So - chapter 2 tonight (more brownies please). I probably won't be able to update for the next couple of days (busy, busy at work) so wanted to give you something to tide you over.

By the way - for those wondering - I haven't completed by Threads story yet. I'll get back to it soon. I've just been in a whumpish mood lately. Thanks,

Jack felt a huge sense of relief as soon as he walked into his house. The first thing he did was to make his way to his living room to collapse on his couch. He breathed the familiar scents of home and put his feet up. Yes – this was better.

He woke up panicked, in a deep sweat – again. Shit! He'd so hoped that getting out of the Infirmary would have helped, although he should have known better. He'd never been able to run from his nightmares in the past – why would he think he could start now.

Would a beer help? He thought about it for a few moments, too tired to actually get off his butt and make his way to the kitchen. But then again – did he really want to rely on alcohol to help him sleep? There lay a dangerous path. It could become so easy to let himself fall into that trap – and he really didn't need that now, or ever.

Not sure what to do, but knowing he didn't want to close his eyes and let the terrors begin again, he reached for the remote and flicked on the TV. By now all there was were really old movies and the beginning of infomercials. Oh well – maybe he really did need a super duper vegislice-ometer to help chop his carrots, cut through metal and then slice tomatoes ever so thin. Yup – that's what he needed alright.

He flipped the channels over and over, too tired and lethargic to watch anything, but too frightened of sleep to let himself relax. He'd been at it for well over an hour when his phone rang. Yup – Nurse Whatsername had discovered he'd fled the coop.

"I'm fine Janet", he said into the receiver. "I just needed to sleep at home."

"Colonel – you don't just up and leave like that!" She was practically shouting into the phone.

Yup – pissed all right. He stared at Moe as he hit Curly – normally it would make him laugh but tonight all it did was make him sad. Why do people have to hurt one another?

"Colonel!"

Oops. "Sorry Janet – just turning down the TV."

"Did you hear what I said? You scared Lieutenant Walker to death. She's practically in tears because she thinks it's her fault that you're gone."

Damn – he hadn't wanted that. He sighed into the phone. "I'm sorry Janet. I didn't mean to worry her. I just couldn't take the place anymore. It reminded me -" he paused. "Anyway, I just needed to get home and I was afraid she'd try and stop me."

He heard Janet's sigh on the other end of the phone. "I know Colonel just – next time – give me a call or something, okay."

"Yeah, okay Janet." He paused. "You're not going to make me go back are you?"

"No Sir – not if you look after yourself. Don't drink any alcohol -"

"I haven't – I promise."

"Okay good. Eat regularly – you need to gain weight. And sleep Colonel. You have to rest."

"Okay, okay. I get it Doc – and – thanks."

"That's okay Sir – oh, and next time you're on base bring Lieutenant Walker a really nice box of chocolates."

"Will do", he laughed. After he hung up the phone he thought about Janet. She really was a special person.

So – she wanted him to sleep. Now how in hell was he going to do that?

"What's the matter with you Sam?" Pete asked, looking and sounding irritated. He'd taken her to the Mexican restaurant but she'd just picked at her food and had barely said anything. Afterward he'd wanted her to go out but she'd told him she just wanted to go home. Now they were sitting together on her couch and all she could think of was that she really wanted him to go home.

"I told you I was exhausted Pete – what did you expect?"

"That maybe you'd try", he answered, sounding sulky. "I mean, I drove all the way from Denver to spend time with you and this is all I get."

"What – a woman who told you more than once she's tired and needs to rest? I'm sorry I couldn't be more fun tonight but I didn't ask you to come down."

"Now you don't want to see me?"

"That's not what I said Pete. I just needed a little time to recuperate from a hard mission and instead -"

"It's always the damn missions", he interrupted furiously. "Do you ever get a life? Or do you want to spend all your time running around the galaxy, playing superhero?"

"What?" She sat up and stared at him. "Superhero? What the hell does that mean?"

