CHAPTER 9
"You want something to drink?"Kate asked as she unlocked the door to her apartment.
"Uh, just a glass of water, please," Alexis said quietly. She hovered in the doorway while Kate went to the kitchen to fetch the drink.
"You've been here before honey, don't look so worried. Why don't you go sit down?"
Alexis shook herself and went to sit on the couch. It was true, she had visited with her father a couple of times in the last few months. But she had never been here alone before. She talked to Kate a lot and liked her more every time they spoke – though that was part of the problem. She liked Kate far more than she liked Gina.
Kate put the water down on the coffee table in front of the troubled redhead on her couch. She sat in the chair opposite and rested a hand absent-mindedly on CB. Alexis took a deep breath.
"I... I was at home. Gina came back. And I realised that I wanted to talk to you."
Kate stayed quiet, but her focused eyes told Alexis that she was listening intently.
"Gina and Dad were talking, and being like a couple, and I hated even seeing them. It just felt wrong, it was so uncomfortable; it always is when she's there. I tried to be kind and friendly but after a while I couldn't any more so I went up to my room. I found myself dreading even eating dinner with them."
"Alexis, that's a natural reaction. It's hard, seeing your father with someone who isn't your mother-"
"No! I don't want him to be with my mother. I want him to be with you."
Kate stopped mid-breath. She had been completely ready to be kind and reassuring, to defend Rick's relationship with Gina while comforting Alexis and telling her that it would of course take time to get properly close to her father's new girlfriend. But now she was stumped. She tried a few times to think of something to say, but couldn't.
"You see," Alexis said gently. "I think you want it too."
Kate paused, thinking carefully about how to phrase her reply. "It's complicated. I mean, of course, it makes sense when you think about CB, and we do enjoy spending time together – and I love hanging out with you – but your Dad and I... I don't think it would work."
"Why?"
Kate did not want to start telling Alexis all her father's flaws, and besides, she wasn't entirely sure what the deal breaker was herself.
"Look," Alexis began, "I know he's not the most mature or reliable person in the world. But he cares about you, I know he does, and you two make a great couple. You spend all your time together anyway – for five months you've been with each other almost every day, and he doesn't seem to have driven you crazy. You suit him far better than Gina does – when he's with her, he turns into someone I can't even identify with. When he's with you, he's him, but with all the best bits multiplied."
Alexis was almost crying. Kate went to sit beside her on the couch. "You make a very good case. And I like your father very much. But the fact of the matter is, he's with someone else. And it sounds like their relationship is going really well. I can't use CB to come between that, especially when I'm so unsure myself."
"But it's wrong," Alexis mumbled through the fresh tears that were pouring down her cheeks. "He might even marry her. Again. And I already know what happens, because they got married before and look how that turned out!"
Kate put her arm around the girl, and tried to think of something she could say to make her feel better.
"He's grown up since then. And Gina's nice."
"He might want her to move in with him. I think he does... He'll probably ask her soon but I don't think I could cope with her living with us. I don't really want anyone to live with us. But if someone did, I'd want it to be you."
"That's sweet, honey, but don't look at it that way. She hasn't moved in yet; he hasn't even talked about it. And she's a good person; I don't think she'd be at all bad to live with if it came to that."
"Maybe not... He thinks I don't like her. He got mad at me."
"Is he right?"
Alexis sniffed. "Yes. But not to be mad at me. It's not my fault – we're different. All she cares about are clothes and shopping. She doesn't even read the paper. I don't know what she and my Dad talk about, even. He really wasn't right to get angry with me."
"I wasn't there, so I don't know what was said, but he probably wasn't really mad at you. Maybe he's nervous about moving things forward with Gina, and he took that out on you. He probably feels terrible about it now."
"I don't know. He seemed pretty mad. I was mad inside. He's making a mistake."
"People make mistakes." Kate looked down at CB. "It's what makes life interesting."
Alexis laughed in spite of her tears. "CB's not the mistake. You two breaking up was the mistake."
Kate smiled. "Life isn't a fairytale, Alexis. You are going to have a great life, and so is CB, even if Castle and I aren't together."
