Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews and PM's. I wish there was a way to reply to guest reviews, but know that I'm incredibly grateful for your words.I'm so glad that people feel I've captured the McFaddens well. And rest assured, they will all continue to have their own place in this tale!
Well, on with the story.
Chapter 9
Adam's messy cake dessert did its name proud. It consisted of a slice of pound cake topped with ice cream, chocolate sauce, raspberry sauce, whipped cream, crunched Oreo cookies (or any other cookie if they were out of Oreos) and any fruit they happened to have, raspberries this time. It was a mess, especially because he liked to squirt the sauce on from a height and swirl it around a bit too much.
Adam fondly remembered the first time he'd made it. Guthrie hadn't even been born yet, Brian was on a sleepover and their parents were out for a few hours leaving Adam to babysit the little guys. They'd already had supper, early, but the kids were begging for dessert. So Adam had dug into the pantry, found everything he liked when it came to sweets, got ice cream from the freezer, and under loud cheering he had gone to work. They all loved it. Of course, he hadn't cleaned up after himself and so mom had given him an earful about making a mess and feeding his brothers all that sweet stuff before bedtime. Ever since that night, whenever their parents were out, Adam had made them Adam's messy cake. The only thing he'd changed was the cleaning up afterwards, making sure the kitchen was spotless.
Despite the fact that Guthrie was in trouble, they all devoured their treat, even Guthrie himself. It proved to Adam he'd been right. The anxiety over having to tell Adam about the note had been too much, but now that the truth was out, the boy placed his trust in his older brother and guardian. Adam was sure there were still a few knots in his brother's stomach, but they didn't keep him from enjoying his dessert. The amount of trust in that made Adam feel very humble.
When everyone was about done the oldest looked at Brian and without having to ask Brian got to his feet, "Come on, guys, let's get this mess cleaned up. It's great stuff, but Adam sure knows how to be messy…."
"No kidding…," Ford started to collect the plates while Daniel got started on washing the dishes already in the sink.
"I'll clean the table," Evan got up and got a rag. Within seconds the kitchen was buzzing with activity allowing Adam to quietly slip out with Guthrie.
Guthrie was quiet as they walked up the stairs. He didn't fight Adam, but seemed subdued. Not that Adam felt it wasn't natural for the boy to be a little subdued under the circumstances. He definitely preferred it over Daniel stomping up the stairs the last time he'd had to have a 'talk' with him. But it was hard to see the normally lively and cheerful boy so quiet.
"Alright, kiddo," Adam opened the door to Guthrie's bedroom, not that the boy ever spent a full night there. When their parents had been alive Guthrie had been the only one with a bedroom of his own: the nursery. There were 5 bedrooms, so the remaining three bedrooms were shared by the other six sons: Ford and Evan, Crane and Daniel, Adam and Brian. It had taken Adam some time, but eventually he'd moved into their parents' bedroom. Originally it was meant to give Brian his own space. Brian had not slept in his own bed since the day they had heard the news and Adam had wondered if him moving into mom and dad's room might entice his younger brother back into his room. He knew that he himself used the quiet time at night to cry his own tears, tears he couldn't shed during the day because he was too busy comforting his brothers. He figured Brian, too, needed that private time.
It hadn't worked. Sure, Brian had thanked him and pretended to sleep there. But one night, Adam had come downstairs to find Brian on the pull out couch again, cuddling with a sleeping Guthrie. The two oldest boys had exchanged nothing but a long look and Adam had given up. They joked about Brian being the gate keeper, but Adam wondered if that wasn't what Brian really was doing: keeping the house and its inhabitants safe. In the only way he could think of. And Guthrie had naturally found his spot there, since being alone in the nursery had made him cry through the night.
The nursery had been transformed into a little boy's room as Guthrie grew older, the cot making place for a real big boy's bed. Soon he'd grow out of the room, but Adam wasn't sure moving him into the bigger room next door would ever work. He'd leave it for now.
