I'm sorry I've delayed so much with this chapter, school is killing me and also I have the new game Breath of the Wild, all my attention has gone in those two things and I apology for that, however now I come with a new and long chapter that is also a song-chapter and that I hope you all enjoy. Give fav, follow or review :)
Song: Can't Take My Eyes Off of You - Frankie Valli (Boys Town Gang's cover) (/watch?v=zNd9XPhDypU)
I really, really heart him
I feel kind of like an idiot for being waiting with my back against a wall and watching lots of people get in and out of Auradon Prep, all of them with lots of "interesting" conversations or things to do. I cross my arms and snort, causing my hair to fly a little in the air before falling back against my forehead, obscuring my eyesight.
On more than one occasion the female students take a glance at me without dissimulation, some gossip among their large group of friends, that before I wink and put strength on my exposed arms, which makes them laugh nervously before rushing to the main building or their other friends. The male students look at me like if I were a beggar who got lost on his way to the garbage dump where he lives, maybe my outfit isn't the most appropriate but I don't care, they are too good to go out of their style with branded clothes and haute couture, with them I just roll my eyes and let out deep grunts, before what they respond in the same way.
That reminds me of the kind of personal reasons why I was looking for a way to get expelled, I couldn't find a way to fit in here, I don't even understand why dad wanted me to be in this school in the first place, and now that I see them without being part of their student body I see that I will always be a misfit, maybe misunderstood because I remember very well entering and leaving classes without talking to someone, all the time half abstracted in the tasks and half wandering in my head, thinking of sites where I would fit.
I finally see him walking next to a blond-haired girl who's wearing a pale blue dress that contrasts very well with the white tone of her skin, in addition that it matches her striking blue eyes, which doesn't compare at all to how surprising Carlos's can be if you look at them from a certain angle and when the sun is hovering over him.
I should stop idealizing him it that way, but I don't want to do it.
I approach when I see that he speaks using his hands to emphasize, something he does when he is too immersed in school or in one of the discoveries he makes in the heavy books he carries on his back every day. I don't understand if he seriously doesn't know the magic of the internet or he's simply too old-fashioned to use it, that if I consider that he programmed a security system in his place, but since he is too focused on his conversation he doesn't notice when I approach him and stand as steady as a statue on his way.
"I assure you completely that our project will be ready, it's only a matter of time, and…" he interrupts himself when he hits me, he steps back a couple of steps before regaining his balance, then he slowly looks up. "Sorry, I didn't see where I was going and…".
"Yeah, I noticed".
He throws himself towards me, literally stretching out his arms and wrapping me in a crushing hug, using all the strength he has in it, something that only makes me uncomfortable by the number of people who look at us, but I care very little so I simply return the gesture, caressing his nape and bringing him a little closer to my body.
It's like if a part of me had missed him for a lifetime, like if I hadn't seen him this morning at breakfast. Fuck, I really missed him.
"What are you doing here?" he raises his head, he's smiling broadly and I see something strange in his eyes, a spark I hadn't seen before.
"It came to me that we could do something today".
"Like a…?".
"Yeah, something like that" I interrupt him as I see his blush fade, like if he were worried about saying the word 'date' so freely.
He looks at me and, by the movement of his eyes, he seems to be in the midst of an internal debate between whether it would be a smart idea to kiss me at this precise moment or if he should wait until we are away from the people who frequent him, but I don't think many people here know him, my first impression of him was a person who isn't flashy or entertaining to talk to, they rather seem to be surprised by the fact of seeing two boys wrapped in a hug and with smiles of idiots on their faces. The girl is the one who takes us out of the moment when she clears her throat, Carlos regains his composure and stands next to me.
"Ally, he's Jay, my friend I've been living with for a while" I arch my eyebrow at the word, so that I just lower my head to give him a kiss on the cheek and place my arm around his shoulders, for him to not escape and laughs with the heart, making a face and trying to pull away before I too start to laugh, ignoring public opinion or giving her a good impression.
"He's too modest, don't ya think?" I hold my free hand out to her, she takes it but I can't help but stare at the surprised expression she has, more than a surprised one she seems to be fascinated, like if she had never seen two guys kissing in public. "Name's Jay, I'm his boy".
"I see it, it's a pleasure" she shakes my hand, and if I knew her for longer I'd be mocking of her accent. He never mentioned that she was British.
"The pleasure is all mine, Ally" I lift her hand and place a kiss on its back, not taking my eyes off from hers to see the notorious blush over her face. Carlos clears his throat, I drop my head before kissing him again on the cheek, "I also have some for you".
"Also?" he asks, a good move.
"Obviously he just wants to be polite, Carlos, it is something a few gentlemen do today" she defends me, something I didn't ask for but that I appreciate.
Ally, Ally, Ally, that name… he mentioned it recently… she… oh!
"Ally" I say, testing the name on my tongue. "Oh, now I remember it, Carlos told me about you, you're the girl that was his first kiss".
The two join in a deep silence, again my stupid comments making their way at a time that was more or less entertaining for all of us, a terrible first impression for me. Finally Ally laughs under her breath and settles the bag that crosses her torso, sighing excitedly.
"I did not think you were going to tell him that, especially that" she says to Carlos with a smile but narrowing her eyes.
"He asked if I had already given my first kiss, I should tell it" he hides behind me a little, and I can't describe how good it makes me feel he does it.
"But it was not a kiss as such, it was just a lip-pressure".
"That is kissing" I say in their little argument, "but the one he gave me wasn't a simple pressure of lips, his tongue almost reached down to my lungs".
"Jay!" he yells, pushing me from behind and laughing nervously.
"Fine, I'll stay quiet… while I can".
"You can't do it for long".
"Exactly".
I move my arm back and catch his head, I bring him to the front to bite his ear slightly and make him feel uncomfortable, snorting like a bull against his ear, he fights in a vain attempt to get rid of my grip but I don't imply force, he just needs to find the weak point or turn the head to get free.
