EPOV
Pulling back up to Bella's and finding Jasper staring a fucking hole in me, Alice's car gone and the rest of my family watching out of the bedroom windows, I instantly knew that something had gone down. And considering that Bella was absent from sight meant that she definitely had something to do with it. Hell, she'd had something to do with fucking everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours.
I'd heard her mention that she was going to deal with Alice while I was gone, but honestly, I didn't really think she'd fucking do it. Or at least, I didn't think it would be so bad that the freaking fairy would leave. I didn't like the feeling that all of this was putting in my gut. I had enough shit to deal with in regards to my family without Bella around making things worse. I knew she meant well, but all it was doing was stirring the pot and nothing good was ever going to come from it. Of course, at the same time, I wasn't even sure that things could get any worse.
As I got out of the truck and grabbed the bags from the bed, I heard Jasper scoff on the porch, apparently finding either humor or aggravation in the fact that I'd gone and bought Bella some groceries. And in regard to the groceries, that small list she'd given me? Yeah, I totally didn't abide by it. I footed the bill and bought her a full round of groceries. That would probably shock anyone that fucking knew me because I didn't even buy a full cart for myself, which was why my fridge at home was literally bare and my kitchen was littered with various Little Debbie wrappers.
Once I stepped foot on the porch steps, both hands loaded down with bags, Jasper moved directly into my path and glared at me.
"Well, isn't that convenient? Bella gives you the keys to her truck and asks you to get her groceries. How much cash did you pocket for drugs, Edward?"
"Contrary to popular belief, Jazz, I'm not a fucking thief. If you must know, I footed the entire bill for the groceries. What? You wanna go through my bags and open all the boxes in place of my sister? Because I can promise you, there's fucking nothing here. It's all at home, dammit, and pulling this shit at Bella's on a day that we're all supposed to be helping her is low," I rasped, moving past him.
"Yeah, speaking of, congratulations on convincing your sister's best friend to fucking stand up for your pathetic ass," he bit out, his voice heavily laced with venom.
The words stung as they always did and stopped me in my tracks just for a moment. I couldn't let it get to me. Of course, I said that shit to myself all the time, but it didn't make a bit of difference. It hurt down to the core all the same, each and every time. For the longest time, Jasper had been my best friend and for a while, when all this shit first started, he was on my side, but little by little, Alice and my father turned him against me. Eventually, they turned Rose, Emmett, and my mother against me too. So when I'd told Bella that having her around would be refreshing, I hadn't been lying. The only problem I was now facing would be whether I could continue to let her be near me. All I would do was bring her down. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but it would happen eventually.
I wasn't sure what I would find when I entered the kitchen, but what saw fucking filled me with rage for my bitch of a sister. Bella stood, still unpacking, only she was slamming dishes and her fucking chin was quivering. I could tell just from looking at her and watching her actions that she was fighting tears and that shit was not okay with me. After all that she had done so far in defense of me, seeing her upset like this hit me hard.
And it only reinforced my reasoning behind not wanting her to be near me. I'd only been reunited with her since last night, but already my fucked up life was taking a toll on her. I refused to watch my life destroy someone else's. As my father had once said, I was nothing but poison to those around me. That had never rung truer than it fucking did at the moment.
I knew Bella heard me come in as she paused for a half second, but she wouldn't fucking look at me. If I wasn't so fucking afraid of the ramifications, I would have tried to pull her into my arms and hug her against me, but doing so would be like opening myself up to being hurt and drug through the fucking mud again. Not that she'd ever fucking done that to me, but someone else had and I wasn't fucking going there again or making myself vulnerable to that kind of pain again.
That and I was still trying to come across to her in a 'I only think of you as a sister' kind of way, which I think had been working pretty fucking well so far. No thanks to her though; that little shit had been throwing perverted and suggestive comments all damn day and it wasn't fucking helping my case at all.
Sighing heavily and deciding that I needed to get to the bottom of what the fuck had happened, and also needing to pull her aside and try to make her understand why things were the way they were, I dropped the bags and walked around the side of the counter. I moved to lean against the counter beside her and watched her for a moment. She continued to put things away, anger in her every move. Her eyes shined with unshed tears and her chin still quivered. I'd pretty much come to the fucking conclusion that she wasn't aware of her body's betrayal.
"Need a cigarette?" I asked, unable to wait a moment longer.
