***WARNING***
This chapter contains explicit homosexual content. If you are underage, or are uncomfortable with or offended by gay sex, please skip this chapter. If you DO plan to skip, you can move to the bottom of the page where I will have a list of anything that is important for the story line that you might miss in this chapter.
***END WARNING***
This chapter is mostly smut, and go figure, it's one of my longer chapters. I suppose I'm not the only perv here, though. ^^;;
I'm not very well practiced at sex scenes, so I apologize if this comes out lame/corny/unbelievable. It was fun to write though. These two are such cutie-pies!
Anyway, enjoy!
As confident as Sirius made himself out to be in that moment, inside he was waging a battle with himself. He wanted Remus. He wanted him intensely, and if he were honest with himself, he'd wanted him from the moment they'd met. Remus was attractive, and what made him more attractive is that, unlike Sirius, he didn't seem to realize it at all. It was a kind of easy, casual beauty that he had, something that he didn't put any real effort into. But his good looks wasn't what truly drew Sirius in. If it had been looks alone, Sirius wouldn't be feeling so unsure. It may seem backwards to some people, but a relationship based solely on physical attraction was what Sirius was most comfortable with. It was the only kind of relationship he had any experience with and the easiness of such a relationship was calming to him. He wasn't tied down, wasn't responsible for, or to, anyone. It was the responsibility that reminded him of his family, and his 'place' in said family. It made him feel suffocated, and made him panic. That is what frightened him about this.
His search for information about Remus had begun as a game, as something to occupy his time while he was staying in this 'school.' It was something that was only meant to keep him from being bored. But the more he learned, the more he started to feel that this was no game. He was not satisfied with merely learning his secrets any more. He wanted to do something that would make Remus happy. He kept remembering the smile he'd seen on his face the day before, and realized what a crime it was that it was so thoroughly robbed from him. He wanted to commit to Remus, to be his protector, his provider, his everything.
"Sirius?" Remus whispered quietly against his lips, wondering why Sirius had grown so still all of a sudden.
"Sorry." Sirius murmured, "Thinking too hard." He explained before closing his mouth over his again.
Remus had become surprisingly complacent once their lips had met. He lay back, stretched across Sirius's chest and stomach, his head resting on Sirius' hard shoulder, his mouth turned willingly toward him, opening obediently as he felt a hot tongue brush past his lips. The position was awkward, but neither of the boys wanted to break the kiss long enough to move. Remus held himself up by the side of the tub, though his body was still weak and Sirius could feel him quivering just slightly, though it was hard to be sure if it was from muscle strain or from arousal.
Opening his eyes, Sirius was able to glance down the expanse of Remus' body, his ribs jutting out just a little due to the arc of his spine as he tried to push further into the kiss. Jutting up from the now slightly dingy water, he could also see that the kiss was affecting him in just the way that Sirius had hoped it would. He was surprised by just how hard he was already, though. His cock lay against his stomach, and Sirius tried not to chuckle as he noticed it twitch every time he grazed Remus' lips with his teeth.
Keeping one hand holding him in the kiss he moved the other to Remus' chest, sliding it down his surprisingly toned body. He let each fingertip trail over a nipple, delighting as he felt his back arch a little harder and felt, more than heard, a small humming sound coming from Remus' mouth, swallowed hungrily by his own. Continuing his journey down Remus' body, Sirius took his time, tracing the little valleys that he found, made by flexing muscles until his fingertips brushed over the slick head that lay pressed against his stomach under his navel. He felt Remus jump in his lap and heard the gentle slosh of the bathwater.
"You're really turned on, aren't you?" Sirius teased gently against his lips as his fingers continued brushing back and forth across the swollen head, making Remus pant against his lips.
"Mm. So're you." He said breathily, swiveling his hips down against the answering erection he felt pressing against the small of his back.
"So I am…" Sirius hissed a little as he took in a deep breath, trying to not let the grinding motion get him overly excited.