Ally clears her throat again, making the two of us to look at her, she still looks fascinated but she's almost overcome by intrigue, like if she weren't so accustomed to two people that are dating to get treated in a way that would be described as crude and aggressive. I like that kind of actions, I think he does too since he doesn't complain, although he doesn't usually complain aloud, so when I see that he sighs with resignation I set him free, somewhat embarrassed by what I did.
"I think I leave you in good hands" she says, moment when I try to nullify my aggression against him by caressing his hair, I stop when he shrugs and a couple of people pass by, whispering.
"I'll give him back to you in one piece" I assure Ally before taking her hand again and kissing it on the back, "it was all of a pleasure to meet you".
"It was very nice to meet you too" she approaches Carlos and says goodbye to him by kissing each cheek, then she takes them, before which he growls and tries to pull away, making it clear that he doesn't like it at all. "I see you tomorrow".
"Goodbye, Ally" Carlos pulls the heavy backpack over his shoulders and gives her one last smile, then she turns and walks over to a group of girls, who wave their hands in goodbye to him.
"I didn't think ya were popular with girls".
"I'm really not, I suppose they see something different in me, not that I stop to ask them what it is" he turns on his heels and starts walking with long strides, I can hardly react and take my backpack, I reach him right in the moment when he's going to cross the street, "so, where are we going?".
"The mall, but not the one I usually go with Mal, Evie or Audrey, we'll go to the one near the apartment" he stops abruptly, when he remembers that he was halfway to cross he takes up his walk again, his eyes widened and like if I would have told him that I killed someone before I got here.
"But the shops there are expensive…" he hesitates, looking at the floor.
"Do I look like I mind spending a little more money on ya?" he looks at me sideways and I wink my right eye at him, he blushes again before smiling with defeat, knowing that there is no way in which he can persuade myself not to go, or to do anything that is cheaper for his perception.
"You look like you don't care a bit".
"Certainly" I put my arm around his shoulders to bring him closer to me, his left hand sliding into my pocket and leaving it there, motionless, not caressing my leg or approaching to more sensitive areas, it's just there.
"What is this?" he slowly closes his fingers over something, he takes it out of my pocket and reveals the caramel-stuffed chocolate I had for him, something I had forgotten and that has clearly melted from the heat of my body and the day.
"A little gift for you, hope you like it".
"Of course I like it, thank you" he stands on his toes and gives me a little kiss on the cheek, producing sultry heat on my face.
"And h-how was your day?" I ask, looking for any topic of conversation while he removes the wrapping from his symbolic gift and I feel like an idiot that's floating instead of walking with his feet on the ground.
"It was fine" he answers automatically, breaking a piece of chocolate to give it to me, I give it a small bite but I don't keep his answer.
"Fine is a very simplistic term, I'd like you to extend it".
He looks at me with raised eyebrows and in the second after all his expression relaxes, he sketches that pleased small smile, which shows the chocolate stain on his upper lip, one that I want to remove with my tongue here and now.
"Well, truth is that it was a pretty weird day" he begins, changing his voice from neutral to one that seems to reflect the emotion he had back then, "since I got on the bus…".
I interrupt him only to ask occasional questions, simply because I want to keep listening the sound of his voice while we walk towards the mall, while he tells me in detail everything that happened in his whole day after he left the apartment, besides that that little and yet so public way to show me affection, that little kiss on my cheek, is enough for me to feel that I can tear down a wall by simply touching it.
Carlos…
One of the many advantages of this mall is the expensive tastings they give from all the products. It's not that I live from them, it's the fact that I'm not the kind of person who rejects a fresh cabernet sauvignon from the seventy-sevens, much less if it comes accompanied with a sample of Swiss cheese with fresh fruit. The employees don't seem to notice that I'm still a minor, and I don't quite know if the fact that they believe me as someone older is something I like or not. No, I don't like it at all.
Carlos, on the other hand, doesn't seem entirely attracted to these tastings, he is when it comes to a new type of caramel or samples of Belgian chocolates from the shops on the top floor, we decided to walk the whole mall from head to toe, and he doesn't hesitate to take more than one portion, and he even uses some of his physical charms with the female demonstrators to get extras.
After we both getting somewhat satisfied with those small muggings we approach to the central part of the whole mall, marked by a wide fountain with fishes inside and a constant flow of people of all groups of ages, with huge bags of highly branded shops in their hands, filled with new objects that they will surely use only once in their whole lives, ready for them to proclaim about their new acquisitions.
While we descend inside the elevator, because I'm fascinated by the elevators even when the stairs were to one side, something catches my eye.
"They've never done anything like this before" I say when I see something like a karaoke in front of the fountain, there's an instrumental band there, waiting for someone to decide to stand in front of a bunch of strangers as they play, like the girl who is singing now in a voice so loud that it could blow the glass elevator from where we just stepped out. "It's pathetic".
"It seems like fun, beside I bet you wouldn't sing a thing" I look at him as he bites the chocolate, leaving a trail at the corner of his mouth.
"You'd better get us some ice cream, it would be a good use for your words" he wrinkles his nose in my direction, rolling his eyes at the end before stretching his hand, flexing his fingers.
"You pay, remember?".
"Ya shouldn't listen to my words so literally" I take my wallet out of my back pocket, he takes it before I can figure it out.
"I'll go for the biggest ice cream in the store" he says, his eyes delighted.
"Make them two, I could use it".
He nods and runs to my right, taking a place in the line and looking at the price chart, that before looking down and marveling at the wide variety of flavors that can be put over the ice cream. I have money enough to pay for whatever he wants, for me too, and I would even have enough to go to the movies, if he's in the mood. Working for dad has its advantages, if he doesn't see me making obscene signals or grumbling he gives me a good pay.
