Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of its characters


Chapter 9

Be the Anchor

1975, February 21

Hinata spends the whole day reading through the theory of the book Sakura has given to her. There are scrawled notes in the margin and the occasional coffee stain, like Sakura had been pulling an all-nighter, pouring over facts with half-lidded eyes.

Hinata thumbs these pages absentmindedly. She's really very grateful.

1975, February 22

Hinata feels tired. She hadn't slept the night before. Maybe it's the looming fear of nightmares. 'It's a child's fear' she thinks, 'a figment of my imagination. It's not true' and she pours over Sakura's notes some more.

After a while, she sits cross-legged on her floor and tries to channel chakra from her elbow up to her hand. She feels it, imagines her chakra passages are small tubes carrying chakra from its core source, the place where her heart is. She forces it to reach her knuckles, but when she feels she has a grasp of it, she loses concentration when she hears a bird land on her windowsill.

It chirps at her attention. Hinata watches it until it flies off, sun on its wings. Then, she goes on to attempt the siphoning of chakra again to her hand. And when she fails, she does it again and again and again.

1975, March 2

Hinata has a mission. It's different from the usual border checks and patrol runs her and her team have been doing for the last few weeks – as Karin was so inclined to point out her distaste during the previous missions – and Hinata can feel something like dread pool in the pit of her gut.

She enters the control tower, where she'd been asked to meet the Hokage via messenger, and stops when she finds Naruto conversing quietly with Sasuke ahead of her. He's frowning and gesturing and Sasuke leans in closer and nods, a similar look on his face.

Hinata can't help but to appreciate the confidence in the way Naruto stands and how, once in a while, one of the occupants in the room would turn to steal a glance. She's doing so as well. 'It's awe' she thinks, but there's the way his eyes are bright – no matter how tired he is – and the way he pauses his conversation and sees her standing there staring at him out of everyone else in the room. He grins and waves her over. 'And it's more than that' she adds to herself, 'he fills up the room' and blushes when she realizes, outside of her lost thoughts, that she's standing there stupidly watching him wave at her. There's a mission, she knows, as she approaches him with the idea to focus, but he's something like the sun.

When she gets there, it's Sasuke who speaks up first and says, "You're going to need a disguise. Karin and Hiten are already changing. I suggest you get moving so you don't waste our-"

Naruto cuts in, "Sasuke, not like that!" and he gives Hinata a sheepish look and she finds that she can't help but love it. There's memories attached to that look. When he had picked her off the ground so many years ago and said, "You know, I heard that Hyuuga's really have an affinity for chakra control" He had given that same look he's giving her now. Like she was worth something. And he had said, "Going to our medic school would make you super awesome. Not that I don't think you're awesome already. I mean you're awesome…" and he had trailed off with a nervous laugh. "It would really help Konoha if you did, you know?"

Karin and Hiten walk in almost on cue. Karin's hair is dyed a dark black and her glasses are propped almost provocatively. She's grinning at Sasuke. Hiten's hair, where it usually is blonde is now brown and his eyes, where they usually are grey, are instead a deep blue now. Both have their hair cut and styled differently. They're wearing civilian clothing.

"Hey Hinata" Hiten says, waving amiably.

Karin races to Sasuke's side. She is saying something to him, but Hiten distracts Hinata by dropping civilian clothes in her hands. Hiten says, "I'll take over from here if you don't mind Hokage"

Naruto blinks, then grins; he gives them all a searching look, despite the fact that Karin is otherwise preoccupied by Sasuke, "Stay safe alright?"

He makes the butterflies in her gut unfurl.

He walks off and it's Hiten who tells her what's going on. They leave Karin and Sasuke behind as they walk to another section of the control tower. "We're entering a distant trading village. There are six sound nin who have intel on Konoha. They need to be eliminated before the end of the week; that's the time they're leaving to journey back to the sound. They're much stronger than the average chunin or genin class sound nin scouts. We need to be careful."