Before Remus had a chance to respond, his mouth was captured again, Sirius trying to suck his soul out through his mouth again. Remus immediately surrendered to the sensation, his hips only gyrating in an attempt to get a firmer touch where he really wanted it.
Sirius figured he should give him what he was obviously wanting and let his fingers finally wrap around his shaft, giving it a squeeze and one long up-pull. Remus broke the kiss to gasp for breath, his body nearly coming off of Sirius'. Sirius felt that familiar thrill of self satisfaction, liking the idea that he could make his lovers squirm for more, but his reverie was short lived. His fingers had brushed over a protruding line that was decidedly not a vein and he felt his stomach tense apprehensively. He turned his gaze down his body again and moved his fingers, revealing a few small patches of hatched lines similar to those he found on other parts of Remus' body. His hand froze and Remus settled back down against Sirius' body, seeming to know that their heated exchange was over.
"Surprised?" Remus asked in a docile voice, his body starting to tense again for all the wrong reasons.
"You sleep with him?" Sirius found himself asking, his voice barely audible.
Sirius felt Remus' head nod slightly and he felt his stomach churn uncomfortably. It made some sense, now that he was thinking about it. It was just another way for Greyback to keep him feeling linked to him, and unfit to be with anyone else. He also realized that it may explain why Remus was so willing to go along with him now, and suddenly he felt guilty. He didn't want Remus to feel as though he had to give in to what he wanted.
After a moment of staring at those little white crisscrosses, Sirius wrapped an arm tight around Remus' chest and stood, taking him with him.
"Can you stand?" He asked softly, to which Remus only nodded.
Remus felt his legs shaking slightly as he stood in the tub. While he kept his features passive, he felt his insides squirming unhappily. It was only when Sirius had stopped that he realized how quickly he had surrendered to the other teen's desires. It had never crossed his mind to deny him, on the contrary, he was eager to reciprocate. He felt cold now, standing alone as Sirius stepped out of the tub and grabbed a towel. It wasn't so much surprising as it was disappointing. He had been surprised that Sirius was willing to touch him at all after seeing the words scrawled across his body, and had felt hopeful, but he should have known that a scarred cock and a used body would be too much for Sirius to forgive. He felt filthy all of a sudden, like the bath he'd just been sitting in had been full of grime and shame instead of water and soap. He mentally chastised himself for wanting Sirius so badly, and felt the urge to flee bubbling up inside him. Just before the pressure of his shame became too much to bare he felt a warm towel wrap around him, followed by Sirius' strong arms.
Remus remained silent as Sirius maneuvered him out of the tub and began drying him off. He watched as Sirius' face shifted from concentration, to disgust, to pity over and over as he dried him.
"You're disgusted, aren't you?" Remus asked, finding his voice expressing more vulnerability than he'd intended.
"With Greyback, Rem. Not with you." Sirius replied gently, bringing a corner of the towel up to dry his face. "There's nothing wrong with you."
Remus scoffed, but had to look up at the ceiling as he felt tears burning his eyes. He'd always wanted to hear those words, though it had been so long that he found himself unable to accept them.
"You're so full of shit." Remus said to the ceiling, his voice shaking and weak.
"You don't believe me?" Sirius asked softly.
"Of course I don't!" Remus shoved the towel away from himself, pushing it back into Sirius' arms, staggering away from him in the process. "Look at me!"
"That's exactly how he wants you to feel, Remus." Sirius was keeping his voice gentle, certain that Remus needed reassurance, not an argument.
"And that! Stop doing that! Stop acting like you know every god damned thing! And don't look at me like that!" He pointed accusingly at him. "You think that with your good looks and those fucking puppy dog eyes of yours you can get whatever or whoever you want! But you're wrong! You cant just take whatever you want! You cant just take me for yourself because you think you know what's best for me!"
Sirius watched Remus as he screamed at him, his only reaction being a look of understanding taking up residency in his eyes. He felt as though Remus was talking to someone else all together now, and figured that he was taking his anger toward Greyback out on him, and if that is what Remus needed right now, then that's what he'd give him.