I let out a sigh and walk towards the reception table, noting that I'm not thinking clearly about my motivation, more than anything else is the wish to make him close his mouth for doubting about me. I can sing in front of a lot of passers-by, not the big deal.
"Jay!" the strange voice calls me, causing me to lift my head to see the abundant piercings and new tattoos on her neck. "It's been a while, we haven't talked for two weeks".
"What's up, Elisa" I say, smiling slightly. She doesn't seem as hot as she used to be, I'm not sure what changed. "It's been a while".
"I know" she smiles broadly, batting her eyes in a way that would be very flirtatious on her part, "I don't understand what happened, we got along sweetly".
"School, too much stress and things to think about".
"I get it, I'm in the same situation, Scarlett too".
"Where is she?" I ask, trying to keep the conversation going.
"Working in that store" I follow were she's pointing with her stylized finger with perfect manicure, seeing that she points to Forever 21, "she hates selling clothes but says they pay well, we're a little short of money".
"It's a huge need" I realize I have my hand in my pocket and I move it with discomfort, reflecting that I don't like to talk to a person, something that happens to me very often but is more evident with respect to the person with whom I deal with. "And what about you? You work here?".
"Oh, no, it's something like volunteering, I'll be paid a hundred dollars to sit here like a fool for the whole day, not bad since I have lunch breaks, and I have the possibility to see cute boys and girls, like you" she winks her eye at me, sending an unpleasant shiver down my spine.
What the fuck is happening to me? Usually I would follow the game, now I don't know what is keeping me from this, even climbing it to another extreme, with such daring that I could kiss her here, considering her pronounced neckline, tattoos and exposed areas of tanned skin.
«Asshole, you're with Carlos now, that's what keeps you from acting like what you are, an asshole», I internalize. Wow, I didn't think that thinking about Carlos and me as a thing would make me feel tickles in the stomach and cheeks.
"So, what do ya have to do to make a fool of yourself up there?" I point to the stage over my left shoulder, she arches her right eyebrow.
"Just filling out a form" she holds out a clipboard and hands me a pen. I see them like if I were about to sign a death sentence.
"Does it have a cost?" I ask, hoping it doesn't so since I don't want to give an explanation to Carlos about why I need a couple of bucks, and I want this small lapse of idiocy to be a surprise for him.
"It's for a charity" she points to an advertisement behind her, from a treatment and social inclusion center for children with autism. I almost forgot that such kids are the engine of her life, and thinking about that I don't understand the double message she gives me about sitting here like a fool, according to her words.
"I hope this is enough" I fish out those ten bucks I always keep in the inner pocket of my vest, for emergencies or an unexpected robbery, although I could give a beat the hell out of anyone who tries to lay a hand on me, but I must pay attention to dad and give everything out, not be a stupid hero, he refers like that to those who face offenders and end up in the hospital, or dead.
"Of course it is" she takes them and slides them into a small safe while she watches me fill out the form, it just requires my name and the song I'm going to perform. "I didn't think you'd do this kind of things".
"Charity or make a fool of myself?".
"Both, if I'm honest" she laughs sweetly, meanwhile a couple of people seem to take an interest in seeing someone else doing it.
"Well, the two are good deeds, it's okay to do a good deed".
"It's true, very true" she takes my form and stacks it with one more, which means I'll be up there soon. "Are you trying to impress a girl?".
"I'm actually in a… uh, date, yeah, with my boy" yup, it's weird to say that word aloud, but I can't deny that the sensation that runs through my body is very pleasant, is the motivation that leads me to be in that stupid stage.
"Geez, I didn't know you were dating anyone".
"We're starting, you know, little steps" I scratch my nape when I'm feeling a dull heat on my cheeks and all over my body, because we didn't start with little steps in the slightest.
"And he's not interested in a couple of girls?" she leans back against the chair, crossing one leg over the other, revealing a black dress that is so short I can almost see her crotch, the black knee-length boots seem to be compensating for the lack of fabric.
"He's not… not particularly interested in girls".
"Oh, I understand" the form over mine disappears, calling for a certain Kenny dude who jumps up on the stage, raising his hands like an Olympic champion or something similar. When he begins to sing we all cringe right there, hating the sound coming from his throat. "I hope you do better".
"Trust me, I'll do it much better".
"I hope so, and I hope we stay in touch, we could have a double date or something, to really know each other".
"Sounds like fun, we'll leave it for later".
"Of course" she winks her eye at me and shifts her attention to another person who asks for a form, which also pays.
I feel relieved to have finished with the conversation, and also because I know that double date will never be a reality, not unless I put something on my part, and honestly it's not like I want to spend time with them. They are sexy and all but the fact that they are older than I am make us differ in many things.
And Carlos, another reason to differ.
I drop onto the steps behind the stage and fish out my phone, immediately answering the messages that Mal hasn't stopped sending me since we left school. I suppose her bad humor has already diminished, there was steam almost coming out from her ears when I left her cleaning drafts erasers after the end of the day, although that detention was her fault for asking question after question about what I would do with Carlos today, about this all came about during classes.
The point is that I can't describe it since I can't understand it myself, it's simply that it feels good, the fact of taking huge steps feels in an indescribable way inside, like if I had already done it before, like if his essence of being and mine were found after a long time.
It must be the alcohol, I must remember I don't have high tolerance to wine.
Hey, I write, ignoring the other forty-five messages, half of them being insults that would offend anyone for a whole week.
What do you want? ¬¬, she replies, surprisingly fast indeed.
I guess I'm sorry I left ya alone or whatever, although ya deserve it, but what I want to ask is: how do ya feel when you're with Ben?
I see that she writes back but I don't receive anything, for a moment I think it is due to the shrill cries of that Kenny dude altering the operation of my phone or simply the signal isn't good.
Ben and I aren't a thing, she writes back before I get up to look for a better signal reception. I snort up, shaking my hair.
I know that, and he wants ya to be a thing but you reject him, but that wasn't the point dumb-girl, I asked what ya feel when you're with him.
