Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblade or any of its characters, although I own the plot.
Warnings: None
Author's Note: So, I have a document where I keep the outlines for my chapters. I open it as usual, and then pop ups an error about an access violation? I hit "OK" and my outline is opened - but there's nothing there! Then I said, "No, it didn't!" as I reopened the file. Luckily, the outline is just fine - all 32 chapters + epilogue.

All Will End - Part 1: Learning to Trust

Chapter 9: Love and Crushes

Someone once remarked that suicide is a blessing rather than a curse. Young Kai had scoffed at that remark, for he knew that suicide was a sin that which your soul will be punished. But now, as the days became monotone and lacking variety, and the edge of the knife's blade nearly screaming his name, the Russian teenager found himself closer to the edge. What lied in the metaphorical valley below, an eternity of happiness or an eternity of sorrow?

Antidepressants, should they have been given to the teenager, would have made all the difference. Granted, it would not have filled the void within his soul, but it would make it less painful. Being without the blessed effect, the agony overflowed his senses, mentally and physically. His mind would wander dangerous paths and create devious schemes, the end result being his death.

What a pitiful creature he had become.

Despite the sun's rays irritating his sensitive pale skin, Kai sat underneath an ancient tree, enjoying the little shade it provided. The building beside him, the school's cafeteria, was ever so loud with the chatter and shouting and screaming of excited students. Were sundaes such a big deal to them? It would remain another unsolved mystery, like the famous "which came first, the chicken or the egg."

Soft footsteps were also beside him and approaching at a somewhat slow pace. Red emotionless eyes glared at the maker of the noise. Despite seeing that the noise maker was Ray, the glare was still fixated. Would it become permanent after hating the world for so long?

"Hey," Ray chirped with a small smile. He had to admit that being around Kai was even more awkward than before. Ever since Kai had shown his scars for the tiger to see, things were no longer the same. He doubted they would ever return to normal, and so he tried to make the best of the confusing situation.

Kai remained stoic, silent. The glare lightened ever-so-slightly, hardly noticeable to most eyes. The Russian's muscles tensed for an unknown reason, perhaps instinct? He acted as though he were an animal, cornered and surrounded, to be nothing more than an experiment for both gods and men alike.

"Fine, don't talk," Ray offered with a gentle smile. His intuition was screaming at him, "Hurry! Before it's too late!"

Kai opened his mouth to speak but quickly shut it before a sound escaped. Noting this, Ray asked, "Kai? I need your help."

The glare finally ceased to exist, and a blue eyebrow lifted curiously. It was as if he wanted Ray to speak more.

"I'm guessing you want me to talk," Ray shrugged before continuing. "Well...you know how I tend to care about people I don't know well, don't you Kai?"

The blue-haired Russian teenager nodded suspiciously, crimson eyes focused on the other boy.

"I know someone who is kind of a friend and kind of not," Ray explained. "We talk, but we don't hang out. I try to get her to come out of her shell, but she doesn't want to."

Kai resisted the urge to raise an eyebrow after he heard the word, "Her." Who knew that Ray was such a lady's man?

"She's been acting oddly for a while. But that's not all. I have a crush on her, Kai. I know she won't return the feelings...but what can I do?" Ray questioned, the last part being directed mostly at himself than at Kai.

Minutes slowly passed, and the pair sat in absolute silence. Not a word was being uttered by either one. If a passerby were to listen carefully, he could hear nothing but the gentle breeze and quiet breathing. Finally, the silence was broken by a grunt from Kai.

"Hn," Kai had grunted, closing his eyes thoughtfully. Who was he to give advice, when he could hardly sort out of his own life? Ignoring the thought, he opened his mouth and began, "Tell her you love her."

"What?" Ray asked stupidly, Kai's sudden sentence taking him by surprise. "Just...flat-out tell her?"

"Yeah," Kai agreed. "Wing it. If you admit your feelings first, maybe she won't be so shy."

The words seemed so irrational to Ray. He liked to plan ahead and see how the other person would react to certain things, like giving him or her flowers or chocolates. Had the words stemmed from Kai's opinions, or had they arrived from experience? The questions remained unspoken.


Despite the weatherman's claims that there was no chance of precipitation that day, dark storm clouds gathered overhead. School had let out a few hours ago, and Kai had chosen to relax in the park, not having anything else to do. Although the gray bundles of fluff above him blocked the sun's rays, the atmosphere was still unbearably humid, despite the temperature having taken a plunge into the low 60's.

Words echoed inside his mind, recreating the conversation that he had taken part in earlier that day. The conversation, of course, was the one which he shared with Ray during lunch period. Why had Ray turned to him, the stoic Russian, for advice on that sort of issue? Kai had no need for love; he neither desired it nor gave it. It was another word to him, a word that meant nothing. Kai's actions had always spoken louder than his words. He was sure that it would not change until the day he died - of course, he can't do much if he's buried underground.

