Balancing coffee, a half-eaten muffin and a new crossword puzzle book in one hand, Peter carefully pushed the door with his foot as he entered the transplant ward.

Immediately he sensed something was wrong.

He took two steps towards Neal's room when he heard his name being called.

He turned with trepidation as the pretty blonde nurse headed his way.

"What's wrong with Neal?"

"I was about to call you" they said in unison.

"He's ok" she assured him with a weary smile. "Jimmy died today and Neal took it hard. He pulled out everything and tried to leave."

"Is he insane?" Peter mumbled as he glanced towards Neal's room. "I swear I'm going to handcuff him to the bed."

Peter turned but she stopped him with her hand.

"They took him down to surgery to reinsert the central line."

Peter looked away, wiping his face with his free hand. "Is that dangerous with his low blood counts?"

"They had no choice. He needs the line. I'll check on him in a few minutes and update you." She got called away and Peter stood there silently, feeling guilty for going back to the apartment. He tossed the muffin and coffee in the garbage before entering Neal's room.

It was eerily silent and his thoughts drifted to Jimmy's mother and the pain she must be feeling.

"Damn you Neal" he whispered as he stared at the empty bed. Tears welled up in his eyes and he wiped away the few that managed to escape.

Needing a comforting voice, he took out his phone and dialed Elizabeth.


Peter paced. They had brought Neal back nearly three hours ago and he was still sleeping. They didn't believe Neal would have any complications but he was running a low grade fever and they had him on antibiotics to combat any possible infections.

Neal stirred with a small groan. Peter rushed to the bed as Neal thrashed around.

"Take it easy." Peter placed a calming hand on Neal's chest.

"Peter?" Neal opened his eyes, trying to focus.

"Neal, what were you thinking?" Peter asked as he pulled a chair closer.

"Can't stay here" Neal mumbled as he attempted to sit up. "Help me" he pleaded, swinging his legs off the bed.

"You can go to the sofa and that's it." Peter helped him down. "Can you walk?"

Neal nodded but his legs were still rubbery and Peter supported him most of the way. "Now answer me" Peter ordered as he sat down beside his partner. "What possessed you to do that?"

Neal lowered his head as he clasped his hands together, stalling for time.

"Neal?" Peter prompted impatiently.

"I don't want to die in here" Neal said evenly as he stole a sideways glance.

"Neal! Come on. Look at me." They shifted to mirror positions, each with one bended leg on the sofa and the other dangling to the floor. Peter leaned forward, bumping knees in the process. "You're not going to die." Peter cupped Neal's neck and forced him closer. "Your doctor came in while you were asleep. Your biopsy came back one hundred percent donor. The transplant was successful and you will leave this place. Tell me you believe that."

Neal tried to pull away but Peter wouldn't let him.

"Tell me you believe that" Peter repeated a little more forcibly.

"I can't." Neal closed his eyes.

"Neal." Peter hooked his arm around Neal's shoulders and reeled him in. He could feel Neal tense up but he didn't fight Peter's embrace and finally he rested his head on Peter's shoulder.

"Neal, my gut is never wrong and it's telling me a year from now we'll be drinking some of that fancy wine you like and reminiscing about these days." Peter's hand settled on his friend's head. "You don't have to believe right now. But you can't give up or do something stupid like today. OK?"

Neal didn't answer but he emitted a small sigh as his arms wrapped around Peter and he relaxed against the agent.

Peter smiled. He could be that anchor as long as Neal needed him to be.

After several minutes Neal's grip loosened as he drifted off to sleep.


Hey Hon.

Lot's of new information since I talked to you earlier.

I saw Neal's doctor twice today. The results of the biopsy were perfect. He's a 100 percent donor and no blasts. For day 23 his blood counts are good and his stomach has been behaving. They started tapering the steroids and so far so good.

On the flip side, his liver numbers have climbed and that's due to the TPN he's on at night. He needs to start eating but he says he's not hungry or nothing tastes right. I got him to eat two pieces of chocolate today. I guess it's a start.

He's still running a fever but the doctor doesn't seem overly concerned. They have him on antibiotics and if it doesn't go away in a day or two they will do a full body scan. Because of the fever, he can't go out in the halls but he did some walking in the room.

El, he doesn't think he's going to survive this. I've never known Neal to have a defeatist attitude and it's hard to see him like this. He fell asleep in my arms tonight (stop smiling).

I voiced my concerns to the doctor about Neal's behavior and he said there's no right or wrong way for a patient to get through this.

He walked in when Neal was drooling on my shoulder but it didn't faze him. Nothing seems to.

I asked about discharge and he said if things stay on the current course, maybe a couple of weeks. Still seems too far away but at least it's in the discussion. We both agree that Neal will do better in the apartment.

