Piecing Together the Truth
Chapter 9
As Leia had promised, she eventually found herself pouring over a series of files sent to her by her Aunt Rouge. Each document containing an image and series of facts about a specific suitor. The information listed was purely political in its content, and provided a clear description of the potential advantages such a match would bring to the republic. She had a sneaking suspicion that this was not purely her aunt's work. All over the files were the fingerprints of the New Republic interim government, from the high political content of the files, to the last page which put forward Prince Isolder as the preferred candidate. Leia bitterly wondered when the plotting had begun. Had it started as soon as her survival had been revealed? Or had they been considerate enough to wait until the news was spread to the rest of the galaxy? Judging by the amount of research present on these pages, it had clearly not begun recently.
Pushing the flimsis away from herself, Leia let her head drop down to lightly hit her desk and let out a loud sigh of frustration. When she had first fallen in love with the idea of being a politician and representing the people she cared so dearly about, she had never really thought that this would be one of her duties. Scanning through lists of men as though choosing which specific speeder model to buy. She had always known that it was likely she would marry for political gain rather than out of personal reasons, and in the past she had accepted it without too much compunction as she had never really had the time to form any such attachments that could lead to marriage. But now that she was faced with it, she realised she had only ever seen it as some sort of abstract future.
It had never been real to her, and it was only now that it was becoming a reality that Leia realised that it was not something she wanted. She was not opposed to it per se. There was no part of her throwing a tantrum and demanding that she marry for love and nothing else. She had never been that idealistic or naïve, and she knew that love and respect could grow even in an arranged marriage. What she most objected to was that these plots and plans were being carried out without her input. She was simply expected to be a good compliant princess and marry their chosen candidate without complaint.
Pushing aside her feelings on the subject, Leia drew the flimsis back towards her and did her best to try to assess the candidates as objectively as she could. But the more that she stared at the black and white writing, the more she found herself having difficulty concentrating. A strange wave of nausea had hit her quite suddenly, and it was making the world around her blurry. She held it off for as long as possible, convinced she could push past it through sheer willpower, but before too long she had a hand clasped over her mouth as she ran to the refresher.
A few minutes later, while rinsing the lingering taste out of her mouth, Leia wondered what could have brought about such a sudden and fleeting moment of illness. As quickly as it had come it had faded, leaving her baffled as to why it had occurred in the first place. After some consideration she eventually dismissed the odd incident as having been brought about by stress. It would not have been the first time she had made herself ill with worrying, but the absence of accompanying symptoms like a headache and erratic heartbeat left a lingering doubt in her mind over whether she had assumed correctly.
When the sickness returned later that day, she dismissed the stress theory and instead put it down to an odd case of food poisoning that she was sure would pass within twenty-four hours. When it returned the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that, Leia began to worry she may have dismissed a more serious threat than she had first imagined. It had been weeks now that she had been home on Alderaan, and she wondered whether the sickness she was now experiencing was some sort of long-term complication from the drugs she had been given to erase her memory that was only now beginning to emerge. Leia cursed herself quietly. Ellis had offered her a blood test along with the full medical exam, and she had refused the lot. She realised now that she should have at least consented to a blood test, if not the exam, to determine whether there were any lingering traces of the substances in her bloodstream.
Fearing that the sickness might be the least of her problems if she continued to ignore her past, Leia let out a sigh and once her stomach had settled she set off for Medic Ellis's office. He welcomed her as he always did, and she was grateful for it. Someone else may have been less kind considering how frequent her visits had been, especially when her problems could have been resolved with one single medical exam.
"How can I help you today?" He asked, putting away his prized vintage book of human anatomy.
"I would like to have the medical exam, if you have the time." Leia said, pushing aside her remaining doubts.
"Of course." He agreed immediately. "May I ask if anything in particular has brought this sudden change of heart? Is there something you are especially concerned about?"
"I've been sick the last few days." She admitted. "I thought it may have something to do with the drugs I was given."