"You don't know what's best for me!" Remus continued screaming, tears spilling down over his cheeks in rage. "And I hate it when you touch me! And I hate being near you!"
"I know, Rem." Sirius said gently, starting to make his way over to him, his arms extended as he slowly tried to get them wrapped around Remus' frame.
"I hate you so much! I hate you! I'd rather be locked back in the fucking clos-eh-het…" Remus was unable to get the final word out as his body jerked with a sob and he collapsed into Sirius' arms.
"Shhh…" Sirius held onto him tightly, trying to keep his own tears in check as he brought a hand up to the back of Remus' head, pressing his face into the juncture of his neck and shoulder. "I've got you now, Rem. I'm gonna keep you safe, okay. I promise." He whispered into his ear, though he was unsure if Remus could even hear him at this point.
They stood in the bathroom for a long time, Remus going back and forth from clinging to Sirius desperately to weakly trying to push him away, only to latch onto him again moments later. Finally, when he seemed to have calmed, Sirius led him out of the bathroom and sat him down on his bed, kneeling down in front of him, placing a hand on each of his cheeks so he could look directly at him.
"You alright now?" He asked softly, his thumb brushing over the corner of his mouth.
"Yeah." Remus croaked in a stuffy-nosed voice.
"I want to explain why I stopped what we were doing in the bath." Sirius began and had to tighten his grip on his face slightly as Remus tried to turn away, the shame rising back up in his eyes. "Listen to me." He insisted. "I stopped because I didn't want you to just go along with me because you thought you had to. I really want to keep going, I want to touch you really fucking badly, but I had to make sure that you were okay with it first. Everything we do is going to be your choice. Do you understand?"
Remus stared into his eyes, looking for some sign of dishonesty, some loophole that would leave him the victim.
"If you're not lying, then you're just stupid for wanting me." Remus finally said breathily.
"Well, you've known from the start that I'm not really one to be admired for my brains." Sirius joked with a smile, which only grew when he saw a matching expression rise to Remus' face, his eyes starting to glow again. "You're beautiful." He found himself saying more reverently than he expected.
Color rose up in Remus' face at the compliment, and for a moment he didn't seem to know what to do.
"Kiss me?" Was the only thing he managed to whisper, feeling that if he had to speak any further his heart would tear open and he'd spill all it's contents out for Sirius to take into his possession.
Sirius didn't need any more persuasion and his mouth closed gently over Remus' parted lips. The kiss they shared was slow, but intense for both of them. Remus felt a warmth that spread from where Sirius touched that began to fill him up, making his mind go mercifully blank. The fear he had of getting close to others, to this boy in particular, melted away and he pulled him closer, wishing he could just melt into him. He wanted to give up who he was, and just become part of Sirius instead. He needed him to be as close to him as possible.
It was surprising for Sirius, to feel Remus pull him into the kiss so eagerly, but he wasn't one to complain, and he pressed himself between Remus' legs, which opened accommodatingly for him. Bringing a hand up to his chin he pushed Remus' mouth further open as he tilted his head, his tongue pressing in as far as it could, wanting to claim every hallow in the other boy's mouth for himself. Their teeth bumped gently, but instead of being awkward, it only seemed to intensify their desire for each other. Soon they were both panting through their noses as they waged war in their mouths. They sucked and bit and tickled every centimeter of the other's soft orifice before finally having to break apart or risk fainting from oxygen deprivation. They panted into each other's mouths, not wanting to separate completely.
It was only then that Remus realized that his hands were fisted in Sirius's thick hair, pulling almost painfully on it. He loosened his grip and slide his fingertips over his scalp.
"Wow." Was all Remus was able to say, speaking it as a sigh.
"I'm only just getting started, Rem." Sirius promised, grinning wickedly at him as he slid his palms up Remus' thighs.