"You know exactly what it means. You enjoy running around with your three guy teammates – going off and saving the world all the time. You don't really want to stay here and lead a normal life, do you?"

"I don't know what the hell you're doing Pete, but you're really starting to piss me off. Just because I'm tired you think you can treat me like this? Don't you ever get tired after a busy day on the job? Or is that only allowed when you have a normal job?" She closed her eyes briefly, knowing this was a mistake. She needed to be alone – to rest – not to be fighting with her fiancé. "I think you'd better go", she said softly. "We're both tired and upset and we're gonna say things we regret." Actually – they had already, but she didn't want to even think about that now. "I need to sleep, not to fight."

"Fine." He stood up and reached over and grabbed his keys. "Call me the next time you're not tired and you want to see me. I'll know enough not to interrupt you when you've got other, more important things than me on your mind." With that he left – closing the door solidly, although she couldn't accuse him of slamming it.

In actual fact, she had this childish urge to get up, open her own door, and slam it after him. It might make her feel better – either that or she could throw something through her window.

Fortunately she stopped herself before going that far. Sighing she leaned back and closed her eyes – but knew almost instantly that she wasn't going to be able to sleep. She was too angry – too upset – and the sad thing was, it had nothing to do with Pete. In fact, she barely gave him another thought after he was gone.

No, all she could think about was the damned planet and the aliens who had used her, who had – violated her. There, she finally said it. It was true, she hadn't wanted to face it but the fact was, she was feeling lost and frightened and, and violated was the word that kept coming to mind.

Everyone had had sympathy for the Colonel, for what he'd been through – and rightly so. And yet no one had seemed to realize that she might be feeling something of what he was feeling. They assumed that because she couldn't remember it, that she'd be okay. But the truth was, she was horrified at what had been done to her. She'd been kidnapped, knocked out and her body had been invaded for someone else's purpose. And the result was that now there were babies out there – okay, so they were embryos – but still, they were possible children – of hers and the Colonel's.

What did she do? Who could she talk to? She thought about Janet, and she could go to her as a friend, but Janet was also her doctor – and a fellow officer in the Air Force. She'd be forced to report the fact that Sam was experiencing trauma as a result of a mission and she could end up being forced into therapy – or even put on leave. There was no way she'd allow that – not now – not when she had to find those embryos and stop the alien from implanting them.

Daniel? She could talk to him and she knew he'd be sympathetic. But he wouldn't understand –not really. And Teal'c? No – just – no. She loved him and relied on him – but this case was so far outside his experience that it would be putting him into a difficult position.

No, the person she really should be able to talk to was Pete but that – sadly – wasn't even an option. And what was even sadder was that it had nothing to do with clearance. He knew what she did and she could have told him some, if not all that had happened. The problem was, he wouldn't have understood. He would have blamed the Air Force, or the program, or even Colonel O'Neill and her team. He would have been angry and would have wanted her to change jobs or resign. And then there was the issue of the – children – that could be a possibility. How would he handle that? Not well, she knew – and she couldn't really blame him for that.

So – that left – no one. At least – no one she could go and talk to. The stupid voice – she was really going to have to figure out how to kill it – was whispering a name to her and she steadfastly ignored it. "Not possible", she finally shouted. "I can't talk to him. No way! Never."

No, but she could go for a drive. Getting out of the house and driving around the dark streets of Colorado Springs appealed to her. She felt restless but didn't really want to go for a walk, not in the middle of the night. Grabbing her coat she made her way to her small car and got in. She again sat for a few minutes and then laughed at herself. This was getting to be a habit.

She must have driven for almost an hour – stopping once at a drive through to grab a cup of decaf coffee – before her car finally made its way down his street. She recognized it almost instantly, although to be fair to herself she hadn't come this way intentionally. No – your subconscious just forced you to take the exact route to get here.

"Shut up", she said to the voice, as if it was now normal to talk to it. "I'm just going to drive by and then head back home. Someone should check on his house anyway."