"That is possible." He said, rubbing his beard thoughtfully. "I would have thought symptoms would have manifested before now, but as these drugs are illegal there has been so little research as to the potential side effects."
"How do you want to proceed?" She asked.
"I would like to start with a blood test, if you agree." Ellis began. "With so little to go on, multiple analyses will need to be performed. I won't bore you with the details, but it will take some time. While the droid does that, I can perform the physical examinations."
To his proposed plan, Leia nodded and rolled the sleeve of her dress up to bare her forearm as a sign of her agreement. She watched as he took the sample, and hoped that the crimson fluid would hold some answers.
An hour or so later, Leia retook her seat in the office with all the physical exams performed as Ellis perused over the notes and scans he had obtained at his desk. The droid behind him still mechanically humming quietly as it continued to perform tests on her blood sample. At the medic's urging, Leia moved her chair nearer to him so he could explain what he had found.
"The results are what we expected." He told her apologetically. "There is extensive evidence of extreme interrogation techniques having been used, even with the absence of any signs at the skin."
Leia had already steeled herself for such news, and while it caused her momentary discomfort she found it surprisingly easier to deal with that the shock her hair had been so recently. Perhaps it was because she had been prepared for it rather than surprised. Or perhaps it was because the hair was something she had found herself having to deal with in her present reality rather than it being an event that had happened in the past that was not affecting her now.
"Can I see the evidence?" She asked, raising her head so she could meet his gaze. She had no intention of flinching away from the harshness of the reality she had experienced now that she had decided to confront it head on.
To Ellis's credit, he made no attempt to dissuade her from her choice to see it for herself, even if he looked uncomfortable as he carefully laid out a series of scans in front of her. They were images of her bones, and she didn't need to be an expert to see that hers did not resemble what would have been expected. Liberally scattered over many of the scans was clear evidence of regions where broken bones had mended over time. She had been lucky in her life never to get into any serious accidents that could have contributed to the sight she saw before her. And the sheer number of mended breaks in the few scans Ellis did show her could not have purely been the result of chance.
"Is any of this recent?" She asked, sifting through more of the scans.
"No, actually." Ellis said, the tone of his voice making it clear that this was not something he had expected. "There are a few signs of relatively recent trauma, but these are quite rare. The majority of what you can see here is a few years old."
"What about the more recent signs?" She asked, and he pulled away a few of the scans to point them out to her.
"These fractures look accidental." He explained. "They are more recent than the rest, and not as precise, which makes me think they weren't inflicted intentionally."
Leia frowned heavily as she took in this new information. Put together it seemed to suggest that a few years ago, maybe around the time she had been captured on the Death Star, she had been subjected to the empire's interrogation techniques for a period of time and mostly left alone after that. It made sense, she supposed. She doubted the empire would have been content with simply imprisoning her without first attempting to find out what she knew. Ellis's slight cough interrupted her thoughts and she gave him back her attention.
"I have examined similar scans from individuals who have been interrogated by the empire." He told her solemnly. "Their injuries were not as extensive as yours."
"What does that mean?" She asked with a frown.
"I'm not sure. It may indicate that you were interrogated for significantly longer than was normal." He suggested. "For how long and why, I couldn't say."
Before he could say anymore, the droid gave a short high-pitched noise indicating it had completed its analysis. Ellis moved away to examine the results, leaving Leia to ponder what he had said. His explanation reminded her of the statement the New Republic had released. The empire had never acted on any of the intelligence she had known about, suggesting that she had never given up rebellion secrets. Could that explain the lengthened interrogation? It was plausible, but if it was true Leia wondered how she had managed to hold out for such a long time. She knew that she was strong willed, but even she had her limits. It seemed absurd to think that she had managed to hold out until the empire had just given up.
"Your results have come back, and I believe I might have an explanation for the sickness you have been experiencing." Ellis said. He looked very uneasy, more so than he had when going over her other results.
"Is it the drugs?" She asked immediately.
"No. Not the drugs." He shifted uncomfortably. "All the analyses returned as normal. You appear to be in perfect health."
