. He told her how he had needed some time away from his family after the tower had fallen, and as the months rolled by, he found himself unable to go to them. He talked about how he had tried to help the apostates he had found, and how he had tracked down and killed more than his share of blood mages that had escaped the tower and the templars' retribution. Justice had looked on him in approval at that.
When he got to the part about Ser Rylock and coming to the Vigil, he faltered. What was he to say? How was he to explain the unexplainable? He kept to the facts, and if his sister's knowing gaze was any indication, she understood all that went unsaid.
"What will you do now?" Bethany asked when he had finished.
"I don't know," he answered honestly. "I was going to leave for Kirkwall as soon as I was able. I was going to search for you and Carver. But now…" Now he wasn't needed anymore, he never had been.
"Oh, Garrett…" Bethany sighed.
"All right, what's going on?" Bethany had trapped Anders out in the courtyard. She crossed her arms and shifted her body so that Anders couldn't leave the space in between two buildings he had wandered into looking for Pounce.
He scooped up the cat in his arms. "Uh… What now?"
"With Garrett. What's he not telling me? He looks awful, and he's lost some weight. I know I have you to thank for his life, so I assume you would know what's bothering him."
"That's a huge assumption," Anders pointed out. "Why don't you ask your brother?" Anders did not want to be having this conversation with Bethany. Getting in between the siblings was not on his list of 'things Anders liked to do'. Bethany had been at the Vigil for a week, and during that time Anders had come to a few conclusions about Bethany. One, she was very stubborn, and two, she had Garrett wrapped around her finger. Anders could admit that he felt a bit of jealousy at that. It was ridiculous really. She was his sister, what was there be jealous of? If he was being honest, it probably had to do with the fact that Garrett's attention was fully on his sister now. It was as if the weeks they had spent talking meant nothing to the templar.
"If you think I can just ask him then you don't know Garrett very well," she said.
"What's that supposed to mean?" He knew Garrett better than anyone thought he did. Maybe he wasn't Aedan with their past history, or Bethany, but Anders had thought that they had at least forged some sort of connection.
"It means that Garrett just loves to sacrifice himself. He's been doing it his whole life. He keeps things inside until one day he just snaps." She snapped her fingers together. "I know the signs. He's doing it now. Since he won't tell me, I've come to you."
"I…" All right, she had a point. Anders had noticed Garrett's tendency to keep things to himself. Everyone had secrets, but it wasn't healthy the way Garrett went about it. "I don't know. He hasn't really spoken to me since—"
"Since I came," Bethany finished. "I had hoped he would have gotten pass this. We were always running from the templars, and then when father died, Garrett just… he just shut down. He uses Carver, mother and I as an excuse, you know. If he has us to worry about, then he doesn't have to worry about himself. But when he does that, he neglects his own needs. You should have seen him when he showed up to the tower. My brother the templar, and all for me. I never asked that of him… I never…" She looked away from him and let her hair fall over her face.
"He loves you," Anders said quietly. He had little experience with the kind of familial love that the Hawkes had. He had been twelve when the templars had come for him in the Anderfels, and barely recalled much of his life before that. His mother had been full of sweetness and light, but she had been easily cowed by his overbearing father. It had been him that had informed the templars that Anders was a mage. The Circles didn't encourage family either. It wasn't unheard of for a templar to be related to one of his charges, but showing personal preference was frowned upon. Mages did not marry, not even each other. Maker help any mage who found herself pregnant. Their babies were taken from them the second they were born, and never seen again. Bethany was so incredibly lucky, and he told her as much.
"I know," she sighed. "I just wish he would let me and Carver go." Her eyes sharpened when she looked at him, and Anders became uncomfortable under her gaze. "I like your cat. Did Garrett give him to you?"
Anders blinked at the sudden shift in topic. "Pounce? No, Aedan did. Why would you think that?" Nope, he didn't like this at all. Why was she smiling that way at him?
"I just thought he'd given you a cat the same way he had when you were in the Circle. Garrett told me how happy Mister Wiggums had made you." There it was. No matter how hard Bethany tried, she couldn't quite hide the mischievous light in her eyes.