"Why don't you change into your jammies, you'll be more comfortable," Adam knew he was stalling and he knew he shouldn't. Any stalling on his part would cause anxiety in his baby brother.
Guthrie shrugged. He preferred his jeans actually. They seemed a more sensible outfit for what he thought was about to happen. They offered more protection and were less likely to be pulled down. "Do I hafta?"
Adam studied the little boy for a moment and then nodded, "Yes, you have to. It makes it easier for me to check your side. And when we're done, you'll need to get your homework done and then you're off to bed anyway."
"I don't get to go downstairs anymore?" Tears filled Guthrie's eyes. "I didn't say goodnight yet."
"Shh," Adam kicked himself. Sometimes it was easier to punish the teenagers. At least they didn't tear at his heart strings as much. Then again, they usually did anyway. "Let's not make this harder than it has to be, champ. Put your pj's on and we'll talk."
"I don't like your talks." But Guthrie did start taking off his shirt.
"No, I don't suppose you do. I don't like them either."
"You don't?"
"No, I really don't. In fact, I hate them."
As he pulled his pajama top down Guthrie looked at Adam with innocent eyes, "You don't have to do it."
It made Adam smile and that helped against the somersaults in his own stomach, "I wish I didn't, Guth, but I'd do a really bad job raising you if I didn't."
"How come?"
Adam waited until Guthrie had finished changing and then sat down on the boy's bed. Pulling him over he stood Guthrie between his legs. "Because it is my job to teach you things." As he spoke he lifted Guthrie's top a little to check the boy's sides, not finding any bruising, just a bit of red skin. That was a relief at least.
"You do a real good job, Adam. You always do."
"I'm glad you think that, but sometimes teaching you isn't all that fun." He took Guthrie's hands in his own. "For either of us. But I love you and that sometimes means doing things that aren't fun."
"I'm sorry," Guthrie studied his hands in Adam's.
"Can you look me in the eye?" Adam waited, but it seemed Guthrie was unable to do it and so he freed one hand and tipped Guthrie's chin raising his head until their eyes met. "We need to talk about what happened, buddy. You attacked someone. Now, I'm not saying Trevor wasn't mean to you, I'm not saying you didn't have a right to be mad at him, but I know you know what you should have done…." A small nod against Adam's hand followed, "well?" Adam prompted.
"Tell a teacher."
The small voice broke Adam's heart already, but he continued, "Yes, exactly. You know they would have handled it. There is always a teacher outside during recess, so there's no excuse not to."
"But…but he just got me really mad."
"Hmm mmm, I know he did. And it was really mean of him. And being older and bigger than you, even if he hadn't been as mean as he was, he shouldn't have fought back. That's why he did get paddled."
"He did?" Guthrie's eyes bulged. "But I started it."
"It wasn't his first fight. Your principal knows her students. I'm sure she knows he's a bully. And I'm sure she knows how to handle it. But you didn't give her much of a chance today."
"I guess not."
"No, I guess not. And since you did, you broke the rules. Right?"
"Uh huh, but I didn't mean to…"
Adam sighed thinking about the many times he had uttered those words as a kid and about the number of times he'd heard them himself. Too often to count. "And that's the problem, buddy. You didn't mean to break the rules, you just got mad and reacted and started punching. That's the biggest problem here, Guth, and I think you know it. When you just let your temper get the better of you and start punching bad things can happen. Not just in consequences from me or others, which get worse as you get older. But you can't just punch someone because you're mad. You could get hurt yourself. Or you could really hurt someone else. What if Kevin had been a younger boy who said something that mean? And you could have really pummeled him? Hmm? You might have really hurt him. I can't let that happen, kid. You can't let that happen. I need you to start thinking."
"I will, I promise!" Guthrie was still forced to look Adam in the eye and it gave Adam a good look in those sincere, innocent eyes.
"I know you mean that promise, but next time you get mad I need you to remember that promise."
"I'll remember! I'll really remember, Adam." The boy still held out hope of getting out of being punished, but his brother's face made that hope fade very quickly.