"Then why have I been sick?" Leia demanded, feeling a spark of irritation at his evasiveness. She knew that it wasn't out of any malicious intent, if any he might be trying to spare her some truly awful news. "Just spit it out Ellis, I can take it." He nodded wearily.
"It appears that you are pregnant."
Ellis's declaration had stunned Leia into total silence, and she had barely heard him as he continued to elaborate on his finding. Instead, her conflicting emotions on the revelation had wrestled with each other as her mind raced through the various stages of denial, horror and doubtful acceptance. She did not want to believe it was true, but a small nasty voice at the back of the head drily reminded her that morning sickness was always the most obvious sign of such a condition, and really she should have suspected it long before Ellis confirmed it was the case.
Numbly, she nodded her way through Ellis's explanations and excused herself as quickly as possible. He didn't look perturbed at her abrupt thank you and dismissal, and instead looked at her with such pitying sympathy that for one mad moment she felt a sudden urge to demand that he stop looking at her like that. Swallowing back the unnecessarily harsh reaction, she thanked him insincerely again and left the room as quickly as she dared, conflicted between her desire to run to her room and her deeply ingrained training to always appear the composed and calm princess regardless of how she felt on the inside.
Once in the privacy of her own rooms, her mask of composure slipped and she was immediately overwhelmed again with the emotions she had frantically held at bay for the short journey. With the shock of the initial reaction and instinctive denial of the truth wearing off, Leia felt a sudden burst of anger at whoever had been cruel enough to take away her memories. It felt like someone had taken her speeder for a joyride. Driven it around a couple of planets, scrapped up all the sides and dented the front fender, then had returned it to her with no explanation of what had happened and leaving her to deal with the consequences of their actions. But these consequences couldn't be fixed with a trip to the garage and a few credits lost. A child grew inside her. A child she had no memory of conceiving, and who had promptly ripped away any remaining delusions of innocence and virginity that she had held. Within the year, that child would be brought into this world and it would be Leia's responsibility to love it and raise it despite having no idea how it had even come into existence. And when it came down to it, did she even want to know? The other Leia's movements were still completely up for speculation, and there was not even the slightest hint or suggestion as to the identity of the father. The father could just as easily be a violent imperial as a prince. And realistically she knew it was far more likely to be the former considering where she had likely spent the majority of the last four years.
The thought of a stranger's hands on her, knowing her so deeply and intimately, made her feel physically sick in a way that was totally different from the morning sickness she had been experiencing and she rushed into the fresher before she could empty her stomach onto the floor of her bedroom. Standing at the sink, her hands white knuckled as they gripped at the rim, she forced herself to take deep breaths as her mind continued to race. Had the other Leia known about the baby? What had her plans been? Looking up into the mirror, Leia faced her unfamiliar reflection and silently begged it to tell her something, anything that might tell her what she should do. The other Leia must have known pregnancy was a possibility. Ellis had not detected that she was taking any forms of contraception, and the implant at her hip that she had been meticulous in its maintenance since she had first been given it at sixteen was suddenly absent. These were among the many questions she wanted to ask her past self, but her reflection remained as silent and impassive as ever. The secrets those eyes had seen over the last four years stubbornly maintained.
Ellis had been able to give her some information that shed light on what may have happened. She was not very far along in her pregnancy, and his estimation placed the conception chillingly close to the destruction of the second Death Star. He had noted as such, absently as though attributing it to pure coincidence where Leia did not. The more she thought about it the surer she became that it was no coincidence. The two events were intimately connected, and it was highly likely that the Alliance's act which had turned the tides of the war had spurred a furious imperial to punish the nearest symbol of the resistance at hand in the worst possible way. Perhaps some other imperial with a conscience had taken pity on her after that, helped her to escape and then erased her memory so she couldn't ever identify them. The induced amnesia would have also had the effect of erasing the memories of any trauma that she had experienced, but what it had not done was erase the physical consequences.
