So completely sorry about the wait! It takes a lot of energy for me to write a new chapter and I've been lazy lately. We have one more chapter before this story is complete. I hope you enjoy this chapter.
Clare and Adam were at the park where they filmed the infamous Romeo and Juliet video project. Clare saw it as the place where she and Eli had their first kiss. They may have been friends when they had that kiss but that kiss was what they both wanted and their subtle way of saying "I want us to be more than friends." Clare and Adam sat on one of the picnic benches with Clare holding both of her knees together looking down.
"You knew the whole time, didn't you?" asked Clare, knowing the answer to her question. Adam looked at her confused. "You knew about what happened to Eli. You tried to tell me that time at the Dot with the book EPICAC. If I remember correctly, short stories weren't on the summer reading list."
"Yeah. You caught me," Adam laughed. "Eli gave me that book to read a long time ago. He told me how when he lost Julia, that book helped snap him back to the real world instead of clinging on to something that just couldn't be anymore,"
"I bet Julia's with Eli up there…taking care of him," said Clare in a melancholy tone. It was hard for her to accept that Eli was now in the same world as Julia and that there's a chance they could have met up there again.
"Maybe," said Adam. Then he gently touched his friend's shoulder. "Or he could be looking down, watching you all of the time."
"I hope he's not watching me all the time," said Clare, hoping that Eli wasn't watching what Clare was doing for the past two months. Adam laughed.
"Look, it's hard for me too you know," said Adam. "Eli was one of my best friends. Do you have any idea how many times I've tried to explain to guys about me being transgendered? They either run away, beat me up, or they just don't get it. Eli immediately understood right when I told you guys. He still treated me like a guy. It was like I never told him anything."
"Yeah, Eli was always good like that. He never judged anybody. All three of us were quite the trio, weren't we?" asked Clare as Adam smiled, reminiscing on their memories from when they first met, the video project, the party-planning at the abandoned church, working in the drama club, hanging out at The Dot, and many more.
"Yep, the three misfits," laughed Adam. Then the laughter died down as tears started forming in Clare's eyes, trying really hard not to cry in front of Adam.
"Adam, what am I going to do with myself? I mean, Eli was like my other half. I'm always going to feel so guilty for me living and Eli not. It's like if I ever have fun, this voice in my head will just say 'how can you feel good without Eli?' Or how he would feel if while he was looking down on me from Heaven and he saw another guy who liked me? I would be too scared to like him back," sobbed Clare. "Adam, what do I do?"
Clare cried very hard. There were so many questions swimming in her head about what to do. She was confused if living her life to the absolute fullest was right or wrong if Eli wasn't living it with her. Adam turned around, facing Clare.
"Do what Eli did when he lost Julia," advised Adam as Clare immediately looked at him. "When you and Eli had your first kiss here, Eli was scared about liking that kiss wondering how Julia would feel about that. He had feelings for you but he was scared of them. Then he realized that he needed to move on with his life and be with people who are in his world. It wouldn't be wrong. Eli may not be alive anymore but you are so you should be with people who are alive while still holding the memories you have of Eli."
"I'll never forget Eli," nodded Clare. "I know that for sure. He'll always have a special place in my heart."
"Also," said Adam. "Think of it this way-if Eli is really looking down on you, do you really want him to watch you be all gloom and doom? I think he would want to see you smile. Since Eli can't live his life, I think he would like to see that you're able to live your life to the fullest."
"You're right. It's just going to take me a little time to do that," said Clare. "Hey, things won't change between us, right?"
"Of course not," promised Adam. "I'll always be your friend, Clare. Try and stop me."
Clare laughed and looked at Adam, feeling so lucky to have a friend like him. Clare suddenly stopped herself for she remembered something that she had to do but hadn't brought herself to do. She got up from the picnic bench and planted her feet on the ground.
"I have to go and visit someone," declared Clare. "It's a visit that's long overdue."
"Want me to go with you?" asked Adam.
"No, this is something I have to do by myself," said Clare. "See you tomorrow?"
"Actually, I'll be in New York," said Adam. Clare looked at him surprised. "With all of the drama that's happened, I couldn't find a good time to tell you. I decided to go to NYU with Fiona after all. You and Eli taught me to never to let drama stand in the way between being with the one you love. I love Fiona so I'm going to college with her there."
Clare felt happy knowing that Adam has someone he loves but sad to know that Adam would be out of town. Knowing her and Adam's friendship, she knew she had nothing to worry about. Good friends never truly leave you.