Yeah right! She grew closer – recognizing the houses on the way to his. She eventually came to his cozy looking house and instinctively slowed down.

What the - ? His truck was in the driveway and lights were on in his house. She looked at her watch – it was after two-thirty in the morning. Why was he here – and why was he still up.

She was sure that Janet had wanted to keep him in the Infirmary for a few more days. What had made her decide to let him out? A sudden thought struck her that maybe Janet hadn't let him out. It would be like the Colonel to make a break for it, especially if Janet wasn't at work. And she wasn't, Sam remembered. Parent teacher interviews had been on at Cassie's school that evening so Janet had gone home early.

"You escaped, didn't you Sir?" She shook her head at what definitely sounded like something the Colonel would do, but then she realized that she understood why he'd done it. Hadn't she done exactly the same thing, although in her case no one was going to be upset? The Colonel, on the other hand, was going to have to deal with an extremely irate Janet Frasier.

If he was okay that was. God – what if Janet didn't know he had gone and what if something had happened to him. He was still weak and dealing with the extreme trauma of the planet. He could be in trouble and maybe no one even knew he was missing.

It suddenly dawned on Sam that she was sitting outside his house in the middle of the night – wondering how he was and worrying about him, when all she had to do was knock on his door and check on him. If he was okay she'd just leave.

Won't he wonder what you're doing at his house at this time of night? "Yes – he will. I'll just say that I went out to get something and saw his lights on."

Get something? What? And why did you happen to drive down his street when it's nowhere near your house?

"Fine – I'll tell the truth."

Which is?

"That I was worried about him and decided to come and make sure he didn't need anything.

And you knew he was home – how?

"Uh – okay, I was driving all over and decided to drive by the houses of all my friends and saw his lights on. Is that going to satisfy you?"

There was no answer this time so she did a mental 'so there', and started the engine on her car. After checking there were no other cars on the street, she did a quick U-turn and parked in the Colonel's driveway behind his truck.

Okay Sam, here goes nothing! The Colonel was probably going to think she'd lost her mind but – what was he going to do – shoot her? He might, the voice said.

"Screw off!"

By the time she reached his door she had rethought this whole idea. He'd definitely think she was crazy. More than that, he'd think she was intruding on his personal space. She never did this - had never done this. In all the years of their crazy, mixed up, confused relationship, she'd never once shown up, out of the blue, in the middle of the –

"Carter?" He was standing there, his door open, the light behind casting him in shadow, looking at her. "Whatcha doing?"

"Uh." Voice taunted her – now tell him what you're doing here.

"I'm sorry Colonel. I couldn't sleep and I went for a drive and ended up here. I saw your lights on – so I – but I'll go. I really shouldn't have disturbed you."

He rubbed his hand through his hair and shrugged. "You didn't. I was just watching TV." He stepped back and motioned for her to enter. "Come on in. We might as well not sleep together." He stopped at that and grimaced. "That somehow came out – wrong."

She giggled briefly. "That's okay Sir – I knew what you meant."

"Good, cause I don't really know what I'm sayin' right now." He walked into his living room, allowing her to follow. He plunked down on his couch, his eyes immediately focusing on his TV. "You ever tried that?", he pointed.

Sam turned to the program and squinted at it. After a minute she realized it was an infomercial for something that removed calluses. "Uh –no."

"Hmm. Thought it might be useful to have on base. I'll have to tell Hammond – or Janet. There was also something for hiding belly fat. I wonder if it works."

"Uh – I don't think you need to worry about that Sir. You're in good shape. In fact, I think I heard Janet saying you needed to gain weight."

"Yeah", he sighed and reached for the remote and flipped the channel. "Not very hungry." He frowned and glanced at her. "You hungry? I don't know if I have anything, although there may be a box of crackers somewhere. Probably stale though."

