Bright, overwhelmingly bright...everything was so bright. There were so many beautiful things here, couldn't they see? The birds that sung each morning for the day, the moon that spoke gentle whispers to the night winds...Smiling faces, the laughter of a child in the distance...To look upon the world with blindness truly was sadenning, and yet, it was alright. It was alright because he could still see what truth lay within the earth.

An unfading smile was painted across gentle, delicate features of the child who gazed thoughtfully toward the sky with bright blue. He was happy. He had no reason to be, other than that very fact itself...

To be...

He was alive to witness the wonders of the world, even if he had to do so behind bars the majority of the time.

It was alright that he wasn't like everyone else, wasn't it? What harm did it bring? People could look at him without truly seeing, and it wouldn't bother him one bit. Girl, boy, even the few comments he'd heard whispered about not knowing was okay. He knew who he was, so...wasn't that enough?

It had become simple enough to escape when he felt like admiring something other than the stacks of books which kept him company. True, reading had been a pleasure to him, but true also was the fact that he was a quick learner. The correct amount of pressure applied to the correct area, and the bars would lift. It was easy math. Sora understood the dangers of longing for something outside of those bars, but who could it hurt, really? It was just for a moment, after all.

The breeze purred sweetly against his cheeks in a way that it felt almost like it was sighing in relief to his presence. Soothing, peaceful, beautiful...

A sound nearby startled him briefly, calling for his gaze. A clack of metal against...he couldn't tell. His curiosity was nudged in a way he couldn't ignore. There was so much exploring to do without nearly enough time in the world to do so.

Stepping carefully with bare feet, curious eyes gazed around the building corner to the sight. It was his brother, Tsukasa, simply playing in the yard. An interesting child to say the least. In truth, Sora knew little about him, only enough to pick him from a large crowd. Another loud sound, and he understood the cause.

Tsukasa wore the usual uniform proudly, his passionate eyes set on the ball before him as his fingers clasped the bat tightly, tight enough that onlookers would think him to be strangling the poor thing.

Sora couldn't help but smile to the sight. He remained for a time unnoticed, just how he chose to be at that moment. Tsukasa had his eyes...or did he have Tsukasa's? Subtle cheekbones...gentle brows...perhaps one of the only differences at all was the shortened hair and sharper chin. The smile spread like a wildfire. He couldn't help it, really, seeing that perhaps there was a place he belonged. The evidence was right before him, wasn't it?

Kthunk-

Features dropping from the sound of the door sliding open, the child let out a gasp of shock only to stumble backward and lose his footing. A hand clapped over his mouth to silence it, eyes wide now when his free palm met the ground to catch himself in a way. They had seen him, he'd messed up...Perhaps it wasn't too late.

Turning on hands and knees, he scrambled forward toward the gated window, small hand reaching until slender fingers wrapped about one of the bars to tug himself forward, sliding down with a soft sound as his feet made contact with the chill tile of the floor. Without so much as a breath, he snatched what held the barrier up to fling it away, erasing any evidence that he had left his confines.

Silence...

The air was thick and muddled with silence and fear, discomfort taking over whatever happiness that was felt just moments before. It was unfortunate that he had to feel such fear toward the people who were supposed to show him love.

'It's alright...' he inwardly spoke. Heart thrumming at dangerous speeds, his knees buckled as he slid to the floor, clasping both hands over it as if he were wanting to be positive the organ wouldn't take a flying leap. Raven lashes fluttered to a close, tickling his cheeks. 'It will be alright...you've been caught before...you know that punishment, and you lived through it...so things will be okay.' he continued to mentally assure himself. A part of him was merely begging his own assurance to be correct.

Seconds turned to minutes. Minutes to what felt like hours. Only when no commotion was heard did the boy allow his eyes to slide open once more, unaware of the liquid that stained them without having fallen. He was still safe.

Rather than situate himself or stand once more, Sora did the opposite and fell fully to the floor now, cheek pressing to it in a strange sort of comfort. Though grateful for the detour of danger, that raging mind was still in turmoil...

It felt like he was looking into a mirror, staring at himself the way he was meant to be. Tsukasa was his brother, and truly, they could have passed as twins. What separated one from right and the other from wrong though?

Tsukasa played ball...Sora read books...

Tsukasa laughed with the other children...Sora smiled with the company of the sky...

Tsukasa was a little boy...Sora was...wasn't he?

Tsukasa was happy...Sora...

