Clarke awoke that next morning in Bellamy's arms, her head pressed against his bare chest and his arm wrapped around her naked waist. She knew he was no longer asleep because his hand kept traveling the length of her torso, his warm breath stirring her hair.
She closed her eyes and tried to assess the severity of the situation – she had just slept with Bellamy Blake.
And apparently sleeping with Bellamy was an all-night thing because she had slept for no more than three hours. Clarke was covered with his kisses, his scent. What had she done? She had slept with him for what, an attempt at fooling the Grounders to let them go? What would she tell the others? How would she be able to lead beside him with this hanging over her head?
Clarke began to shake – she was panicking.
She felt Bellamy stiffen against her. Clarke realized that he had no idea that she had awoken. His hand stopped at her waist and splayed against her skin. She heard his breath hitch and his body hesitate. This only heightened her fear – had he not wanted this? Wanted her? Bellamy rolled onto his stomach and placed one arm on either side of Clarke. He was so close and, unconsciously, her body ached for him to be nearer. She immediately chastised herself.
"Princess…" he murmured, staring down at her shaking body and tracing the contours of her face.
He was going to say it. He was going to say he regretted last night and that she was just like the others – a plaything to be called upon whenever he needed solstice. Just like their first kiss, he would tell her she meant nothing to him.
"Shhh…" Bellamy whispered and kissed her temple, his lips lingering on her skin. "It's going to be alright Clarke."
She braced herself and felt tears welling beneath her eyes. How was it even possible to want somebody who could never possibly want you? Clarke didn't know what to do with her hands, her legs. She was immobile against him.
"Bellamy, what…" she hesitated, "…I don't know. What even is this?" Clarke was referring to the connection between them, her voice feeling weak – she had no words.
"Don't Clarke, don't do this to yourself." he whispered into her hair and wound it through his fingers.
"I don't want to be alone," she choked as little tremors took hold of her body. "I have already lost everyone – I – I… don't want to lose you too…" Clarke broke down into tears, in front of Bellamy for the first time.
He hands and arms ceased their movement and for a moment he did nothing. She heard him suck in a breath and she realized that he had no idea how to comfort her. How would he? Living with only Octavia and his mother he only knew of familial gestures. As for the other girls he slept with, well, they didn't need his comfort, only pleasure.
"Oh Clarke." he breathed and gathered her in his arms. She pressed her face against his neck and choked out another sob. "I would be a terrible man if I said you meant nothing to me."
She reached up and wrapped her arms around him, feeling the iron-like muscle at his shoulders, the sheer magnitude of his strength was overwhelming. Yet, at the same time, he held himself in a way that made it so he wouldn't crush her under his weight. She remembered her night with Finn, his body and the broken promises spoken to the wind.
Clarke knew Bellamy would never break a promise to her.
Bellamy lay back down on his side while still holding Clarke against his chest. She reached up and ran a tentative hand through his hair. He closed his eyes at her touch.
"Everyone I love abandons me or sends me away…" she began.
"Clarke," Bellamy interrupted. "As long as I live you will never be alone." She stared at him, trying to commit his image to memory, every freckle and every scar.
"You don't regret last night?" she asked softly.
"I never regret any moment spent with you." he whispered and kissed her gently, his lips soft against her own. When her broke away he added, "I will protect you and you will protect me because that's what leaders do."
They didn't say anything else after that – they didn't have to.
When the Grounders found them, they would be ready to save their people – together. But until then, they took comfort in one another's embrace.