"I'm fine Sir", she answered. She regarded the Colonel as he refocused on the TV. He looked terrible. There were dark circles under his eyes and his skin had a waxy look. By the way he moved she could tell he'd gone beyond exhaustion. Why in the world wasn't he –

"Nightmares Sir?" she asked gently, suddenly realizing what was going on with him.

He paused for a moment in the channel flipping, but then started again without answering. Sam gave a small sigh and moved closer to him. She reached out and gently took the remote away. He glanced at her hand, but wouldn't look up to meet her eyes.

"Me too", she said softly. "Even though I can't really remember much, I still feel – violated. It's – I – every time I close my eyes I feel like I'm back there." She sat quietly while he continued to stare at her hand. It was a long time later that she felt him shudder. She looked up then, to see that he was looking at her, although his eyes were unfocused.

"I keep seeing them", he whispered.

"The aliens?"

He nodded. "I couldn't move – couldn't do anything. I thought – I was going mad." He closed his eyes but opened them quickly. "I started to – imagine myself somewhere else. Pretty soon I was somewhere else and the aliens and the present began to – fade."

She swallowed convulsively, knowing what he was saying – and both horrified and incredibly touched; horrified by what he'd gone through and touched by the fact that he was confiding in her. She also knew that he would have gone mad eventually - either from being tied down or from escaping into his mind. Thank god he'd been found when he had. As it was, she knew he had a lot of trauma to deal with – without even thinking about the embryos.

"Where did you go?" Normally she would never ask such a thing but now – right here, at this moment it seemed right.

"With Charlie", he said quietly, answering her easily. "I remembered all the good times with him. We went to the cabin and fished and played ball and hiked." He smiled. "It was great." A second later and the smile fled. "I didn't want to come back."

God – no wonder he was finding it hard to deal with everything. How would he feel, being forced to – in some ways – give his son up again to return to reality. And then, once he arrived home, to find out that some alien bastard was intent on creating another child of his. "I'm sorry", she reached out and gently touched his arm.

"No!" he jerked away quickly, looking panicked.

Sam sat back – surprised and dismayed. "I'm sorry Sir", she cried. "I didn't mean -"

"T'sokay", he said, sounding out of breath. "Sorry – I'm just - a little jumpy."

"Of course you are", she nodded, making herself sound as matter-of-fact as she could. He looked at her with his own surprise.

"Of course I am?" he repeated.

"Yeah", she smiled. "I'd imagine that being restrained for so long and having people – touch you – would make you a bit jumpy. You'll get over it eventually, once you're stronger."

"You think so?" he asked, suddenly sounding terribly vulnerable.

"Of course", she nodded. "You can't expect to be better already but I'm sure you'll get there. It also may take zatting the hell out of the bastard that did this to you and that stole – some of us – but you'll do it."

Jack frowned and looked at the woman opposite him. It suddenly struck him that Carter was sitting on his couch, in the middle of the night, and no one else was around. What the hell had he been thinking? And where was Pete? Surely he lived with her – or at least was there with her most of the time.

"Uh Carter?"

"Yes Sir."

"What – I mean - why are you here? Not that I mind or anything but –"

"I couldn't sleep Sir – remember? I just – ", she bowed her head and debated with her little voice. Finally raising her head she looked at her commander. "I needed to talk to someone and there wasn't anyone else I figured would understand. It's not that I'm comparing what happened with me to what -"

"Aack – stop Carter", he held up his hand. "You don't have to compare anything. You were hurt – yes you were", he said when she went to object. "You were kidnapped and hurt just like me. You were somewhat lucky in that they didn't tie you down – but that doesn't make what you went through any better. You have a right to be pissed and not to be able to sleep."

"So – you're okay with me dropping in at odd hours of the day or night?" she gave a small grin.

"Of course", he smiled back. "Any time Carter – mi casa es su casa and all that."

"Good. Uh Sir – you really do need to go to sleep. You're going to make yourself ill."

"Hey, you too Major. I'd say we were a pair."