Every thought and emotion hit him from every side, entrapping him and rendering him useless to do anything but ponder. Emotions are what humans felt. He felt fear, sorrow, happiness, regret and so much more. He was a human. But what stopped him from being like his brother?

Sighing out softly, the child drifted away, blue lost in a fog of a dream.


"Sora-kun?"

Glancing up from his paper to the welcoming voice, the child could only blink. Reaction had left him, rendering him confused at the appropriate response. There before him on the free side of the bars, stood the creature he'd been so fascinated with the day before. Feeling the heart in his chest clench and leap at once, if that were possible, he was sure it would become a numb sensation soon enough. Technically speaking, he had been told never to speak to his sibling...were the words still in effect if he wasn't the one to approach first?

"Um..." Tsukasa once more started to speak, brow quirked ever so slightly. It seemed he too was uneducated in what to say or do. "Sorry...Did I stop you from what you were doing?"

Sora shook his head. In a way, he resembled a deer in the headlights, eying the other as if he were a truck racing down the road to pummel him into the very earth.

"I...About yesterday, I mean." Though his intentions were noticeably well, it was obvious the other was nervous in his speech. It brought a smile to Sora's lips...

"I didn't mean to spy." Came the small-voiced response. His hand began to move once more, dancing across the paper as if the equation he wrote were an art form rather than math. "I'm sorry."

Tsukasa blinked, watching his sibling still before relaxing a bit. Since he could remember, his family acted like Sora was some sort of monster...an evil being meant to never see the eyes of man. This was the longest the two had interacted in a long time, the other times only being when he were younger. He couldn't deny that a large part of him was expecting something other than the smiling, sweet face before him. "Actually, I was wondering...did you want to..."

The smile widened, though the child chose not to look. Of all the members of their family, Tsukasa seemed to be the only one who had a heart at all, or maybe he didn't know? Sora didn't know, really. He'd never had the chance to ask. If he didn't know, then maybe it was for the best after all.

"Sora...?" the voice called quietly to him, causing his smile to waver ever faintly.

"'Sora' was the name my mother was thinking of giving me if I had been a girl. So i'm not Sora."

The words confused the other in the slightest, regardless the peaking of interest. "What do you mean?"

"..." The pencil came to a halt. Exhaling softly through rosy lips, those blue eyes turned only then as the slender figure pushed himself into a stand and approached with caution, resting a cheek against the bar as he watched his brother. Lifting his small hands, palms met with the usual bars, frail fingers curling about them as if to hold balance. " Sora isn't me...Sora was never here. So i'm not Sora."

'But i'm here aren't I? Aren't I...?'

Those bright eyes gazed to the other boy. Blue called out, begging for reassurance. "So then, who am I? Am 'I' alive?"

Tsukasa was drawn into the endless depths of cerulean. This poor creature, a delicate angel tossed away...

"Hey..." He began, kneeling a bit to eye level. "They'll be out for a bit they said...do you want to come play?"

His heart sped, pulse beating viciously. Happiness...was this true happiness? He had been happy, so then, why wouldn't his blood calm now? Sora tore his eyes away finally to turn, reaching for the usual wedge beneath the bars without a word, trying his hardest to refrain from grinning. Stepping up carefully, he pulled himself up, scooting out easily enough. After all, it was far from the first time he'd slipped out for a moment's breath. Dusting his pants, the siblings' eyes met again. Neither spoke for a couple of seconds until Tsukasa pointed his finger.

"Wouldn't it be better to put your shoes on?"

"I don't have any."

Blinking, those thin brows furrowed slightly. "Oh...Okay. Well, let's go over here. There's more room if we wanted to catch a bit. Is that okay?"

Sora nodded and followed easily enough, grateful to the sensation of grass beneath his skin once more. The most soothing sensation the world had to provide.

Their yard wasn't particularly large, but not too small to move about in. It was lined with several pots, empty though they were the type bought for plants and life. The grass was a paler shade of green, just as the fallen leaves. It was Autumn, and it showed in everything surrounding the young boys.

Gasping out, hands lifted to catch the glove that was thrown in his direction. While he'd never played any sort of sports himself, he wasn't naive to be confused at this, sliding the item over his left hand.

Tsukasa did the same on his right, making the first toss not but a second or so afterward. It was the first time either had a brother.

"You know...I'm not sure if this will help, but...when you think about it, people, animals...they breathe...they feel...they bleed...Some creatures who aren't discovered yet don't even have names. They're still alive though." The words were comforting in a sort, and yet...