"Well, I have to do what I think is right. And I think it's right to help you remember next time. I couldn't live with myself if you got hurt in a fight with a big boy like that again because you got mad without meaning to. I love you, Guthrie, and I have to keep you safe."
"I'm really sorry, Adam," The churning feeling in his stomach had returned. He didn't know it matched Adam's own churning stomach. "I don't want to worry you. Or hurt you."
"I don't want to hurt you either, but I'd rather you felt a little bit of pain now than end up really hurt in a fight or hurting someone else." With his hand still on Guthrie's face he stretched out his thumb to brush the tears on the left side away. "What'd'ya say we get this over with?" He felt the nod more than he saw it. "You're getting a spanking for this, I'm sure you figured that out, right?" Another nod against his hand while more tears fell.
"Are you gonna use the…the…"
"The hairbrush? No, I think my hand can do the job just fine. You got in a fight, you didn't lie about it, I didn't have to ask you for the note."
"You knew?"
"Yes, kiddo, I knew. Your principal called me."
"Oh…"
"Remember that in future and save yourself a lot of worrying over when to tell me. As quickly as possible is usually the best for your stomach."
"No kidding!" The heartfelt expression almost made Adam laugh again.
"But, like I said, you told me yourself. That was very brave. And you didn't lie. And you were provoked. So I think my hand will work."
"Your hand hurts plenty."
"I'm sure it does….now, enough talking, kiddo." Adam patted his left knee.
"Do you..I mean…do I have to…"
Knowing exactly what Guthrie was asking Adam shook his head, "Not this time." He was certain his hand could do enough damage over the thin pajama bottoms anyway. He watched Guthrie swallow hard and for a second wondered if he had made the right choice letting the boy find his own moment to bend over. Maybe he should have simply taken his arm and pulled him over. But the next second Guthrie bravely lowered himself over Adam's left knee. "Good boy….now, I'm not giving you a number like I did last time with the brush. We'll just see how it goes."
"'Kay," Guthrie's breath hitched and Adam knew it wouldn't take long for the boy to start sobbing.
He pulled his little brother slightly forward, causing the feet to leave the floor and he knew Guthrie was quickly grabbing a handful of his bedspread and burying his face in it as well, because the sound was suddenly muffled. Looking down on the twitching bottom Adam had to swallow a lump away. This never got any easier. "Ready?" He knew there was no real answer to that question, he'd always cursed it as a child. You were never really ready. But now that he'd been in this position himself, he knew why dad had always asked it. He didn't want to take the kid by surprise, give him a little warning it was starting.
"Uh huh," Guthrie's voice was barely audible, but it was enough.
He gave the boy one small pat and then lifted his hand higher and let it snap down, resulting in a muffled squeak. It broke Adam's heart, but he knew there'd be a lot more noise soon. In fact, it only took three more swats like that for Guthrie to cry out. Much as the boy tried to be brave, knowing he'd earned this spanking fair and square, he simply couldn't stop the pain from finding a way out through his mouth. And for some reason his legs had a life of their own. They were wriggling and kicking a little. He tried not to kick Adam, but it felt like he had no control.
Adam, on his part, wasn't too bothered by the wriggling. He had his arm around Guthrie's body and could easily keep him in place. And he knew Guthrie wasn't fighting him. It was all involuntarily reaction to the pain. The man simply landed swat after swat, left, right, middle. He didn't have to see the skin to know it was turning red quickly. What did bother him was the heartbreaking crying that came from the bedspread.
He paused and rubbed Guthrie's back for a second, "I know it hurts, buddy, but you'll get through this. It'll be over soon and then we're done. And I know it'll help you remember next time you start losing your temper."
"I won't…..I won't do it no more, Adam….I won't…"
"Sshh….never make promises you're not sure you can keep. Just do your best. And know that I'll always be there to catch you. Even if my way of catching you may hurt for a bit."
"It hurts!"
"I know…almost done," And with that Adam hugged Guthrie's waist again and resumed the spanking.