Anders tilted his head to the side, as if he couldn't quite hear her. "Excuse me?"
"Your cat." Oh, Maker, now she wasn't even attempting to disguise her pleasure. "It took Garrett days to trap him so that he could give him to you. He was so worried you would be left alone in solitary, and he couldn't ever speak to you when he went down there."
"How often?" Anders whispered. "How often did he come down?"
"Every day. He used to sit on the steps that led down to the cells and stay there for hours."
Andraste's holy nipples! Anders remembered him now. The day they had dragged him back to the tower in chains, the very day he had been thrown into solitary for an unheard of length of time. There had been a templar there that Anders had never seen before. He'd spoken to him.
In a way, Anders felt betrayed. All this time and Garrett had acted as if he didn't know Anders. But that wasn't true, was it? From the beginning, Anders had wondered why a templar would take such an interest in him.
And Pounce…
Aedan had given him Pounce shortly after Garrett had arrived. Anders had been so surprised and touched, that he hadn't given it more than a second thought as to why Aedan would know just the thing to give him.
"Why would he do all of this for me?" Anders wondered out loud. He hadn't been expecting an answer, so he was surprised when Bethany replied.
"If you don't know that, then your reputation in the Circle was unearned." She wrinkled her nose. "I have to say I'm disappointed. Tiffany and the others would always go on and on about you. I've never known Garrett to show any interest in anyone besides his family." She shrugged and made to move away. "Maybe I was wrong about you."
"Wait!" If Bethany had been facing him, Anders would have seen the look of triumph on her face. "You're acting like he's in love with me."
She looked back at him over her shoulder. "I'm not acting like anything. If you choose to interpret my words as that, then it's not my fault." Her eyes went wide with feigned innocence. "I should warn you that I'm quite good at cold spells. If you break his heart, I'll freeze your prick and shatter it. As far as I know, there is no healing spell to fix something like that." She wiggled her fingers over her head in a wave and walked away, leaving a stunned Anders behind.
"No," Aedan said flatly. "I'm not going to allow you to attempt the Joining."
Garrett slammed his fist onto the desk that Aedan sat behind. The large study served as an office for the Warden-Commander. A massive desk sat in the middle of the room, and weapon racks and armor stands lined each wall. To the right was a closed door, behind which was Aedan's bedchamber.
"Why not? Just days ago you were all but begging me, and now when I want it, you change your mind?" Garrett snorted in derision. "You just wanted to sleep with me, admit it?"
"I did want to sleep with you, but that's not the reason why I wanted you to become a warden. It wasn't the reason I had for when I first met you in the tower, and it isn't the reason now. You're loyal and an excellent fighter. You've gone through the Void and come out of it alive. The wardens need men and women like you, ones that won't flinch when looking down the gullet of an Archdemon."
"Don't fool yourself," Garrett said. "I would flinch."
Aedan propped his elbows on the desk and folded his hands. "Maybe, but you wouldn't run. When it came down to it, you would fight."
"Is that your only requirement then? That as long as you won't run then you can become a Warden of the Grey?"
"Pretty much," Aedan chuckled. "During my Joining there was a man-I forget his name now. Anyway, he was a great knight, loyal to his arl, had a wife. There was also a thief, got caught pickpocketing in Denerim, was going to hang if he hadn't been conscripted. Guess which tried to run? I'll give you a hint, it wasn't the pickpocket. I learned that day that the most important aspect of being a warden was that you wouldn't run. Fear is one thing, but it's what you do with it that counts."
"So why aren't you going to let me join?" Garrett didn't understand it. When he had been told this morning that the wardens were leaving for Knotwood Hills—without him—Garrett had finally made up his mind. Now Aedan was telling him no?
"Because you haven't fully recovered yet. You only left Anders' room a week ago." Aedan held up his hand when Garrett opened his mouth for a retort. "I know you've been working in the practice yard, and it might even be that you're ready, but I can't take that chance."
"Then wait to go until I am ready. Let me join then."