I look up at the ice cream shop, Carlos is leaning on the counter, his back is arched so that I could now run to hug him from behind and press his body against mine, he is now in the line to choose what we'll take in each ice cream, I didn't think it would take him so long.
He seems to catch my eye since he turns his head and looks at me over his shoulder, he winks his right eye and turns his attention to the girl on the counter, who looks at me with curiosity, like suspecting what's happening to us. He, on the other hand, crosses his left leg behind the right one, arching his back more and marking how his nerdy uniform pants fits to his waist.
I swallow the excess of saliva that forms in my mouth and I turn my attention to the phone, hearing that the last chords of Kenny's song resonate all over the place; I really don't understand how they didn't throw rotten tomatoes at him.
If I'm completely honest I'm not myself, it's like if I become a sweet girl who could wear dresses and makeup, one who would enjoy a walk in the sun and wouldn't glare at the whole stupid world, I think I would also change the colors I usually wear. I don't know if you understand me.
I understand it, they're things that have happened to me, tiny a bit, not the part of the dresses or the makeup but yeah that of not feeling like myself.
I look up at him again just when the ice cream is delivered, they are enormous and the distance between us is relatively long, I can't imagine how they will be in our hands. While I watch him smile, the way his lips move when he speaks, the movement of his body, everything that he can express, I let the sigh in my chest to come out.
I like him, I really, really like it.
And I heart him, I really, really heart him.
"Uh, are you Jay? You look like you're Jay".
I get distracted to see one of the staff members with a sheet of paper in his hands and a friendly smile on his face, or something like that, I really don't know the difference between a friendly smile or if someone has ulterior motives. There should be something like a letterhead on my face that says "taken" or something.
"And what if I am?" I slid my phone into my pocket and let my arms hang over my knees, about to roll my eyes.
"Oh, well, I was wondering since you're next on stage" it's him who rolls his eyes, taking me by surprise since it's one of the very few times when someone reacts like that; what usually happens is that they're afraid of me or something and they prefer to tell me to fuck off when I'm not present, or with third parties, not in such a brave way to do it in my face.
It doesn't bother me in the least, in fact it seems a good thing for a change.
"Already?" I stand up, feeling suddenly distressed because I didn't think so clearly to have filled that form, I was just impulsive.
"Yeah, already, and if you don't wanna do it is fine, you've already given the money" he walks away with that last statement, hitting my form against the table from which Scarlett looks at me, with a playful smile and a gesture of disapproval.
I take a deep breath and climb up the five steps, trembling, I feel like if I had blocks of steel inside my boots and like if all the air became suffocating with each of the seconds that pass.
Yup, now I'm having cold feet, but since I'm usually not a coward before any situation or person I just build the courage enough to take the microphone from the base and blow on it, to make sure it works.
Maybe it's because of my face, or my exposed arms, or by simple curiosity, but people start swooping in front of the stage or they stand on the balconies at the top, some even sit on chairs that are meant for those who prefer to rest or hang out here, and that does nothing but make me feel even more nervous. Not even in the few tournaments where I've competed I've felt this way, not even in the first one, and I was still a wimp back then, I don't understand where a sudden feeling comes from now.
I stretch my neck and see him there, petrified like a statue at the entrance to the ice cream shop, his jaw about to hit the floor because of the openness of his mouth, his eyebrows almost get lost in the line where his hair begins. I let out a small laugh and moisten my lips with my tongue, smiling at the end.
"Okay, just to tell ya I won't try to make ya all deaf" some of them laugh, among them I see Kenny giving me his middle finger in a blatant act, which does nothing but increase my laughter since I might sink his nose to the other side of his skull with a slight punch, "and by the way, ya can thank my boy since he's the blame for me standing here, I would like everyone to say 'hi, Carlos' to the white-haired boy in the ice cream shop".
"Hi, Carlos!" says the great majority with a chanting tone, making his cheeks to turn crimson and him almost running after the nearest pillar and don't come out from there until he has a paper bag over his head, to hide the embarrassment he must feel now
Finally he shrugs and takes courage who knows from where to approach, he makes his way through the crowd to settle in the chair that is in the middle of the line of thirteen places, taking a spoonful of his ice cream.
"Let's see what you have" he says, leaving a small stain on his lips.
"This is for you to don't doubt me ever again" I wink my eye at him, then I turn my head to the right and nod, the people in the band smile and they take their instruments, immediately they start to play one of my favorite songs I feel my body more relaxed, freer, willing to do this.
The advantage is that the intro of the song is long, so I have the opportunity to move around the stage, trying to find a comfortable place, until finally I decide to stay standing up, with the mic somewhat away from my lips and with the words ready to be said, without looking away from him.
I like the person he makes out of me.
You're just too good to be true
Can't take my eyes off of you
You'd be like heaven to touch
Oh, I want to hold you so much
At long last love has arrived
And I thank god I'm alive
You're just too good to be true
I can't take my eyes off of you
I didn't think that the slow movements I did with my hips might encourage people watching to join me on the stage and move at an almost planned pace, forming pairs with the first person they meet just to dance. My point was only to provoke him, and I was getting it since he covered his crotch with his backpack, but seeing that somehow I get others to join my impulsive moment makes me feel good, content.
Pardon the way that I stare
There's nothin' else to compare
The thought of you leaves me weak
There're no words left to speak
But if you feel like I feel
Oh, then let me know that it's real
You're just too good to be true
Can't take my eyes off of you
I find myself caught in small dance slips with all these strangers, they take me by the hand and move at my pace, sometimes I try to mate with theirs; is halfway through that stanza when I can walk away from them and sit on the edge of the stage, saying every word towards him, without looking away while his ice cream, and part of mine, is disappearing. I can't help but nibbling on my lower lip, feeling something warm in my chest.