He hands her contacts. "Your eyes are very unique" he says , "And while it shouldn't be too much trouble in a trading village with people coming from all over the world, let's still express caution and not draw attention to ourselves." He doesn't comment on her byakugan. She supposes he's read her file a long time ago. Being sheltered during the war, always upstaged by other Hyuugas, had left the priority learning of the byakugan to those going into war. Since she had not entered it during that time, she hadn't been taught how to properly use it, and even when she had finally wanted to learn, all the Hyuugas had been gone.

Hinata changes behind the passable cover of a small shoji screen meant to double as a change room.

Hinata finishes changing and walks out.

"Good" Hiten says softly, a little distracted with his thoughts, Hinata presumes, "We're going to be stowed in one of our tradesmen's carts. There'll be the usual number of guards to that cart to avoid suspicion. From there, we'll be carried over the course of three days and eventually reach another trading cart. The tradesman of this cart is a mercenary we hired. He'll pretend that he took us in as refugees from a nameless village. From there, we'll travel with him until we reach the trading village and stay in a hotel close to the sound nin. By then, we'll only have three nights to take out the sound nin. Sasuke and Karin will be at the forefront of the assault. I will be laying traps in case things go wrong and you'll be staying with me in the hotel base. Got it?"

Hinata inwardly cringes at being guarded, but by all appearances, she nods at Hiten. She's learned already that she needs to accept orders as orders. She's been working on her taijutsu and chakra-powered hits, but they are mediocre at best. She often loses her grasp on her chakra and slips up on attacks during training. At best, she is a sizeable burden to her team. Her only asset is her healing abilities.

For now.

She clenches her fists. She will get stronger. It will just take time.

1975, March 6

Hiten is sitting on the other side of their hotel room sealing weapons and explosives in a scroll. Hinata is on her bed, sterilizing some medical equipment. There is a companionable silence.

Absentmindedly, Hinata pulls out some tweezers and starts to clean it. She had used it on the last mission – another border patrol - where Karin had gotten dirt and grime in her wound from an unexpected assault. Hinata had been so frazzled and tired that she had forgotten to clean the tweezers when she had gotten back home. It had taken Hinata just a few missions with her team to realize their specialties. Hiten is good at placing traps and any work requiring clean kills from a distance. Karin is more skilled in close combat, whereas, Sasuke is all around exceptional in both types, but prefers stealth.

She puts away the pliers and grabs the scalpel to clean. Her breath catches in her throat; she thinks she sees blood on the scalpel, but it's just the reflection of the red of the cross on her med kit. 'It's nothing' she thinks, because it really is nothing.

The clock ticks in tandem with her scrubbing.

She's surprised when Hiten suddenly pulls a kunai out of his pocket. "Hinata, get down" he says softly.

Her throat falls into her stomach. Hinata quickly rolls off the bed and squirms under it.

It's still very quiet when Hiten rolls his scroll towards her and says, "On my signal, force your chakra into the scroll"

She wants to say 'Ok' but the walls shake and suddenly, the room is covered in sunlight and woodchips.

It's all too fast for her to catch the motions, but her heart is thudding louder with the steady crescendo of weapons clashing. Then there's an explosion and deafening silence. 'I need to move' she thinks to herself, but her body feels ice cold, even against her steady chant of 'move, move, move.' All she knows is that, one second, Hiten is fighting against two ninjas shrouded in black, and in the next second, Hiten and one of the ninjas are motionless on the ground. Dust is twisting in the air and nothing seems to settle.

She doesn't see the signal.

The room is in shambles and the other rooms have their walls caved in. She feels a breeze entering her hiding spot and suddenly, something grabs her leg and she's pulled out.

The words are hard for her to understand at first. "-your partner took out my partner" the person – no, sound nin - says good naturedly, like they're having an entertaining talk, but that thought is gone when he stabs her leg. It takes her a moment to realize that she's the one whimpering. She bites her lip hard to distract herself from the pain. It only makes blood dribble down her chin.

The ninja is methodic in pulling the scroll she has clenched in her hands to throw it across the room. It rips as it leaves her grasp and she lets out something like a keen. "Well" he says, and reaches out to choke her.