"Do I need one? Yes. Do I have one? No. Do I have time for it? Not right now." Well I sure as hell didn't expect for her actually say yes. I didn't have a fucking clue that she smoked. In fact, it was a weak attempt at getting her to fucking laugh for me.
"Well, Doll, it turns out that I have one, and you're going to make fucking time for it," I answered, not even messing around. If she wanted one, then it gave me the perfect reason to pull her ass outside.
"Don't fucking push it right now, Eddie," she warned, glaring at me. I watched as she started to go back to unpacking. I wasn't having that shit. I was starting to see that she was actually a lot like me. If you wanted her to do something, especially when she was pissed off, you had to get forceful and not take no for an answer. I struck my hand out and caught her wrist.
As I pulled her back up, I lifted her chin with the fingers of my other hand, forcing her to fucking look at me.
"We're going outside, and you're going to talk to me over a cigarette. Right fucking now."
"Oh really?" she bit out, bitch coming out in full force, but I could see that beneath her tough exterior, she was dying for a break, drowning in the tension, and she fucking needed to get some of this shit off of her chest. I knew I was probably the last fucking person in the world anyone would consider to be a good friend or confidant, but dammit, for some strange, fucked up reason unknown to me, I wanted…no, I needed that to be that person for her.
Even if it was just for today.
And let's face it; I needed to know what the hell went down earlier and she was the only one who fucking cared about me enough to tell me. I was lucky if the rest of people I called my family would say two words to me half the fucking time.
"You're going to start by telling me just what the fuck happened while I was gone, and then you're going to explain why Jasper congratulated me on having found someone stupid enough to fight for my pathetic ass."
"Edward, we can't just fucking disappear right now, no matter how badly we want a cigarette. I've already fucked up enough for one day, and to leave them to do all the unpacking while we sit on our asses isn't right," she sighed heavily in defeat as her shoulders slumped and she slumped beside me lazily against the counter.
"Doll, I think you've earned the fucking right to have a damn cigarette break. Besides, if they notice, they'll just bitch at me anyway. That's probably the only good thing about having me around; you'll never get in fucking trouble because they'll automatically blame me for everything," I told her with a wry laugh.
Bella shook her head at me. "I've told you already to quit saying shit like that."
"Well, it's the truth. What you said about you having fucked up today was not. I mean it. Come outside and have a smoke with me. Tell me what the fuck happened and then we'll come back and finish unpacking, okay?"
She then rolled her eyes dramatically at me and turned to walk out her back door. "And you call me bossy?"
"Remember which of it is that is in possession of the cigarettes, Doll," I quipped; laughing as she muttered something I couldn't fucking understand under her breath.
"Why don't we go out on the front porch? I've actually got chairs out there."
"Because Jasper's out front and right now, I don't want to deal with his shit," I replied, pulling my pack and lighter out of my jeans pocket and leaning up against the brick of the house, one leg bent at the knee, bracing myself in a more comfortable position. I then lit two cigs and handed her one of them, which she instantly took a long drag off of.
"So, what the fuck happened, and don't leave shit out because I'll know."
"Hey, I'm not the bad guy here, so don't go getting all fucking rude and shit, Edward."
Dammit, would I ever do anything fucking right? "I never said you were, Bella, and I didn't mean for it to come out that way. I just, look, whatever it was pissed you off pretty good and when I walked into that kitchen, you looked close to tears. Something happened and if Alice…"
"I went too far and in response, she gave me an ultimatum. Obviously, she didn't like what I said in return."
Was she fucking kidding me with that horseshit? That didn't tell me a damn thing. I wasn't any closer to knowing what happened than I was two minutes ago.
"Okay, Doll, you misunderstood me. When I asked what happened and said we were going to talk, I didn't mean for you to give me a two sentence summary. I want to know what was said and start from the beginning, if you don't mind."
"I fucked up, Eddie. I mean, Alice had it coming after the things she said to you at the truck and then that shit she pulled with the whole muffin thing, but she's one of my best friends and I completely fucking blew it. Alice is the one that I've been in contact with for the past few months now, and she helped me find this house. While I was in Louisiana, she was literally a saint helping me get everything done. She dodged talking about you like the fucking plague. She had no problem telling me about anyone, but when you came up, she wouldn't tell me shit. Hell, for the longest time I actually feared that you were dead and that she just didn't know how to tell me. But, then I get here and everyone acted like there was this big fucking secret regarding you that they couldn't talk about. I got fed up with it because believe it or not, the years have done nothing for my feelings. I still care about you, and them, just as much as I did before. And I hated….I mean I fucking hated that they didn't even have the decency to invite you yesterday. I um…I overheard Emmett on the phone with you, and I guess he noticed that I was mopey or some shit because he offered to give me your address so I could come see you today."
