Thank you for your patience.
Chapter 9
Seven years ago
"Someone's smiling at nothing again."
The sweet smile on C.C.'s face quickly disappeared and was replaced by a glare and a frown directed at her friend.
"I just thought of something funny," she contested. At this, Kallen raised an eyebrow, truly fascinated by how fast her friend got flustered by a vague teasing as if she just caught her doing something she shouldn't.
Placing her elbow on the lunch table and her chin on her hand, the red-head continued to tease the girl infront of her. Oh, how the tables had turned right now. "Really. Have you told him that you like him?"
C.C. pouted. "I don't know what you are talking about."
"Hmmm… Tall guy, black hair, purple eyes. Ring a bell?"
"That sounds like Lelouch."
"Uh-huh. So have you told him?"
Another glare was thrown her way. "I don't like him. I don't know where you got that idea. We're just friends just like how I am friends with you and Suzaku."
"But why do your eyes sparkle whenever he is around? Why do you blush so hard whenever he looks at you? Why oh why do you stutter whenever you talk to him?"
All of a sudden, a tinge of worry and unrest touched C.C.'s golden eyes. "Do I really look like that? Am I that transparent?" she whispered.
Ah, shit, she went far this time. Kallen tried to comfort her friend. She was just carried away by the excitement brought by this new idea of C.C. being interested in someone. For all the years they had been best friends, this was the first time that she manifested even the slightest crush on anyone, and with C.C., that was saying a lot. Kallen was just too delighted and happy that her friend's mind was being diverted from hurtful thoughts lately. She hadn't seen her down and melancholy ever since Lelouch transferred to their university four months ago. And just seeing her smile often brought so much hope to Kallen's heart.
She reached her friend's hand that was resting on the table and held it gently. "Hey, it's okay. I am sure that Lelouch doesn't mind. I'm betting that he likes you, too."
"Oh, that's nonsense."
But Kallen wasn't teasing her anymore because she herself was always witnessing how the boy's eyes turn soft every time he glanced at the green-haired girl. How he always gave his full attention when she was speaking and always made sure to give her a proper response. How Kallen accidentally found out that he lied to them about having the same schedule and instead, ran from another building to theirs just so he could walk with them, and each time he offered to carry C.C.'s bag.
It's just a matter of time that one of them would confess about their feelings. And when it would finally come, Kallen would be the happiest girl on earth because they both deserved it. Lelouch had been a very good friend to them particularly after that incident with Tamaki. If there was one guy that she was comfortable with dating C.C., it would be the aspiring actor for he had been taking care of her since they were in high school. How many times that he was able to stop C.C. from harming herself? More than twice. And how many times was he the indirect reason why C.C. got up in the mornings just because she was looking forward to the activities that they planned that day? Countless of times. She had been livelier and brighter than she ever was on the past few years.
"You know I'll support you no matter what, right?" Kallen assured her.
C.C. shrugged. "It's not possible anyway. Look at those fan girls trailing behind him."
Kallen followed her trail of sight and found the subject of their conversation walking towards them, seemingly unaware of the herd that was behind him. Upon seeing them, Lelouch waved and jogged towards their table.
"Hey," he greeted.
"Hi."
"Hey back. Oooh that's a lot of pizza," answered Kallen while giving C.C. a meaningful glance but the latter was already enthralled by the food.
"Yo, Lelouch." The boy handed the tissue first to C.C. before turning his attention to Kallen.
"Yes?"
"Well, we know that you haven't had a girlfriend since we met at high school. I am just wondering if, I don't know, you are interested in someone lately?"
"Oh, uhhh," It didn't escape Kallen as he briefly glanced at C.C. but the girl was busy munching on her pizza. Kallen wanted to snort. She could clearly see how nervous her friend was as they anticipated Lelouch's answer. "I've been really busy with theatre these past days so I don't have any time for that."
C.C. relaxed but Kallen was not done yet. "Oh really? Meanwhile, our C.C. right here is indeed having her first crush."
"Kallen! What are you talking about?!"
"Do you really, C.C.?" asks Lelouch seriously.
"What? N – "
"He is a drama student, too, and the same year as yours. Perhaps you know him."
"What's his name?"
"I don't know. C.C. won't tell me."
"Because I don't have a crush on anyone."
"And she's in denial."
"It's fine, C.C. you can tell me."
"But I don't have one."
"I think she is already inlove with him," Kallen added.