I love you, baby and if it's quite alright
I need you, baby, to warm a lonely night
I love you, baby, trust in me when I say
I extend my hand for him to join me, he takes an arrogant stance and lowers his gaze to his ice cream, while still smiling, so I simply jump down on the stage and skid on the floor until I stand in front of him, raising his face with my fingers to look at me in the eyes.
Oh, pretty baby, don't bring me down, I pray
Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay
And let me love you, baby
Let me love you
I love you, baby and if it's quite alright
I need you, baby, to warm a lonely night
I love you, baby, trust in me when I say
Even though it's a great song I hate that it's so repetitive in the last part, for that reason I clarified in the request for it to be cut at that point. I stand up while I slowly catch my breath, feeling something else invading my chest when I hear the cheers and applause of the spectators.
I know I did better than Kenny or anyone else who came up on the stage, though I didn't think I did it that well.
I take one look at Scarlett and she looks at me approvingly, getting to her feet while she continues to applaud, and even this guy from the staff is there, raising his thumbs and smiling broadly. He approaches and I give him the microphone, he slaps me on the shoulder and when I see her approaching in my peripheral view I turn around to walk towards Carlos, standing and ready to walk, but before I can approach him a wide guild of girls come up to me, asking for some pictures and autographs on some pieces of paper.
My cheeks hurt from so much forced smiles, my hand is cramped from paper to paper to sign, the only thing that really makes me happy is to see that he stood there, arms folded and lips pursed but there, waiting.
"Are you done with your fans?" he asks in an aggressive tone that doesn't fit him, delivering my ice cream that is about to melt completely.
"I could get used to the feeling" I take a big spoonful and feel a tingling in my back when I taste the combination of coffee cream and chocolate cookies mingling in my mouth. "Now this is good ice cream".
"Of course it is, I made the combination".
"It must have been so then" I move quickly to give him a kiss on the cheek, leaving a chocolate stain on his skin that he removes with the sleeves of his uniform.
"By the way, I hate you for making me look that way".
"About the song? Well, you bet I wouldn't do it".
"I was sure you wouldn't!".
"Don't think you're sure of the things I'll do".
"I suppose not, especially now that you're famous".
"I'm telling you, I could get used to the feeling".
"I don't" he says, sipping the last of his ice cream, "I don't think I like having a lot of people behind me".
"Imagine the kind of scandal you would do, I can imagine the headline of what would happen now" I clear my throat and wrap my hands around my mouth to make the sound louder. "Jay gives a performance by charity in the mall of the locality, besides the exclusive interview from the part of his boy, the quiet and reserved Carlos de Vil".
"I'm not reserved" he almost manage to step on my right foot, it's good that I do know how to read what he's going to do.
"Of course you are, and since you try to deny it then you should prove it".
"Let's go back to the apartment and I'll show you".
"Not gonna happen, I wanna sign more autographs if someone comes up".
Before he can object I put my spoon in his mouth, the ice cream drains over the right side of his mouth and a thought furrows in my head in that same instant, when we are surrounded by piles of people, and to mitigate it I bite the tip of my tongue, trying not to reflect the pain I feel.
We continue walking in silence and we step into a video game store, a decision that we both take, I start to watch some titles while he gets into a deep talk filled with questions about operating systems and the working of some fiber optics in flat screens with the employees of the counter, so immersed in the subject that he doesn't notice the face of anguish of the poor guys who do no more but give little information, take the money from people and wish the others a good day and hope for they to come back soon.
I let out a nasal laughter when I see that he accepts the difficulty that others have to understand his swift way of thinking and he moves towards the third-person shooter games, taking some and frowning when the synopses on the back don't please him.
I approach him taking sideway steps, slowly and pretending to observe the games, until I stand at his side, his arm pressed against mine, I see him smiling in a slow way, watching each muscle getting tense.
"Ya know, ya can take my hand, we're on a date after all and you haven't done it" I whisper in his ear, seeing him shrug.
"I didn't think you wanted me to".
"I want ya to do it" I say, letting a secret wish to come out.
I leave the idea suspended so he decides whether to take it or leave it there, I take the games that are in front of us and observe the critics they had received, which also classify them between exceptional, good, and shitty. I have a preference for games with violence and for the simplicity of children's games, they may seem simple and give very good surprises because of the intrinsic difficulty.
Before I can move to ask one of the workers about the compatibility of one of them with the console I have I feel something getting between my fingers, those thin and with short nails ones, get intertwined firmly and he has a firm grip with my hands, so much that it makes me return the step that I had given and that I no longer want to take.
I'm blushing, I know that because I'm also shrugging, but comes for the firmness of his grip and the look that he sticks over me, I bite my lower lip from the inside and I put the game shakily back on the shelf, I make him spin in his place before placing my arm on his shoulders, our hands still entwined, while we left almost victoriously from the store.
"We can still go to the movies, if ya want to" I say before being interrupted by a group of girls who ask me for pictures, I'm forced to split myself from him just to please them, then I put my arm on his shoulders and pull him closer to my body, forcing his arm to surround my waist, "I'd like to watch Civil War before it comes out from the listings".
He thinks of that idea with a deep sound of his throat as we continue walking, it seems that he gave me an answer before he realizes since he guides us to the top floor, to the area where the cinema is.
"Never…" he starts, stopping before we take a place in the line to buy the tickets, "I've never seen a superhero movie".
"Then how do ya know they're superheroes?".
"First of all the simple fact of the name, second of that there's a huge poster behind you that makes it more than clear".
I slowly turn my head, seeing that there is indeed a promotional poster on one of the walls behind me along with twenty other posters of the films being shown and the ones that are about to come in the following weeks, even in the coming months to get the pre-entries.
He clears his throat and I turn my attention to him, he stretches his hand with my wallet in it and a shy smile tightening his lips. The ice creams were big, I can only imagine how expensive they were since with one was enough to make me feel satisfied, considering that he was taking from mine's too.
