Pain.
Pain was all he had left. Pain from the deaths of the men under his command. Pain from the death of his students. Pain from the death of his father. Pain from the Marauder round that took him in the helmet, blowing out his right eye. Pain from the memories of a Salarian and Asari holding him down as they implanted a new bionic eye in, without anesthesia. Pain from the itchy scar tissue around his new crystal blue eye lens.
Pain from the death of Liara.
This last one was the worst pain of all. Kaiden was a soldier, trained to accept the death of those under him. He knew that for every man and woman that died under his command, ten or twenty more were saved. He accepted that. Just as he had come to accept the death of his father. He pain still coursed through him; pangs of regret and anger. Kaiden remembered his dad staying home from work to take care of him when he had the flu. He remembered arguing about Kaiden staying out passed curfew. He remembered the anger and resentment he felt towards his father from BAaT. And Kaiden remembered his dad was the first person to ever hand him a beer.
Kaiden clenched his hands in anger and tried to fight back a wave of hot, angry tears. He winced, his hand shooting up to the side of his face. The spot where his right eye had once been twitched in sympathetic pain as the residual muscles tried and failed to squeeze his nonexistent tear duct. Kaiden scratched at the itchy scar tissue around his replacement eye; it was still raw and angry and throbbed with pain. He remembered one of his squad shouting his name an instant before the round took him in the head, shattering his helm and blinding him. His vision was near perfect now; part of the deal from being a Spectre and having access to top-of-the-line equipment. With a single thought he could switch his new eye to infrared or night vision. He was still getting used to the constant stream of information pouring in from his retinal scanner. He knew temperature, wind velocity, air pressure and the heartbeats of everyone on the floor. He hated it. He would kill to have his old, standard useless eye back.
Kaiden turned away from the window and the chilly 53.5 degrees London night with winds to the southwest. He grimaced at the man in the room with him, his eye feeding him an endless stream of bio data and depressing him. Kaiden sighed and sat down.
Shepard was a mess. It was a miracle he was still alive. Less than ten percent of his skin had remained when the doctors had finished peeling his melted armor off and scraping away the charred remains of his body. His left leg had been amputated at the knee; the doctors had been unable to repair the catastrophic damage done to his leg in time to prevent a deadly infection from setting in. His skull had been repaired with metal plates and six fingers were set to be cloned and replaced. Dozens-maybe hundreds- of tubes connected into Shepard's body, pouring endless amounts of steroids, stemcells and replacement blood into his barely alive body. Kaiden had overheard that few of Shepard's internal organs remained intact and the machines were literally keeping him alive until such time as the organs could be cloned.
Every race was pouring every additional resource they had into Shepard's recovery. The Asari and Salarians had contributed their top doctors and half the medical equipment aboard the Destiny's Ascension. The Krogan, under Wrex's direct order, dispatched their top cloning scientist to do what needed to be done for him. And Kaiden had personally requested to guard Shepard every waking hour, taking turns with a Krogan named Grunt and the ex-Cerberus operative Miranda Lawson. The council-what was left of it- had agreed as Kaiden was the only other Spectre in the Sol System and until the Galaxy was reestablished, he was the only active Spectre in existence.
A weight had settled onto Kaiden's shoulders and he wasn't proud to bear it. A year ago he was just some love-sick biotic SOB moving from one crap assignment to the next. Now he was guarding the savior of the Galaxy, and had an endless list of accolades, promotions and praise coming his way too. Kaiden was the last Spectre still standing and it grieved him. The Galaxy didn't need him. It needed Shepard. He was just the next guy in line, the man behind the man. But Shepard…Shepard was something indispensable. Something universal. Something the galaxy needed. Kaiden was just the best friend; the one who hadn't been there when he needed to be. It hadn't been Kaiden that rescued Shepard from the Spectre's office on the crashed Citadel. It had been some anonymous Asari who disappeared not two minutes after dropping off Shepard's battered body.
That had been days ago, and Shepard had been in surgery ever since. It was only now, just over one hundred hours after he had been found that Shepard was out of critical condition and healing up for his rounds of reconstructive surgery. Shepard had been under constant observation since. Kaiden sighed and gazed into his long time friend's face.