The small reprieve had been nice, but now that Adam was smacking again the heat intensified and the boy started wriggling even more. "I'm sorryyyyyyyyy…"
"I know, buddy, I know…" Adam didn't miss a beat as he spoke and soon he felt the body over his knee shaking with sobs. Taking that as his cue that it was time to finish this up he gave Guthrie two more firm swats right in the middle of his bottom and then let his hand rest. His other arm released its hold on Guthrie's waist and instead he started making circling movements with his hand on the boy's back while Guthrie cried his heart out. He was glad he didn't have to look Guthrie in the eye right now, because his own eyes were wet too. With his right hand he wiped his own eyes dry and waited for the sobbing boy to calm down enough to help him up.
It took a few moments, but Adam allowed him all the time he needed, all the while rubbing Guthrie's back. Finally, the sobs turned to sniffles and Adam helped him stand. Not that Guthrie stood for long, because he immediately launched himself into Adam's waiting arms. Not all McFaddens were as eager for a hug after a spanking, but Guthrie always was. And Adam was glad for it, because he badly needed them himself. He nuzzled Guthrie's hair as he hugged the boy.
"You know I love you lots and lots, don't you?" He whispered into his hair.
"Uh huh…to the moon and back."
"Right, to the moon and back. I'll never let anything bad happen to you. Even if you may think this was bad…"
"It's not." Guthrie's words were clear and the older McFadden was slightly surprised at them.
"It's not? You think you deserve more?"
Guthrie looked up at his brother with a disgusted yet shocked face, "NO! I mean…no, sir, I don't."
"You don't have to say sir, buddy, just be respectful."
"Kay…I meant…it hurts, but I know there's worse hurts."
Adam couldn't help it, he pulled his brother on his lap and held him close. Yes, there were much worse hurts, they all knew that only too well. As he cuddled his baby brother he couldn't help wishing he could have given Crane this same level of comfort after his licking at Thanksgiving. It was a silly thought of course. Crane was 18, a little too old to sit on his lap, but he knew the boy had missed out on too many of these moments growing up. Guthrie's voice broke through his sad reveries.
"Can I have hot chocolate while I do my homework?"
Adam had to blink. He was still digesting this spanking himself, but Guthrie was already thinking about the next thing on the agenda. He had to literally shake his head.
"I can't? Please, Adam…"
"I didn't shake no, I just shook my…never mind…yes, I think we can do hot chocolate. Not sure if there are still marshmallows."
"There are, I know so. Cause Daniel put them on the grocery list."
"And what's your homework?"
"Just my spelling words."
"Okay, well, you may do them here, or downstairs with the rest. Your choice."
"They won't make fun of me, would they? Cause I cried like a baby…"
"No, they won't make fun of you. You know that. And you didn't cry like a baby." Didn't matter if it was Crane or Guthrie, they all worried about crying. "I always cried when daddy spanked me. Your brothers cry. Nothing to worry about."
"Kay…downstairs then." And with that Guthrie simply slipped off Adam's lap and headed for the door. The only thing that betrayed the fact that he'd just had a spanking was the quick rub he gave his bottom as he walked through the door.
Shaking his head Adam followed him downstairs. It was amazing how easily Guthrie bounced back and moved on after crying his heart out only minutes ago. He had a hard time wrapping his head around it. He certainly knew he never had when he'd been in Guthrie's shoes.
As he reached the bottom of the stairs he heard Daniel's voice on the phone. The first words caught his attention and although he didn't want to eavesdrop, he couldn't help slowing down slightly.
"I know, Crane, but that's just cause I didn't have English today. But what about tomorrow? What if she says something? What if the guys say something? What if someone knows?" Daniel listened for a while, nodding even though Crane clearly couldn't see it.
Staying out of sight Adam continued on to the now very clean kitchen. Brian was sitting at the table quizzing Evan for his history test while Ford was working on his own. Guthrie had slipped into Adam's chair and grinned as he saw his big brother come in.
