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Chapter Nine
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Roxas took a deep breath as he entered the hospital. His mind couldn't help but flash back to the night he'd come in with Axel and Vanitas… sobbing, panicking, wanting to curl up and die. This time he just wanted to run back out the door and never look back.
"Hi… I'm looking for Vanitas Allen. He's in the… psych ward…" Roxas mumbled to the receptionist, toying with the sleeves of his over-sized hoodie.
"Take the elevator to floor 3, then check in there and somebody will escort you to his room."
"Thanks…"
As he stepped off the elevator and talked to the receptionist there, Roxas could feel his heart pounding hard against his chest. He had some idea of what he was going to walk into, but Van seeing Axel might have changed everything.
"Roxas, I can take you to see him now," a small blonde nurse approached him with a smile.
He lifted himself out of the waiting room chair and immediately had the urge to run back to the elevator, but he found himself following the nurse anyways. "So… how is he?"
"His meds are working, if that's what you're asking. He should be his normal self."
Yeah… His normal, jealous self…
"Vanitas…" the word was a whisper on his lips as she ushered him through the doorway to his room.
"Roxas."
The nurse could sense the tension in the room, "I'll leave you two to talk…"
Roxas closed the door behind her and sat down next to Van's bed. "Look, I—"
"Take off your hoodie, Rox. Let me see the bruises."
The blond's hands were shaking as he unzipped the hoodie and pulled it off, revealing the faded, but still dark, bruises at his throat and wrists. "It's okay, Van… really…"
"No… it's not," the raven-haired man sighed and looked away. "Roxas… I think we should break up."
That caught him off guard, "Wait… what? Van, we've been together for years… why would you want to break up?"
"You love me too much," Van's voice broke a little as he spoke. "You can't see how destructive our relationship has become."
"N..no… that's not true…" he could already feel tears springing to his eyes.
Vanitas fidgeted with his bedsheets as he spoke, "I know that you love who I am when I'm medicated… but nobody could love who I am when I'm off them. And that's the problem… I'm sick, Roxas, and I'm not going to get better. My whole life has been a battle against this disorder… one I haven't in 25 years been able to win. I can't keep hurting you like this, Rox… and I'm not just talking about the bruises."
"Please, Vani… don't do this. I love you… I want to be with you. I don't want to give up on us."
"Roxas, this… it isn't a discussion. I'm breaking up with you. It's over… we're done," Vanitas narrowed his eyes on him seriously.
The blond started to stammer, "But.. but what… I don't… Van, we live together… we were going to get married…"
"You can stay in the mobile home… I'll stay with Ventus until our next tour starts. I can get my stuff while you're at work."
It felt like a dream to Roxas… a nightmare that he couldn't wake up from, "Van…"
"Please go…"
"But—"
"Roxas, just get out!"
…
Roxas sat in the driveway of their mobile home just staring at the front door. He dreaded being there alone… knowing that this time, Vanitas was never coming home. They had made a life there together… Everything they owned… they'd picked out together. He couldn't stay there… not when the wounds of the breakup were so fresh.
Even entering the home to gather his things, Roxas felt out of place and wrong. He grabbed a few blankets and his pillows, most of his small wardrobe, his laptop, phone charger and tablet. From the kitchen he took an unopened 24-pack of water bottles, along with some chips and granola bars. He already had a plan… but it would be hard.
He loaded all of his stuff into the back seat of his truck, which had an extended cab, and took off towards the studio. The parking lot there was huge… nobody would notice his truck sitting there for an extended amount of time.
Driving through the city at night was actually rather calming… the streets weren't nearly as packed and the lights were rather beautiful. He actually felt calm for once as he pulled into the parking lot. He parked in the back by a large oak tree, where nobody could see him from the street. He had just put the cap back on for the rainier months, which made this much easier. (A cap for a pickup truck is the covering that some have over the bed.) He arranged the blankets and pillows in the bed of the truck, able to create a pretty comfortable sleeping area, where he would also be safe from any rain. He was just short enough where he wouldn't even be cramped for space.
Roxas could live in his truck… at least until the shock wore off that his six year long relationship was over. His mind was so distraught that he couldn't even fathom facing everybody at work the next day… including Axel. He just wanted to disappear.