"Damn it Shepard." Kaiden whispered, "How is it that you and I are the ones who survive?" He took Shepard's gauze wrapped hand-what was left of it anyway- in his and sighed, "Jenkins…Ashley…Joker, Garrus and Chakwas…Tali…" He struggled, "Liara. Why is it that two old warhounds like us are still alive when the ones who truly deserve to live always die?"
Kaiden scratched at his eye again and gazed out into the cold emptiness of London's destroyed skyline. His thoughts began to drift; memories coming unbidden to the forefront of his mind. He remembered Shepard's dumb party and all the memories they made. He remembered meeting the crew from the Omega Relay mission. He remembered a tattooed woman jacking him in the face for what he said on Horizon, then later offering him a shot of tequila for coming back. He remembered that SOB James challenging Liara to some sort of bizarre biotics duel and Tali so drunk off her ass she took off her mask. Tali was gorgeous, as they had all always suspected. And then there were the tattoos. They had all gotten matching tattoos; personalized to some degree, but each keeping in the theme of the Normandy. Kaiden had kept it simple with a 'SR-2' on his bicep.
But most of all he remembered Liara. His friend. His lover. He remembered her playing that one song on the piano, over and over as if it was the only one she knew. He remembered asking her to dance and the blush that kissed her beautiful blue cheeks when she said yes. He remembered that thief Kasumi hacking Shepard's stereo system and playing a slow-dance song for all of them. He remembered being happy. And it was that memory, that happiness that kept him from putting his Paladin to his temple and joining Liara. Even in death, he knew no one would ever forgive him. He had a duty to the Galaxy, to Shepard and to Liara's legacy. Someone would be needed to be the next Shadow Broker.
The door to the room opened slowly and gently. Kaiden's hand went to his pistol; a nervous reflex. The figure silhoueted in the doorway gave a humorless bark of laughter at the jumpy Spectre and scoffed.
"Don't bother." She said in a cold, commanding voice, "If I wanted Shepard dead I would have left him where I found him." The figure stepped into the light and Kaiden lowered his gun at her soft blue features. It took less than a second for his new eye to scan the Asari's facial features and an the information implanted in his head.
"You're Aria T'Loak." Kaiden said, surprised. Aria gave him a mock bow.
"At your service, Spectre Alenko." She said and her voice made it clear she would kill him if he dared give her orders. Aria walked over to Shepard's body and looked down at him. Kaiden studied her for a minute, piecing together what her present implied. Aria was the bitch queen of Omega, and as ruthless and cruel as she was insane. Everything Kaiden had learned about her indicated she didn't have a single kernel of mercy in her body, let alone the emotional desire to visit someone in the hospital. A look of regret and sadness passed over Aria's features as she put a hand to Shepard's shoulder.
"Why are you here?" Kaiden asked and the Asari threw him a death glare for interrupting her moment.
"Don't believe everything you hear on the TV, Alenko." She said with a sneer, "I'm more than just bloodlust and big tits."
"Actually I read your file in the Spectre archives." Kaiden countered and Aria laughed. It wasn't mocking and toying. It was a genuine laugh.
"And especially don't believe that shit. I should know." She gave him a wink, "I wrote most of it. "
"You have access to the Spectre archives?" Kaiden narrowed his eyes.
"I have access to anything I want, Alenko." Aria replied, "So it's best to stay on my good side if you want to live."
"Are you threatening a Citadel Spectre?" Kaiden couldn't help but grin at the prospect of violence.
"I am." Aria said, her face an unreadable mask. After staring into each other's eyes for a long moment, Aria looked back down at Shepard and Kaiden loudly holstered his pistol. "How is the bastard?"
Kaiden sighed and walked over to stand on the opposite side of Shepard's bed from the Asari. He tried to ignore the similarities between Aria and Liara and the longing in his heart for his dead friend.
"Bad. Docs say its touch and go." Kaiden narrowed his eyes, "They say at this point all they can do is hope he stays alive long enough to fix what's killing him."
"How many doctors does he having working on him?" Aria asked and Kaiden was surprised there was genuine concern in her voice.