Kai was feeling peaceful, at least, as close to peaceful as he could get. After being relentlessly bullied since day one of his life, there was always a sense of paranoia around him, although others could hardly sense it. They were oblivious to his thoughts, feelings, and opinions, although he was lacking in the second department. He merely acted on logic and experience, and sometimes instinct, but never by feelings. He would not allow himself to be blinded by them, and therefore hurt by them.

Yes, he was more complex than most people could see.

The silence was shattered by a large rumble of thunder overhead. Kai, laying on a wooden bench, opened his eyes in slight panic but shut them once he realized he was in no danger. There was no one leaning over him, doing unspeakable things to him, no one trying to injure him. No, Kai would not allow himself to be hurt again by another person. If he were going to be hurt, it would be by his own hand.

After the thunder's mighty growl, an unsettling silence once again surrounded Kai. His instincts were screaming at him, telling him to flee to a shelter or some other sanctuary, for he was in danger. Yet, his logic disagreed, arguing that there was no one and nothing around to hurt the Russian teenager. The both of them argued back and forth, until Kai once again opened his crimson eyes after feeling a poke on the shoulder.

He barely restrained his arm and hand, barely holding back the urge to lash out and break the offending limbs that were attacking him. Luckily for the Chinese teenager, he was uninjured. He had been very fortunate. As he greeted Kai, he seemed to ignore the heavy clouds overhead. Kai nodded his head and closed his eyes again, on alert for any sudden movement.

Ray spoke again, "I heard it wasn't supposed to rain today." It was obvious he was trying to make small-talk with Kai, and that made the Russian suspicious. Whenever Ray began a conversation with odd, random things, it usually meant that he was going to attempt to find a way into his heart and melt the ice around it.

"Hn," Kai responded, watching the Chinese teenager with slightly paranoid eyes. Of course, Ray did not notice, just like every other human being on the planet. Kai's emotions were so masked in his eyes that they seemed to be emotionless, but they were still there - just barely noticeable.

"So, what are you doing out here?" Ray asked, shifting his weight from one leg to the other. He desired to sit on the bench, but unfortunately Kai had spread himself over its surface.

"..." Kai was silent, not knowing what to say and not wanting to talk. He made up an excuse, "Just because."

"Oh. I see," Ray said quietly, his weight finally settling on his left leg. His arms were folded behind him, trying to make himself seem less intimidating - although he genuinely doubted that the Russian teenager could feel intimidation. After all, Kai was the one who could scare nearly anybody with a well-timed glare. The silence felt awkward to him, so Ray asked another question. "Are you alright? I know I've already asked, but..."

"I'm fine," Kai grunted, the response automatic for him. Allowing himself to admit a problem to others would end up hurting him in the end...or so he believed.

"Are you sure?" Ray prodded, his golden eyes concerned.

"Just fine," Kai assured him, ignoring the appearance of the other teenager's eyes. They seemed sad, almost as sad as Kai was.

"Okay, if you say so," Ray shrugged. It wasn't like him in the least to leave Kai alone without trying to get him to open up more, but he felt as though all the prodding in the world wouldn't work that day. Defeated, Ray smiled and said, "Alright, see you later, Kai. Try not to stay out in the rain!"

And there he went, almost skipping down the path. What a disguise the cat-like teenager could put on!

As Kai watched him leave, he felt a small pang of sadness, somewhere deep in his heart. It was tiny, smothered by the block of ice that defended his soul. How the feeling had managed to form was beyond Kai's comprehension, which made him even more determined to make the ice thicker. He would be emotionless, but he did not thrive on feelings. It wasn't how he worked.

Somewhere even deeper than the pang of sadness was a scintilla of being abandoned. He was like a puppy, and Ray was his master. He was being left alone in the unforgiving rain, in the uncaring world. It seemed as though Ray had quit caring about him. Kai couldn't even decide if that was a good thing or a bad thing - he wouldn't have to deal with the annoyances, but he would have to deal with dying alone.

Death was clouding his mind. He shivered as he thought about the topic. Death. What was there to speak about? For Kai, death was many things. First of all, it would be ceasing to exist. Along with his physical death would be the dying of his emotions and feelings, despite their tiny size. His cunning mind would also disappear. He had not left a mark on this world to be remembered by. He would die and be forgotten, like so many others before him which were as talented as Mozart and Einstein.

Death was also spiritual to Kai. The whole concept of being reincarnated was even more so. He would be buried and would arise again in another body, another life. He would die in a great blaze of fire that could never be controlled by firefighter, and from his ashes would arise his soul, which would eventually enter another body.

He was a phoenix, down to his very soul. It was his duty in life to kill himself and arise again, just as the phoenixes had when they had existed a long time ago.

There was nothing to worry about. That was what he made everyone around him believe. After all, no one should worry about him. All will be fine in the end.


Author's Note: This was kind of a filler chapter, which should account for its length. Next chapter should be a bit longer, though. Hope you enjoyed, and feel free to leave a review!