She nodded and took a deep breath. "So what should we do? I don't want to take any of Janet's pills. They make me feel worse in the morning."

"Yeah, me too." Jack leaned back and thought about their quandary. Both of them were exhausted and needed to sleep, but he couldn't handle the thought of being closed in – of being stuck in a room with – wait!

"Carter – I have an idea. How do you feel about – camping?"

"Camping Sir?" she looked at him in confusion. He didn't answer, simply grinned and stood up.

"Just wait here." With that he limped off, looking as if he suddenly had some more energy. A few minutes later he returned, his arms full of – something.

"Sleeping bags", he explained. "Here, take them. I'll be right back." The next time he returned he was carrying something else, and a small pump. "Air mattress."

"Sir", she laughed. "What are you doing?"

He stopped and looked at her seriously. "I can't – sleep inside. It's too claustrophobic."

"So we're going camping?"

"Not far. You don't have to come if you don't want to." He said it as if he'd be terribly disappointed if she didn't – which warmed her to the bottom of her toes.

"I'll come – although I'm not exactly dressed for this", she pointed to her jeans and t-shirt."

"Wait here!" he turned and hurried – as fast as he could go – down the hallway. He came back carrying assorted pieces of clothing. "Here – put these on. They'll be big, but they'll be more comfortable and warmer."

"Long johns Sir?" she held up a pair and grinned at him.

"Hey- it's better than freezing."

She nodded and took the clothes and headed to the bathroom where she quickly began to change into the long underwear and sweats that he'd given her. She couldn't help but stop and smell them – they smelled like Jack. Damn – she was in trouble.

"Just come up when you're dressed", he called. Jack then made his way outside and climbed the ladder to his star-gazing deck. Placing the air mattress down he plugged the blower into the outside socket and watched while it filled. After a few minutes it was full and he stopped the blower. He then hurried back down the ladder and grabbed the two sleeping bags and made his way upstairs.

It took a few moments to set everything up so that they'd be comfortable. He had a sudden twinge of conscience but then decided he was being silly. It's not like this was something romantic or even unfamiliar. They'd camped out together for years on missions.

But never just the two of them, his conscience jabbed him. You know this isn't the same. "Oh shut up."

"Sorry Sir?"

"Carter? Sorry – I wasn't talking to you – just to the little annoying voice in my head."

She looked at him in surprise. "You've got one too?"

"Yeah?" He regarded her strangely. "Uh – why?"

"Because mine's been driving me crazy all day. I want to shoot her."

He grinned at that – the picture of Sam shooting the little voice in her head somehow tickled him. "I wouldn't recommend it Major – might be kind of – self-defeating."

"I know", she sighed. She then regarded the two sleeping bags laid out next to one another. "You're sure about this Sir?"

"I am – but you don't have to stay if you don't want to."

"No – I think it might be good. Maybe the fresh air will help me sleep."

"You comfortable", Jack pointed to the sweat suit she was wearing. "Looks better on you than on me."

"Well, you'll just have to let me keep it then Sir – and yes, it's comfortable." She wondered briefly what Pete would say if she were to bring this home with her – and then put the thought, and him, out of her mind.

"Well, I think it's about time for my nap. You comin' Carter?" Without looking at her he bent and undid his sleeping bag and proceeded to climb in. She hesitated for just a moment and then, with a shrug, followed suit. It felt warm and cozy and – she wished she and the Colonel were sharing a bag. Stop that Sam!

"This is nice", she said quietly. "It's good to see the stars."

"Mmm hmm", he agreed, his eyes focused on the heavens. "It is." He tilted his head and watched her for a moment. "I'm glad you stopped by Carter", he told her quietly. "Maybe now I can sleep."

"Me too", she said. "Close your eyes Sir. I'm right here if you need me."

"I know Carter. I've always known. And - I'm here for you."

"I know that too Sir. Sweet dreams."

"Sweat dreams Sam." With that he closed his eyes.