"Today? But you came last night, and what does this have to do with what happened with Alice earlier?"
So sue me, patience wasn't exactly one of my strong suits.
"I'm getting to that, dammit. Eventually, I couldn't take the tension and secret glances between everyone so I exploded and told them that I knew they were keeping you and whatever happened from me and that if they couldn't find it in themselves to fill me in, that they needed to leave their fucking baggage at the door."
Holy shit! Jesus, this woman had some fucking balls.
"I stormed outside to cool off and Emmett followed me out. He went off on me and we argued for a bit until he promised to tell me what had happened with you. He gave me your address and after he told me everything last night, I couldn't help it; I had to go and see you. So, since I've been here, Edward, it's been one thing after another, and I've literally done nothing but fight with everyone…apart from you. When I went outside to confront Alice after you left, I reamed her for what she'd done and how you were being treated. I told her that she went too fucking far. She started screaming at me about not knowing anything in terms of what she'd been through and I told her, in anger that I'd love to hear what she went through because from what I'd heard, she put her reputation above the well-being of her own brother. She didn't take that too well and attempted to hit me. Of course, I saw that shit coming and stopped her, but it was then that she issued the ultimatum."
My head hung low between my shoulders as I puffed at my cigarette and pinched the bridge of my nose with my free hand. This was so much worse than I fucking thought, but just as I had suspected, all the fucking drama Bella had dealt with since she'd been here was because of me. But the part I couldn't figure out was why she cared about me so fucking much. What was so special about me? If she were smart, she'd have chosen to stick with my family and not have given me a second thought after hearing about me from Emmett.
"What was the ultimatum, Bella?" I rasped, my voice breaking on the last word.
"What do you think it was, Edward?"
"She made you choose between me and her, right?" I glanced up to see Bella nod and noticed that sometime during her explanation, she'd closed the distance between us and now stood right beside me. "What did you say?"
"Well, she's not here anymore, is she?" she whispered, averting her eyes to the trees in her backyard, then to the ground. Anywhere but at me. "She didn't even give me a chance to answer her before she called me a fucking bitch and left. There were other things said, but nothing of importance. So," she started, wiping at her eyes and a few tears that I obviously hadn't seen fall. "Now you know everything, so let's go back inside and unpack, okay? I don't want to talk about this shit anymore."
She threw her cigarette butt to the ground and stubbed it out with the toe of her shoe before she started to move past me. I couldn't let her fucking go without saying something. After all, it was my fault. I reached out and caught her hand, pulling her back toward me.
"I want you to know that I appreciate everything you've said and done in defense of me, Bella. You need to know that, okay? But I'm fucking trash. That's all there is to it. You're wasting your time if you think for one second that there's any good in me, because I'm telling you right now that there isn't. There's shit that I've done and seen that would give you nightmares, hell, it even gives me fucking nightmares. I've put my family through more hell than any family should ever have to go through. I deserve every fucking bit that they throw at me. I refuse to come between you and them. I'll help you finish tonight, but after you bring me home, don't come back. I don't mean that to be spiteful," I explained as she narrowed her eyes at me and a single tear leaked out. "I don't want to hurt you and if you continue to be around me and see what my life is really like, that's what will inev…"
"Stop it right there, Cullen," she bit out forcefully. "I don't care what you do; you aren't fucking getting rid of me. Come hell or high water, I will make you see the good in yourself that still remains. And don't tell me it isn't fucking there because I see it. What's going to happen is, after we're finished unpacking; I'll bring you by your house. You'll get some clothes, however much of your stash you need, and you're going to stay with me tonight. You and I are going to talk because you need to hear the reason why I'm so quick to come to your defense. Once you hear my story, I think you'll understand me a little bit more. Besides, I need someone here that gets it," she ranted.