'But is that alright?' Sora asked himself, careful to toss the baseball back for the other. He'd never done so before, but he wasn't bad. 'Is it alright just to exist?'

"I'm not saying I know much about it, but in the end, I don't know...Isn't Sora just Sora?"

'Sora...'

"Tsukasa!"

The voice was harsh, deadly as a serpent who prepared to strike...and to his dismay, that sickening sensation returned as they, 'those' people stood before them both. He really had messed up this time.

Tsukasa stared wide-eyed at the woman as his wrist was pulled harsh and almost violently, ball dropping with a small sound onto the gravel and weeds below. His eyes shifted over his shoulder to meet the lost ones of the other, yet the expression was unreadable to its' intention as the cruel tone of the woman continued. "Don't interact with that child! That's a ghost, and if you interact with it again, I'll make sure you never existed too!"

'Goodbye, brother...thank you.'

"This is the last straw." The man's voice chimed in his ears, ringing like a gong warning of impending doom. "The last time. Get in here and out of sight before someone sees you."

'I know, father...i'm sorry. I've disappointed you again, haven't I?'

"You've polluted this family enough!" That harsh hand groped out for him, wrapping around his upper arm and squeezing, digging into the already tender flesh of perhaps a past bruise left by the same touch.

'It's okay...you can hate me...I understand. Hate me if you have to, if it will make things better...'

"Disgusting little bitch..."

'Can't you just tell me? Say it once...say my name once...am I Sora? For once can't I be your child?'

Stumbling forward, the child barely caught himself on both feet, eyes wide and staring emotionless to the surrounding people. His 'family' who had him backed into a corner like some sort of awaiting meal.

"We're through with you."

'I'm sorry...'

A startled cry was torn from those often quiet lips when the sting of nailed fingers tore into his cheek in a slap, returning only to grasp into his black tresses so harshly that it felt like the strands would be torn. What was that? From the corner of his eye, something glinted in the light, and for a second it distracted him from the pain radiating in his head. Then he saw it...

Blade...knife...sharp, cutting...why...?

His eyes widened more, hands lifting instantly to cover his face when the foul woman took up the object and pushed forward to press her weight upon him to keep him still.

'I'm sorry...!'

His flesh ripped open upon contact, and suddenly, the previous stinging of fingers didn't feel so bad. It slid across his neck, a mix of shallow and deep, and he felt the warm heated liquid heavy there as his gaze blurred before him. He was going to die.

"Tsukasa." he heard barely over the ringing in his ears. Tsukasa...was he there? "You do it too."

Yes. He was in front of him...he was holding it now...but his eyes held something else. Fear? Sadness? Guilt? His own vision was too dark to see. Would Tsukasa help him? Or...

His brother stared at him, a tremble having overcome his every nerve. "I..." the voice cracked and wavered. He couldn't. The knife fell from his hands, although blood was present there from the blade.

Sora's blood, the blood that spilled heavily from his neck to stain his hands that tried desperately to hold it in. It was his lifesource, all that was keeping him from a corpse and he knew that at any time his body could give in. Even as he pushed himself up and ran, he was numb.

Running...Running...an endless street of wandering people who walked on blindly.

Why was no one helping him? What had he done that was so awful, that he deserved this?

Shinigami.

Murderer.

It was all coming back.

Sora was dead, or rather, never existed at all. Only this angel of death and despair.

When had he fallen? Was he already gone? He could see figures, blurs surrounding him, coming closer...closer...

Closer...

"Don't kill me!" Yoite cried out, fingers instantly slapping to his neck as if to hold it together. "Stop it..." his hands slid higher to cover his face as he drew his knees to his chest from where he now sat, a quivering mess of terror.

"Yoite." The voice was familiar, calling gently and lovingly for him to come back from his nightmare.

A nightmare. That was right. Those past events were long gone. He was here, with Miharu beside him under the protective roof of Hanabusa. Those shaky arms lowered slightly as the woman raced in, kneeling without question to reach out for him.

"You were dreaming...it's okay-"

"Don't...touch me." his voice was hoarse, strained as if something was pressing to his throat to constrict it.

Regardless the request, Hana held something to him, urging him gently to take the small gift. "Here, have some cocoa. Everything's alright."

He felt like crying...

The dream had been so vivid, haunting him to the depths of his soul. He was a monster...he caused his mother to die...his father and his wife to resent him...his brother, perhaps the only one he could honestly say he loved, to be afraid. Time and time again, he'd put Miharu in danger, and here he was, doing the same to this kind woman who spoke to him like a mother would. Was Yukimi in trouble because of him too?