"I see you found the best seat in the house," Adam lifted the boy up and sat him on his lap while Guthrie opened his book. It was clear why the boy had chosen this chair. Sitting on Adam's lap must be more comfortable than sitting on the chair itself. "Want me to quiz you or do you need to study them first?"
"We did them in school today, but you can make hot chocolate before quizzing me…"
"Ah yes, I did promise that, didn't I?"
Brian hid a grin. Adam could be a big softy. "I'll have one as well, thank you."
"Hmm I guess I'm making hot chocolate for everyone," Adam pretended to grumble, but he didn't mind. He actually liked hot chocolate himself. Especially if there were lots of marshmallows. "Did Crane call or did Daniel call Crane?"
"Crane called," Ford answered before Brian could, "He said he needed a break from studying for finals. He said the letters were dancing in front of his eyes so he knew it was time to take a break."
"He'd better not take too many breaks," But then as an afterthought Adam added, "And he'd better not forget that he needs three meals as well. He tends to forget to eat when he's studying."
"You old mother hen," Brian teased.
"Brian just told Crane exactly that," Evan betrayed his brother with a big grin.
"Eh tu Brute!" Brian quoted. "I'm calling you a traitor, by the way."
"I know. Crane taught me that one," Evan's grin seemed plastered on his face.
"Just be glad it's Adam making the chocolate. If it had been me you wouldn't have gotten any."
"But since it's me and he's just helped me...," Adam dipped deep into the bag of marshmallows, "He gets extra."
"See, ya just have to know who's really in charge, Brian," Evan teased.
"Yes, Brian, remember that well," Adam laughed out loud at that. He didn't even have to see the scowl on Brian's face to picture it.
Brian quietly slipped under the covers, trying not to wake his sleeping brother. After Guthrie had finished his homework and chocolate Adam had called bedtime. There had been no protest, which was to be expected after just having been punished, but Guthrie did plead to be allowed to sleep downstairs. Since they were all working in the kitchen anyway, Adam hadn't seen a problem and neither had Brian. So Brian had pulled out his bed and Guthrie had quickly gone to sleep, undisturbed by the chatter in the kitchen.
Not that the chatter had continued long. While Ford was off to bed Evan had begged to be allowed to say goodnight to Diablo and hadn't been denied. How could they deny when usually he was allowed to work with the horse for an hour after school. Today there hadn't been any time. And true to his word, Evan had returned right on time to go up and brush his teeth, which left only Daniel. Since the boy had already finished his homework at school he was free to do as he pleased, which turned out to be playing guitar in his room.
Normally, the oldest two might have worried about one of the boy retreating like Daniel did, but they were too tired. It had been a long day, physically and mentally. And spanking Guthrie had completely drained Adam. By the time it was time to tell Daniel to turn down the light Adam was falling asleep over his newspaper and Brian had offered to check the barn and lock up giving Adam a very early night. Not that Brian was far behind. It was only 9:30 when the second-oldest, the one known for his late nights, slipped under the covers as well.
He turned over lying half on his belly and pushed one arm under his pillow, fully intending to be asleep within 5 minutes.
"Brian?"
He kept his eyes closed, hoping that by pretending to sleep Guthrie would let it go.
"Brian?" The whisper got a little louder, but Brian still kept his eyes closed. He wondered if he could manage a fake snore, but he feared that would give it away.
"Brian!" That wasn't a whisper anymore and it was accompanied by a poke in his ribs. "You're awake. You can't be asleep already, you just got in."
Slowly Brian opened his eyes, "Okay, you got me. I'm awake."
"See?"
"What is it, Guth? I thought you were sound asleep." Brian rolled on his side, and propped himself up on his elbow, mirroring his little brother's position.
"I…I got a question."
"I have a question."
"You too?"
"No, kiddo, it's I have, not I got."
"Oh…"
"What kind of question, buddy? Can't it wait till tomorrow?"
"Nuh uh…cause…cause they'll all hear and they'll think I'm a baby."
"Hey, buddy, no one says you're a baby. Or thinks it."
