Chapter 9

Breakaway


"It is imperative that you are aware of the importance of understanding Unforgivable curses."

A boy at the front of the classroom put up his hand.

"Professor Snape, why do we need to even learn what they are? Surely teaching us makes it more likely we might use them."

Severus pondered his question as other students mumbled their agreement.

"There are those who are more inclined to want to perform such curses," he said. "And regardless of what we do in this classroom, those people will find a way to learn them. I am not teaching you how to cast Unforgivable curses, I am merely making you aware of their effects and how to best guard yourselves against them."

"They'll be alright won't they?" another student asked. "Their Death Eater mates can just teach them!"

Severus sighed sombrely.

"And as for the rest of us," he said. "Knowing as much about these curses as we can, will make us better prepared."

The students nodded and discussed this point with each other as Severus wrote their homework on the board.

"I would like each of you to write twelve inches of parchment on the effects of each of the three Unforgivable curses."

A hand from somewhere in the middle of the room shot up.

"Yes Robson?"

"Homework Sir? This is only the first week back after the break."

"Your point?"

"Nothing Professor," the boy said and slumped back in his chair.

When the class was finished, Severus watched from his desk as the students filed out. They passed Lily on her way in and greeted her happily.

"How was the lesson?" Lily asked, stopping at Severus' desk.

"Fine."

"Please don't look at me that way Severus."

"In what way?"

"As if I might still be possessed."

"Sorry," he grinned. "No harm in checking."

"I came to ask if you wanted to come for a drink at the Three Broomsticks before dinner."

Severus stood up and straightened his robes.

"That is the best offer I have had in a long time."

They walked together across the grounds and out the front gate.

"Do you want to walk or apparate?" Severus asked.

"It's such a lovely evening for a walk I think."

They enjoyed small talk about the weather and Quidditch until they reached the Three Broomsticks and went in. After they found a table and sat down, a waitress took their drink order.

"Do you remember the first time we ever came in here?" Lily asked.

"When we tried to convince the barmaid we were old enough to order firewhiskies?"

"And got kicked out!" Lily laughed. "I also remember being kicked out of Honeydukes after you ate too many pepper imps and your breath set the curtains on fire."

Lily laughed again and began choking on her freshly delivered drink. Severus smiled at her.

"You still have the same laugh," he said.

"And you still have the same frown!"

On cue, he frowned and Lily grinned. She looked down and took another sip of her drink, lost in thought. Severus cleared his throat.

"I hope one day you will be able to forgive me," he said quietly.

Lily sighed.

"Honestly, I'm not too sure how I should feel right now. I believe in my heart that the Severus I once knew would never have wanted this to happen to Harry or James. The problem is that I'm not sure I know who you are now."

Severus hung his head sadly.

"Neither do I."

"What you did… your actions resulted in the deaths of the people I loved the most in this world and that's a little too hard to let go of. I concede though that the work you're doing for the Order and Dumbledore now is evidence that you are seeking a new start."

Lily took another drink.

"Then again," she continued. "If you can forgive me for trying to kill you then perhaps I should try a little harder."

"What you did was not the same. You were possessed by a fragment of the Dark Lord's soul while I… I was enchanted by the temptations of dark magic. I want you to know that I never wanted to cause you any pain."

Lily nodded slowly but avoided eye contact. She moved her arm to reach across the table and tentatively touched her fingers to Severus'.

"I finally think I know what I need to do in order to be able to move on," Lily said quietly.

She looked at her hand on Severus', then up to his black, unreadable eyes.

"I forgive you Severus."

He swallowed hard had closed his eyes for a moment, wishing for this not to be a dream.

"I know you're not that same man who was a Death Eater," Lily said. "I don't think you ever really were."

Severus finally looked up to meet her gaze. He nodded slowly and took a firm hold of Lily's hand in his.

"Thank you."


It was early in the evening and the setting sun reflected on the Great Lake making it shimmer like diamonds. Dumbledore, Severus and Lily strolled casually along the side of the lake, deep in conversation.

"Tom Riddle's diary made me think a little more seriously about these horcruxes," Dumbledore said. "I had previously thought they were limited to important or sentimental possessions, something meaningful to Voldemort. But this was just a regular book; it would have held no sentimental value."

"So why use the diary then?" Lily wondered.

"I believe that what a young, troubled boy wrote in it would have been more meaningful than the book itself."

"But it was blank," Severus reminded him.

"Just because we could see no words we should not assume none were written," Dumbledore noted.

Severus thought for a moment.

"So if Riddle did actually use the diary somehow, he would have attached a whole period of his life to that diary – his whole childhood," he said.

"I guess that'd explain why it was chosen to become a horcrux," said Lily.

Dumbledore stroked his long beard as they continued walking, the setting sun behind them.

"I'm not so sure the diary represented Voldemort's childhood at all," he said. "The timeline of the book suggests he did not even come upon it until he was already a student at Hogwarts."

"That's an interesting point," added Lily. "Did Riddle have any possessions while he was at the orphanage?"

Dumbledore shook his head.

"I do not think…" he stopped mid-sentence.

"What is it Albus?"

"Ah, Lily my dear, I think there may be some more to the orphanage than I first thought. Riddle may not have had any emotional attachment to the orphanage but his time spent there may still have been formative none the less."

"What are you saying?" Severus asked impatiently.

"I have just remembered some of the memories I was searching through a few weeks ago. Years ago, when Voldemort first emerged as a dark force, I thought it wise to investigate his past, in order to gain the advantage so to speak. As a result I managed to track down some children who were at the orphanage with him. It seems they had a rather interesting story to share about young Tom Riddle."

"I'm curious to know what they think of that boy having grown up to become Voldemort," Lily said.