The room is much too large in her eyes and everything is dark in the corners of her vision. His hand is so close to her face. 'Move' she tells herself, 'move.'

She maneuvers her foot to kick him and he grabs it. "Nice try" he laughs and in another second, he has a kunai through the fleshy part of her chest. She gasps and can't do anything but lay her head down. Black dots are dancing in front of her vision from where she had smacked her head against the floor at the pain and she sees his feet getting away from her. One of her hands –she doesn't know why she is so clearly aware that it's her right hand – is clutching the chest wound, putting pressure on it. Blood oozes out through each sluggish beat of her heart.

She swings her other hand out and grabs the ninja's leg in a desperate scrabble. She can barely see it, but she knows he's stopped moving.

He starts shaking his leg she's clung on to, "Let go you bitch" and she holds on tighter, forces herself to imagine the chakra passages in her whole hand, imagines an intense stream of chakra collecting there and squeezes his leg harder. She doesn't imagine it when her strength increases ten-fold and chakra surges into her fist to supplement it. And even with adrenalin pumping through her veins, she still is surprised when she crushes his leg.

There's a lot of blood.

1975, March 8

Hinata wakes up in the hospital. She recognizes the tent, the smell of sickness, blood, grit and the overpowering scent of antiseptics.

Sasuke is leaning against the bed frame. He speaks first, unfeelingly, "Karin and I found you trying to heal Hiten. You fainted when I carried you away from him."

She doesn't remember that. Just blood. The smell of copper. She hears her heart monitor accelerate.

"Hiten had set off one of his exploding traps but got caught in it as well. He knew it was the best plan to succeed in the mission. He killed one and injured the other. There was a dead body in front of Hiten and the other sound nin in the room had died from blood loss due to a crushed leg. I suspect that the other one was your doing."

Hinata, still feeling the drugs running through her system, just manages out a groan. She must have painkillers because all her wounds seem to be a dull ache.

"Hiten faced irreparable damage to his spine. He won't be returning to active duty."

It takes a while for her to process that. "What?" she manages to say, "No."

'Weak' she thinks, 'I'm weak. For all the medical knowledge I have, I couldn't save him. I-' She doesn't know when her thoughts bleed into words, but, through her blurry eyes and clogged nose and pounding headache, she notices that Sasuke is looking at her.

"There wasn't much more you could have done in that situation. Our team has weaknesses and the enemy exploited them."

She just cries harder and she can't bring herself to care that Sasuke is scrutinizing her more. "Stop crying. That won't do anything."

"You're right" she says, through the tears, "Y-you're right" but she doesn't stop.

And Sasuke lets out something like a sneer, but she can't see it properly since her eyes are so foggy, and to be honest, she's putting ninety percent of her focus on trying to breathe.

"You're an idiot" he grits out and he walks away.

It's only a couple moments later that Sakura comes rushing in. "Hinata your heart rate was spiking and I was-" She stops talking.

And Hinata must look like a mess, crying and bleeding.

1980, June 28

It takes Hinata a moment to process his words.

She pushes Sasuke back. "Don't touch me" she says. It's for self-preservation. He's too close. She feels like she's running out of breath, "You want to protect me? You? You're not protecting me. I don't want anything you have to offer me." She's shocked. That's it.

She leans back. Bereft. "And now you think I'll listen to you. Follow you. Let you further break down my chakra passages until I can't channel anymore chakra anywhere. Until you wring me dry of my worth… my life." she says. She's feeling the swell of anger increase, cover her vision, cloud her mind and it's almost a relief. Talking helps. Maybe the betrayal will kick in soon, a black tar that'll settle in her throat. Maybe she can talk that out too.

Sasuke mouth twists upwards after a moment, but it's not quite a smile. "Yes. You will listen to me. And you'll do it because your family is back in Konoha." He steps closer and she steps back, watches the line of his throat, "And you'll be upset for a couple years, I know. But you care too much about them that you won't leave. And you'll eventually realize that you need me. And I don't mind waiting even longer for that."

