Death in the desert ch. 9
A/N: I don't own el cazador de la bruja and any pointers will be nice
As they all slid into the ranch nadie cried and Juan who had just gotten off the phone said
"Dear don't cry cause the bastards just moved your sister into phoenix from Sinaloa so road trip!" and Nadie chimed up
"Um I hate to be the nay sayer but how are we getting into the city again?" and they all looked at Richard who was known for his size and comedic abilities and they all started to call him fluffy sombrero and they sent him off with the orders
"Spread your fliers and cover us while we are there and they are doing a fireworks event in the city so yall know what to do and Nadie don't worry we won't leave her behind. We will get her or die trying" and she nodded obviously trying not to cry. Hopping into the Jeep Elis heard the radio saying
"got such a long way to go to make it to the border with Mexico" and Elis asked
"What new band is this I haven't heard them" and Juan laughed and said
"its 1980s and the man's name is Christopher Cross" and then the song sloop john b started playing and Juan said
"Well I feel so broken I wanna go home" and they pulled into the border crossing and even though they were expecting a fight they made it through the border crossing in record time and that was even with the hidden guns and explosives. As they got into town and saw pictures of Richard plastered all over the place, as they drove into the city unhindered by the local authorities.
"Well, looks like that worked out better than I thought it would." Nadie sighed, putting her feet up on the dash of the Jeep, and relaxing.
"Where do you suppose Richard is?" Elis chimed up, and Nadie stared at the hotel crowded by people.
"You're kidding, right? Do you not see that huge crowd over there?"
"Must be someone popular in town." Elis responded in her usual soft tone.
Nadie facepalmed in silence, and pondered a joke to send to Richard to hear his response.
"Hey, Elis? Wanna send Richard a gift basket of random racial items?"
"What do you mean by 'racial'?" Elis said, tilting her head.
"Never mind, just come with me to the market."
As Nadie started up the jeep, she noticed the crowd of people outside the hotel screaming and swarming a vehicle that was pulling up, and she managed to avoid the massive swarm of people. As they slid out of the jeep they walked into the market and saw a street food vendor and grabbed a basket and filled it with a taco and saw the manager and Nadie said
"We are planning a racist prank for our friend and it is racist as fuck so what should we put in it?" and he smiled pulling out a bottle of patron and helping them get a chicken and beef taco and a poncho and a single churro and a tequila worm and sombrero and a sign saying ole. As they loaded the bottom of the basket with maize leaves and a donkey statue they all smiled and even gave them a catholic necklace and a bull fighter's medal. As they walked to the farthest stall the seller asked
"what are you doing and can I be of help?" and nadie went on to explain about the basket saying
"yes my friend is in town and I was thinking of making him a racist gift basket" and the manager laughed reminding her of freida and she said
"you really need a glass donkey statue" and elis unknowingly got them laughing saying
"Is his ass really so fragile?" and they died laughing before striking a cruel blow they mailed it from a post office across the street from a combined DEA-ICE office and plastered the label with the logos and the note saying
"welcome to phoenix you banana smoking dope monkey and enjoy your stay" and they all smiled before walking it to the hotel. As they all started to set it down on the counter they saw the woman behind the counter looking at the basket and she asked trying not to salivate
"Is that a churro and taco Im smelling?" and they all looked at her and Juan said
"Yes maam and we are playing a prank on a friend of ours who is in town and he is the comedian that the posters are hyping up like no other" and as soon as she saw what was in the basket she yelled
"oh you putas think I'm going to do that prank you must be out of our god damn minds!" and all Juan needed to do to change her mind was slip her a 100 dollar bill and she said
"so where is that motherfucker and you putas still need Jesus" and they hadn't realized that a girl had dropped a small snack baggy full of cocaine on the basket and her raven black hair and sparkling green eyes she stuck her hand out and asked
"Hey I have seen you and your group come tearing through the desert and I wonder are you into off-roading?" And Juan smiled and said
"I guess you could say that and my name is Juan what is yours?" and he was them and shocked to hear
"My name is Taylor but my friends call me nightshade because I had a vengeance fight against the cartel as they had killed my family" and she said the last part taking the shot that she could trust them as they looked like they were at war and she then smiled and said
"Juan this may seem a little strange but I give nicknames to my friends and the blue jeans willingness to go too far you are RD" and he looked a little puzzled then remembered and said
"Well ms. sparkle would you like to join us for a prank because we need to get going now to see it" and they made it to the room in time to see it as Taylor had revealed she had dropped a banana and a snack baggy full of cocaine as he looked Cuban or Columbian on the pictures. As they saw the desk clerk set the basket down and Richard grab it they saw the basket disappear inside and they heard excited squeals as he was pulling out all the items and Elis said feeling a little defeated
"its not working" and then the tone changed as Richard found the Priests robes and the necklace
"God damn it I'm not a catholic nor am I a bull fighter" and when they saw the banana he yelled
"I ain't a monkey-made of drugs" as he saw the coke and his tone went ominous when he saw the card and read it muttering
"ICE/DEA? Fucking sons of bitches" and Right on cue Juan and Nadie pounded on the door with elis and nightshade biting their lips in anticipation and a black piece of paper over the peep hole Juan yelled
"DEA OPEN UP!" followed by nadies Spanish of "POLIZA!" and they both yelled "ICE SEARCH WARRANT OPEN UP!" and heard Richard yell
"OH HELLLLLL NOOOOOO" as the glass shattered as he jumped out the window. After a seconds pause they all broke down laughing and Richard walked back in seeing the group rolling around on the floor laughing and Taylor was laughing the most and Richard yelled in a squeaky voice
"No beerfing and no dying" which didn't help the laughter situation and then they all said
"let's go blow up a office and then we will tell who the new girl is" and as they wandered into the office right across the street from the hotel and post office Juan saw proximity and commented quietly
"Well AJ really has balls" mad Taylor and Nadie who both knew just nodded as he looked like a Mexican farm worker. As they got into the building Nadie was nervous only to be relieved as Richards posters were covering theirs and she asked in Spanish a little broken up
"My sister is missing can you help me find her?" and the description given was strangely like Maria's and as they all listened the corrupt agent said she was dead and that they had best get lost so everyone pulled a weapon and they drank the coffee not knowing taylor proved why she was called nightshade and as the gunsmoke settled with the guards dead Richard yelled
"come on boogy lets burn this mother fucker down" and Taylor yelled "Pinkie-" as Juan yelled "Largo-" and they said in unision
"shut the fuck up.. Jackass" and then they all fled with the building burning and they met the trans bounty hunters they looked at Richard and yelled
"Its you!" and his response got the group laughing with
"Its me goodbye" as a grenade launcher blew the creeps car off the road andthey all thought that was the last of the interest as Richard made a revenge basket for Juan and Nadie saying
"you have no Juan to love you and Nadie a family" and chuckled as the rest slept.