"I hate you right now, Kallen." And with that, C.C. stood up, gathered her things and walked out.
Kallen sighed. Ah, she made her angry and flushed, now she's feeling guilty for making C.C. uncomfortable. But she knew her friend. With her timid and sometimes expressionless personality, add to that the part of her that sometimes gets lost in the dark, C.C. wouldn't act on her feelings. Kallen could imagine what she already was feeling. Just from the way she hopelessly looked at Lelouch a while ago with his group of fan girls, C.C. must had been thinking that there was no chance for them. So she decided to initiate a little push not just with C.C. but also with Lelouch. If he was worried and jealous about this anonymous crush that she made up, he would likely do something so that C.C. would be more aware of him. That was, if Kallen's assumption was right about the boy's liking to her friend.
Oh, love was such a complicated thing to deal with. But it was all worth it if she could see C.C. smile more.
But first... But first, she needed to go after her for she had gone too far this time. With all the teasing personality that C.C. had which she only showed to her closest friends, she herself was an amateur in being teased. She must run after her before the pizza witch decided that Kallen should sleep outside their room.
A hand grabbed her wrist before she was able to take a step away from the table. She looked down at Lelouch's worried face. "Her crush, do you know how he looks like? If he has the same major as I am, I can easily recognize him. I just want to make sure that he is a good person."
She patted him on his shoulder. "Do not worry. From what I've heard from C.C., it seems like he's harmless. In fact, he sounds like the nicest person on earth."
"Oh..." His shoulders dropped. "I see. If she's happy then... I guess I'll support her with this."
As much as Kallen was enjoying this brief power she had to toy with them, she felt pity for the clueless guy so finally, she gave him a hint. "Ah, right, I remember now! She mentioned something about pretty amethyst eyes. Okay, I need to hurry now. It's not good to stay on her bad side. Good bye, Lelouch!"
And she left him sitting there, confused and wondering.
A month after, they finally dated.
How do they end up this way? Kallen wonders. She has an idea, of course she completely knows how for she was there when everything fell apart.
But right now, she is with Gino, sitting on a sofa, and waiting for C.C. to load the movie that they are about to watch.
Lelouch sits on a wooden chair at the farthest corner, but not far enough that he still has a view of the television.
Then there is Schneizel who happens to be C.C.'s boyfriend, sitting on the center sofa, where her friend just returned to after finishing her task.
To say that she was surprised when C.C. introduced him to Gino and her two days ago is an understatement. She never expected this turn of events. Of C.C. finding someone she likes so much to consider as her boyfriend. It's not that Kallen is against the idea, she is actually fine with it if it is what would make C.C. happy. But the timing is too sudden, too out of place. Her best friend never mentioned being interested with someone. She was actually suspicious that she was developing her old crush to Lelouch but no, instead, she was unceremoniously dumped with this news. This is something that totally came out of Kallen's blind side.
She doesn't know anything about Schneizel except that he is part of C.C.'s group therapy and he came from a wealthy family which completely explains his aristocratic aura. So far, from what she had gathered from their dinner last Monday, Schneizel is a nice guy. A gentleman - polite, attentive, and well-mannered.
The woman sighs. Well, it is the intention of this movie watching, for them to get to know each other.
She glances at Lelouch who is sitting alone by the window and who has been silent for a while now. She notices how he tries so hard not to glance at the couple who is now comfortably cuddling with each other. His hands are inside his pockets but she could clearly see how they are in tight fists. The tension in his eyes are palpable as if he is trying hard not to blink.
Kallen should be rejoicing right now. This is the perfect revenge for his cheating ass. He must feel the pain and suffering he had left with C.C. when he walked away from her. He must be crumbling and dying inside while watching C.C. happily move on with someone else - someone better, more honest and more loyal. Lelouch should witness what a failure of a human being he is compared to Schneizel who is nothing but sweet and gentle to her friend.
Kallen should be happy that Lelouch is in pain right now.
But she isn't.
Instead, there is an unsettling feeling creeping in her mind as she stares at the situation of these three individuals. A feeling she couldn't point out. But why? She should be happy now, this is what she wanted isn't it?
Maybe, all this overthinking is brought by her pregnancy hormones.
"You're thinking hard again," her husband whispers. "You should relax."
"I'm sorry. I just..." She glances at her friend. "I'll just tell you when we get home."
"Lelouch. You're too far away over there. Why don't you sit beside us?"