He finished a cigarette and flicked it onto the ground, ready to go to sleep and forget all of this. He crawled into the bed of the truck and closed the back up, leaving the window cracked just a little bit for some breeze.
As he curled up into the blankets, tears began to roll down his cheeks again. He just couldn't understand what was happening or why… All he wanted was for Vanitas to hold him again.
…
Days passed and Roxas merely moved through life, staying in the shadows and avoiding Axel at all costs. He hated seeing the redhead taking so much abuse from Luxord, but he was in no position to step in with his mind so cluttered. Right now, Axel was better off without some whining, sniveling kid crying on his shoulder.
…
A sharp banging on the side of his truck startled Roxas out of his slumber, forcing the small man out of his bed. He opened the window and reached out to release the latch on the back, sliding out of the vehicle.
"Roxas."
His eyes squinted up at the sight of a rather angry and irritated looking Axel, arms folded across his chest and eyes trained on the blond. "What…?"
"Don't what me. What the hell is this?"
"I don't—"
"How long have you been sleeping in your truck, Roxas?"
He sighed and looked down at the ground, "It's only been a week or so…"
Axel clenched his jaw, trying not to blow up at the kid, "Why?"
"Vanitas broke up with me…"
"Oh jesus…" Axel sighed, pulling the kid into a hug, "Why didn't you just tell me? You've been avoiding me all week…"
Roxas relaxed against him, "I didn't want to talk about it… I can't bear to think about it… He didn't throw me out or anything, but I couldn't stand being there without him…"
"Rox, you know you could stay with me, right? You know I've got spare rooms… Why would you rather sleep in your truck?"
"I just didn't want to be around anyone… I don't even know how to function right now… I just feel numb inside," he admitted, leaning back against his truck. "But… I've been showering in the locker room for the extras, which never has hot water… eating out every night… I feel like shit. …My back hurts and the past couple nights have gotten really cold…"
Axel smiled at him, "C'mon… You can shower in my dressing room, I've always got hot water. And you're coming home with me tonight to sleep in a real bed."
Roxas sighed and grabbed a change of clothes, following him inside.
"Roxas, I just don't understand… did you not trust me enough to come to me?"
"It's not that… I just haven't been able to process it yet… And I can see how Luxord is stressing you out, so I didn't want to make it worse…"
Axel scoffed, using his ID card to get into the building, "Don't worry about that asshole, Rox… I can handle him. Just talk to me… get it out in the open."
"I went to visit him in the hospital… and he basically told me that I was too in love with him to see how destructive our relationship was… So he broke up with me."
"So… do you understand at all what he was saying? Roxas, he's kind of right… that relationship was no good for you," Axel told him, letting them into his dressing room. "Sit down for a second… we have a bit before Xigbar'll get here."
Roxas sat down across from him and curled up into a ball, "I get that… I know that it wasn't healthy… but that doesn't change the fact that I love him. I can't picture my life without him in it."
"Don't you feel… relieved? …At all? Glad that you don't have to worry or fear that he's going to hurt you?"
"But I'm still going to worry… Now he's on his own trying to deal with this…"
Axel sighed heavily, "Rox… he was on his own the entire time. There was nothing you ever could have done to help him. Like you said… every time he was finally feeling good, he thought it would be fine to stop taking his meds. That's his choice. It's not like you can force feed him the pills."
"I… I know you're right, but… what if he hurts himself? What if he gets into trouble?"
"It's his life, Rox… he made the sound decision to break up with you, and as awful as this sounds… he's no longer your problem," Axel hated saying it like that, because he knew what it was like to care for someone even past a breakup. "It's not your responsibility to take care of him anymore…"
"Right…"
Axel felt horrible for the kid… it was obvious that he was still completely torn up inside. "I'm not asking you to suddenly get over him, Roxas… but try to live your life again. This zombie thing has got to stop. And you're staying with me whether you like it or not. I'm not letting you sleep in your truck."
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A/N: Poor Roxas… even after years of phsyical and emotional abuse, he still misses Vanitas…
Yes, Luxord is coming back in the next chapter. I kind of really love him in this story, only because he's such a douche-bag. But I have a lottt of plans involving him and our favorite little duo.
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Love you guys!
Simply Rexene