Having someone is expensive, but damn right it feels so good.
"If you explain the questions I have then I wanna see the movie, with you".
I take him by the cheeks and I can't resist my sudden urgency to give him a little kiss on the lips, which I do in the second following, only the slight pressure that causes tickle in my back and weakness in my knees, that besides the hate for the glances given for that people who pass behind him and who dare to point at us, increasing my wish to break their hands.
"I'll explain the author's life if that's what ya want".
"I want popcorn though".
I rub the tip of his nose with mine before taking out what I need to pay the tickets and put my finances back again in his hands, before he rushes to the line of goodies I take him by the hand, almost making him fall to the floor by the force I imposed to stop his movements.
"Just wanna say" he turns his head, smiling, "if someone else comes to ask me something I won't give it to them, I see it bothers ya and you don't tell me".
"Actually it's funny, I have a sum on people who have asked for autographs and pictures".
"A sum for what?" I release his hand, bad movement since he moves with sudden speed to kiss me on the cheek and run, leaving me just like a confused idiot in the line for tickets, just my mood back when I was waiting for him outside the Prep.
I take my cell phone as the reflex act that I have developed from a time to here because of technology, seeing that I have an annoying text message from dad that announces: Coming home late, Joel will be with me so don't ask where he is. Don't wait for us awake, and if dinner is ready for when we return I'll take you in consideration to give you some extra bucks.
I run a hand through my hair, thinking about the tempting offer of extra money simply to have dinner ready and for the idea not decorous at all that gets into my head, is rooted with strong roots and is watered when I see Carlos in that other line, looking at the price charts and counting the bucks that peek over the top of my small wallet.
It's a day for us after all, I'll make it worth it, besides I want to feel his body in my hands again.
"Okay so, coming back to the other, what happens if you have all the Infinity Gems?" he asks on the last flight of stairs, sounding as excited as the first question he could ask aloud when we left the cinema.
We haven't stopped talking about the universe of superheroes since we left the mall, a universe that is my favorite and that he seems more than ready to know; I didn't think I could feel like a complete geek while I keep talking so fervently with him over a single subject, when I can't respond to something we resort to the ever-wise internet, so than I can expand my explanations more and even so I discover more things I hadn't realized before, to have everything clearer. It's good to have someone to talk like that, so free.
Even during the movie he was asking questions between whispers, especially about some of the characters and why they met, I explained it to him in more whispers that were obscured by the sound effects and the action on the screen, so I decided the best would be a movie marathon, which he gladly agreed before taking his seat properly and focus all his attention on the screen.
"You would pretty much control the whole universe, something that wouldn't hurt anyone if you ask me".
I open the door of the apartment and there is nothing that I enjoy more than the sound produced by the nothing, the simple song of the birds and the slight squeaking of the door hinges are the only ones that welcome me. Dad put the concept of individuality in my head, so I rationalize that my liking for not being received comes from the fact that I want to be alone from now on.
"S-Steve Rogers is very c-cute" he mutters when he passes next to me, his head so crouched that my shoulders almost hurt.
"Oh, is he?" I roll my eyes slightly since it's not the first time I hear a similar comment, and it's not that I'm jealous or something, the dude is really attractive, it's just that I'm surprised to hear him say something like that.
"Y-yeah, although Natasha is a lot sexier".
I stand still in the doorway of my room when he says that, he takes a sit on the mattress and takes off his shoes along with his socks, letting free his small feet that look red and swollen because of the long walk we gave in the whole day. He lets out a deep sigh of relief and then he looks at me with his head cocked, looking confused.
"What's up?" he asks while he slowly moves his toes, like trying to bring them back to life after a deep lethargy.
"I'm confused, did ya say that last thing because I was silent or because it's something you're serious about?".
"Uh… well, if I'm honest with you it has something from both of them".
"That's what I want, you to be honest".
I sit next to him on his mattress, I take off my boots with my socks too, just like him, and now I understand perfectly the sigh of relief he let out, mine comes out as a relaxed growl. I didn't really think that we had walked so much, if I consider that we were out since noon until now that the sun is hiding on the horizon, throwing the last rays of orange and pink to the sky, then it's clear to me why we're both so exhausted.
"I really think Natasha is sexy, she's got a good body and everything but… you know, she doesn't have that something that catches my attention so much".
"Sure, because she doesn't turn ya on the way Steve does" I place my arms behind me and stretch my legs, the toes of my left foot caressing the outer side of his right while we laugh lowly.
"You're so right about that".
He gives me a pillow to place behind my back, I take advantage to take his legs and place them on my lap, causing him to lie down. The first thing I do is to take his right foot and start massaging it with my hands, at first I hear him complain in pain, something I've been through since after the trainings I almost always do it, but he relaxes very slowly, placing his whole back against the mattress, his head on the pillow, his breathing coming easy more and more, interrupted by the moans that combine both satisfaction and pain, something contradictory if I really think about it.
I move his ankle in circles, massaging with my fingers and sometimes with my knuckles across the plant, pressing until I feel the distention of the muscles; when I finish with the right one I take the left one, giving it the same rough treatment while he continues with his noises, causing me to remove in my place by the type of sound he makes and the kind of ideas with which I associate it.
"Ya like it?" I ask, surprised by my firm voice, but I don't look at him because I would set that facade aside.
"It f-feels so g-g-good" he says, his voice trembling, reaching the point where I can no longer fight my desire to have him in my hands.
"Does it?" I push his legs to one side so then I can stay next to the mattress while I climb up his left leg with my hands, caressing his thighs and his waist, seeing that he has one hand inside his pants and he moves it slowly, something that I hadn't really noticed, and I didn't think a simple massage on his feet could spark in a sensation like that.
"Y-y-yeah, it does".
