To those of you who were looking for this chapter on Sunday night and didn't manage to find it until Monday morning... I'm sorry! I've been running way behind schedule this whole weekend, despite having an extra hour today due to the clocks going back! :( (but technically, in *my* timezone I'm only like 35 minutes late uploading this...! :P)

As always, thankyouthankyouthankyou to my awesometastic RL beta Robyn, who at this point in the story began to think she might be enjoying it after all... :P (She's a *calm* Twilighter, but not that into fanfic. She had *no idea* what she was getting herself into when she "volunteered" (ie insisted) to be my beta.)

To those of you asking questions in the reviews - I ain't sayin nothin. :P

And now, without further ado, I give you Chapter 9! (featuring mildly drunky Alice)


Chapter 9

The following Sunday morning, Bella was woken relatively early by the sound of bacon sizzling in a pan and, somehow, the smell of what seemed to be slightly burnt coffee. Blearily, she rubbed her eyes, effortfully pulling herself to a sitting position from the squishy confines of the couch.

"Whuzz goin' on?" she croaked, clearing her gravelly throat loudly. A large head with comically tousled dark, curly hair poked around the kitchen door, followed by half of an equally large, naked torso.

"Morning Bella!" said Emmett, way too brightly for that time of day.

"Hey Emmett," she said, slumping back down into the couch and wondering vaguely how he had managed not to scald himself with the fat that always spat out of the pan and burned Bella whenever she cooked bacon. "Try not to set the place on fire, 'kay?" His booming laugh rang out across the apartment, and she cringed at the noise, hoping for everyone's sake that it didn't wake Alice, who would no doubt be unbelievably hyper until they reached the spa. Quickly, as if on the same wavelength as Bella, a seductive sing-song voice rang out from Rosalie's bedroom.

"Emm-ett..."

Bella heard plates and mugs hastily clattering onto a tray, and then Emmett's footsteps entered the living room.

"Coming, babe!" He walked past Bella on the couch, turning his head and winking at her. "See ya later, Bells."

"Ugh!" she threw her hand across her face, squeezing her eyes shut tightly. "Jeez, Emmett, at least put some proper clothes on!" He laughed again, and she waited until he had taken himself and his tight boxer briefs that left little to the imagination out of the room, before rolling over and trying to get back to sleep.

~o0o~

Sitting in the back of the cab with Alice jiggling about in her seat on one side of her and Rosalie with her head leaned back and her eyes closed in serenity on the other, Bella was already wishing she had figured out some way of getting out of this. When she had naturally asked why they were taking a cab instead of driving to the spa, she had been met with rolled eyes. Apparently, they were "doing this day properly", which seemed to include an amusing amount of champagne. As they got closer, and Alice got even more ridiculously excited, Bella shot Rosalie a pleading look. Rosalie glanced over at Alice, and laughed.

"Leave her at it, Bells. She needs to get rid of it all before she allows herself to relax. This is her usual pre-spa behaviour." The cab driver raised his eyebrows, and caught Bella's eye in the rear view mirror. Evidently, she wasn't alone in her skepticism.

Finally they pulled into the parking lot of a posh, modern-looking building. As they climbed out of the car and paid the driver, Bella was immediately intimidated.

"Guys, I don't know about this..." she began, shaking her head slowly. Alice and Rosalie immediately stepped up on either side of her, grabbing her upper arms in a surprisingly vice-like grip. Ignoring her pleas, they half-dragged her into the building, and up to the front desk, where the receptionist greeted Rose and Alice like they were old friends.

"Gianna, sweetie, we'd like you to meet Bella," said Rosalie, without relinquishing her grip on Bella's arm. Gianna laughed, as Bella grimaced and attempted to wave hello, still unable to movie either of her upper arms. "She'll probably keep saying she just wants to go home, but give her the full deal. We know what's best for her."

"Sure thing, Rosalie!" Gianna smiled, and handed Bella a form. "I think one of you might need to let go for a few minutes while she fills this out for our records." Grumbling, Alice loosened her grip, still staying close to Bella as if expecting her to try and make a run for it.

"Guys, come on," Bella whined, exasperated but amused. "I'm here, aren't I? I think you can trust me not to run away." Rosalie managed a laugh, and also let go of Bella's arm, but she too hovered. Bella sighed, and completed the form quickly, muttering darkly about 'untrusting friends'. When she had finished, the girls were directed into a quiet changing room, where Bella was instructed to strip down and put on a thick, white, fluffy robe. The 'calming' music was already making her snort in amusement.