"I… I like it when you call me that." Remus said with a shyness that made Sirius painfully hard, and he felt himself pulse against the mattress that he was leaning against.
"I like calling you that." He said as he brushed his lips over Remus's again, smiling when he felt them part expectantly, then frown as he moved past them to kiss his chin.
Remus' only answer was to pant slightly as Sirius drew his lips back and forth along his jaw line, up to suck gently on his earlobe before moving down his neck to bite his collarbone. All the while his hands were massaging small circles into his thighs and Sirius could feel his legs part further and his hips jut forward gently in an attempt to get Sirius to touch him more intimately. Sirius finally took pity on him when he heard a pathetic whimper escape him, though it was drown out by a low growling moan as Remus felt long fingers wrap around his cock. He jerked and reached up, putting Sirius' shoulder in a vice-like grip as his hips started a thrusting rhythm into his hand.
Sirius could feel his mouth watering as he looked down at where he was holding onto Remus, letting him thrust gently into his fist, watching the head of his dick appear and disappear through the ring of his fingers. Without giving it much though he bent forward, positioning his lips at the opening his fingers made, catching the swollen tip of Remus' cock in his mouth on his next thrust.
As Remus felt the heated lips close around his head he was jerked out of his aroused stupor and jumped back further onto the bed. His eyes were like saucers as Sirius looked up at him, his lips red and shining with spit and precum.
"What's wrong?" Sirius asked, his aristocratic brows coming together in confusion.
"Th-that… it makes me nervous." Remus admitted quietly, though just staring at Sirius' swollen lips and tousled hair made him regret stopping him.
Remus expected, for a moment, for Sirius to get frustrated with him for putting the breaks on so many times, but instead he just smiled at him and licked his lip, as though savoring his flavor, a gesture which made Remus' cock twitch expectantly. Sirius' now gunmetal dark eyes fell to Remus' lap when he saw the twitch and then slid back up to his face, giving him a knowing look.
"I wont do it if that's what you want." He said softly, his lips still curled up in a seductive smile. "But I promise that I wont hurt you."
"I," Remus was feeling rather confused at the moment, torn between his nerves and his desire, "I know. I trust you."
Sirius's eyes flashed with an emotion that Remus couldn't quite place before he smiled even wider, guiding Remus' hands toward his hair, kissing one of his palms softly before laying them into the soft cushion of black strands.
"If I do anything you don't like, just tell me, or give me a tug, okay?"
Before Remus could respond, Sirius had ducked his head again, swallowing his prick whole before Remus had the chance to get nervous again. Remus tried to keep his eyes from rolling into the back of his head as his breath was driven from him, causing him to gasp for air a moment later, his hips trying to push up toward the comforting heat that surrounded him. He was amazed by how easily it was for Sirius to make him feel good. When he and Jona had made love it was a soft, slow tidal motion of feelings and sensations, with Sirius' lips stretched around his cock though, he felt like he was trapped in a maelstrom, being sucked, quite literally, down into oblivion. He could feel Sirius' head begin to move and he felt teeth scrape against the ridge of his head intentionally with each up-pull.
When Remus felt one of Sirius' hands move up to his chest and push him gently, he willingly fell back onto the bed, one hand still holding onto Sirius' hair while the other fisted the sheets, trying to find something to keep him from falling off the face of the planet. He didn't resist as Sirius pushed his legs farther apart. He could hear Sirius moaning hungrily around the flesh in his mouth, the sound mingling perfectly with the slick sound of lips and wet skin and sucking, though even that was hard to hear over his own desperate attempts to keep air in his lungs.
"S-Siri-uh! W-wait, I'm… I'm gonna-" He was having a hard time finishing his sentence as he tried weakly to pull Sirius off of him, not wanting to subject Sirius to the bitter taste of his climax.