I slip my hands under the shirt of his uniform and lift it until it get under his neck, I take a look at his quick breathing while I slowly undo the buttons, leaving it open at the end and running the palms of my hands over the entire extension of his chest. Suddenly it's like if I began to salivate, like a hungry puppy, an uncontrollable thirst that fades when I kiss his stomach, seeing that he contracts and lets out a nervous laugh, the preamble to something that I want to start and that I hope to be for both of us.
"I'll make it feel much better".
I pounce on his face to capture his lips with mine, feeling the tenderness and the flesh that fills them while he lets out a long sigh and we both slowly close our eyelids, my hands still moving on his chest until I decide to lift them up on his neck to his hair, tousling it so that he has a just-had-sex style without having that last part.
He's making the same sounds than in the first time when he hurt his ankle and I tried to cure him, my body has the same reactions while we make a mess, we both laugh in that part because in the same moment I want to remove his shirt from his body he lifts mine, we break away because of the laughter and he lets me get rid of that garment first, then he does it so slowly I feel myself blushing for how cautious he is.
While he lies down I lean over his face once again, I press my lips with his a few times, he returns them by lifting his head a little and moaning under his breath. Another confusing idea comes to my head but I don't let it to flood it, I just leave it aside because if he hadn't seriously kissed anyone else besides Ally then I can't understand how he has become so skillful in this; I guess he has seen too much television lately and he got information from there, besides I imagine him doing that kissing the inside of his elbow thingy, something I used to do sometime in my early teens.
I slip my hands beneath him and hug his torso, feeling the warmth of his body against mine, enjoying the sensation of the small movements he makes when he gets caught in my grip, I begin to kiss the left side of his neck and I move down his collarbone and chest with a pattern of wet kisses and random bites without the strength to leave marks.
"T-tie up your hair" I stop at his belly and look into his eyes, he lifts up just to place his hands on my cheeks as well as pull my hair out of my forehead, "I like the way you look with your hair tied".
I wink my right eye at him, I stretch my hand on the desk to take one of the multiple hairbands I have distributed throughout the department for situations in which my hair clogs. The simple solution would be to cut it all off, but due to my nature I can't go in the easy way.
When I finish I see that now his two hands are inside his pants and he has his head back on the pillow, he flexes his knees and the deep groan that exhales makes me shudder, that sound tries to arouse an impulse on me whose result would cause him to feel terrified, because I'm sure I wouldn't be able to control myself, that's why I just take the button of his pants while I place between his legs, he opens his eyes by the surprise that I decided to go straight to the rest of his clothes and a position so compromising.
"Ya look like you've got something for me" I say while I pull his zipper down, his hands stopping in their place and him blushing.
"I've been w-waiting all day to take c-care of it myself".
"Tell me when you want to and I'll help you out, if you like".
"I w-want it because I-I like when you touch me".
"I'm fascinated to touch you".
He moves back into his place with a pronounced circular movement of his hip while I slowly slide his pants, along with his crushing underwear, down his thighs until they come out of his feet and I throw them to a spot near us, exposing him for me and myself with my desire to be in the same situation since my pants are suffocating me.
I pull his hands apart to take his dick with my right, his arms travel to his head and they cling to his hair when I rush to his right knee and give it a bite before advancing down his thigh, licking my way while he does nothing but moan loudly and shudder. In the light of twilight I can see in more detail his body, the shaping of his small muscles, the color of his skin and the freckles that he has on the front, and yeah, the scars he has on the sides of his stomach, the burns and those that look like scratches.
I lay on my stomach while I begin to kiss his waist, moving from side to side, pacing my nose and taking deep breaths as the scent of his body is the most exotic essence I can ask for now.
I look up when the movements of his hip become totally erratic in the same way of his breathing, the deep groans still gestating and coming out of his throat, and I don't know if it is because he was really turned on or what it is due to but I can tell that he is about to cum, I'm surprised to see that he has his head turned to the left side, his tongue and his teeth are biting on a small section in his left arm, near his armpit, his hand suddenly clings to his hair and his eyes are closed tightly, lost in pleasure. I didn't think he had that kind of "weird" preferences, I need to know a little more about him in this new facet in which his body enjoys of what I'm doing with him.
I move on the side of the mattress, I moisten my lips with my tongue and I don't know what it is that guides me to distract him with a kiss before my mouth supplies his in that same area, before descending to let my nose get lost in the little hair that grows there, the scent of his skin and his sweat, in addition to the fact that my tongue enters into participation, causing him to shiver even more and that I feel something indescribable by the taste I perceive from his body.
"Oh, fuck… Jay…" he gasps against my forehead, leaving his nose pressed against me while his body continues to quiver and I can feel the agitation of his breathing through his choked breath.
My head is spinning while I start moaning and I pass my free hand over my clothes, for a moment I almost start to give strong bites on his skin while I want to use my tongue to play with the tip of his dick so that he feels what it is by touching the sky from the Earth if that's what it feels, but because he's too sensitive I don't do it, I just let my nose sink more and more into his skin, that his taste floods my mouth and that his hand pass from his hair to the inside of my pants, trying to get me to that place with him.
I make him lift his other arm and I attack against his other armpit, noticing that between the groans he also lets out small laughs, probably because of the tickles he feels now, he also manages to pull my pants down a bit and I can feel the cold air circulating through my butt when they are in the middle of my thighs.
"I'm gonna… I'm gonna…" I silence him with a kiss when the last spasms of his hips become present. "J-Jay!"
I thank him for asking me to tie up my hair and that it is over one side of my neck, otherwise the first expulsion would have fallen on it, instead it falls on my back, so hot it's almost in the boiling point, it's impossible not to moan over his face and that I press my body against his.
I kiss him deeply as his body continues to shiver through the slow movements of my hand, for the way I run my thumb against his frenulum and the way my tongue plays and overcomes his, causing each arch of his back and every moaning that he exhales against me to be glorious. I don't know if it is because he was really turned on or what but I can say that all this was fast, I won't comment on anything in order to not increase his constant devaluation.