"How am I going to stay here, Doll?" I asked her with a smirk, trying to lighten the mood somewhat because I'd massively brought it down a moment ago. Hell, I was still down, but this cheerfulness I was showing her was for her benefit alone. "You have a bed, but no couch. I don't know about you, but I don't think we're ready to be sharing a fucking bed."
"Um, well you pretty much made it clear last night that you don't let women stay in your house," she smarted off, putting her hands on her hips.
"No, I don't let women in my house, period," I replied with a laugh.
"So, I guess that makes me fucking special, doesn't it?" she smiled widely and I couldn't fucking help but smile back at her.
Ramifications be damned, but I couldn't resist. A weird mix of a laugh and groan came from my throat as I pushed off of the wall and pulled her against me for a hug. She was so fucking cute, thinking she had me about the being special thing, but...oh, who the fuck was I kidding? She already had me, hook, line and sinker. And not in the way you bunch of perverts are thinking either. I just meant she'd fucking called my bluff. I could already see that Bella was going to turn out to be like Alice from back when things were good. All she would have to do was throw a tantrum or give me those eyes and I would be a fucking goner, giving in to any little thing she wanted.
Bella pulled away with a smirk and headed back inside. As I moved to follow her, my phone rang out and I could only fucking hope that it wasn't Aro calling me in for another job. The last thing I needed right now was to have to find a damn excuse to give Bella as to why I would have to leave all of a sudden, cause there was no way in hell I would be able to actually tell her the truth.
"Yeah?"
"Are you fucking happy, asshole?" Alice screamed into the phone.
"What the fuck is your problem? I wasn't even here, Ali."
"Why the hell can't you just stay away from her? You know what's going to happen!"
"No actually, why don't you fucking enlighten me, Ali. All I know right now is that I'm simply helping a friend, a sister, unpack."
"Bullshit! You just can't help yourself, can you? First, you took Kate away and now Bella."
I rammed my fist into the brick wall of the house, and caught Bella watching me through the window of the kitchen. Fucking great.
"You leave that fucking bitch out of this! She has and never will have anything to do with Bella. You need to fucking let that shit go."
"LET IT GO? You fucking killed her! You should be rotting in prison right now! How long, Edward, until you do the same shit to Bel…"
I couldn't fucking hear anymore. I angrily shoved the phone back into my pocket and buried my hand in my hair, pulling forcefully at the strands.
"Edward?" Bella questioned as she opened the back door.
"Just give me a fucking minute!" I shouted just a bit louder than I meant to, and a hell of a lot harsher. It was a good thing too because Bella didn't need to be near me when I was this pissed off.
I was so fucking sick of that bitch calling me a murderer. The fact that she, my own fucking sister, would believe me capable of killing the woman I was to be married to, the woman that, at the time and in everyone else's eyes, I loved, was like a thousand daggers to the heart. And it wasn't just Alice. It was the whole fucking family. They never hesitated to believe that shit and that hurt worse than the way they fucking treated me about my drug problem.
I lifted my head to glance at Bella but she'd already shut the damn door and had disappeared. I didn't even see her in the kitchen anymore. Hopefully she hadn't taken that outburst personally, but I wouldn't be surprised if she had. Leave it to me to fuck everything up. I was going to have to apologize to her as soon as I got inside, right before I asked her to take me home.
When I got this fucking pissed off, there was only one thing that could calm me, and that was a fucking fix and a tall Crown and coke. I could feel my muscles beginning to spasm from the need and the adrenaline rushing through my body. All I needed and wanted right now was to feel the sweet release of the drugs entering my system. Fucking nothing was better than that. Bella was just going to have to take a rain check on our little fucking soiree tonight.
Hopefully, tomorrow, I'd be in the frame of mind to make it up to her. But if Alice's bitch ass got to her before I did, I might as well kiss our friendship, if that's even what we were, goodbye because Bella wouldn't fucking want a damn thing to do with me after. The argument earlier had lit a fire under Alice's ass and the bitch fought dirty. She was going to bring everything she had to the table to convince Bella and, in a way, it would be the best thing for her to stay the fuck away from me.
But, if it was the best thing, why did just thinking about it feel so fucking wrong?
A/N: SURPRISE! I updated a lot sooner than I thought I would. Addictward just wouldn't leave me alone LOL!
So, we've heard a bit more from Edward. He's really confused. In the next couple of chapters, we'll get his story as well as Alice's.
Hope you all are still enjoying it!
Leave me some love! ;D