Aedan acted like Garrett hadn't even spoken. "There is also the undeniable fact that the only reason why you want to join is because of your sister. You would follow her to the Void and back. You—"
"So you aren't going to let me join because my reasons aren't to your liking?" Garrett knew he was raising his voice, but he didn't care. "What kind of backwards logic is that? Oghren left the mother of his child behind. Nate wanted to kill you. Anders was just using you to escape the templars. And Justice… I don't even know what in the Void he wants. So when I come to you and tell you I want to join so that I can protect my sister, you balk? That crosses the line? That's bullshit, Aedan."
Aedan's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Then let me speak plainly. You're a good man, Garrett Hawke. I respect you. And because I respect you, I am going to tell you that your need to protect someone that does not want or need it, will be the death of you. I won't aid you in that. You can hate me for it, but that is my final decision. Your sister's presence here changes everything."
"Don't do this to me," Garrett whispered.
The look that Aedan gave him was full of pity. "I'm sorry, I truly am. But you need to learn to stand on your own before I can let you join."
Garrett stormed back inside the keep. He had just watched his sister leave with the rest of the wardens. Damn Aedan Cousland. What was he playing at? Garrett was still furious. For a month they had all badgered him to join, and now to deny him… What did he mean he had to learn to stand on his own? What the fuck was Aedan going on about? Fuck Aedan, and fuck the wardens. Aedan had told him when he was ready, Garrett could join them occasionally when they went out, but only on business of the arl. Without the Joining, Garrett was susceptible to the taint.
If it had to do with darkspawn or the wardens, then Garrett was not wanted.
It was like Aedan expected him to take the scraps he was given and be happy about it. Meanwhile, his sister was gallivanting around Thedas killing darkspawn.
Lovely…
Just perfect.
He carefully walked up the steps towards his room. Aedan had insisted that Garrett move into the keep. He couldn't work for Wade anymore. Each day he slowly regained some of the strength he had lost after a month of inactivity. He wasn't as weak as he had been a few days before, but certain things tired him much quicker than they use to.
A small part of him that he knew he needed to acknowledge, understood what Aedan was talking about. Ever since his sister had begun to show signs of magical abilities, Garrett had it drummed into him by his parents that he needed to look out for his sister. He loved Bethany and his father, and had gladly given up any sense of a normal life for them. There had been no real friends for Garrett, no loves that had lasted. There had just been the constant fear that one day, the templars would come and tear his family apart. He couldn't blame his parents or Bethany for how he had lived his life. He wasn't that selfish, but there had been times when he had resented them for it. But he hadn't wanted them to feel anymore guilty than they already did. So Garrett had kept his mouth shut, and done what needed to be done in order to keep his family whole.
Carver had never had that much restraint.
Carver had always been vocal about his resentment. He and Garrett would argue long and loud about Carver's attitude. Garrett couldn't understand why Carver was always so angry, when the alternative was never to see their father or Bethany again, while Carver had never understood Garrett's quite acceptance.
Garrett reached his room and opened the door. It was small, but it was more comfortable than the one he'd had in the back of the smithy. The bed was clean and the mattress didn't sag. He even had a fireplace for the winter months. He walked into the room and shut the door softly behind him. Slipping off his tunic, he draped it over the back of a chair.
All right, maybe he did understand completely what Aedan was getting at, but that didn't make what the commander was doing any better. Garrett scrubbed at his face with his hands. It was in the afternoon, and he needed to change so he could head out to the practice yard. Aedan had promised they would be back in a week's time, but Garrett wasn't so sure. Working on building his strength back would give him the distraction he needed while he waited for them to return.
He opened his dresser to pull out the old tunic he wore when in the practice yard. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw something on his pillow. Walking over to his bed, he reached down and picked up a single red rose. He lightly touched one of the petals that had just started to unfurl, feeling its velvety texture. Magic tingled against his skin, and pulled on templar honed senses.
A smile broke out on Garrett's lips. If he wasn't mistaken, this rose would be a very long time in wilting.
A/N: I think this story is becoming fluffier than I expected to be. I blame Awakening Anders.