"Yeah…Trevor called me a baby. Before he said that about mama and daddy…he called us babies cause Bobby told me to ask Santa for new marbles. "
"Ah"
"Like we were babies for talking about Santa."
"That wasn't very nice of him," Brian had a sneaky suspicion where this was going to. Part of him wondered why Guthrie couldn't have talked to Adam about that when they were upstairs. Of course, they'd had other things to talk about. And Adam could be rather rational about things like this. In fact, this was more up Crane's alley. But Crane wasn't here. And it was too late for a phone call, especially since that would mean waking up the dorm supervisor, which would reflect badly on Crane.
"Brian?"
"Hmm mm?"
"Is Santa only for babies?"
"Is that what you think? Or is that Trevor thinking?"
"Brian," Guthrie's voice sounded exasperated, "you're not answering. You're doing that…that…"
"Evasion? Avoiding?" Brian knew exactly what he was doing.
"Whatever you call it. But I mean it. Is it just for babies?"
"Ford makes a list, doesn't he?"
"Yeah, but you don't."
"No, that's true, I don't." Now he kicked himself. This had never come up before with the other three so close in age. And when it was time for Crane to start questioning the existence of Santa, well, mom had dealt with that. He knew that up to that moment Adam and he had faithfully written letters to Santa just like Crane.
"And neither does Adam. Or Daniel. And we're going Christmas shopping next weekend. And well…it doesn't really make sense, does it?"
"What doesn't make sense, buddy?"
"Well, to go Christmas shopping when Santa makes the gifts. And it's called the toy shop at the North pole, but I'm the only one getting toys. Do they make all those other things as well?"
Brian let out a deep sigh. To his surprise he felt a bit emotional at the thought of their baby brother losing that innocence. There was so much lost already, why did he have to lose his faith in the magic of Christmas too?
"Brian? You're not saying anything. Is it true? I mean…Trevor's not the only one who says Santa doesn't exist."
"Well…and don't think I'm avoiding the question, but what do you think happens?"
"I think you take the list and the milk and cookies, and you buy the presents."
"If that's what you think happens, why do you ask me if it's true?"
"Cause…cause well, cause that makes me a baby. You all think I'm a baby. If you didn't you wouldn't have lied to me and have me think it was all magic. You could have let me get you something too."
"Oh kiddo…" Brian reached out and pulled Guthrie close. "We don't mean to exclude you. Santa is part of the tradition. It's not really a lie. We all like to believe in magic, it makes the world feel nicer."
"Still means I'm a baby for believing so long."
"No, it doesn't. Adam was 9 and I was 8 when we stopped. Crane about the same age. I think most kids stop at that age." Damn, where was Crane with his vast amount of information and sensitivity?! "It's normal. Part of growing up."
"Does that mean I don't have to make a list for Santa?"
"Well, not for Santa if you don't want to. But we'll still need a list, you know. Unless you'd like us to guess what you want for Christmas…."
"I'll make a list!" Apparently that had been the main concern because the body in Brian's arms relaxed.
"Now that I'm growing up…does that mean I get to stay up later?"
"Nice try, buddy. No. But it does mean you get to shop for Christmas presents yourself. Hope you've saved your allowance." The sick look on Guthrie's face was comical. "Just teasing. You don't have to buy anyone anything. You can if you want to, but you don't have to."
"Okay…maybe I can make something."
"I think that would be really nice. I can help you if you want."
"No, it's for you and Adam."
"Well, if you need help, I'm sure one of your brothers will be perfectly happy to help."
Guthrie snuggled closer and deeper under the covers. "I like that I know. But I don't like that I didn't."
"I can understand that. I really can." He knew one day Guthrie would understand and might even long back to the simple days where a bit of magic was all that was needed to save the world. To try and distract Guthrie from more talk and just get them both to sleep he started humming one of his favorite country songs, purposely staying away from the regular nursery songs one might sing in these situations. He didn't get to finish it, because halfway through, Guthrie was asleep and seconds later, Brian was too.