I didn't see Jimmy's mother today. I didn't want to leave Neal alone. Everyone on the floor took it real hard.

Need to get Neal in bed so I can have my sofa back.

Love and miss you.


Peter stared out the window, bored out of his mind. Neal's fever had broken during the night but he didn't have a lot of energy and had spent most of the morning quietly staring at his computer.

"El" Peter whispered in shock as he saw his wife walk through the doors and approach the nurse's desk. He glanced back but Neal wasn't paying attention and didn't seem to notice when Peter walked out.

"El, what are you doing here?" Peter rushed to his wife.

"Hey hon." She briefly hugged him. "I brought lunch for the families and staff." She smiled. "I thought it might help lift spirits." Behind them, several helpers wheeled trays of food through the halls.

"You're incredible" Peter remarked before kissing her. He pulled away and sniffed the air. "Smells good."

"I made you something special but I left it at the apartment."

"El, I can't..."

"Yes, you can. I'll stay with Neal."

"I'm not sure he'll agree." Peter shrugged as he glanced over his shoulder at Neal's room.

"Don't give him a choice. Besides I made him lunch..."

"Good luck" Peter muttered with a shake of his head. "He didn't touch his breakfast."

"Peter, go." She pointed towards the door. "Enjoy your lunch and relax for a while. I'll call you if we need you."

Elizabeth watched her husband leave and then neared Neal's room, stopping to put on a mask and gloves. She opened the door slowly.

"Hey Neal" she quietly greeted as the ex-con looked up, startled.

"Elizabeth" he whispered as he pulled his robe tighter. "What are you doing here?"

"I brought lunch for everyone" she answered, walking closer. "And I sent Peter back to the apartment so he can eat." She continued to stare at Neal, shocked by his appearance.

"Unrecognizable?" he suggested with a weary smile.

"No." Elizabeth managed her own smile.

"Don't lie..."

"I'm not. You look like you've been through hell and survived. How are you feeling today?"

"Better than yesterday" he replied. "What's in the bag?"

"Lunch. Are you hungry?"

He shook his head.

"Well, you need to start eating. I made several things. Maybe something will appeal to you." She started taking containers out of the bag.

"Elizabeth, can you do me a favor?"

She looked up with a nod. "Name it."

"Can you get rid of this?" He pointed to his unibrow.

She tried in vain to stifle her laugh. "Peter mentioned the medicine was causing hair growth.

"I have hair growing in places I didn't know it could grow."

"Make you a deal. Eat some lunch and we'll see what we can do."

Reluctantly, Neal nodded.


Peter wasn't sure what to expect when he got back but he was feeling much better after a good lunch and a short nap in a real bed.

"Hon" he whispered as he entered. Neal was sleeping on one end of the sofa while Elizabeth was at the other end, reading a book.

She looked up and smiled.

Peter motioned outward and she followed him into the halls.

"How'd it go?"

"Fine" she answered. "I got him to eat two chicken wings, a piece of bread and two cookies. And I did some grooming for him." Elizabeth pointed to her forehead with a shrug.

"I have one amazing wife" Peter said as he hugged her.

"And from what I've been hearing, I have an amazing husband" she countered with a step back. "All the nurses talk very highly of you. Should I be jealous?"

"Not a chance." Peter sighed. "What's your impression of Neal?"

Elizabeth briefly looked away. "He's weak" she admitted. "Fragile is the best word I can think of. We tried to play Scrabble and he couldn't concentrate. Gave up and went to sleep."

Peter nodded knowingly. "I spend most of my time trying to keep his spirits up." He glanced at his watch. "You should go before it gets too late."

They walked back in and Elizabeth gathered her stuff.

"Call me when you get home" Peter whispered and watched longingly as she left the floor.

He turned to his sleeping friend and knelt down.

"Neal." He gently shook him. "Time to get up."

"Go away" Neal muttered as he pushed Peter's hand.

"No. Keep sleeping now and we'll both be up all night. Let's go."

Neal finally gave up and slowly sat, glaring at Peter. "Time moves faster if I sleep."

"Not really" Peter remarked. "But you haven't walked at all today. Here or the hallways?"

"Third choice" Neal muttered as he slowly slid down. "Back to sleep..."

"Not happening." Peter forced him to his feet. "Let's go out there." He found Neal's mask and handed it to him. "Put it on!"

A few minutes later they were in the halls as Neal slowly walked his lap.

"I hear we may get a day pass out of here soon. How does that sound?" Neal ignored Peter and kept moving.

Peter stepped in front of him, forcing Neal to stop walking.

"You're getting out of here Neal. If I need to say that every hour I will. Eventually you will believe me." Neal pushed by him.

Peter caught up and silently they finished the lap.