Leia was still digesting the news several hours later when she was startled by a knock on the door to her rooms. It was her mother, and for one brief horrifying moment Leia thought that the reason she was there was that she knew, that Ellis had told her. At her silence, Breha's kind smile turned to a frown.
"Is something wrong Leia?" She asked and reached forward to gently place her hands on her daughter's shoulders in a comforting gesture.
"No." Leia replied automatically as she calmed down. If her mother had known about the baby, she would not have needed to ask such a question. And Ellis would not have violated her privacy like that without her permission, it had been a moment of madness to think that he would. "Did you want to speak to me about something?"
"Rouge told me she sent you that list of suitors," Breha explained, "I thought you would find it useful to discuss it."
The offer was innocent and well-meaning, but it caused another spike of panic to grip Leia's heart. With the rollercoaster of emotions she had gone through that day, she had completely forgotten that she was supposed to be considering her marital prospects. Now she realised that marriage was completely out of the question. The powerful and influential families that had been put forward on those flimsis on her desk would have been willing to overlook a less than virginal bride, but a bride carrying someone else's child would not be so easily dismissed. With a sudden sharp sense of urgency, Leia realised she would have to tell someone. And she would have to do it soon, before anything even as innocuous as a meeting was arranged. One of her aunts may have already invited a potential suitor to Alderaan to help Leia with her selection. Even if nothing came from the meeting, if it was later discovered that she had known she was pregnant at the time then it could be seen as a huge insult. Some could even accuse the royal family of considering a quick arranged marriage to try to disguise the child's parentage.
"Leia!" Breha said loudly, finally drawing her daughter's panicked gaze back to her. "I've been trying to get your attention for a few minutes." The concerned mother said, her voice infused with worry. "I know you said nothing was wrong, but something clearly is bothering you. Talk to me, maybe I can help."
"I can't get married." Leia blurted out. "I'm sorry, but I can't."
"You don't have to if you don't want to." Breha reassured her once she had recovered from the surprise. Clearly she had not been expecting that to be the problem. "Your father and I would never have forced you to go through with it."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry." Her mother insisted, lightly rubbing her hands up and down Leia's arms. "I only wonder why you've suddenly changed your mind." She said softly. "You've never shown any reluctance or issue about an arranged marriage in the past. Is there a reason?" Wordless, Leia was only able to nod in response, and looked away from her mother unwilling to make eye contact. "Could you tell me what it is?"
"No." Leia managed to say. "Not right now."
"That's fine." Breha replied kindly. "Don't worry about your aunts, I will deal with them. You won't be forced to do anything you won't want to, or tell anyone why until you're ready." Her fingers lightly pushed up Leia's chin to encourage her daughter to look at her. "But when you are ready, I hope you will tell me your reasons."
"I will." Leia said quickly, her relief at her mother's understand clearly evident. "Just not today."
"I understand." Her mother squeezed her gently. "Well I had allocated my entire evening to speaking to you." Breha abruptly changed the subject. "It seems a shame to waste it. Why don't we call for some hot chocolate and watch some sappy holodrama together?" Choking out a laugh, Leia nodded and let Breha gently steer her into a chair.
Author's Note: Apologies for note length and clunkyness, but lot to get through. With regards to concerns of a 'Leia gets raped on the Death Star' trope- I don't think it would have happened in the original trilogy (for lots of reasons I won't go into just because this note is already going to be too long). However, I do think in a different context (e.g. prolonged imprisonment) it could have happened, which is why Leia speculates as such. Let's face it, reality isn't a nice place and fiction has always been a representation of reality at both its best and worst points. This is not a confirmation or denial, although again PM me if you have concerns. In other news: I only got through two of eight bullet points in my Chapter 9 plan, so unfortunately Han's appearance is getting pushed back to Chapter 11 or 12. Sorry about that! I've also re-categorised the story genres just because we're approx. 30,000 words in with no romance so far so it may be a bit misleading. Still expecting chapter delays, so no guarantee of a chapter next week.