Schneizel offers him a kind smile as makes the suggestion.
See? A nice guy indeed.
"Uh, I'm fine. Thank you for the offer, though."
Schneizel tilts his head to the left. "But you might not get the best view. Come on, we have more space here."
"But – "
"Schneizel's right. You can sit beside me." C.C. even pats the space beside her.
Kallen watches as the man struggles to decide on whether to heed their request or not.
"Are you really going to make me beg?" C.C. teases.
Game over.
She sees the moment Lelouch surrenders to his fate and slowly walks to their sofa. He leaves a handful of space between him and C.C. and the redhead can tell how uncomfortable he is with Schneizel's hand on C.C.'s shoulder.
"Well, we can finally start the movie!"
Everything is going fine as they watch the first half of the movie which is a classic one that Kallen and C.C. had seen before. It's a romantic-action movie revolving around a woman through a rough time and whose husband cheated on her with another woman and entered an assassin training school to get revenge to his husband and his mistress.
Everything is going fine, Kallen doesn't mind the theme of the movie for she actually enjoys the story and her favorite actor starred in it. Lelouch also seems to relax in his seat and even accepts the beer that Schneizel offered to him easily.
Everything is going fine until C.C. pauses the movie and makes a comment.
"I don't know how someone could cheat on their partner just like that and threw everything that they had for someone he had met for a brief amount of time, and mostly, just because of carnal pleasures."
"Those people deserves to rot in Hell," Schneizel coolly adds.
"I mean, I'm just wondering if they ever think of their loved ones before giving in to temptation. Do they even spare a second to think of the memories, of the time they had spent with their partner before doing it? Does the pain and betrayal that it will cause the other person cross their minds?"
"Breaking one's trust when you have committed not to from the very beginning is an unforgivable act. And earning that person's trust back would be the hardest thing to do. Some things will remain broken despite how much effort you dedicated to put them back together. A glass will have forever have cracks once it is shattered."
"But why do that in the first place? Why don't they just break it off with their partner before entertaining a new one? Lelouch, what do you think?"
C.C. waits with expecting eyes as the man freezes on his seat. Kallen takes note as her friend fidgets with the edge of her long sleeve as if she is nervous. Meanwhile, the man in question remains speechless with the sudden attention directed towards him.
"I think… Hurting someone who does not deserve to get hurt is one of the most terrible acts a person can commit. Especially if during that time, she was having a very hard time facing her own demons. Especially when you promised that you wouldn't leave her alone, when you promised her happiness."
"Then why do that in the first place? Why do that when he already knew that she was not in a good place that time? Why cheat on her when she needed him the most?" Kallen isn't sure if C.C. is aware that she is grasping Lelouch's arm so tightly and that her eyes mirror deep desperation. Where is this desperation coming from? Is she recollecting a memory? Does her brain got triggered by the movie? Meanwhile, Schneizel is just watching calmly as the scenario unfolds infront of him.
Lelouch never breaks eye contact with the woman. "There is no reasonable explanation for that which will excuse what he had done. He might have thought that he was acting on reason that time but it didn't change the fact that he was committing a sin. It didn't change the fact that he is a terrible human being."
"Reason like what?"
For the first time, Lelouch glances away from her looking tormented. Kallen had seen this expression before. She had seen him wear this expression a few hours after realizing that he indeed accidentally shot Tamaki killing the latter in an instant, as he tried to protect C.C. from an attack. He was terribly eaten by guilt for taking someone's life but was also relieved that Tamaki was gone in their lives. Kallen herself was relieved knowing that C.C. wouldn't suffer anymore from the evil's hands.
But the blood that stained his seventeen year-old hands had haunted him for a while before he finally accepted the fact that there was no other way around to get out of that situation alive but to resolve to violence.
"Perhaps," Lelouch begins. "Perhaps, he was also getting eaten by the darkness that surrounded her. He might have wanted to help her so bad, tried everything he can to help her but nothing worked. Because she herself pushed him away, accused him of things he had never done, said hurtful things to him, made him feel that he couldn't breathe every time he stepped in their apartment. This darkness broke not only her but also him, and when a spark of light suddenly appeared infront of him, he couldn't help but hold onto it, even though he knew that it was the wrong kind of light." He shakes his head. "Still, it doesn't make him any better. Instead, it only showed how cowardly he was when faced with adversities, and how lesser of a man he was for leaving her alone."