Sirius refused to be pulled away, though. While one hand dug it's fingers into his thigh where he was keeping his legs held apart, the other came up to squeeze his sac gently, rolling each nodule between his elegant fingers. While Remus could not see what he was doing, the image of Sirius' beautiful hands touching him so intimately was too much for him, and a shout was ripped from his throat. He was still vaguely trying to pull Sirius off of him even as he felt Sirius's throat working to swallow his reward.
The room went in and out of focus for a few minutes while Remus tried to come down from his high, the continued feel of Sirius' hot mouth cleaning him and milking every drop from him not helping him to come around any faster. Eventually the heat was replaced by a surprisingly relieving chill and he felt Sirius' mouth begin brushing up his body, not seeming to be finished.
"Alright?" Sirius asked quietly against his belly.
Remus could hear the self satisfied smile in his voice and couldn't help but smile vaguely himself, his eyes still closed.
"Mm." He hummed in response, his whole body feeling pleasantly heavy.
"Well you better hold on, because I'm still not finished with you." He promised as a finger brushed past his spent cock, down to where Remus' succulent cheeks met.
Remus felt a sudden flood of panic as Sirius' finger brushed over his most intimate opening and he jerked, trying to prop himself up on an elbow.
"Wait!" He was suddenly embarrassed by how much fear he could hear in that one word.
He chastised himself for reacting that way. He'd just told Sirius that he trusted him. And it was obvious where all of this was going from the beginning, what Sirius would be expecting. He had gone along with it, even while he knew that it would come to this. It wasn't fair for him to deny Sirius what he wanted now, after leading him along for so long, but he still couldn't get that sick feeling to leave the back of his throat.
Sirius just smiled at him though, and it wasn't that dangerous smile that Greyback gave him when he did something like this. It was something he could only describe as a loving smile. It was gentle and understanding, and Remus wondered how many people got to see Sirius like this. He had not thought of it before, but while Sirius was learning all of his secrets, hadn't he been learning Sirius' secrets as well? Wasn't this smile one of Sirius' greatest secrets?
"It's fine, Rem. Why don't you lay back and get comfy. I'll take care of everything." Sirius reassured him as he got up from his position on the floor.
Remus was amazed to see just how hard Sirius was. He was shocked that he still had so much control over himself. He did as he was told, scooting back onto the bed, turning so his head was laying properly on the pillow, though his eyes never left Sirius, who was walking over to his own bedside table. As he walked Remus could see his cock bounce against his stomach, leaving little strings of precum as it did and Remus felt his mouth water. He wanted to reach out and grab Sirius, wanted to give him the same mind-blowing experiences that he'd just received. He wanted Sirius to be his.
As Sirius returned to the bed with a tube of lubricant, however, Remus felt his body tense again. Sirius seemed to notice his uncertainty and smiled gently at him as he slid one long, toned leg across Remus' hips so he was kneeling over him.
"It's gonna be fine, Rem. I'm not going to do anything that'll hurt." With his whispered promise his descended on him, capturing his mouth in another long, very distracting kiss.
Remus' hips pushed off the bed as he felt Sirius' overheated member press down against his and soon both boys were thrusting and rutting against each other. Remus was vaguely aware of the snapping sound of the lubricant tube, but was already so hard again that his mind didn't have time to linger on such trivialities, concerned only with pulling Sirius closer to him. He surprised himself by nearly growling as Sirius finally broke the kiss, moving away from him to sit upright where he was straddled over his hips. He had a strange smile on his face. His cheeks were surprisingly flushed and he had an expression that seemed to border on embarrassment as he smiled down at Remus. It was at that point that he noticed one of Sirius' hands had been occupying itself in ways Remus had not expected or noticed.
It was impossible for Remus to find words as he watched Sirius rise up on his knees, reach between his legs and slowly guide the tip of Remus' cock to his own opening that he had prepared himself during their kiss. Remus knew that his mouth had to be hanging open stupidly, as Sirius' grin flashed teasingly at him before his eyes fluttered shut.
