Disclaimer: You remind me of a man. What man? A man who doesn't own SpongeBob SquarePants. Now we are in the same boat.

A/N: I had my teeth cut out of my head so that I could feel the pain SpongeBob went through. The only downside was I had to recover before I could update this or any of my other fanfics, so I apologize for this belated update. Expect more soon.


SpongeBob lay on his back on the bed, twiddling his thumbs and trying not to think about his late fiancé. Instead, he focused on his new relationship with Evilene, the woman with whom he had presumably cheated on the love of his life, but he tried not to think about that either. Maybe it will be okay, he thought, Maybe Evilene will help me heal. Maybe I was meant to be with her instead of… but he quickly dismissed that train of thought. Frustrated, he flipped over onto his stomach and stared at the lumpy planks on the floor. He let his eyes wander about the room. Bad idea. When they fell on one of the many photos of Squidward hanging on the walls, he faltered, and the tears came once again.

He slid out of bed and marched down the stairs, hoping to avoid another meltdown, but to no avail. Everywhere he looked, a token of Squidward reminded him of what he'd lost, and now of this crucial decision he had to make: whether to let Evilene move in with him. Yesterday she'd called from outside the courthouse and told him that she'd have to stay the night because they had yet to resolve the matter, and they'd need to reconvene the next morning. She told him she'd come back the next evening "to talk about things." And so he'd struggled with the choice for at least an hour that night before exhaustion overtook him and made him rest. He'd hoped he'd have a revelation in a dream, any sort of clue that would make this easier, but he hadn't. He had to toughen up, to grow up and accept responsibility, to make his own choices. It had never been hard before, so why was it now?

All this time he'd had between now and when he'd first given her the invitation had not pushed him either direction, and he was just as unsure now as he had been then. Disheartened, he looked up at a picture of his late fiancé, and beseeched it, "Oh, Squidward. What am I supposed to do? I know you'd want me to be happy, but how can I be knowing you'd never approve of this woman? I mean, it's not like I love her – I could never get over you so quickly. But I feel like…" he paused, took a deep breath, "I feel like she could help me. I feel like she knows me well enough to get me back on my feet." He stared at the photo in silence for a moment, then cried, "I don't have any other options! If I don't befriend her, then I'm all alone. I know you said Plankton and Sandy and Pearl are our family, but I feel so ostracized around them, like they blame me for Mr. Krabs's death. How can they be my anchor when I can't trust them? I need you. I need you so badly." He slammed his fist against the wall, resting his head just below the portrait. He sobbed softly beneath the frame. "I miss you. You were all I ever wanted, and now I've lost you. I'm sorry – I'm so sorry. I wish I'd never met her. I wish Patrick had never come back and I'd never gone to the field with Mr. Krabs and I'd never cheated on you. I'm sorry. Please, I'm so so sorry." He sunk to his knees, quivering and sobbing below the blank, lifeless eyes of the picture.


When Evilene arrived at the pineapple that evening, she had a lot on her mind. The Aqua Marina Hospital had called as she was preparing to return, and they'd informed her that Squidward was doing well enough that he would be ready to move in a couple of days. She'd told the nurse that she would make arrangements to come and get him, since he had taken their only car. The nurse had promised to call ahead of time to make it easier on her. Evilene had used the whole drive home to plot his final demise.

I can't pick him up myself, she'd decided, He'd know I was up to something as soon as he saw me. I'll have to call in a favor, someone who could pick him up and bring him to me outside of town. Then I'd take care of him myself. Big Cuda owes me that favor back. Her only dilemma now: who could she trust that wouldn't tip him off? He knew SpongeBob didn't have a car to come get him, but he'd expect his fiancé to show up with whoever gave him a ride home. That was one hole she'd just have to leave unpatched. Obsessing over it would only make it more prominent. Hopefully, Squidward would be too drugged up to argue about it.

She shook her head as she pulled into the driveway, sweeping away those troublesome thoughts. Right now, she had someone much more important to worry about.

SpongeBob was waiting in the kitchen for her, a hamburger on either side of the table. It was a simple, unromantic set up, but it was a start. He smiled at her as she came to meet him. "I fixed you dinner. I hope you're hungry."

"I'm famished. Thank you." She sat down and took a sip from the glass in front of her.

He took the hint. "How did it go?"

"Alright. Patrick's getting the house, just as I knew he would, but I'm getting the furniture and all of the things that I bought. The real problem was the lawsuit."

"Lawsuit?" SpongeBob asked.

Evilene nodded, looking away as her cheeks reddened slightly. "I'm suing him for malpractice."

"Malpractice?" Then realization dawned on him. "Because of my brain."

"Yes. I told the judge how he had robbed you of your memories. Since his key piece of evidence against me was just that, he had no way to defend himself. As of today, Patrick is no longer allowed in Bikini Bottom."

SpongeBob stared at her in astonishment. "I don't understand. Shouldn't he have lost his license?"

Evilene nodded fervently. "Yes, he should have. But because of his revered reputation in the area, we made a deal that he could keep his license if he only practiced in that city, and he had to stay out of Bikini Bottom, particularly away from you. I took the liberty of getting a restraining order against him. I should have consulted you first, and I'm sorry I didn't, but in the heat of the moment, I wasn't thinking clearly."

SpongeBob scowled. "That's fine. I don't want that murderer coming anywhere near me. He's the reason Squidward is dead." His voice faltered on the name, but he managed to finish.

They ate in silence for a while before Evilene asked the question on both of their minds. "So, have you thought about it?"

SpongeBob locked eyes with his plate. Slowly, he answered, "Yes. Yes, I've thought about it. I've thought about it a lot." He paused before going on, but Evilene was patient, allowing him the time he needed. At last, he said, "I want you to move in."

Evilene's stomach flipped, and she asked in barely a whisper, "You're sure?"

He pried his eyes from the dish, meeting hers at length. "I'm sure."


A/N: Abrupt ending is abrupt. Sorry for how short it is, but you know what that means? It means that the next chapter will be epic! Or at least I hope it will be...