For goodness sake, Kallen cannot take this anymore. The guilt and the unuttered apology in Lelouch's voice is so clear while C.C.'s eyes are already shining. She is about to stand up and intervene when a hand holds her wrist and stops her. She glances back at her husband.
"Let them be. C.C. needs this outlet regardless if she remembers their past or not. Lelouch even. This might be the only time that they got to address it."
Yet, Kallen disagrees. "But it might not be good for her emotionally. And why is Schneizel not doing a thing to stop them?"
"Well, they are part of a group therapy, maybe this is something they had learned in the sessions. Trust them for now and don't let this stress you. For our baby?"
The redhead wanted to argue more but she sees the pleading look in Gino's eyes and gives up her stance. "For now."
"Thank you."
C.C.'s broken voice snatch them from their own world.
"But does he regret cheating on her?"
Lelouch nods. "He regrets every second of it."
"Then does he deserve her forgiveness?" she whispers.
"Only she can decide on it."
A tensed silence settles among them when no one dares to speak a word after the emotional conversation. The night is oddly quiet for an apartment that is located within the city. The street is empty save for a lone motorcycle running down the road. Kallen wonders if this is it – if this is the confrontation that they all needed after all that happened. But it seems too fast, too vague to resolve the situation.
The sound of the doorbell breaks the silence.
"I'll get it," Kallen volunteers.
After paying the delivery boy, she calls C.C. to help her in the kitchen. The green-haired woman immediately covers her face once they are out of sight.
"That was embarrassing, I don't know what got into me. I put Lelouch on the spot and made him uncomfortable," she says in a pained voice.
Crossing her arms, Kallen retorts, "I am actually quite curious, too, on why you decided to ask him with those questions. Does this have something to do with your memories?"
"My memories? Why? Does something like that happened to me?"
It is Kallen's turn to look away.
"Anyway," she hears her sigh. "I should apologize to Lelouch soon."
"You don't have to," she mumbles. He deserves it after all.
"Why is that?"
"I mean," she glances back at her, "I'm pretty sure that he knows it is nothing personal but a friendly debate."
"But.."
Kallen turns around and starts opening the boxes. "Why don't you help me prepare these before they get cold? I know you're already hungry."
C.C. pouts. "Not as hungry as some pregnant woman that I know."
"You spoke as if you had experienced it."
Lelouch looks back and watches as Schneizel enters the balcony and stands beside him.
"Did something similar happen to you? Someone cheated on our actor?"
Lelouch gives him a shrug. He is not in the mood to share something so personal to a complete stranger especially after that emotionally draining conversation with C.C. Does she remember something? Or is this another case of her recalling a memory but thinking that it didn't happen to her?
No matter, the desperation and pain in her voice instantly brought him back to those last days of their relationship.
"Do you love her?"
"I love her. I'm sorry."
"Why?"
"It's not your fault. It's just… the love between us has faded."
"But I still love you," she whispered. "Is it because I shouted at you yesterday? Or because I threw a vase at you last Tuesday? Perhaps, because I told you not to come home last week? I promise, I will take my medicine this time."
"I've been seeing her for two months, is it okay for you to accept a man like that?"
"T-Two months?" she stared up at him, dazed. "Did you already sleep with her?"
He immediately shook his head. "Not yet. No, I can't do that to you."
"Why not? You already cheated on me, why not go all the way, Lelouch? Is it pity? Do you pity me?"
"I… I wanted to be able to breathe again, C.C. I am sorry if I ended up a failure to you. I am sorry if I am not enough for you, for breaking your trust. This is for the better."
"I didn't mean it when I said you are not enough. I was just so angry because you won't do anything I say. You couldn't even get the right flavor of my tea. I was just angry, Lelouch."
"So you also didn't mean it when you broke almost all of my trophies from acting awards just because I forgot to tell you that I was coming home late three months ago? You didn't mean it when, almost every night that I come home, you tell me that I don't deserve the praises and awards that I got? You are always angry C.C., for the past seven months, you are always angry at me and I don't know why. You refused to take your medicines, you refused to go to therapies. I tried to be there for you but you even refused my company. I don't know what else to do. Please, I… Let me breathe again."
"I will take my medicine this time," C.C. replied as if she hadn't heard a word he said. "I will take my medicine, I promise. Just don't leave me, please. Or else…"
"Or else what?"