"They have the entire floor dedicated to him. Maybe two or three dozen. Plus a medical wing on the Destiny's Ascension. And even that is barely keeping him alive."
"He'll make it. I know he will." Aria said firmly, "He's too much of a stubborn ass to die. Besides…" She hesitated, "He has someone to fight for."
A sour tone entered Kaiden's mind and he scowled. Aria noticed his change in behavior and fixed him with a measured stare.
"I don't know if that's true anymore." Kaiden said at length, "The Normandy and her entire crew are listed as MIA."
"And that's supposed to stop the Alliance from looking?!" Aria countered angrily, "Shepard was MIA. YOU were MIA. Didn't seem to stop either of you from living." Kaiden glared at Aria and his eye twitched.
"I'm not fucking happy either, Aria." Kaiden snarled, "I had someone on the Normandy too, but there's nothing I can do here."
"Well, then it sounds like you're not where you're supposed to be." Aria countered and Kaiden fell silent. He sighed and sat, staring into Shepard's peaceful face.
"Why did you come back?" Kaiden asked after a moment, "Berate me for watching over the only friend I have left?"
"I came to return this." Aria took something from her pocket. Even in the low light, Kaiden recognized it as that one rock Tali had taken from Rannoch. She and Shepard had touched and whispered over that thing for so long. Tali had proudly showed it to everyone at Shepard's party, too drunk to remember none of them could read whatever she had written on it.
"That belonged to Tali." Kaiden whispered. Aria studied the rock for a moment.
"Acutally it belongs to both of them." Aria whispered, "This." She held the rock to the light, "This is a pay'jelt. Literally it means 'life-name', all the names a Quarian acquires in their lives. In this context its a Quarian betrothal metaphor; the rock on which a new family is built."
"What does it say?"
"It's broken, but…" Aria studied it for a moment, "-Ar Rayya Vas Normandy Jar Rannoch. It means born of Rayya, lived for Normandy, buried on Rannoch. It's a way of expressing an entire Quarian's life in just a name. My guess is your friend Tali wrote her full life's name as a prayer to her ancestors to grant. Your friend wants to spend the rest of her life on Rannoch with this man." She motioned to Shepard, "Seems only right that she should get that."
"You seem to know a lot about the Quarians." Kaiden said after a moment. He had let the comment on what Tali deserved pass, too saddened to think about his dead friend.
"I knew a lot of them before the Geth uprising. Some of my best arms dealers were based on Rannoch. Those were good times." Aria's nostalgic smile was menacing and sent a shiver up Kaiden's spine. Before he would respond, the figure on the bed moaned loudly.
Kaiden's head snapped up and his eye fed him a stream of medical data from Shepard's stirring body. The moan that issued from Shepard's mouth was one of pain and exhaustion. Of a man who was convinced he was dead and only now realized he wasn't.
"Shepard?!" Kaiden gasped and was at his friend's side in a heartbeat, "Shepard? Can you hear me?"
"T…T…Tali…" the man rasped, his voice as dry as the deserts of Rannoch. Kaiden shared a look with Aria and sighed.
"No, Shepard." Kaiden whispered, "It's me. Kaiden." Shepard opened his one eye and Kaiden sighed in relief when it focused on him. He could see the pain and confusion in Shepard's features and his body twitched as he tried to move. "Stay still. The doctors have you on muscle relaxants so nothing tears."
Shepard gave a soft nod, "Ka…Kaiden…whe…where…is…T…Tali?" Shepard asked, his voice broken with pain. Kaiden looked up at Aria and Shepard followed his eye sight to the beautiful Asari over him. Aria held out the rock from Rannoch, the pay'jelt , and placed it in Shepard's palm.
"We don't know Shepard." Kaiden said at length, "There has been no word from the Normandy since the end of the war."
"H…how…long?" Shepard managed, eyes locked on the pay'jelt.
"Three weeks Shepard." Arai cut in when it became obvious Kaiden didn't know how to respond. Shepard closed his eyes and a tear ran down his face. Several horrible long heartbeats passed in which Kaiden was convinced Shepard would simply die of grief. When Shepard opened his eyes again, they were filled with a burning fire. A commanding need.