"Come on, Bella," whined Alice. "You're going to ruin it for me and Rose. Just accept the fact that you're here to be pampered, and you might even enjoy yourself!" Bella sighed in defeat.

"Sorry guys. I promise I'll try and have a good time, no matter how cheesy it is." She giggled, and Rose and Alice rolled their eyes. "So, champagne, you say...?"

~o0o~

A few hours later, after mud baths, facials, dainty little sandwiches that had made Bella giggle, and the most glorious, and, admittedly, relaxing massage she could ever have hoped to have in her lifetime – and of course, a few glasses of champagne, all in the name of relaxation – Bella, Alice and Rosalie sat on high, squishy salon chairs, the very last inch of their bodies being beautified as their feet soaked in warm water, waiting to be buffed and the nails to be polished. Rosalie took a sip from her tall, nearly empty glass, and sighed in pleasure.

"Ahh..." She sank down further into her chair. "You can't tell me you didn't enjoy this, Bella."

Bella giggled, feeling the effect of the afternoon's champagne as a pleasant buzz making its way all over her body.

"I guess you were right this time, Rose."

"Damn right she was!" hollered Alice, who was probably half a bottle ahead of Bella in the alcohol department.

Bella closed her eyes, enjoying the relative peace now, and hoping it would last. Lightweight Alice could be a nightmare on the ride home.

Soon the beauticians returned, armed with pumice and a rainbow of nail polish colors, and finally, as Rosalie drained her last glass, it was time to go home. They walked out into the cool air of the parking lot as it was just beginning to get dark, Alice humming happily to herself and Rosalie pretend she didn't need to focus a little to walk in a straight line. Bella herself was still buzzing, but she hadn't had as much champagne as the others. She'd been feeling a bit off now and then over the last few days, and she didn't want to risk throwing too much alcohol into the mix. As they sat on a bench outside the spa, waiting for the cab, Alice laid her head on Bella's shoulder happily.

"I'm glad you came with us today, Bells. I'm gonna miss you when you move out."

Bella laughed.

"I'm only going across the hall, Al. Besides, you were fine without me for years before I ended up crashing on your couch!"

Alice didn't answer, only continued to hum happily.

~o0o~

The cab brought them into the centre of town, and Alice, rowdy again, decided she wanted to get out and walk from there. Rosalie tottered along behind her serenely with Bella, happy to give Alice what Alice wanted in order to keep her quiet. Just after passing a small pizzeria, a shout rang out into the evening.

"Bella!" Bella turned in surprise, and saw Edward and Jasper striding towards them, a smile on Edward's face, but before she could reply, a small, human-like whirlwind spun past her.

"JASPER!" Screechy Alice was back. "I haven't seen you in weeksss!" She ran towards him, throwing her arms around his neck and engulfing him in a tight hug before he even realized what was happening. He patted her lightly on the back and laughed, smelling the alcohol on her breath.

"Hi Alice. You know, for most people it's a good thing that they haven't seen a doctor in weeks!"

She dropped her arms and jumped back giddily, sticking her tongue out at him and making him laugh more. She suddenly noticed Edward.

"Who's this?"

"Oh, sorry," said Jasper, turning and grinning at Edward's amused expression. "This is my good friend, Edward. He's the one I was telling you about, who's got self defense classes going on at the high school."

"Oh!" said Alice happily. She blinked. "OH!" She turned to look at Bella. "That's Edward!"

Bella cringed inwardly.

"Yes, Alice. That's Edward."

Alice turned back.

"You're Edward," she said to Edward, nodding confidently.

Edward laughed.

"Hi, Alice. It's nice to meet you." She shook his hand, turning to Rosalie and mouthing, "that's Edward!"

Rosalie giggled, and mouthed back, "I know!"

Bella rolled her eyes.

"And this is Rosalie, Edward." He nodded at Rosalie, his hand still busy being pumped up and down vigorously by Alice. Finally, she dropped his hand, as if a sudden idea had struck her.

"Hey! You know what would be grrreat?"

Bella raised her eyebrows.

"What would be grrreat, Alice?"