"Don't forget that these were Muggle children Lily; the name Voldemort would mean nothing. What these people did have were very vivid memories of a childhood with Tom Riddle, a boy who tormented them with his blossoming magical powers."

"What did he do to them?" Lily asked.

"One particular day Riddle lured them into a cave by the sea."

"And he did something to them?"

"I am unsure of what he actually did," Dumbledore said. "But I presume that Riddle used his powers against them."

"I wonder if there would be any clues at the orphanage," Lily wondered aloud.

"The building was demolished years ago," Dumbledore said. "But it does make me wonder about the importance of place however. Remember that Voldemort left the ring horcrux at his family home."

"So it is possible that wherever Riddle took those children to scare them could have been of similar importance." Severus added.

"Yes!" Lily exclaimed. "A place where Voldemort could keep returning to; a place to relive the excitement of that day."

Dumbledore nodded.

"I agree," he said.

"So how do we find that place?" Lily wondered.

"I do believe I already know where it may be." Dumbledore said.

"Why wait then?" Severus said impatiently.

"We never know who or what to expect where Voldemort is concerned," Dumbledore warned. "Especially if he has placed curses on this place. We need to be patient."

"I have had enough of waiting around," grumbled Severus.

The Headmaster dismissed him with a flick of his hand.

"I have some more preparation to do before we can even think of going anywhere," he said.

Severus and Lily stood by the lake and watched as he strode off towards the castle.

"Do you want to sit with me for a while?" Lily asked.

She found a soft place on the grass and sat down cross-legged. Severus hesitated then knelt down and touched his hand to the grass. Having deemed it dry enough, he sat. Together they sat in silence and watched as the last of the sun continued its decent behind the Great Lake; deep orange appearing to light the water of fire.

"I understand how you feel," Lily finally said. "About sitting around when we should be off finding these horcruxes but it's not something we can just charge into."

"I do not understand Dumbledore's need to always plan and prepare; it all seems like overkill to me."

"That's one way that you haven't changed much from school," Lily said. "You're still gung-ho, ready to jump into anything without consideration of the danger... or the effect it has on others."

Severus screwed his face up.

"What is this attack on me in aid of? I thought you just said you were keen for action yourself."

"It's not the horcrux I'm talking about, it's you. You've got no idea how much your involvement with Lucius Malfoy and the Death Eaters really cost you, just how badly it damaged our relationship."

Severus stood up and looked out across the now dark lake, his arms behind his back.

"I thought we were over this," he grumbled.

"Ever since I've known you, you were always trying to be someone else," Lily continued. "To be more than you were; but I didn't think there was anything wrong with who you were."

Severus clenched his jaw, unsure how to respond without starting a new fight. He simply wished Lily a good night and left.


It had been a week since Dumbledore, Severus and Lily had been at the lake and Severus had spent a long time contemplating just what Lily had meant by what she had said to him. Only a week previously it seemed she hated him with every fibre of her being, she didn't want anything to do with him, and now she was commenting about their past relationship. In one day she had forgiven him for his past actions and then picked a new fight with him. Severus' confusion was giving him a headache.

He was walking down one of Hogwarts many dark and narrow passageways when he saw Lily approach from the opposite direction. When they reached each other Lily stopped but Severus brushed past her.

"Severus!" Lily called. "So you're ignoring me now? How childish can you be?"

He stopped and spun around, stepping fiercely back to her. He opened his mouth, about to question her own childishness, but something stopped him. Instead Severus turned and started to walk away again.

"I didn't think you were that weak," Lily spat. "Is it just with me or do you always back down when you're challenged? If you have something to say to me then just bloody well say it!"

Severus moved quickly, stepping so close to Lily she could feel his warm breath on her face.

"You do not know me so do not talk as if you do," he warned.

"I know you better than you think I do," Lily said.

Severus grunted and rolled his eyes.

"The Severus I knew at school was kind and shy and fun to be around."

"I do not want to talk about the past," Severus snapped. "It is not something I care to waste time reminiscing about."

"But we had fun didn't we? Remember in potions how competitive we were, always trying to out-do each other?"

"Yes, we did have fun, as you put it, until you ran off with Potter and his pals and turned your back on me."

"What?"

"You allowed them to keep treating me that way - tormenting me."

"I never allowed them to do anything, in fact I hated it. Even after you called me... what you called me."

"Really?"

"I was hurt by you Severus, unbelievably hurt, but I still cared about you and what the boys did upset me. I tried to make them ease up on you."

"This is exactly why I do not want to talk about the past; it brings up too many bad memories," Severus said angrily.

"Bad memories for you? How do you think I felt seeing my best friend slip deeper and deeper under the influence of dark magic and hanging out with wannabe Death Eaters?"

"You do not know what you are talking about," Severus said, dismissing her. "You made it quite clear you did not care what I did."

"Don't kid yourself! Lucius Malfoy was grooming you to be a murderer for Voldemort from the day you met him."

"DON'T YOU DARE!" Severus fumed, his words echoing up and down the narrow corridor. "You presume you know-"

"QUIET!" An angry voice boomed behind them and Dumbledore approached. "I suggest next time you two find a more private place to hold such a discussion, understood?"

Severus and Lily both looked to the ground.

"Anyhow," Dumbledore continued. "I think I may have found what I was looking for."

"What?" Severus asked.

"The place Tom Riddle took the children from the orphanage."

"Can we go now?" asked Lily.

"My intentions exactly," Dumbledore grinned.

"Well, you can both go without me," Severus sulked. "Why would you need a murderer to tag along?"

"Sounds like a good idea to me," Lily said glaring at him.

Dumbledore looked from one to the other and frowned.

"You are both been acting childish and ridiculous," he said disapprovingly. "You will both meet me in the Entrance Hall in five minutes; I suggest you bring warm cloaks."