"Kaiden." Shepard said and both he and Aria were taken aback at the clear, commanding voice he used. The pain was gone, for the moment, replaced by the spark that made Commander Shepard the legend he was. Shepard held out his hand and grasped Kaiden's wrist. Kaiden looked down as Shepard placed the pay'jelt in his hands. "Find them…Find. Her."
They stared into each other's eyes. The two of them; the best of friends and brothers in arms. Kaiden tightened his grip on the pay'jelt and nodded grimly.
"Yes sir." Kaiden shared one last look with Aria and stood, pocketing the rock Shepard had given him, "I'll let Operative Lawson know you're awake, but Shepard…" Kaiden sighed, "They're probably just going to put you in a chemical coma. You're barely together."
Shepard nodded his understanding, "Just…find…her…" Kaiden nodded and opened to the door to leave.
"Alenko." Aria called out and Kaiden paused in the doorway, "If you ever find yourself on Omega and want to do a public service, I might have some Red Sand dealers and slave traders you can take down."
Kaiden scoffed, "I hear Omega is a hive of scum and villainy. Might be best to take the head off and let the body die." Aria narrowed her eyes but the grin never left her face.
"Well maybe the head wants to do better for her people and you should realize how fucking big a deal it is she's asking a fucking Citadel Spectre to help her." Aria snarled through her teeth and Kaiden thought for a moment before nodding.
"I might be able to swing by at some point." He said with a smile, "Maybe clean up some of the Red Sand dealers I keep hearing about."
"I think Omega would like that." Aria said then turned away from him, "Now get the fuck out. You have a job to do." Kaiden left without another word, his boots echoing down the empty hospital hallway.
Aria turned back to Shepard and sighed, "You look like shit."
"Heh…" Shepard chocked through his dry throat, "Felt…better…t…too." They fell in an awkward silence as Aria tried to look anywhere but at the broken man on the bed.
"You did a good fucking job, Shepard." Aria said after a moment, "Couldn't have been easy."
"It…" Shepard struggled for the right words but they failed him. Instead he tried to change the subject, "H…how…is…th…the…G…Galaxy?"
"No clue." Aria said, tight lipped, "The Relays are still down and I'm stuck in the Sol system, away from Omega, so you better be fucking grateful."
"I…am…"
"Well, I couldn't let the Hero of the Galaxy die." Aria smirked, "Besides, having the great Commander Shepard owe me a favor was worth the trip." Shepard smirked under the gauze on his face.
"I…I'm sure…that's…true…" Shepard said and Aria smiled softly at him.
"Take care of yourself Shepard." Aria said at length, "When you're back on your feet, bring that Quarian fiancé of yours by the Afterlife. Drinks on the house." Aria stood for a moment and Shepard nodded gratefully.
"T…thanks…for…everything…" Shepard whispered and Aria nodded somberly.
"Don't mention it." She said and when Shepard laughed, Aria narrowed her eyes, "No, seriously. Don't fucking mention it to anyone."
"I…I…won't…Lo'Tara…" Shepard said with a smirk. Aria smiled sadly and nodded.
"Haven't been called that in centuries. Forgot how much I missed it." Aria stood as the sound of boots coming closer began to grow and grow. Alenko must have informed the doctors of Shepard's status and they were rushing to begin more procedures.
"I'll see you later Shepard." Aria said and opened the door to leave.
"Ar…Aria!" Shepard called out and the Asari stopped in the doorway, turning her head to face him.
"What?"
"I…I…saw…you…topless…" Shepard said with a grin. A deep blue blush kissed Aria's check but her fist gripped the door frame, denting it with her latent biotic energy. Despite herself, she grinned at the man in the bed.
"Shithead."
0000000
Kaiden walked briskly through the cold night of London. He had stopped to talk with Shepard's attending physicians and they had begun to scramble another series of surgeries and tests. He had already talked with Operative Lawson and she was to be Shepard's watcher until he returned. They both understood the importance of finding Tali for Shepard's health.
Kaiden pulled up his omni-tool and keyed in a special priority alliance code. Seconds passed before the call went through.
"Major Alenko?" the hard, graveled voice on the other line sounded surprised and tired in equal measure, "Is everything alright?"
"Admiral Hackett, I need a ship."