"I could use… a cold shower…" he mutters when we finally have time to breathe, returning to the full reality.
I turn on the lamp next to my mattress, which I use to read from school when he is already fast asleep, casting our shadows on the wall next to us, completely exposed in the light. I separate myself from his lips and it's like if he were taking all my breath with him, like if my energies were drained in the direction of his body, a good receiver.
"Ya really know how to kill the mood" I pull away from his face while he restores what its needed to place his hand on my shoulder, igniting my skin with his touch while he stands up and pushes my back onto my mattress, feeling that his free hand closes around me, slowly moving up and going down completely, causing me to close my eyelids and moan from the first second the tenderness of his hand touches me.
"Are you sure I killed the mood?" he purrs close to my lips, his breath tickles them and makes me move forward, listening to his laughter in the distance when I don't receive the kiss I hoped to get.
"D-damn you tease" I answer, opening my eyelids to see him arch his right eyebrow before I take him by the nape and bring him towards my face, he barely has enough time to close them so that our teeth won't collide, although I force him to separate them so that our tongues can play a little, and I even so I make his hand to stop touching me, earning me a grunt on his part, "but I can wait, in the meantime ya go and get a good shower, you really stink, also something for dinner wouldn't be bad".
"Now you're the one who kills the mood".
"I accept it without much regret…" I start to say but then a sensation invades me at supreme speed, I don't know how to call it but it resembles the one that happens in those occasions when I stop moving and I start thinking about serious things, like who in the world could have built the huge pyramids of Egypt, or in personal things, and now it comes to be something that competes us, "and… uh, w-well, before ya go, can I ask you a very serious q-question?" he stays still for a second and then snorts, he moves his toes in a distressing way on the carpet, I try not to focus on the lines of his whole body, which are highlighted by the light that manages to touch his skin.
"It must be something very important, you don't usually be a serious person".
"It really is".
I look at him directly in the eyes and we stay still, like statues, letting the Earth continue to rotate while we stay in a space that seems almost totally alien to the planet itself, like if only a few days of effort were enough to create an alternate reality.
I wish it was that simple.
Finally it's him who sighs and drops his shoulders, looking away, like if he didn't remember that he is stark naked in my room.
"Ask then".
I drum my fingers on my right thigh by the awkward silence that I produce, I leave aside my internal debate to pull up my pants and make a space next to me for him, I take his hand and entwine his fingers with mine firmly, listening that he lets out another heavy sigh, one that expresses what his lips don't say, and I can almost see him smizing by the look I give to him.
"What do I have that made you turn to me when you needed it?".
He's puzzled for a moment, I see it in the swift movement of his eyes, like if he were scanning me or something, I try to nullify him to feel like this by placing my arm over his shoulders and kissing his temple, waiting until the trembling of his whole body disappears.
"Don't you feel good by being with me?" he asks in a trembling voice, so vulnerable I even feel unprotected.
"That wasn't my question, it is one of those strange ideas that ya have in your head and that has no reason to be" I correct him, fighting again with that idea that he has about being someone inferior to the rest, something that he really does too much. "I asked about what I have for you to come to me".
He moves to lift his legs and pull them closer to his chest, he splits his hands to entwines his fingers and hide his thumbs in his hands so I don't see the anxious game he has with them, like if he hadn't seen it before. I keep my arm around his shoulders, tracing circles over his shoulder until I see that his thumbs come out of the concealing shield in which he thinks he got them.
"I told you, I don't quite know".
"And what is it that you do know?".
He shrugs, trying to become even smaller than he already is. I move my hand to roll it on his back in wide circles, tracing the full breadth of his hunched back while I lay my cheek on his shoulder, seeking to give him all the comfort he needs to fight his repeated fear.
I don't know when I became this kind of person, the sensitive one.
"I can tell you that from the first moment I saw you in training, you seemed to me like a strong person, not just on the outside, I had and I still have the idea that you can face any problem".
"I'm human, Carlos, that's a thing someone with superpowers would do, like those we watched from the movie, not me".
"I know it, what I'm trying to mean is that something told me that if I ever had to face a problem that exceeded me too much then I would find some support in you".
His head places in a languish way over my chest and I begin to play with his hair, my fingers slide through the long locks while his fingers draw circles in my abs, my boner has completely disappeared while the whole room becomes warm, in the sense of cozy.
"I came to you because I feel safe, it's mainly that reason" he says to break the silence, looking up and meeting my eyes since I don't stop looking at everything he does, nor his face because I really like the shape of his nose, the curve of his lips, the outline of his eyebrows, his skin dotted with freckles and his hair that confuses anyone that sees it.
Seeing him now, with his faint smile and flushed face, I can reaffirm everything I have been thinking since we were in the mall, since yesterday, and perhaps from before even though a part of me didn't admit it; I really heart him.
He rises to place his light body on me, my hands move on his sides and his entire back, without going further down, while he approaches to kiss me, and I don't let him, I just place my hand on his cheek so that his forehead get pressed against mine, I sketch the same pleased smile of him while I close my eyelids, enjoying the most of this incredible moment.
"I'm happy that you did".
He kisses me on the cheek and sinks his nose against my face before hiding in my neck, my hands are entwined in his lower back while I press my lips against his hair, without feeling his body expressing itself again by my touch, his arms slide beneath me in a strange hug but that oh damn, it turns out to be the most comforting thing ever.
I just can't understand his motivations, I can't believe that someone like me can have someone like him; it's just me trying to find something ugly inside something that is nice. In addition, in secret, I also attribute him a few super powers, among them the one that he's showing now, make me live the good side of things with the simple fact of having him present.
"I heart ya" I purr into his hair, hearing that he laughs softly.
"I heart you too" he says against my neck, shuddering.
My conclusion of the day is simple, it increases while I hear him humming Squeeze and my smile broadens: I'm an idiot, yeah, but an idiot in love.