Alexis leaned against her, knowing there wasn't any point taking the disagreement further. She also knew that she would always be friends with Kate, and that Kate and CB would always be a part of her life. She wasn't giving up – she was sure that her father belonged with the detective. But she needed a plan – right now, she couldn't see a way to change them.
"D'you want me to take you home?" Kate asked.
"I can get a taxi-" Alexis began, but Kate shook her head.
"I'll drive you. I need to pick up some groceries anyway."
Alexis smiled. "Thanks. You're going to make a great Mom, you know." In fact, you already are, she added in her head.
It was Kate's turn to smile. "No problem. And thank you. I hope so."
When they were a block from home, Alexis suddenly became very quiet. She looked at the buildings, and when Kate parked, she didn't even undo her belt.
"I don't want to go in. I know I have to. I know it'll be okay. But I still don't want to."
Kate took her hand. "Want me to come with you?"
Alexis' eyes lit up. "Would you? You could even stay to dinner. Dad wouldn't mind, and Grams would love to see you!"
Kate undid her belt and got out of the car. "I can't stay for dinner – I'll come in for a minute, then I have to go... But Alexis, if you're that worried about even having dinner with your family, you know you can always talk to your Dad."
"Can I?" Alexis asked, the pitch of her voice raising with a hint of sarcasm and annoyance. "Right now I think he's pretty taken up with Gina."
"If you tell him you need him, he'll be there for you. You'll always be his number one girl."
They were standing outside the building now. Alexis gave Kate a hug, which was a stretch over CB.
"Thanks. And you'll always be his number two girl."
"Alexis," Kate said sternly. "Have you read Emma?"
Alexis laughed, knowing what the detective was getting at. "I'm not like Emma. I'm not really being a matchmaker. If I'm anyone, I'm her Dad, and my Dad's Emma – I don't want him to go off with anyone, and he doesn't see that his perfect woman is right under his nose."
Kate laughed at Alexis' quick witted abduction of her analogy. "If you say so. Come on, time to face the music."
"That's even truer than you know. I didn't tell them I was going out."
Kate wasn't entirely surprised; she had guessed Alexis would have a reason for not wanting her to ring the bell. They got into the elevator and rode up to the loft. Alexis used her key to let them in, and they were greeted by a panicked Rick and a triumphant looking Gina.
"You see. I told you she would be fine," Gina said condescendingly to Rick. He ignored her.
"Alexis! And Beckett – you brought her back. Thank you so much! Alexis, do you have any idea how worried I was about you? Where have you been – and why on earth didn't you tell me you were going out?"
Alexis looked at the floor. "I'm sorry, Dad. I just went to see Kate."
"Then why didn't you tell me?"
"I don't know..." Alexis' voice trailed off.
"Just leave it, Ricky. Let's have dinner," Gina said, clearly bored by the situation. Kate was beginning to see why Alexis wasn't thrilled with her.
Rick looked between the three women, wondering which to tackle first. He was totally lost. Martha appeared from the kitchen.
"Alexis! So the wandering hero returns. Come and help me lay the table, honey – we can talk about your sins later. And Gina, darling, would you mind helping me in here too? I seem to have started too many things at once..."
Gina and Alexis followed her obediently into the kitchen. Rick stared at Kate.
"Is she okay?" he asked, clearly still worried about his daughter.
"She will be. You should talk to her, though, not me. She was very upset."
Rick nodded. "I was an idiot. I told her off when-"
"I don't need to hear it. She does. Go on. Have dinner with your family."
"You don't want to stay?"
"No. I want to go home." Kate said, allowing a little of her tiredness to seep into her voice.
"Okay... Hey, thanks again for bringing her back."
"Always." She smiled at him. "Will I see you at work tomorrow?"
"Yeah, I think so. I don't know what Gina will be doing."
"Right. So, goodnight, Castle."
"Until tomorrow, detective."
Kate walked out of the door with an odd feeling in her chest that had nothing to do with CB. She managed to reach the car before she started crying – but once she had started, she was unable to pull out of her parking space for almost twenty minutes.
She blamed her rocky hormones, but the truth was, now that Alexis had voiced it, she couldn't help but ask herself, Did she belong with Richard Castle?