Without any warning, she grabbed the knife lying on the sink and placed it over her wrist. "Or else, I'll do this, and you'll carry the burden of guilt knowing that you're the reason I am gone. Two lives will be lost because of you. Can you live with that, Lelouch? Can you?"
He didn't leave her that day and for another month. He cut off his meetings with Shirley for a while and tried to salvage his relationship with C.C.
But after a month, both of them gave up.
"We haven't talked since that day in the pet shop. As I've said, I've heard a lot of great things about you." Schneizel glances at him from the corner of his eyes while taking a sip of his beer.
"Well, that's the total opposite for me, because I never heard anything about you, no offense."
Schneizel laughs. "No offense taken. It is actually a mutual decision from both C.C. and me to hide the relationship because even for us, it seems too quick to happen. We just, as cliché as it sounds, clicked when we met in therapy."
"What do you do for a living, if it isn't too much to ask?"
"It's fine. Ask me whatever you want. It's actually a good practice for me to voice out my thoughts. And I am a businessman. I own a small chain of restaurant."
"Hmmm. That's a nice and stable investment."
"Being an actor does not sound so bad, too."
A laugh. "Well, it's different when you are actually on the field. The sleepless nights, memorizing the scripts, thinking of the proper delivery of each sentence, summoning every emotion needed to the project. It's quite exhausting but I love it. The satisfaction I get when I think I did my job well, and my loved ones being proud of my work are all worth it."
Schneizel smiles at him kindly. "C.C.'s right. You talk about your job passionately. I like that in a person."
He stutters from the unexpected compliment. "Th-Thank you."
"Actually, I've been meaning to thank you as one of the people who saved her life. If not for you, I wouldn't be able to meet her and start a wonderful relationship with the most wonderful woman I've ever met. From the bottom of my heart, Lelouch, please accept my gratitude."
Well, how can he respond to that? How can he accept his gratitude easily?
Lelouch clears his throat. "I just did what should be done in the situation. No need to be so formal about it… But, you're welcome."
"A humble man, too. C.C. has a nice set of friends."
"You're serious about her?"
"Very much I am."
"Do you love her?"
"Honestly? I can't say that I already love her, but I like her very much that I wanted to be with her all the time, to be the reason of her smile and to make her forget every single bad thing that had happened to her. I see her in my future. It's just a matter of time that I will completely fall for her." A dreamy look crosses Schneizel's eyes and Lelouch cannot help but glance at the buildings before him.
"You won't hurt her?"
"You're quite protective of her aren't you?" He can hear the fascination in his voice.
When the older man didn't get a response, he continues. "No, I won't. I would never do that to her. And for your unsaid question, no I wouldn't cheat on her. Never in my life shall I put her through that pain."
"Please make sure of it." Because Lelouch had also said it before.
"I promise."
Suddenly, a knock on the glass door interrupts their conversation and their subject appears behind it. "Food is ready."
Lelouch watches as Schneizel quickly smiles upon laying his eyes on her. "Thank you for your hardwork, dear. I'm sure it will taste delicious."
"Oh, no need to shower me with compliments. Try it first before judging it, chef."
"Right."
Following her man's figure, C.C. immediately looks back at Lelouch after Schneizel disappears from her sight. Her voice is small and unsure. "I'm sorry about earlier. That was so invading of me."
"Hey, it's alright. No harm's done."
"Are you sure?"
Lelouch shows her an assuring smile. "I am."
C.C. exhales. "Okay. Well then, come on in before the food gets cold."
"I'll be there."
Once he is left alone, Lelouch looks up at the stars and smiles bitterly. So that was Schneizel, huh? That is the new man in C.C.'s life? Ah, this sucks. How can he match him? He can't even get to hate the man, though he does not have the right to do so. Sincerity and kindheartedness leaked out of Schneizel's every word. The way his eyes soften whenever he talked about her didn't escape him. It is unbelievable, but he seems perfect… perfect for her. Someone who can take care of her properly and would truly understand her needs. Someone who knows the right words to say at the right time. Someone who would stand by her side no matter what.
And C.C…. she seems genuinely happy with him, too.
He suddenly has the urge to scream, but he can't do that now can he? For now, he settles on being thankful that C.C. found a good man who will be there for her. For now, he decides that he will support her on her decisions. For now, Lelouch will start wearing his actor mask to get through every day without them noticing that something is wrong with him.
He is not a multi-awarded actor for nothing. This is the very best time to apply his acting skills.