Sirius was beautiful like that, Remus thought. He watched as the black haired teen's head rolled back, and could see the shiver that ran up his spine as the head of his impatient erection pressed into the now softened ring of muscle. Remus' back arched to match the bow in Sirius' spine, both of them opening their mouths silently as, inch by inch, Remus disappeared inside his new lover. When Sirius was sitting flush against Remus' pelvis they both took a moment to catch their breaths before he grinned down at him.
"This alright?" He asked teasingly, chuckling some as Remus just nodded wordlessly. "Good. You feel so good, Rem." He whispered, leaning forward to plant a kiss on his open lips.
Sirius remained in control for a long time, setting a slow pace as he rocked and swiveled his hips, Remus still feeling too dumbstruck to do anything but hold onto Sirius' thighs and try to keep himself from hyperventilating. He wasn't sure when his eyes had screwed themselves shut, but when he finally wrenched them open he felt a bolt of desire spear him to the mattress. Sirius' eyes were closed gently, his head tipped back, his mouth open around his low moans and Remus felt his desire peak suddenly.
A surprised yelp escaped Sirius' mouth as Remus surged forward without warning, pushing him onto his back and taking his position above him. Before Sirius' back had properly hit the mattress Remus had already begun a fierce pace, his hips snapping forward into Sirius in short, hard thrusts that left Sirius clinging desperately to the other boy's shoulders. Remus felt a surge of power and of raw passion as Sirius helplessly wrapped his legs around him. He'd never felt so confident as he did pounding into this cocky, teasing body. Sirius seemed to only be able to hold onto him, no longer capable of his witty quips and teasing lines, and Remus felt heady knowing that he was the one silencing him.
Lips and teeth met as they moaned and grunted into each others mouths. As another wave of confidence swept over Remus he reached between them, taking Sirius' cock in his fist and squeezing. Immediately, he felt the already tight muscle around his cock clamp down almost painfully, Sirius ripping his mouth away from his with a shout.
"Fuck, Remus!" Sirius sounded, genuinely surprised by the abruptness of his climax.
At the same moment Remus felt hot ribbons of heat hit his stomach he felt the coil in his own body snap and his face planted itself against Sirius' neck. He growled out his own climax, his teeth threatening to cleave flesh as he did so. He was only vaguely aware of the shiver that ran through Sirius' body as he came inside him
Once they had stilled, every last shiver and spasm finally milked from their bodies, they collapsed into the mattress. They were a tangle of hedonism, nothing but arms and legs and sated bodies trying to reacquaint themselves with reality. As Sirius began to come around Remus felt long fingers combing through his hair and kisses falling softly across his still sweaty forehead. When Remus was finally able to lift his head to look at him Sirius smiled crookedly, his eyes still half lidded and smoky.
"Alright?" He asked in a gravely tone, his throat sore from moaning.
"Yeah." Remus was able to choke out.
"Good." was all Sirius said in return, letting his own head fall back in exhaustion, though his fingers continued playing idly in Remus' hair.
They both laid together silently for a long time, enjoying the closeness, the feeling of chests rising and falling, of the faint beating of each others hearts, of breath tickling skin. Eventually the chill in the room began to sink into their naked bodies, and with a little effort they burrowed into the blankets of the still-made bed. Wrapped in their cocoon of body heat it wasn't long before they drifted into sleep, neither of them feeling the need for words.
**FUN FACT**
I wrote the majority of this chapter while sitting in the café at Books-A-Million. I find this amusing, because it means that I was writing pornography while in a public place. I'm a good role model! X3
***FOR THOSE WHO CHOSE TO SKIP THE CHAPTER***
The most important thing that you have missed is that Sirius learned that not only had Remus and Greyback been engaging in sexual activity, there is also evidence that the relationship was abusive. Sirius finds small scars on Remus' privates that are very similar to those on the rest of his body, though they were not words.
Also, Remus has a small outburst in which he expresses his hatred for Fenrir, going against the things he's said previously about trusting Greyback and feeling as though what he does is for his own good.