She hisses out, "I don't need you."

"Yes" he says. He grabs the hand she wants to strike with before she can even consider the angle to attack at. "Yes you do, need me that is." He loosens her grip with his own. "And you won't kill me. You can't. I'm the only one you can trust. I told you about the poison against Naruto's orders. I-"

"You administered it to me while I was wounded and could only trust you." she says hollowly, "You told me because I held scissors to your eye."

Sasuke doesn't miss a beat to strike, "And you left Sakura behind to fight a battle you'll eventually lose yourself to. Despite her protests. You do it because you feel like your old comrade is holding their insanity over your head. That if you end the war, he'll get better. But most important of all, under all that love you have, you're selfish too. Because if you end the war, you'll feel better, more steady. And everyone would finally have to acknowledge you as someone strong. Capable. And you'll be loved completely in return. All the little pieces left of you. And you know that they would never leave you then, because bonds like that, ones made from guilt and love and desperation are very strong."

It's so simple how he deconstructs her.

She wants to snap that what he's said has nothing to do with what they're discussing but she just manages to say, "yes," feeling like a child again who had once cried and begged for everyone to look at her, to not leave her alone. And they had left. And she had wondered what she had been lacking. And maybe she's still like that now. After all these years. "Yes. That's right."

He pushes her hair back and she remembers how he'd do that to his victims, how he'd seduce them and then cut them to pieces. How he'd hold her through the night and comb her hair and wash her skin until she felt clean. How he'd watch her eat, watch her take a poison that would and will slowly and systematically break her down.

She wants to break him down as well. Let him see the ugly bits of himself.


A/N: Let me just quickly get this out of the way. This is to the guest reviewer "Lila-me." I would cry tears of joy if you actually drew this story out. If you also happen to be the same person on deviantart, I'll cry more tears of joy as well (I'm a huge fan). Either way, I'm crying from such a lovely review and would be honored - whether you are the same artist or not -if you drew a scene in the story. Whether you choose to do so or not, I'm pleased to receive your review anyway. I would have privately PM'd this to you but since you're a guest reviewer, it's not quite possible…and I'm pretty internet illiterate if there is an actual way to do so.

To "Sasuhina," who is also a guest reviewer ( I think you know who you are since you leave me lovely gigantic reviews that always seem to expertly point out the hints of Sasuhina romance flawlessly), I can only say you make me very happy and very nervous as I write every chapter.

To another guest reviewer who pointed out that Sakura is just her "selfish, bitchy, fangirling self," I can see where you're coming from for the most part. Sakura does love Sasuke, so she can be slightly irrational around him but I can't agree with your idea of selfish. She cares for Hinata, albeit, in a very cruel-handed sort of way, but I guarantee that she knows what's best for Hinata, (at least in my story). To point out Sakura's flaws would mean that you'd have to look at Hinata's flaws as well. She's indecisive, faint of heart, weak, has a cripplingly low self-esteem and is too dependent on Sakura. This is a product of her experiences. I guarantee you that as the chapters' progress, you'll definitely get more pissed off at Sakura and maybe even Hianta. The story is written in Hinata's point of view, so I can see why you'd sympathize more with Hinata. I will think over your words some more. That said, thank you very much for your review. I really appreciate it.

For those having trouble with the idea of chakra vs. chakra passages, (Which I'm not even sure if it is canon. I watched Naruto years ago) the chakra passages are like tubes that carry chakra to any part of your body when you want to do a chakra-based attack. The poison Sasuke has breaks down the chakra passages. Without chakra passages, you still have chakra, but nowhere to channel it. If it's not canon, I made it up. PM me or leave a review if my explanation is still terrible.

And to everyone else who has sent me a review, thanks a lot. I have probably sent you all a personal PM saying thank you at one point (unless you are a guest reviewer, to which I just say thanks at the end of the next chapter), and if not, I will get around to it, but I truly do take every single word to heart.

That said, reviews are always appreciated. I'm nervous for what you all thought of this chapter.