"Wow. This seems so sudden. I can't believe it. I promise to keep in touch with you," assured Clare.
"So will I," said Adam. "But… I won't truly be leaving. Fiona's still going to keep her apartment here in Toronto where we'll go to every holiday and vacation…except for fall. She has a thing for fall fashion shows or whatever."
Clare laughed, remembering Fiona's fashion guru-ness.
"So this won't be goodbye. See you later, Adam," said Clare as hugged Adam.
"See you later, Clare," said Adam. Clare and Adam both released each other. Clare walked away from the park and she turned back and waved at Adam who waved back.
Clare walked to the cemetery in search of Eli's grave. Then she found it. It read "Eli Goldsworthy, 1994-2012." Then she read a quote on the bottom of the grave "Don't do what you want. Do what you don't want. Do what you're trained not to want. Do the things that scare you the most- Chuck Palahniuk." Clare laughed to herself, knowing why Eli loved that quote. Eli did things that he didn't want to do but knew he had to do like moving on from Julia to be with Clare. He also always did things that people would be afraid to do like driving a hearse, write disturbing horror stories with unexpected endings, take down your tormentor…and fall in love with a girl whose glasses you ran over with your car. Visiting Eli's grave made Clare see that this was real.
"Hey, Eli. It's me. I don't really know what to say. This all feels like a nightmare and I'm just hoping that someone will wake me up and that I'll meet you at the front door of my house with your giant hearse blocking the street," laughed Clare briefly with uncontrollable tears coming out of her eyes. "I want to say thank you. You came to me at a bad time in my life. My boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend, my other best friend was trying too hard to be part of a popular crowd, and my family was falling apart along with my beliefs. Then you came into the picture and it was like my problems didn't exist anymore. You gave me the courage to open myself up and not be afraid of the reactions from people and you never gave up on me. You were always there for me and I'll never forget that. You made me be more fun to be around with and showed me there's more to life than school and grades. I will always love you Elijah Goldsworthy, my other half."
Clare heard a sob from behind her. She turned around and saw it was Eli's parents with them both holding a boquet of flowers. They walked toward her and both gave her a hug.
"Cece and Bullfrog," said Clare. "How are you two holding up? I've been trying to find you two but you're never at your house."
"It hasn't been easy, Clare," said Cece. "Some days I feel like Eli is just out on a date with you or playing video games with Adam and that he'll come through the front door to join us for dinner."
"We haven't been home, Clare, is because that place just has too many memories of our son. Every room we walk into, every chair and couch we sit on we keep thinking that Eli is sitting right next to us. It's even too hard for me to set a table for two and not three," said Bullfrog, wiping away his tears. "We've been too afraid to go back home. We've been spending nights in our radio station."
"You're allowed to do that?" asked Clare, shocked.
"Hey! I'm DJ Bullfrog! That place is practically mine," said Bullfrog, proudly.
"But we've talked and decided that it's not healthy for us to be living in that station so we decided to buy a house in British Columbia. There are just too many memories in that place and everywhere else in town with Eli…my baby boy," cried Cece, as Clare held her hand. "But the good news is that our new house is right next to the college that you're going to."
"That's right! Would it be ok if I visit you two every once in a while?" asked Clare nervously.
"How about more than once in a while? Don't ever hesitate to come and visit us!" said Bullfrog happily.
"He's right, Clare. You brightened my baby boy's life. After what happened with Julia, you taught him how to smile again," said Cece.
"Eli loved both of you," said Clare. "I would always get jealous of seeing Eli with you guys together because you all looked so happy and carefree with each other. As I've told you guys before, my family is pretty much broken."
"There's something that I want to give you," said Cece.
Cece reached into her purse and handed Clare a ring. Not just any ring but Eli's mood ring that was always black in the center that he wore on his thumb. Clare put it on her thumb.
"Perfect fit," Clare smiled. "Are you sure you want me to have this?"
"Yes," decided Cece. "This is our way of telling you that we think of you as a member of our family."
"Thank you so much," said Clare. "I loved your son and I would have loved to have been his wife. He'll always be a part of me just like I know he'll always be a part of you."
Clare gave Cece and Bullfrog one last hug. She told them she would leave to give them a moment with Eli. Before she left, she turned her head to Eli's headstone.
"I'll see you around."
Clare could imagine Eli saying back at her "Guess you will."
That last line bring back any memories? :) All reviews are appreciated. Thank you.