"Jasper and Edward should come help us out with your apartment tomorrow!"

Bella opened her mouth to protest, to say that she was sure Edward and Jasper had other plans and didn't need their day taken up by painting and decorating, but Rosalie got there first.

"Al-ice!" she whined. "It was going to be a girls' day! You can't have boys at a girls' day!" Alice pouted, speaking over Jasper's attempt to say he didn't want to intrude.

"But Rose, it will be fun, I promise!"

Rosalie pouted back, and then whipped out her cell phone.

"Fine, but if you two get to invite Jasper and Edward, I get to invite Emmett!" She punched in the number before anybody, least of all the two men whose services had just been demanded for the following day, could object, and soon she had it ringing loudly on speakerphone.

"Hey baby, what's up?" The voice on the other end was muffled.

"Emmett!" squeaked Rosalie. Bella snorted. "Want to come help us decorate Bella's apartment tomorrow? Dr Whitlock will be there, and Bella's Kung Fu teacher Edward."

"Self defense!" hissed Bella in Rosalie's ear, not looking at Edward as she heard him shaking with laughter.

"Sure thing, babe," came Emmett's muffled voice. Rosalie and Alice cheered idiotically, and Rosalie hiccupped. Emmett laughed. "Are you drunk, Rosie?" Rosalie giggled again.

"Just a li'l bit tipsy, Emmy-bear."

"Aw, baby, you know you can only call me that when we're in private. Now you're just asking for a spanking."

Alice cackled, as Edward and Jasper looked unsure whether to laugh or feel awkward. Bella rolled her eyes.

"Speakerphone, Emmett!"

"What's wrong, Bella? Getting all hot and bothered after copping an eyeful this morning?" Emmett's laugh crackled as it threatened to break the speaker on Rosalie's cell phone. Alice's jaw dropped comically to her feet as Bella blushed a hot shade of red, trying to ignore Rosalie's snigger and, annoyingly, Edward's explosion of laughter, while Jasper bit the inside of his cheek and tried to remain neutral and professional.

"That was your fault, Emmett!" The laughter continued, and Bella gave up, dropping her face into her hands. "Just make sure you wear more tomorrow, because don't think I'm letting you into my apartment dressed like that!" Rosalie laughed outright as she snapped the phone shut, and Edward continued sniggering, trying to give Bella an apologetic look but failing miserably. Alice, meanwhile, had already forgotten the incident, and was ordering the boys to be at Bella's early the following morning, as they had a lot of work to do.

"Hang on," said Jasper, looking on amusedly as Alice took her time scrawling her phone number diligently onto the back of his hand 'in case he forgot the address and needed to call her', "don't you guys have to work?"

"Spring break, baby!" screeched Rosalie, making everyone jump, as she had been mostly quiet for the last few minutes. Bella flicked her on the side of the head.

"You're not in college any more, Rose!"

Rosalie shrugged.

"Well, they can do without me for a day, they'll get over it."

"And what about you, Alice?" said Jasper, glancing down at the pixie-like face that now started up at him in rapture. "What's your excuse?"

"Oh, I don't need an excuse, Dr Whitlock," she purred, Bella cringing hugely for the girl when she remembered this tomorrow, while Jasper cocked one eyebrow down at her.

"Alice is calling designing Bella's new interior 'unpaid practice'," butted in Rosalie, earning a scowl from Alice as she finally dropped Jasper's now-inky hand and shrugged, nodding.

"'s true." She yawned suddenly, and rubbed her hand across her eyes sleepily.

"Alright, Tinkerbell," said Bella laughing, linking her arm through one of Alice's as Rosalie did the same on the other side. When the slump hit Alice, it hit her hard. "Time for bed." They swiveled her around, allowing her to wave sleepily but happily at Jasper as he shook his head, laughing at her.

"Goodnight, ladies."

"Bye Jasper!" they chorused, as Edward gave them all a wave as well. He called out as they began to round the corner.

"Bye, Bella!"

Bella tilted her head to one side and smiled to herself, for once suddenly happy to be singled out. She turned her head.

"Bye, Edward. See you tomorrow!" She turned back to her girls, just in time to hear Alice whisper loudly in Rosalie's ear.

"That's Edward!"


Reviews are better than bumping into KungFuWard on your way home. ;)

And since it's technically just about October 31st where I am... Happy Halloween! :D