He held the heated liquid in his hands close to his chest, taking in a shuddery breath to allow the scent to float in. There were so many times in the past he felt comforted by the man, even in the smallest of ways. A blanket draped over his shoulders when he felt a fever coming on...a hot drink to soothe his aching head...but this...It was different. This was different. Yukimi wasn't here. Maybe he was even dead by now, he didn't know.

"...u...Yukimi..." Blackened bangs covered his face as his head lowered. "Yukimi..."

Hana's expression was of confusion, even though Miharu understood.

"That ninja that came to this house before..."

"Oh, that man." Her face lit up just enough to be noticed. "Do you want to see him? Shall we call him?"

"N-No..." Yoite knew he was out of time. There was no point to cause the man further difficulty. It was all over soon.

"I'm sure he's worried about you.

"He's not..."

"Why not?"

'Because...because I don't want him to be. No one will even remember my name soon enough.' "It would be better for him if I didn't exist..."

A smile touched the corners of Hana's lips then, even though he wasn't watching her. He could hear it in the way she spoke to him. She urged without being pushy. "Why do you say that? I don't think we should suppress your wanting to see him."

Yukimi was one of the first people he'd met aside from Hattori. While his senses were failing, his memory still ran strong. The first time he'd seen the gunner, he felt nothing, held no hope but the one. He was still quite small, regardless his age. The kira he'd been trying so hard to learn was the reason for that. Not long after arriving to that place, he gone through a growth spurt as his body began to kick in naturally, trying its' hardest to catch up to his age. He saw the look of fear and possibly even disgust the man held upon seeing him in that state. His bones had altered, twisted, and his screams hadn't stopped for three days. His skin had torn at times, but rather than running away, Yukimi checked in on occasion with bandages and water. Time and time again he would take time out of his own day to help this child he knew nothing about. Never did he leave him. Never did he ask questions. He was just there, offering a roof and a friendly hand.

But...

"But I can't give him anything in return. I ignored Tsukasa's kindness...I can't do anything to make Yukimi happy...and i'm just clinging to Miharu. I couldn't even bring the muffler you knit, Hanabusa-san..."

Yoite kept his head low as he spoke, too much guilt written across his face to bring himself to look at either of the other two, before hearing a sound that would lift his spirits, even in the slightest.

"You were wearing the muffler? I'm so happy!" She truly was an angel in a time of darkness. "I'll start knitting a matching one for Miharu right away! It's been getting chilly lately, so I'll try to finish it quickly."

Miharu smiled silently to himself, taking notice of the change in Yoite's expression. They were both there. Wouldn't that be enough?

The kira-user found a hand then upon his cheek, but rather then jerk away, he merely stared into the eyes of the woman who held him close with that welcoming smile of hers.

"Everyone isn't concerning themselves with you because they want something in return. They stay by your side because they like you."

'Only because they're naive...they don't know anything.'

"But that's weird..." Finally he was relaxed fully. The normally calm tone had returned as well. "I don't even think of myself as alive or dead. There aren't people who want to concern themselves with others without wanting something in return."

'Even you...Mi-'

"Okay, okay, don't get so depressed!" Hana's voice broke his concentration once more. "Are you okay with just paying attention to what others say and letting them decide what your heart wants? Don't belittle yourself. You might be 'alive' and you might be 'dead', but you decide on your own about what you are."

"I'm not saying I know much about it, but in the end, I don't know...Isn't Sora just Sora?"

'That's right...Tsukasa.'

"You're allowed to decide."

They were here. They were here all along, just for him. "I am...?" he spoke to himself, feeling Miharu's expectant green eyes on him. They were here helping him stand the entire way. But didn't the understand by now, that was why he couldn't bring himself to burden them?

"It doesn't matter. I'm fine..." Miharu's hand stopped short from where it had lifted to wrap about the other. "...with bringing Miharu back to Banten, I..."

That was it. The final snap.

The younger boy pulled away from him, teeth gritted and brows furrowed uncharacteristically before him. He felt his own heart sink. It was too far.

"Don't say it like that." Miharu's voice quivered, stinging his ears and chest in unison.

"Miharu-"

Then he was gone. He ran away. Ran from him.

"Miharu-kun!" Hana's voice called in turn, though the sound was lost to him.

Miharu was leaving him.

He was alone after all.

'I'm sorry.'